Darrakh claimed her hands beneath a clear, starry sky, a full moon shining iridescent and blue above the Hollows. His verdant eyes lit in the moonlight, and she could see stars in them, as her eyes reflected off his. In harmony, they smiled. Joy, purified and true, emanated from his mind and resonated within her. That lovely flutter in her chest as she looked ahead and saw their future in the faraway lands, followed by the doubts, those ever-present gnats circling around her dreams. One way or another, tonight she would know where they were headed. Tuya tried not to think of the spear she stowed in the cave behind them. She put every hope in her trust, every faith that he felt the same as her, and was willing to seize their future from the grasp of Gurgaldai ezen Celegan.

Darrakh got off to a fantastic start, merging his lips with hers. Darrakh pulled her to him, his lips slid off her mouth and he nibbled on her neck, sending shockwaves through her body. Desire tingled in her sensitive places, made her feel so hot that she would burn up if she did not have more and more. Her hands darted up and down his body, traveling to faraway lands she never dreamt of before him. He groaned as she pulled on him, tugging and tugging. His lips trembled on hers, his arms went weak, and she dove into his mouth with her tongue, tasting him like he was the sweetest nectar. For a few hundred sprinting heartbeats, she thought not of the spear. At least not of the one in the cave behind her.

Darrakh convulsed, struggled to stifle his groaning, and his whole body felt a release that she wished she could share, mentally, physically, spiritually. Missing out on that linking, that absolute harmony, her doubts returned. Those damned gnats. She tried to swat them away, tried to enjoy the precious moment she shared, tried to think of leaving this place behind so that they could more fully meld, the way Renisha did with Rahan. How she wanted that now.

Instead, she thought of the worst reason he might not link with her. She knew he loved her, that was evident without linking, that could not be faked, at least not in a way her wilding could not detect. No, at the end of the night, she could not banish the dread that he still belonged to his old masters, to Gurgaldai, that this was just some sick test that he set forth for his Chosen. If that was true…

Darrakh caressed his forehead against hers, rubbing their noses together. He giggled, oblivious to the storm raging inside of her, of the doubts and the fears of how this conversation would end. It flashed in her mind, blood on the tip of her spear, splattered on her face, just like Semug. Instead, this time it was Darrakh’s gurgles, his eyes full of hatred, his mind raging at her as his body died.

“You are my life, Tuya,” he said. “I wait every day for the big lightmaker to go to sleep, so that I might finally be awake. With you, I am myself. With you, I am alive.”

Tuya backed away from him, visions of his death, of her spear run through his heart, refusing to leave her. She looked down, gagging as she suppressed the urge to vomit. Now or never, Tuya told herself. Now or never. She felt the changes in her body, knew that soon there would be no more time. So nauseous. So sick. So scared. She hated feeling this way, hated putting her trust in somebody she could not link with. Yet, she had no choice, either in the love she felt, or the role she needed him to perform. Yet, she could not do it. She could not speak the words, could not risk losing him and never having another night like this.

Darrakh ran his hands through her hair, brushing out the tangles and lightly scratching her scalp. She breathed in, savoring this feeling, even more not wanting to lose him, lose this sensual care. The gnats circled her mind, nipping at her, swelling her doubts. A part of her was certain of how this would end. The other part of her was certain she could not go through with it. She reasoned with herself. Not now. Never, if it must be so. Not now. I cannot do it.

“What is wrong, Tuya?”

The sweet tone of his voice, made as soft as a Celegan voice could be, oozed compassion. He loved her. He loves me. At once, she knew he would never hurt her. He only wanted to make her pain smaller. He was already hers as much as she could make him and she was already his. A hundred meetings much like this one bound them together with love and care for each other. He knew her story and she knew his. Darrakh’s reasons for wanting to leave the Hollows were, if anything, stronger than her own.

Never would she thought she could feel grateful to be a woman in this land, preferring her suffering to the life of a boy. From his early days of being taught to hate everyone and everything, to how they beat him if he lost battles with mind or body, how they compelled him to hurt other children, how they punished mercy and kindness, and, ultimately, how they forced him to rape and kill the woman who fed and cared for him. When he failed to get erect, his master seized control of him and…

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Tuya did not want to think of such things, even though she was grateful to know, to understand. In a world like this, monsters like Makhun and Gurgaldai were to be expected. It was a miracle that Darrakh retained his ability to feel compassion and his compassion was not a lie. For seasons, he was enslaved in the Spire, wanting to get out but unable to do anything, anything until...

“You can tell me what is bothering you, Tuya.” Darrakh brushed her cheek, every touch tingling with the irrefutable sensation of his love. “I want to make your pain smaller.”

“Tell me again,” her voice quaked, “how you were released from the Spire.”

“I was watching you through the eyes of a gull.” He swallowed, sorrow flowing off his mind. “You were on the edge of a cliff, looking down at the rocks far below. I … uhh … I watched you many times. I saw your suffering, saw how you tried to help others before that, before Sarnai. You fascinated me, Tuya, and I wanted to help you but never saw a way I could do it.” The pain in his voice tore at her, pulling sadness to the rims of her eyes, swatting away gnats. “I could not let you do it, let you leap. It was me who told Gurgaldai that his Chosen was on the edge of the cliff.”

“You did everything you could to save my life.” Tuya pressed her lips to his cheeks, kept her head pressed against his. If she could not trust this man, who could she ever trust? A person could not live without trust, not even her. “You are my hero, Darrakh.”

He shivered, refusing to meet her eyes now. “I don’t feel like a hero. I feel like I have never done any good thing in my life. The Great Ezen only released me from the Spire so that I could keep my eyes on you, make sure you don’t return to the cliffs.”

“You are not the man they force you to be, but the man you want to be. That is why you are the man I love.”

“I do not deserve your love after all I have done.”

Tuya shook her head, putting her fingers on his lips to silence these lies he told himself. “Should I not deserve you because of Sarnai’s death? Once, I would have thought so, but just like you, I could not stop what happened. I have learned that the responsibility for her death belongs to Makhun. In fact, I did everything I could, even in that horrible situation, to make her pain smaller.” Tuya’s eyes watered. “I still miss her and I still wish that it had never happened. That day still haunts my dreams and whenever I see the paintaker flower with those pretty sky-colored petals with the sun-yellow center, I think of her,” Tuya swallowed, “and I mourn her again.”

Tuya gripped Darrakh’s hands, squeezing tight, letting Celegana’s strength flow into him, willing him to be his truest self rather than wilt under the weight of what they made him do. “But when I blamed myself, when I thought all I deserved was pain, you saw me. Even then at my worst, you wanted me to live. You thought I deserved love, even when I wished I had never been born.”

Tuya released a choked sob. Darrakh wrapped his arms around her, pulling her so close that she felt so certain that he would never let her go. “Don’t tell me you do not deserve me,” Tuya cried. “We are allowed to be happy and make each other happier.”

“I hear you, Tuya,” he whispered into her ear. “I will try to believe as you do. It is hard when—”

“—Gurg released you from the Spire and compelled you to keep me safe.” She lifted her head off his shoulder and pressed it against him, noses touching and eyes so close. Tuya intertwined her fingers with Darrakh’s. “But he did not force you to care about me, to love me, or to make my sky brighter. You have chosen to do that yourself, Darrakh.”

He nodded, eyes down. “I care about you more than I could ever care about myself, Tuya. I value your life above my own.” He looked up at the sky, eyes toward the Spire. “I do not do that for the ezen. I do it because I love you.”

Tuya stifled her irritation, fresh off her conversation with Yaha. She did not want another person planning to sacrifice themselves for her. She wanted a companion for life. “I want to be with you for all of our days,” she said. She breathed in, trusting herself. “Fly away with me, Darrakh. Be with me forever.”

Darrakh’s hands trembled, her fingers wrapped between his. She gave him strength, seeing the flow of their father’s goddess, her own fingers, her everything shaking, on edge. She tried not to think about the spear, but the spear refused to be ignored. Please say yes. Please. Her eyes teared, again. I cannot lose you too.

Clouds passed between them and the moon, cloaking them in shadow. Shadows did not linger forever and almost as soon as it came, the light found a way down to them, basking them in its glow. Tuya did not let go. Neither did he.

“When do we leave?”

Tuya laughed, and laughed, and then cried. She tossed her arms around him, so grateful, so happy, so relieved. The spear could stay where it was, and stay out of her thoughts. Farewell, loathsome gnats! She kissed him, tackled him to the ground, and they tumbled, rolling over each other until she landed on top, cloaking their faces in her hair. She felt at perfect harmony and looked forward to feeling this way until the end of her days.