Mei could not believe the size of the hospital bill. American healthcare was truly outrageous. How were MLMs banned yet Big Pharma allowed to operate? She was going to have a word with the U.S. Government, and also Vola after purchasing a taser, a knife, and a Glock 19. This time he would have no choice but to unhex her, or face the consequences. Today would be a good day, she thought, as she realized that no one had come to pick her up and she would have to walk a long way back to her hotel. And no, fuck Uber and Lyft.
As the sun began to set over the horizon, great rays of light filtered in through the glass windows at the front of the hotel, showering the lobby in a menagerie of orange and red. Which was cool, but only served to blind Wisp, who was sitting in the receptionist’s chair in the direct path of the light.
“Holy shit, where are the curtains? Why don’t we have curtains? I can’t see anything!”
Acid slumped over on the couch, bored.
“It's just the sun. Put on some sunglasses or something. Kyki never complains as much as you.”
“It’s because I’m the one taking the shifts where this happens. And I’m the one at the desk right now, so too bad!”
“Can we replace you with Kyki please that would be awesome.”
“Sometimes they just lock themselves in their room and won’t respond to anyone. It’ll pass.”
Acid felt betrayed, having to deal with this man existing in her presence for another, like, hour or so. Snake was gesturing to Dave as she waved her hands over a ridiculously large whiteboard.
“...and that’s why Sans from Undertale is an ESTP!”
Dave took a moment to consider the giant, helpfully unhelpful flowchart. Just looking at it made his eyes spin.
“Okay. Thank you. That’s really cool. Anyway, I think I should get going. There’s a pyramid exhibit going on in the museum nearby and I got a complementary papyrus coupon for it.”
“Oh yeah! That reminds me, Papyrus’s personality is influenced by Sans, which actually has some pretty interesting effects on his 16P score…”
Eventually, Dave stopped thinking.
The double doors slammed open, cracking from the impact as Mei strolled in clad in a bulletproof vest and ballistic helmet. On the left hip, a taser. On the right, a 9mm Glock 19. Hidden in her shoe soles were two small knives, and her pockets contained actual flashbangs prohibited for civilian use.
Also she was riding a giant robot dog made in the image of a Siberian Husky. Acid reached out to touch its shiny chrome exterior.
“Mei? Are you preparing for war?”
“You could call it that, yes.”
“What’s with the… robo dog?”
“You mean Den?”
“You named it already?????”
“Someone left him in a box in an alleyway and I couldn’t say no…”
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
Acid was astounded.
“Someone left a giant robotic husky? That probably cost an exorbitant amount of money? In the equivalent of a trash heap?”
Mei was unperturbed by the strange circumstance in which she acquired the dog.
“Who cares where I found him? What matters is that he’ll be able to maul Vola to death! There’s no way he can cut a big metal dog.”
Acid gave her the look that all people give when they are confronted by a very intimidating 5’3 woman about to SWAT raid someone with a big metal dog. Snake was much less amused, though.
“You don’t have to do this, Mei. You know you’re just going to cause a lot of pain and hurt him and yourself.”
“Nope, I’ll be just fine. I’m wearing armor plating under my jeans.”
“Emotionally. You’ll be hurt emotionally.”
Mei thought about what it would feel like to beat the shit out of Vola.
“Actually I think I’ll be fine. I can handle beating him up.”
Snake rubbed her eyes under her glasses and decided to buy eye drops later. Clearly her eyes needed a break.
“Don’t you think you’re, I don’t know, going a bit too far?”
“If I don’t I’ll stay hexed forever.”
“Just apologize to him and he’ll make it go away. Vola wouldn’t lie about that.”
Mei cringed at the thought of it. If she deferred to him now, she’d never hear the end of it. She would always be forced to live in his shadow, bullied by Vola. There was no choice but to make a stand, to show this man that there would be no shenanigans.
“If you really want to take revenge on him, there are better ways you know.”
And Mei was suddenly very interested.
“What kind of revenge are we talking about?”
“Um. The cold and wet kind.”
“I’m interested.”
“Can I come?” said Acid, excited to do something for once.
“Sorry, Acid, but this is a one on one thing with me and Mei. More people means more chances our super-secret plan will be leaked..”
As Mei and Snake discussed further in the elevator, Dave thanked the stars he was able to escape another hour (or two) of college level lectures on psychology and the theory of mind. He sat down heavily on the couch, stretching his arms.
“Hey Acid.”
“Mm?”
“I thought you didn’t want to do anything today. Why’d you want to help prank Vola? You hardly even know him.”
“It sounded like it’d be fun. She’s, like, an interesting gal.”
“Who?”
“Mei.”
“If by interesting you mean murderous, yes.”
“I think we could all use a little more murder in our lives. What’s life without liberal use of chlorine gas?”
“Of course you, the only one with a gas mask, would say that.”
“I will not confirm nor deny that.”
Stepping into Snake’s room, Mei was greeted with walls plastered with papers and posters, books arranged in pyramidal piles, and a carefully balanced camera setup. Snake was using a coffee cup as the stand for a ball mic. Truly a precarious system.
“Your room is very… strangely organized.”
“Yup! Everyone says that at first, but what they don’t know is that this is actually the most efficient way for me to use the available space. Nearly everything is within reach at all times.”
Mei pushed over a pile of books, picking up a bow and arrow as well as a watch buried under the mess. She inspected the golden watch.
“The Cloak and Dagger, model #1?”
“Oh. That’s my watch. I’ve been looking for it.”
Snake swiped it out of her hands and slid it on, before taking the bow as well.
“Can you tell me if you see any more arrows? I need them for… recreational use.”
Very organized indeed.
“You said you had a way to take revenge on Vola. Something cold and wet.”
“Yeah. It’s right in here…”
In front of her was a large walk-in closet, locked by a padlock, retina scanner, blood tester, and a combination keypad.
“Oh, uh, could you turn away for a second while I unlock the door?”
Mei stared out the window to the great city beyond, characterized by giant leaning skyscrapers and great big spotlights illuminating the city below, as night fell upon the metropolis of Commonhaven. Meanwhile Snake began opening the door. First a key, then a pierced finger, followed by a scan delivered directly to the eyeball, finished with the code [volanevergotthebola42069].
Hydraulic pistons churned as the door was pushed back, revealing it was less a typical door and more something you would find guarding a bank vault. The inside was cold like a freezer to preserve its contents.
“Oh. My. God.”
Terror gripped her being. This was not something any mortal should lay witness to. Even Den turned its head away at the sight. But to Mei it was riveting. A testament to the cruelty that humans could inflict on others. So she fell to her knees, rife with glee for what Vola would have to see, and a certainty that Snake could not be allowed to spec into weapons research. Ever Chasma, sneaking a glance through the vents, fled in fear and shock and awe. And Mei? She took it all in.
Rows upon rows of almonds. Almonds of all kinds. Almond milk, almond cake, almond muffins, almond pastries, almond bread, almond juice, almond trail mix (just almonds) and more nuts than she could count. This would be so much more effective than the stopgap weaponry that she had bought on the way home.
Such are the horrors of war.