“How is it possible for someone to make such heavenly food?! It is impossible!! That food tastes too good to be from this world!! Just who are you?!”

WHAT THE FUCK?! Did Rucia just discover that I’m originally from another world with just my food?! Or does she think that I’m the disciple of some sort of heavenly cooking sect? Well, what she’s thinking is probably wrong, considering that she doesn’t have enough information. I doubt she’d believe me even if I told her the truth. On the other hand, this reaction is actually rather funny. She’s grabbing the collar of my clothes and demanding me to tell her where I learned to cook. Should I tell her I went to Tootsuki? That’s the only cooking school I know that can make someone foodgasm from just one bite. Hmm, let’s just go with the truth, with little bits of information withheld.

“I’m self-taught,” I say, exasperated. “I had to cook on my own ever since I was twelve, so I obviously tried to make better food. I just didn’t know that other people thought it was this good.”

Rucia relaxed and let go of my collar. “Well it is still too good for it to be self-taught. How the hell did I get visions of angels coming from the heavens and tickling me with their wings? And why did my clothes explode there? Are you a pervert?”

“Er...” I’m unsure how to answer this. “Well, allow me to answer your questions one by one. Your first one, I don’t know. Second one, I don’t know. Third one, everyone is.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean everyone is?”

“Everyone is a pervert, even you.”

Rucia blushes and looks to the side. Even after all that, she seems to be the same. I give a small laugh, and put my hand on my head. Now that all the food business is over, I’m a bit confused on how to transfer the conversation. I know that I may have been spouting eloquent words earlier, but I haven’t really talked to anyone but her in over 10 years, it’s obvious that I have lacking communication skills. I have teasing skills, but I don’t have real, serious, allow-me-to-explain-my-life-story-and-you-understand-and-get-closer-to-me communication skills. I mean, I had some teacher skills. On Earth, I joined a club in high school that was all about spreading knowledge, so I got to teach some little kids. I’m terrible at small talk, and I can’t do serious conversations. So, the only two communication skills that I’m good at have been used, but the ones that really need to be used, are terrible. Well, here goes nothing.

“Alright,” I try. “I’m going to be really direct about this. There is absolutely no way that I would do permanent harm to myself just so you can live. I’ve know you for, what, a day? If you want someone like that, then go summon a hero, I’m sure he’d do it.”

Rucia looks up at me in surprise. Yeah, I would too, considering that the conversation jumped from ‘everyone’s a pervert’ to ‘slightly cliché response to saving your life.’ I said it before didn’t I, I can’t do serious talk. Actually, now that I think about it, the old me would’ve been unable to even hold a five minute conversation with anybody. How did I last so long? Wait, I know. It’s either reincarnation makes someone able talk to someone, isolation is actually good for my speaking skills, or someone is working behind the scenes. It’s too stupid, there’s no way I can be this good, can I? Is it really possible that I’m in a story?

Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

(A\N: SHIT! HE’S CAUGHT ON! BILL, GET THE HAMMER! I’M ERASING HIS MEMORY! Bill: Wouldn’t you kill him by hitting him on the head with a hammer? I mean, you are the author, right? Author: SHUT UP BILL, YOU’RE JUST MADE UP!)

Nah, I don’t think that last one is real. I mean, I can think for myself and all that. I feel real, with all the qualities of a real person. Besides, a good author would never let their character think this.

(A\N: LET ME AT HIM! LET ME AT HIM! Bill: AUTHOR, please calm down! Author: NO, I’M A FUCKING KILL HIM! HE CALLED ME A BAD AUTHOR! (REAL A\N: I do not think like this in reality. If someone called me a bad author, I’d say he’s right.))

Rucia’s head drooped, looking at the ground. Huh? Is she happy? Is she sad? I can’t read emotions you know! Ah… Is she… crying? Oh shit! What the fuck did I do? Wait! I know this! It’s a cliché, right? She’s crying because she’s so happy that’d I did something for her. This is it, right? I would feel really guilty if this isn’t it.

“R-Rucia, are you okay?” I asked worriedly.

“Thank you,” Rucia whispers. “Really, Ardven. Thank you. Thank you so much.”

She embraces me and lets her tears flow. I hug her back, staying silent. Huh. Is this… You know, I’ve never had a girl care about me before. My mom died when I was young, so I never remembered her, and my dad was, well, not the best. I never felt the need to have someone else in my life, I just wanted away from my dad. Because of that, I decided to go to college to get a good job and pay for my own house. Because I needed money to leave, I never wanted a social life. To pay the tuition fees, as well as the rent, I had to work part-time after school. Even on days off, I never could get a break.

Because of all this, I never had time to attend gatherings except for what was necessary. Joining a club was too much of drain on time, so I never did, excluding myself even more. The only friends I had had all gone somewhere else. Riley was the only one who had ever hooked up with me during college. When I saw his girlfriend, I had two thoughts. I still ashamed to say that one of those was ‘I can’t believe he's degraded to having a girlfriend.’ I’m less ashamed to say the other one was ‘go explode riajuu.’ I never understood the feelings of love at the time, as I never had anyone to give them to me. Even after reincarnation, I was still alone, with only the emotionless system to keep me company. But now… I think I can experience something close to it…

“Thank you, Ardven.” Rucia whispered again.

It should be me thanking you, not the other way around...

----------------------------------------

I toss and turn in the bed Rucia allowed me to stay in. Not her bed, mind you, but the guest bedroom, the one her grandmother slept in. I would’ve been able to tell, even if she didn’t tell me, it smells like old person in here! What the hell Rucia?! Clean this place up! I can’t take it in here, I don’t like old person smell. I get up, somehow managing to tangle my foot in the covers and tripping. Thankfully, I grab the dresser and stop my fall. But why does it seem so cloth-like? I get my foot out and check out the dresser. Seems I grabbed a bra.

…

WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK?!?!?!

I fling it to the other side of the room. FUCKING GROSS OLD PERSON BRA! RUCIA, I SWEAR TO GOD YOU NEED TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! Fuck this, I’m sleeping on the couch. I leave the room, shutting the door behind me. I go to the bathroom to use the water in there to wash off my hands. I swear I’m never setting foot in there again! I walk quietly to the couch and precede to promptly lay down and get a real sleep.

... But I still can’t sleep. For some reason, I can’t get Rucia’s words out of my head.

*Remembering...*

“You have to teach me how to cook that way! There’s world of difference in skill level here! For the sake of my survival, I need to learn how to cook like that!”

“But once you become a cultivator, food means nothing...”

“No excuses! Tomorrow, as soon as I wake up, you will teach me to cook and cook breakfast at the same time! Two birds with one stone!”

*Finished Remembering...*

The two birds with one stone quote still exists here, even though I thought it would be exclusive to Earth. I wonder who said it here…