I gasped as I opened my eyes and got up from the table. How long was I out? And... where am I?

I don't know where I was before waking up or why. But I know this was not the place I was sleeping. Looking around, I'm in some sort of a large white room with many box-like tables spread throughout around me. In front of me was a tablet with letters I didn't recognize and a strange white block of black mirror reflecting an unfamiliar face. A man with brown hair and strange glasses on his grey eyes wearing a strange black suit. Is this me? I don't recall having this appearance nor the age... But seeing this made me disgusted with myself. It made me question why I exist in the first place. Why did I keep living this sick world of monotonous routines without any rewards and satisfaction?

I stood up with a sigh and left the strange cube. I climbed down the strange set of stairs and saw a forest of rectangular stones erected around me. It's not like I've ever seen. It's as if I'm surrounded by large gravestones as far as I can see. It was a depressing sight and I couldn't seem to escape from it. No matter which direction I went, I couldn't find an exit to this strange world. Why am I here? Why can't I remember this place? Why do I bother with these unnecessary details? What was the point of this life? What was the point of living in a hollow world? Why did I keep living?

While I pondered these questions, I walked around the strange world as I tried to find a reason behind all of it. Yet beyond these strange towers, I found nothing to answer them.

Yes. Nothing...

I have nothing to live for. No reason to do so.

I can see a large bridge. I look down to see blue water below me. Maybe if I jump, then I can end this worthless life. I can finish it without bothering to do those mediocre tasks in this dull life. All I have to do is climb up and...

"All you're getting is blood on your dead hands."

I gasp as I turn to the source of the voice. Behind me was a woman with pitch-black long hair in a jumpsuit in the same color. Just staring at her golden yellow eyes is enough to make my hair stand up.

"What are you thinking?! Trying to drop yourself into the depths of an unending ocean. What are you trying to prove by drowning yourself?"

I didn't know what to say next. I didn't expect someone in this strange world, let alone a woman would exist here. It didn't matter as she sighed with a hint of dismay in her voice.

"Honestly, I can't understand you sometimes. You should have found the resolve to live. What caused you to relapse?"

Relapse? What is she talking about? And she looks a bit familiar...

"I gave you everything to start your new life. Your past disappeared so you won't suffer the traumatic memories and heartache from their hearts. You should have everything to start regaining your humanity and take advantage of your second life. And yet... Your resolve continued to waver. What went wrong?"

I don't know what the woman was muttering about. But what's the point of talking to me? I am nothing. I don't...

"Hmmm? What do we have here?"

The woman crouched down and picked something up near my feet. In her hands was a book. A novel titled "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde".

"What a curious story. Your past was wiped clean, yet this book remained in your mind. No matter how much of it I erased for your sake, it kept coming back near your feet." The woman smirked. "I'm not going to complain. It might be a blessing in disguise."

I tilt my head as I utter my first words since I woke up here. "A...blessing?"

Now that I saw the words, I'm starting to remember what the book is about. That book...gave me a little push. That novella... inspired me. Gave me hope...

"It might be nothing. But I feel that this book might be a key to unlocking your power's true potential as well as realizing your true self in this world."

My true...self...

"But...I am nothing..."

Despite my words, the woman chuckled. "Try to keep telling yourself that. But you missed one emotion to unlocking yourself. I can't say more, but I'll give you a hint." She places her finger on my forehead. "You have experienced the highs of your power. But you have missed two from the book. Let yourself go and experience chaos as depicted in the novella. Most importantly, remember how you became two."

Experience...chaos... How I became two...

I am so confused by all of this. I have so many questions. Yet as I open my mouth, the whole world around me blackens...

"Let him loose and do not resist what is to come, Aster. Remember the story."

----------------------------------------

I gasped as I opened my eyes. What was that dream? I can't remember what it was all about, but I doubt it's about those Arcana stuff. Still, I recall a few words...

"Let myself go... Experience chaos... How I became two..."

What does it all mean? Is chaos supposed to be important to me?

Well, that doesn't matter right now. I should dress up and see...

"Aster! Vander!"

I gasped as my widened eyes turned to see my magic tutor barging into my room and gasping for air.

"Casia? What's the matter?" I asked.

"The boy happened. I found his bed a mess and the bed sheet made as a makeshift rope on the window."

Makeshift?! Don't tell me...

"He ran away?! But how?! I tried not to mention his parents' true nature and everything!"

"Me neither. But regardless of the reason, we still need to find him. It's too dangerous for a human to wander around these parts alone." Casia narrowed his eyes. "He couldn't be too far from the footprints below."

"Can I help you search for him?" I asked.

"No. You still have no experience outside the mansion yet. While your magic is improving, the Wild Demons are still dangerous for you to face alone. You should stay here then become an unnecessary load for me."

I...I can't say anything else... I get he's trying to protect me and I'm not ready, but those words hurt me a bit. I tried everything to be helpful. But I end up being stuck in this damn mansion again!

"That's not fair... Is it because I'm still too young to do anything, right?"

"That and I can't risk you hurting yourself by being a hero. Once I find him, I'll see if I can teach you more offensive spells soon."

"But when can I learn them?!" I shout. "Vander gets to learn more stuff along with some lab stuff that you guys don't tell me while I'm stuck here doing nothing but drawing and not letting me do them out of "safety"! How long until I can be useful to you?"

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

Casia sighs as if he cares. "Being the master of the house doesn't require you to be useful to everyone. A master must decide the right actions not only for himself but also for the betterment of the residents and the mansion itself. You must be that master and find your purpose beyond that. I trust you that you will make those choices soon."

I stare at his yellow eyes as I almost can't say a word from his advice. "Casia..."

He smiled at me and stood up. "I should be back soon. Don't be too rowdy while I'm gone."

Casia then heads out of the mansion and after a few seconds, I hear his wings flap above it. Once again, I'm all alone.

You know you're not alone with me.

I know. But what's the point of me existing while you keep being the face? I thought I was supposed to be the original personality, but I never got to do anything to help Casia or anyone else.

Does it matter? It's better than you being a reckless fool.

But that human boy is still out there. What if Casia couldn't find him in time? I can't just do nothing and let him die! Tell me, Vander! What the hell am I supposed to do here?! How am I going to help them?!

...Is that what you want? To be helpful?

Vander?

Casia kept warning you to stop pushing yourself to be useful. I thought the crystals were enough to satisfy you, but it's never enough for you. Tell me, why do you want to learn magic and alchemy in the first place?

To help you guys out?

No, because you're curious. You're curious about this world and curious about yourself. You want to know what you can do now as a demon. You should be aware we have no limits when it comes to discovery and temptation. But no... You decided to play safe and use your new abilities to be a pushover. You ended up on square one.

What do you mean by all of that? I know who I am and I know you're not the type to say those mean stuff out of nowhere.

Why do you think that? It's because I haven't had the chance to share my thoughts about you. I tried to be patient. But the more I see you overworking yourself and making many failures, the more I question your current mindset. I realized too late you became stagnated. Trapped in the thoughts of uncertainty and proving thyself for no reason but self-approval. How stupid am I leaving to your own devices while blissfully unaware of your self-destructive attempts to find yourself?

I don't understand what you're saying. But please stop it. It hurts to hear all of that.

It hurts because it's all true. The truth is that you feared yourself and what you will become. I have put up this façade from your birth and now, you will have to face the harsh truth.

What truth?! You're only saying nonsense! I only want to be useful to you! I only want to help you because...

You don't want to disappear. Isn't that right?

...Huh?

You existed because of our transformation. You are nothing but a fragment of the forgotten past. So I have to ask. What would happen if I knew my place in this world? Would I throw you away like a pawn? You would want to usurp my body, yet you seek companionship. You have Casia, but why not fight me?

T-That... I... I...

You have nothing. You have no motive. No goals. Then why do you exist?

Vander, stop.

Why do you keep existing?

Stop it, please!

Why do you desperately try to keep living when all you have is nothing to gain?!

I don't want to hear all of this anymore!

Then tell me... Why are you afraid of succumbing to your inhibitions?

...

I can't say anything beyond that. Rather, I'm seething in anger. Anger that I don't know how long it was bottled up for so long! I turned around to grab something to throw, but then...

I noticed that I wasn't in the mansion anymore. I was in a small light peach room with a table and four chairs, a red couch, and a strange black tablet on the wall. I don't remember all of this, yet it looked familiar...

"Why are you afraid, young man?"

I gasped and turned again. This time, I see a human adult wearing a strange black suit not unlike the ones for the formal parties. He's also wearing some glasses, yet the eyes behind them are as hollow as a pitch-black hole.

"You got everything you wanted. To forget your abusers. To be free. To indulge in everything you missed from your past life. But why now? Why do you hesitate to take everything the goddess granted you? Was it because you decided to be humble? Or was it because you don't deserve anything at all?"

I don't know. I didn't say anything because I had no clue what he said.

"And there is your nonsensical desire to be helpful. You kept ranting on and on that, you wanted to be useful. To not be forgotten. Yet you missed the true purpose of your second life. The life that she desperately gave you once you were whisked away into this fantasy world."

I...I don't...

"The goddess has used everything in her power to erase that part of you. She had to go through hoops to ensure its non-existence. But you failed to account for one small detail. The heart does not forget. Wounds cannot be healed through an erased past. Even if you're reborn as a demon, you cannot forget the pain and suffering your first life had to endure."

That's not... I don't...

"But that's not the only issue. You call yourself a demon and yet, you keep hesitating. Even in your crystal experiments, you hesitate a few things. You hesitate to act. You hesitate to take a big risk. And what was the source of your hesitation?"

The source...?

"Humanity. Your outdated humanity. You believed cowardice was the only option for survival. You tried to hide it by pretending to be a man who knew everything but knew nothing at all. You thought this was the only way of living. However, the reason behind your actions was that you suffered years of abuse and suffering at the hands of your abusers to the point you couldn't recognize what was kindness and what was pain and trauma. You lost sight of what it meant to be human. That is the reason why you became a demon in your next life."

I... I couldn't say anything after that... Nor find anything to tell him he's wrong.

"If you truly want to regain your humanity, then why not lose it and embrace your demonic side? You can lose yourself and indulge in your deepest desires and in return, you may learn the true nature of humanity."

Do I? But I don't want to go too far...

"Ah... There's your hesitation. Then let me share you a bit about temptation. There are the darkest temptations that will lead to corruption and there are ones that gave birth to hope. You can choose to stagnate for a hollow order or succumb to your darkest desires for chaotic peace. Either way, it's your own decision. Whatever happens will be in your hands."

I think...I understand. I still have reservations. But I understand what he's trying to say. I'm still confused, but I tried to do everything to learn the true meaning behind his words.

Suddenly, I heard a finger snap and when I turned around, a glass bottle on a wooden table appeared next to the man. He didn't say anything after that, yet I slowly recognized what was inside as I walked closer and closer.

"The Tower was a powerful weapon against the Fool. No matter how much the Fool resisted the Devil's temptations, he could not escape his prison. He could only escape through a change, but it cannot be triggered through stagnation."

That story... I want to listen, but I want to take the bottle from the table. Just seeing the purple liquid inside makes me grow curious about what it is. Part of me wants me to drink it. But another warns me not to.

I keep gasping as I resist myself from putting my lips closer to the neck of the bottle. But I slowly realized something. Why did I hesitate now? Why am I not risking myself drinking this? Everything he said... Everything I did so far with Casia... Everything that I worked for... Why now?

I thought I took the risk with the Mana Crystals fusion. But that's all I can do. I'm not risking everything else. Heck, I didn't think of taking another risk because that's what Casia wants.

"Then why not take a chance? Why not cut loose? Tell me... Why do you want to be reborn? What can you accomplish with your second chance? Your past life could have denied the chance. Yet, here you are. Was your decision a mistake on the goddess's part?"

...No, it's not. There's a reason why I'm here as a demon. There must be a reason why I have that strange ability. There are too many questions for me to leave unanswered! I must know why!

With a deep breath, I closed my eyes and drank the liquid. I don't care what will happen to me next. I want to know what's next and I won't know if I keep hiding myself behind Casia and other things. I gulped down to the last drop and once I finished, I took another deep breath...

And I suddenly feel a sharp pain in my head.

"So you have chosen the path of the demonic."

I clutched my head and collapsed on the dark floor. It hurts... Why does it all hurt?! I want this to stop, but I can't... I want this to happen and I don't want it to stop. It hurts. Yet, I'm smiling from all of this.

"In the end, the Fool succumbed to the temptations and indulged in his darkest desires. It was out of despair at first. But as he continued to lose himself, he gradually released all of his frustrations. All of his anger and sadness he pent up throughout his journey. His despair eventually faded and was replaced with a cathartic smile."

That's right. This feeling... The despair I endured for so long starts to disappear from my mind. The pain lingering in my head became a pleasure as I almost drooled from my wide smile. I can't keep my eyes open, but does it matter? I don't want this feeling to go away and I don't want it to end.

"Yes... By the time the dream is over, the Tower will collapse and you will experience a level of euphoria within you. Enjoy this moment, Aster. Because you will discover what it means to be a demon."

Yeah. I understand. I leave this to you, Vander.

"Good night, Aster."