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[>>Now replaying: Log 3.25 - Bird+Word]

Date: Error

Location: The Bunker at Progress’ Head // Zephyro’s Domain

//B-B-B-Bird, Bird, bird//

// with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door—

Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door—

Perched, and sat, and nothing (!&$&§!//

[>>DATA CORRUPTED]

E1 %By the Logic… It’s a Saintech.%

{CPU Load: ▲ 85%}

{Core Temp: ▲ 78° C}

Beep!

“What?” I mumbled, not trusting my throat to stem the sobbing. Ferals and Old Guard alike groaned around me, their voices mixing like tar and shards of glass.

I tried to make sense of it all, tried to look for a way forward, memories assaulting me with the same questions over and over…

> Who do you want to be, Sam?

>

> Who is the tool, and who is the wielder?

>

> Will you ever stop killing those you love?

But in the war-torn fragments of my mind, there was no answer.

My mind was racing, trying to escape the past stirred up like mud in water by the flashback. Each thought was a new chance to dig myself deeper into the muck, each time I broke free, I just kicked up more memories.

Scenes flashed before my mind’s eye. Battles in Veltruvia, Novus Apex, and stranger places. Losing Stax, Patti, Dezin, and Jirrie. Bonfires, bombs and other betrayal. Danger and loneliness.

Smiles in boardrooms and leering glances when people thought I wasn’t looking. One termination notice, then another. Crying alone, at home, into the pillow my boyfriend had forgotten.

Every flashing thought a chain, dragging me further down, to my knees.

I wasn’t panting anymore, I was heaving.

Focus, I told myself, but that, too became abuse in my head. A constant stream of reprimands for not being good enough, pulling me deeper and deeper into the boiling-sea-dark, flooding my lungs, searing my heart, and crushing my skull.

Far, far above in the endless void, the moon kept flickering. Logic flashed bright cyan blue in the dark of my mind, like neurons misfiring.

My only lights, and they were dying.

Something hard and pointy dug into my shoulder and I startled, looking up to find the goddamn crow sitting on my shoulder. It looked at me extra judgmental, spreading its wings to balance itself against my sudden movement.

“What the fuck are you doing, numbnuts?”

“What? But the… I…”

The crow rolled its eyes and sighed. “Full sentences. Come on, I know you can do it.”

I pointed at the giant wall of horror, somehow managing to encompass the twitching Ferals and Old Guard as well. “Why aren’t you…”

“Because I don’t give a shit. And neither should you. You got better things to do.”

“But I—“

The crow flapped its wings, cutting me off. Then it pecked at something in its plumage before it continued. “Sorry, pie crumbs. As I was saying, you have an entire battalion of super-powered adventurers around you, ready to help. And you’re sitting here, crying and being all angsty.”

“But the Beast, it…” I started breathing harder as my anger returned. I welcomed it, grabbing onto that flaming rope offering to pull me out of the muck. Anything to get out, even if it burned my hands to cinders.

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“You have no fucking idea what I went through to get here, crow,” I spat, glaring at the bird. “I am stuck in a fucking computer, in a fucking bunker, built for a war that someone pushed on me, on a fucking world I didn’t even want to be on, in the first place.

“Yeah, and?” The crow asked, pecking at another crumb.

“And nothing! Everything is going to shit, the world is ending, and somehow people are looking at me for help, and I have no idea why, or how to do anything about everything. And then, just when I thought we could actually change something, maybe even save Zephyro and his people, this fucking thing shows up.” I pointed at the horror, finger shaking with anger. The Thing That Consumed All Things blinked down at us, uncaring in its infinite hunger and rage.

“It took one fucking roar!” I said, voice quivering like a candle in a draft. ”One fucking command and I am all alone! And now I am facing a giant world-ending beast with a fucking bird on my shoulder, telling me how dumb I am.”

The crow gave me a flat look, then it cawed into my ear. Loudly.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I yelled, rubbing my ear.

“No, what the fuck is wrong with you?” the crow asked, hopping onto my head and then my other shoulder.

“Uh um so aluuun!” it said in a mocking baritone. “Numbnuts! You’re literally surrounded by people who want to help you, but can’t because they’re being electrocuted. But instead of helping them, you’re talking to a dumb bird!”

I winced. The crow was right, I was a terrible person. Not good for anything, a useless friend, and a worse leader. My rage flared in response to that, and I scrambled to my feet, grabbing Pharus’ handle and igniting the weapon. The crow spread its wings again, balancing itself as I rose. I wanted it to fuck off for saying those things, for making me feel this way, but… that wouldn’t change anything.

No, it would just leave me even more alone than before.

So instead, I forced my thoughts through the hazy fire of my rage and focused on the real problem. Someone was hurting my people. People who followed my call. My eyes set on the cthonic mass and I was just about to break into a sprint when I took a wing to the face.

“What the fuck are you doing, numbnuts?!” the crow yelled as I stumbled backward.

“I’m going to kill that thing and save Zephyro and his people,” I said through gritted teeth, steadying myself. My fingers flexed and Pharus burned brighter in my grasp.

The bird wrapped its wing over its face. “Oh god fucking save me from this one…”

It took a deep breath, then screamed: “ALONE? WITH YOUR LOADOUT? ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?”

Gritting my teeth against the volume, I glared at it. “Of course not, I’m going to advance Pharus as far as I can and—“

The crow groaned, long and hard, drowning out my words. Then it pointed one wing at its eyes, waited to make sure I was following then pointed up at the moon.

“What does that do?” The bird asked, as if quizzing me on the wetness of water.

“I don’t know. Makes me stronger?” I said. Where the heck was it going with this? We didn’t have time!

“It makes everyone connected to the data center stronger, numbnuts,” the crow said.

“…including Zephyro’s people,” I added, finally understanding his point.

“I already told you, we’re your people, not his. Even the Vizier would say that he and everyone in this Domain are technically yours. Then he would beg for forgiveness for stringing two syllables together without praising your name, but that’s beside the point.”

It propped a wing under its beak, looking faux-thoughtful. “Waitaminute... If we’re asking ourselves whether you’re oh-so-alone, that last sentence could be a fucking clue, couldn’t it?

“But I—“

I caught another wing to the face, and the crow pointed at its eyes, then at the moon, then at my chest. It glared at me, and I stared back. When I didn’t do anything besides seething quietly, the bird sighed.

“I wish I had one of those sticks with the shells tied to the top. It would make me look wise and sagacious and shit. Plus, I could hit you with it. Easier on the plumage than using the wings.”

“Anyway,” the crow went on, pointing at me and the moon, but with more emphasis.

Boooop, Chris chimed in, and I could hear the little shit roll their eyes.

{CPU Load: ▲ 85%}

{Core Temp: ▲ 78° C}

Chris! Why did I think of them like that? Because they prodded me when I was down?

> They’re not perfect, and they’re scared, Sam. Perhaps this is just their way of showing them they need you. Perhaps they want you to save yourself, and them, too while you’re at it.

My anger sputtered and died, leaving my thoughts free of its torrent once again. Come to think of it, I had actually gotten a lot better at keeping it in check. When had that happened? I guessed it had started to become easier after Zephyro had told me he would carry my burdens…

I blinked as thought after thought slammed into my mind.

I wasn’t alone!

It was as if the weight of the world slipped off of my shoulders, landing in the hands of not one, but dozens of others, who for some reason or another were happy to share this impossible burden with me.

My friends were all gone, and it still felt heinous to think that anyone could replace them, but…

“Hey!” the crow yelled into my ear, flapping its wings. “Pay attention! Fuck, I wish I had fingers so I could snap them. Maybe I should get pincers? No, besides the point. Do the thing, numbnuts!”

“What thing?” I asked.

“The Moon’s fading!” the Bird said. “We barely don’t have enough runtime to break out of this crap. All you need to do is give us a boost!”

I looked up at the moon, frowning.

“You want me to advance the moon?”

The crow inhaled as if to scream at me, but got interrupted by someone groaning from within the mass of twitching bodies.

“Noooo…”. I was pretty sure it was Shellslinger, but kept looking. “Don’t advance the moon! It’s going to turn green! Project Lunar isn’t ready yet…”

I finally found the source of the voice, half-propped up despite the arcane current running through his body. I had been right, it was the elf, and he raised one hand towards the sky, middle finger extended.

“Fucking moon…” he rasped, then collapsed again.

The crow looked blankly in his direction for a speechless second, then our eyes met, and it went on as if nothing had happened.

“No, don’t advance the moon. You can’t do that yet, I don’t think—“

“Thank god,” Shellslinger wheezed.

“Will you shut up? We’re having a moment here!” The crow yelled with its neck extended forward and bristling feathers.

“My bad. Carry on,” the elf said weakly, then collapsed back into his stupor. The crow rolled its eyes upward, as if praying for sanity, and mumbled something about being almost done and going back to its crab.

“Anyway,” the bird said, waited a second for potential interruptions, then continued, satisfied by the silence. “You can’t push Logic into the hardware of others—yet—. Actually, you should probably look into that at some point. All this ‘eat some Logic and hope for the best’ shit gets really tedious after a while, and it would be nice to actually get what I need for once.

“What you can do is use Logic on yourself, and far better than anyone I have ever seen. Figures, since I am told you’re the lady who made the stuff.”

The crow squinted. “Which I find rather hard to believe at times, what with it being called Logic.

“Anyhow, your use of the stuff is so damn powerful, it agitates Logic-built programs around you. You can even feel it in the Real! It’s a trip, let me tell you. Like someone lifts one of those metal domes off a plate. As they do in those fancy restaurants, you know? Oh by the way, if that sounds tasty enough to make you salivate, you’re not alone! No Siree.”

The Crow gave me a mean side-eye. “In case you don’t get it, it’s also why all the fucking Ferals are here, and the humans are scouring the place for the entrance to our bunker with their fucking slaves, so thank you very much for that!“

It paused.

“Well, I guess that isn’t quite fair, seeing as you’re in the same boat and also…” it shrugged, “It’s not like I could do any better.”

“Eh-hem!” The crow said dramatically. “Point is, use your fucking Logic, numbnuts.”

“But I don’t understand…”

“Will you just fucking do it? It’s getting kinda hard not to seize up like I just flew into an electrical pole!”

I raised my head and found a new, thin line tethering myself to hope.

I was not alone, and I would make damn sure I’d never be alone again.