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[>>Now replaying: Log 3.15.Α/XV/The Devil/Lightbearer.alpha]

Date: Error

Location: The Bunker at Progress’ Head // Zephyro’s Domain

//Amen and attack//

//In nomine Veritas, in Nomine Filii et Patris…//

//15 - The Devil - Upright: obsession, addiction, oppression, dependency, excess, powerlessness, limitat&/&%//

[>>DATA CORRUPTED]

E1 %We don’t know what happened while she was away, and you can’t honestly believe that the Tradeweaver didn’t try to hunt her down!%

{CONSUMED LOGIC - 60 LB}

{AVAILABLE LOGIC - 5 LB}

{[Pharus, Wrath of the Torchbearer] v.01 - Electronic Warfare Suite - 3 LKB

IS NOW

[Pharus, Wrath of the Torchbearer] v.03 - Electronic Warfare Suite - 5 LKB}

{Memory: 15/20 LKB RAM}

As a golden bell tolled angrily, the wolf barreled through the evaporating fragments of the shield like a truck through a snowstorm. I held the torch high, praying that my idea would work. Zephyro yelled something but I ignored him, focused on dodging the oncoming threat.

For a second, everything was black razorwire fur and digital lightning. Red eyes streamed impossibly arcane data. Hot, slavering breath pounded my ears, like a wind tunnel turbine powering up.

And then, the Feral was within reach. I yelled, putting my wrath into the swing so I didn’t have it roaring in my mind.

The torch blazed.

In a split second, a ring of blue light erupted from its flames, washing over every surface around us in the blink of an eye. A pillar of cyan radiance burst upward, out between the rooftops and into the dwindling night sky.

It pierced the clouds and drove away the darkness.

Then the moment was over and fire and Feral reigned the present once more.

I rolled to the side in a dodge, barely avoiding a slavering muzzle bustling with far too many teeth. The Feral’s breath was hot and stank of spent breakers and ozone. I had just enough time to process that before its paw caught me in a glancing hit. It cost me my balance, but not before my weapon connected with the wolf’s flank in return.

[>>PROCESSES BY USER your_doom are now highlighted]

I tumbled to the floor, rolling until I hit the side of the alley. My back slammed against a wall and the impact drove the air out of my lungs with a loud oof. I slid down the wall sideways, hitting the dirt. The gravel dug into my cheek.

{CPU Load: 71%}

{Core Temp: 81° C}

{[Arx, Saint's Embrace] HAS BEEN DISABLED.}

The wolf came to a stop, turned, and snarled. It sounded like a malfunctioning hard drive, with added bass that gave it a disturbingly sinister note. I struggled to get to my feet when the shadow of the beast fell over me. It towered above, its outline highlighted by fire and features hidden by the bright sickle of the moon hanging over its back.

I raised my head to meet it in a challenge, lips drawn back into a defiant snarl, my torchs’ teal glow flaring. I mustered all the strength I could, lifting my weapon to war off the beast. It was too late to yell for Zephyro. At least the moon was pretty to look at as it grew above the beast.

I blinked. Wait, the moon? I hadn’t seen the moon since the sky started to—

“باسم القمر سأعاقبك!”

With nothing but the whisper of a moonlit desert wind, the silver sickle came down, slicing straight through the wolf’s center. The radiant edge continued without slowing, only coming to a rest when it sank into the ground like I’d sink into a soft bed after a good day at work. Only when it came to a full stop, the the violence became apparent. A heavy wave of air erupted from the impact point. It buffeted my face, whipped my coat around me, made it hard to breathe.

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

The wolf whined, but despite the white-hot wound running straight through its middle, it still struggled forward.

A fist-sized white star coalesced beside its flank. It hovered for a second as if curious about the beast’s labored movement. With a quiet hum, the star shot a needle-thin beam of light into the Feral’s brain, just as another star appeared on the other side. After another brief wind-up period, it joined the first star in lancing bright white energy into dark, rust-stained fur.

The Feral’s movements slowed.

Another star emerged, and another, and another, each sending its own beam into the two halves of the grotesque animal. It opened its mouth as if to howl, but instead, its body collapsed away to either side with the sound of wet flesh hitting the cutting board.

The hum of the stars swelled into a high-pitched wail, while the intensity of their light increased. It soon became too bright to look at, too loud to hear anything else. Both sound and light reached a crescendo…

…and then it was over. The silver glare disappeared as if turned off with the flick of a switch. Logic exploded into the air, hovering in the air like dandelion seeds and showering the alley in a calm, blue light.

Zephyro stepped through the cyan cloud, sheathing his sword. The Logic parted around him like mist, each step whirling around him and cloaking him in fluorescent cyan radiance.

I propped myself up against the wall, still breathing hard. Zephyro offered me a hand up, but I shook my head. I paused and steadied my breathing. Only when I was certain I wouldn’t collapse immediately, I took a deeper breath, pulling in the Logic left behind by the wolf. It flowed like silk and hummed a deep, reassuring baritone.

{INCOMING LOGIC - 200 LB}

{AVAILABLE LOGIC - 202 LB}

{All hail Samantha, bringer of light.}

“Are you hurt, Sultana?” Zephyro asked. The teal energy streamed around him as it poured into me. It enveloped him, a mantle of blue radiance.

I shook my head. “Fine,” I said, still out of breath. “Just gotta wait for my CPU to cool down a little, then we can go.”

{CPU Load: 21%}

{Core Temp: 80° C}

{[Arx, Saint’s Embrace] IS NOW ACTIVE.}

I decided to sit for a second longer, resting my elbows on my knees and my forehead on my palms. My rage had ebbed again, leaving me more exhausted than before. It was still there, a fire sweltering in the hearth, ready whenever I needed it. Or whenever it felt I needed it. We both knew that would be soon. It was inevitable. I was the only one who—

I focused on my breathing. Need to stay cold. Can’t let it ride me again like before. Need to use it, not let it use me.

> Focus, Sam. Stay with me. I know it hurts, but you can do it. Just breathe with me, slow on the exhale…

I wiped the corners of my eyes.

Fuck!

Fuck.

Fuck, Patti.

Why did you have to fucking go and fucking die?

Wiping my eyes again and barely keeping the shakes out of my breathing, I looked up. Zephyro was getting nervous. He had wandered to the entrance of the alley and kept checking the empty street for threats, reminding me that the Ferals weren’t the only problems we had to face. I didn’t have time to sit in the dirt and fucking sniffle. I was the Torchbearer. The Torchbearer doesn’t sniffle.

“Any news about the Shackled?” I said, voice carefully controlled.

“Humans came in and stopped their feasting. They seemed to be in charge. They commanded the Shackled to destroy my last cameras soon after.”

“So, they’re more organized now?”

“It appears so, Sultana.”

“Fuck.” I said.

“Indeed, Sultana.” Zephyro agreed. “So we have even more reason to hurry. Besides, after you announced our presence like you just did, it won’t be long until they come to check.”

My anger sparked, and I let it burn in my eyes as I stared at the Vizier. “Without me, you wouldn’t have killed this Feral.”

“Without your…” Zephyro said, taking a step closer. His jaw was working, and the set of his shoulders reminded me of my dad when he had been angry, before he got sick. “Without you deciding on this course of action, Sultana, we could have been long gone.”

“And what? Have a goddamn wolf the size of a horse behind us? I don’t know if you noticed, Zephyro, but its fur was made of razors, scrap metal, and fucking red lightning! It would have caught up again, it was only a question of time.”

“Perhaps, Sultana,” Zephyro said, eyes narrowed. “But perhaps the Ferals would have a harder time tracking us if you didn’t announce our presence every time you used your blessing!”

“Well fuck you, too!” I yelled, and I noticed how Pharus started burning brighter. I tried flicking it off, but the damn switch was stuck. “Why don’t you tell me how to do it? Oh right, you can’t, because I am the only one who can figure this shit out, again!”

Zephyro paused, deflating a little, and my anger went on the offensive. I hadn’t even noticed that it had taken the reins, but I let it. I needed to get it out.

“How often have you pressed a button and woken up 50 years later, with everything you ever cared for gone, Zephyro? How often did you have to learn that your body is gone, or that all the powers you had taken for granted don’t work anymore, because you’re trapped inside a goddamn laptop?!”

The Vizier had grown quiet, and contemplative. And then he said something terrible.

“I hadn’t taken you for one who let her anger fester inside herself so, Sultana.”

The words cut through air, skin, flesh, bone and heart, dousing my fury with ice-cold shame. My anger roared, steam made of raw feeling erupting where its hot fury met the icy-cold advance of self-reproach. The pressure built, and built, and built, cloying in my chest to choke me, pooling in my eyes to drown me, searing my skin from the inside.

My anger told me to let it out, to lash out again.

My shame told me that I was wrong, that I needed to do better.

> Who do you want to be, Sam?

I still couldn’t answer that question.

So I cried instead. They were angry tears, flowing quietly from narrowed eyes and over clenched teeth. I didn’t want to cry like a goddamn little girl, didn’t want to be this weak and vulnerable, but it helped. Fuck, it helped. At least a little. I just wished Chris was here, or Patti, or Stax, or Lorelye, any one of my friends, really. Or all of them at once, just one more time. Even fucking Olre, like he had been before Patti died.

Zephyro came closer, reaching out, but I shied away from his touch.

“Sorry,” I said, after releasing a shuddering breath. “It’s nothing personal, I just… I don’t like touch.”

“As you say, Sultana.”

“I wasn’t always like this,” I said, running my hands over my face and through my hair. It still surprised me to see it black. “When I got to Tobes, I was just scared and lonely, and then I discovered what the Wish did. Then I was scared and lonely and powerful, which is not a good combination.”

Zephyro wore a quiet smile, but didn’t say anything.

“Anyway, I quickly learned that being angry was better than being scared, because it keeps you going, you know?”

“Indeed, Sultana. But as hot as wrath burns, it consumes you, too.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” I said, words hot. I immediately caught myself again, grimacing. “Sorry, I… fuck, I don’t know what else to do.”

“What helped you in the past, Sultana? The tales speak of your fury, but that you had control over it, directed it against your foes.”

I nodded slowly, staring into the distance.

> Wield the anger before it wields you, Sam.

“I had my friends. They kept me on the straight and narrow and always knew how to calm me down or think about things in a different way. Oh, and I had power armor,” I said with a derisive smirk. “No need to be scared if you’re wearing half a ton of servo-powered magitech that projects a forcefield. And if you’re not scared, it’s easy to not be angry, you know? Because no problem is ever life-threatening.”

“Ah,” Zephyro said and nodded knowingly. He was looking at me like one of those teachers who cares too much about their students and doesn’t know what to do with that one that grew up in a violent household. He knew what I meant, but I forced myself to say it anyway.

“Yeah. Just because I’m invincible, doesn’t mean the people I care about are.”

I was playing absentmindedly with the button on my Torch, and finally, it clicked off and stayed off, its flames dying away.

Zephyro stood, arms crossed, gaze as timelost as mine had been just a minute ago.

“But,” I said, “I guess you know what that’s like.”

“Indeed, Sultana,” Zephyro said, expression still distant. He stood strong, head high, and yet I knew he must be struggling as much if not more than me. His city was on fire, his people getting slaughtered by wild beasts and faceless soldiers alike. And those who survived would get enslaved… unless he brought a very angry woman to her palace so that she… I still didn’t know what I had to do, but I’d do it. If not for myself, then for Zephyro at least.

No one deserved to feel like he had to be feeling now.

“Alright, let’s go. I’m still hurting, but pain’s the price of progress.”

That got his attention. He smiled at me once more, like I was some sort of saint who would single-handedly save his entire nation. The weight of that burden was almost enough to press me flat against the floor.