Avery stood among the gathering throng of onlookers, stunned into silence. The sounds of gasps, screams, music, and the whir of machinery all faded into the background. The thought occurred to him that he should be crying. He understood why this was the appropriate reaction on an intellectual level, but his body refused to respond.
He tried to get a sense of his surroundings but his thoughts and senses were a fuzzy blur. He felt as if he were suspended in some strange limbo. It was a warm night and sweat clung to his body, but he felt cold. Beyond the chill, the only thing he could detect was numbness. He reached out for his emotions but he couldn’t find them. In the place where they should have been was a deep, vast, emptiness. He suddenly felt distant. Almost as if he were somewhere else. Like an invisible observer in a dream. This wasn’t happening to him. It couldn’t be. This was someone else’s life. Someone else's nightmare.
The paramedics carried lumps on stretchers. There were several body bags. At first, he felt nothing. He wouldn’t allow it to be real. But as they passed him, one by one, it began to sink in. He knew the people inside those bags. He had seen them moments before. When he woke up this morning, he couldn’t even begin to imagine this is where they would end up.
The final pair of paramedics moved past him and he stared at the last black lump on the stretcher. "It isn’t real," he told himself. "It isn’t real!" He was struck with a sudden wave of nausea and bolted to the nearest trash can. He heaved, vomiting violently. Instantly losing everything he had eaten for dinner. He heaved and wretched until he had completely emptied the contents of his stomach. He didn’t remember much after that. He was riding in a police car, then he was shuffling like a zombie into a building. “You’re Avery Ashbury, is that correct?” He vaguely registered the question, but he couldn’t remember responding. Everything became nothing, time was seemingly skipping and he fell into a catatonic state.
***
“Avery, Avery?” He jolted, looking up. His head spun. He knew in the back of his mind that he had walked here of his own volition, though he couldn’t seem to retrace the steps that had brought him here, no matter how hard he tried. He was drawing a blank. He blinked -- and took in his surroundings, as if becoming sentient for the first time. He looked at his hands and they had a sort of surreal quality to them. His environment as a whole, didn’t feel quite real.
He thought that at any moment he would be waking up and find himself warm in his own bed. He would sigh deeply with relief, realizing it was all a bad dream. Then he would get up, take a leak, have a nice sugary snack, and then watch an episode of the most wholesome, nostalgic, thing he could think of.
When he was feeling somewhat normal again, he would drift off to sleep and all would be well. At least that’s what he hoped would happen. He wanted it more than anything. More desperately than any other deep desire in all his fourteen years, but his wish never came. His thinking wasn’t completely wrong. He was definitely in a nightmare. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the kind of nightmare you could wake up from.
He looked around the room. The lights were too bright and the room felt too empty. Almost sterile. Like some kind of lab. In front of him sat an officer. He was a heavyset black man, with a bald head and broad shoulders. His voice was deep, but soothing. “Avery, I know you’re probably still in shock. I have some things I need to discuss with you, but I don’t want to rush you into anything. Take as much time as you need and then when you’re ready, we can talk. Ok?”
Avery couldn’t find his voice. He attempted to speak, but all that came out was a dry scratchy whisper. He nodded instead. "Do you drink coffee?" the man asked. Avery shook his head. “Ok, how about some hot chocolate then?” Avery nodded again. The man stood and walked over to a table at the back of the room. Avery didn’t pay much attention. He just stared at the floor. Falling back into a semi catatonic state.
The man prepared a cup of hot cocoa and handed it to Avery. He gratefully accepted it. Then sipped it slowly. The sweetness of the chocolate -- and the waves of warmth, lifted his spirits immediately. Life still sucked. It was almost unbearable, but at least there was something positive to focus on. He closed his eyes and took another sip. Avery savored the warmth as it slowly moved through his body. His belly felt warm and his fingers and toes felt tingly. He tried to hold onto that warmth for as long as he could, but it began to fade away. As soon as it did, he took another sip and the process started all over again.
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
The man waited patiently as Avery sipped the cocoa. After a while, he eventually took the last sip. Avery sighed deeply, set the cup aside and forced himself to take his eyes off the floor in front of him. He looked up at the man expectantly. Waiting for whatever was supposed to come next. “My name is Dee,” he said. Offering his large hand. Avery took it tentatively, shaking lightly. Dee had a firm grip, but not too firm. Typically, it would have intimidated him, but Dee seemed genuinely kind and there was something comforting about his strength and solidarity right now, as Avery's life seemed to be spinning out of control.
“Nice to meet you, Avery managed to say, though his voice sounded weak and distant. Even to his own ears. The man pulled out a little sketchbook and gestured to Avery. “I like to draw sometimes, it helps me calm down when I’m having a hard time. Want to see?” “Sure.” Avery said, holding out his hand. Dee handed him the sketchpad.
It was a small comic strip of a boy who wanted to jump off the roof with a big blanket so he could “fly” but his dad wouldn’t let him. “I tried that when I was your age. It doesn’t work, trust me.” “I’ll show him!” the boy said defiantly. In the following section, the boy pulls the blankets and sheets off of his bed. In the slide after that, he’s standing at the dinner table with his family. The rest of them are seated. “Son, why don’t you sit down and eat your dinner?” The father says. “I can’t.” The boy responds. His father gives him a knowing look. “I told you.”
It was definitely goofy, but it made Avery smile. Dee smiled back, and Avery handed him the sketchpad. “What do you like to do to calm down? Do you have any hobbies?” Avery shrugged. "I’m into board games. I’ve even designed some of my own." “Really?” He asked, looking surprised.
“Well, just on paper for now.” “Oh.” he said. “I guess that makes sense.” Avery nodded. “I do hope to make them into real games, one day, but I don’t exactly have the funds for that sort of thing.” Dee smiled. “Hey, I hear yah. I’ve been there myself. Don’t worry, you’ll be working in no time, then you’ll have some funds to do things like that. That’s still really cool though. Even if it is just on paper for now. I think it’s great when people use their imagination instead of just watching T.V. or playing video games. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
Avery nodded, “It’s nice to have a balance..." They were silent for a time. Avery wasn’t sure what else to say, and Dee seemed to be working up to something. There were a few starts and stops. Each time, Dee appeared as if he were about to speak, but he closed his mouth and remained silent. After a while, he shuffled in his seat, opened his mouth, and hesitantly began to speak.
“Listen, Avery. I – I know you’ve had a hard time. You’re probably wondering what’s going on and I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but I don’t want to leave you in the dark." Avery gulped, but managed to nod. He stared down at the floor again, unable to look Dee in the eye.
"I understand you were with your family when the incident occurred." Avery took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Unfortunately your family didn’t make it. We thought for a minute your brother was going to survive, but he passed away in the hospital.” Avery squeezed his eyes shut, trying to hold back the tears. They streamed down his face regardless. The tighter he squeezed, the more they seemed to pour out and fall from his cheeks. “I’m sorry for your loss.” Dee said, squeezing Avery’s shoulder. “Truly.” Avery burst into tears, crying harder. Dee patted him on the back and let him cry for a time. Then Avery wiped his face and breathed slowly, trying to regain his composure.
“With your parents gone, we can’t just send you back home.” Avery nodded. “Do you know if your parents had a will?” “No, they didn’t.” Avery said, sniffling. Dee sighed. “Well, we’ll look into that and make sure.” “Do you have any next of kin?” Avery tried to think.
“I don’t really have much extended family. I think I have an aunt and uncle, but they live far away. I haven’t seen them since I was a kid.” Dee nodded slowly. “Don’t worry Avery. I know it’s tough, but we’ll get all of this sorted out. I need to go soon, but after I leave, someone from DCS will be coming in to speak with you. They’ll help get all of this sorted out and we’ll find a place for you to stay until you can find a permanent home. Ok?”
Avery nodded again. Wiping away his tears. Dee stood and turned reluctantly to leave. Then paused. “Listen Avery, I know this is hard. I can’t say I know exactly what you’re going through, but I lost my father when I was about your age. I was angry for a long time and sometimes I wondered what the point of it all was. I used to wonder if life was worth it or if I would ever feel normal again. I can say this, things do get better. Just hang in there and when things get bad, just remember what I told you, Ok?”
“Ok.” He said sniffling again. "Here," Dee said. Handing him the sketchpad. “I want you to have this. There’s a lot of other comics in there and I think they’ll help cheer you up when you’re feeling down." Avery reached out and took it gingerly in his hands. “Thank you.” He said softly. Dee smiled. “You’re a tough kid Avery. Don’t forget what I told you all right?” He nodded. Dee turned and left. Avery clutched the sketchpad to his chest, sobbing.