Wisp swiped mindlessly on his phone, silently loathing the existence of the internet and its disastrous consequences for the human race. For everything was pain and pain was unto him. Chasma whispered to him from the ventilation shaft.
“What are you doing?”
“I don’t know. I’m just messing around, honestly.”
“On a dating app?”
“I don’t think they actually work, mostly just the easy hookup app. Very bad. Destroys pair bonding, or something.”
“Awfully insubstantial of you. Do you really believe the stuff they say on the internet?”
“No. That’s why I don’t believe Tinder works.”
Rico pointed at the screen over his shoulder.
“The one on the left looks hot.”
“She looks like she’s about to divorce me for half my assets.”
“How can you tell that from a photo?”
“I look at a lot of them. You kinda get their vibe. You don’t need to really do that since you use Grindr. Lucky bastard.”
“Cry about it!” Rico exclaimed, smug with the knowledge that he was so much better than Wisp in terms of dating. Chasma thought it was quite stupid.
“Why would you want to date anyone?”
“For, like, the emotional connection. Because it's lonely. Sucks living by myself.”
“I have never needed companionship. I am perfectly capable on my own.”
“We are not all entities such as you.”
“By the way, where is the one you call Acid? The masked mysterioso? I have not seen her for a while.”
“I think she’s out with Mei right now. You’ll have to wait for them to come back from wherever they went.”
The bell on the desk rang, added for new customers. Peeking over the edge, Rico saw a little Volan gremlin, the youngest customer yet.
“Oh. Hello, little one! Where are your parents?”
“I don’t have any. But I don’t need them! I have money!”
Rico noticed his pants had no pockets. Nor did he have a purse or other baggage for which to carry items.
“Where is your money?”
“Right here!”
And Rico watched as golden coins spilled from the Volan’s palm onto the ground, filling the lobby with the sound of tinkling and clinking metal bits. Den began to eat some of them. Dave, who was reading a newspaper, got up to grab one of the coins and bite it.
“Holy shit. This is real gold.”
Dave obviously began shoving as much as he could into his pockets. He would be rich! RICH!!! Wisp watched in fatigued indifference, desensitized to these shenanigans.
“Of course. Another one. Figures.”
Chasma pointed at the phone screen.
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
“This one seems mediocre. Swipe right.”
“You want me to swipe right on something that is mediocre?”
“I am simply finding you a partner that is about as good as you are.”
Wisp slapped the palm extending from the vent.
“Roast me all you want, but stop trying to Suggest the little Volan.”
Chasma hissed in a warbled kind of voice and fled, leaving Wisp with his thoughts. Rico picked up a handful of coins and began looking for a room key to give the kid.
“By the way, what name do you want your room registered under?”
“Um… Dime!!”
Unze was having a worse time, slumping in his chair, eyes tired, exhausted from streaming the whole day. He made a tidy sum, enough to live off of, but he severely underestimated the effort it would take every single day.
“Hello again, Chasma.”
“Yes, yes. It is me. Your big fan.”
“Not the biggest?”
“I have not checked the whole world yet. I will get back to you on that later.”
Unze stumbled out of his chair and collapsed face first onto the bed.
“You are lucky. You have like no work. You just hang out in the vents all day and do whatever while I have to stream for hours in this heat.”
He took off his shirt and balled it up, tossing the sweaty bundle into a hamper and putting on a new one.
“Yes, my life is quite superior to yours. It is easy to make my own room with the powers I have. But it is lonely. No one ever visits.”
Unze looked at the purple eyes in the vents offendedly, pointing at where he thought Chasma was.
“I would visit! Totally would, if you’ve got AC or something. I just can’t quite fit inside the vents like you can.”
Chasma reached out a pale spindly hand from the depths, offering it to him.
“Are you sure? I have not tried this on a person before. Yes or no?”
Unze took it without hesitation, delirious from the heat. He could barely think straight.
“Yes! Just take me!”
And he was unceremoniously pulled directly into the vent. A sensation of thinning, of being sucked into a miniscule space encapsulated every inch of his body. And suddenly he found himself able to fit. It was difficult, but he could crawl through the vents.
“How did you do that? How’d you shrink me?”
“My abilities are beyond your comprehension. I can do much more than all of you.”
In the dark his eyes adjusted, though he could still not see Chasma. Looking directly at him was impossible, as the form was blurred and indistinguishable. Only two pinpricks of light denoting the eyes could be seen without assistance.
“Follow me, Unze.”
As they continued down the vent shafts, LED lights began to appear on the walls, illuminating the little screws of the metal plating and the occasional rat, scurrying down side paths into the darkness.
“Do not mind them. They are mostly friendly.”
For a time, all Unze thought about was the creepiness of this place and the fact that his knees were beginning to hurt from crawling everywhere. Though soon he was interrupted by the vents opening up into a bigger space.
“What the hell? How do these bigger vents fit inside the hotel?”
“Carefully.”
Now the vent was big enough that Unze could just stand upright and walk. At this point it was more a hallway lined with metal on the floor, walls, and ceiling. The area was lit not by white LEDs, but by red emergency lighting, the kind you’d find in an air raid bunker or a military base. Almost like a horror film.
“How much longer until we reach your room?”
“Three seconds.”
As they came to a dead end, Chasma rapped upon the metal wall, causing it to fall away and reveal the aforementioned room.
“Woah.”
Woah indeed. It was a gigantic, cavernous space. Couches surround a TV, with a PS6 and an XBOX 720 plugged in at the same time (how???). Rare paintings lined the wall, along with modern recreations, abstract art, and random JPEGs from the internet. There was a gun range with a myriad of weapons, old and new. Some weren’t even manufactured anymore. In a corner was a series of display cases with rare gemstones, including Tanzanite, Black Opal, and a massive Painite gem that would make the richest collectors jealous.
Not to mention the included badminton court, tennis court, basketball court, paintball arena, skating rink, VR setup, Full-Dive pod, four shipping containers of Orbeez, and an authentic recreation of the Little Boy and Fat Man. There was even an omnious door titled “Sex Dungeon”.
“How did you manage to get all this?”
“I have my ways.”
Chasma tossed Unze a bottle of wine. Checking the label revealed it to be Domaine de la Romanee-Conti.
“Life is much easier with the ability to obtain anything you want.”
Unze drank from the bottle. It was delicious, savory, and reeked of luxury.
“How can I learn this power?”
“When you become an entity such as myself? I will consider showing you how. Human minds could not grasp how to manipulate the world at all, let alone as deftly as I.”
Unze chugged the rest of the bottle, beginning to feel tipsy. He picked up the Nintendo Switch 2 sitting on the table. Pretty sure Nintendo never released a Switch 2.
“Wanna play Mario Kart?”
“Why would I ever play something as dumb as Mario Kart?”
“Mario Kart!”
“I suppose I will relent this once.”