I knocked on the door thrice. No answer.
“Hey Butterfly, it’s Fio,” I said, somewhat quietly.
“Leave me alone,” she muttered from behind the white wood.
“No problem,” I replied. “In fact, I’m not even gonna talk to you. I’ll just sit down here, outside your door, and talk to myself.” I made a point of sitting down noisily. It didn’t get the giggle I’d hoped for, but that was fine.
“Dad’s not as terrible as mom always says,” Beth half-muttered half-sobbed.
I nodded to that. “Yeah, he isn’t. By no means is dad perfect, but he’s definitely better than mom thinks. He can be a lot of fun when he’s in a good mood.”
“Mhm.”
“You know, dad used to throw me up really high when I was a kid. He laughed so much back then. I have a lot of good memories of playing with him. Though mom was home rarely and would usually be grumpy. Her new job suits her better.”
“Mhm.” This one was a little warmer.
I sighed wistfully in memory. “We used to play with water pistols in summer. Silly stuff, not very popular these days, but it was fun, splashing around.”
“We still play with water pistols,” Beth interjected.
“Bet my aim is better than yours,” I said, smiling.
“Alright, come in already, Fio,” my sister relented, getting up and opening the door for me.
I waited for her to step aside and wave me in, so she was comfortable with having me there. Then I ruffled her hair a little. Her eyes were puffy, what more damage could I do to her dignity?
The door shut behind me, and Beth flopped down face-first on her bed again. I sat down next to her, petting her back. I didn’t say anything.
“Mom can be so mean sometimes,” my sister eventually muttered into the blankets.
“She only means half of what she says. No filter, you know?”
“I know,” she grumbled. “‘An artist speaks straight from the heart!’ Ugh!” She did her best impression of our mom, but it was more or less just a minor change to her own voice. Not convincing, but it got the point across.
“Yep, that’s how she is.”
“It’s just so unfair, Fio,” she complained, smacking the blankets next to her. “All of you think so much about Jacob. Mom is so mad at dad because of him. Ivan is so distant. You hardly ever come home, either.” I grimaced. She had me there.
“I didn’t know Jacob. I never will. And yet, he’s fucking up my family life!”
“Language, Beth,” I said, calmly.
My sister grumbled for a moment, then continued anyway. “It’s just… so fricking unfair. I hate him.”
That made me pause for a second and freeze up, but I quickly rested my hand against her back, hoping she enjoyed the warmth. “That’s harsh,” I said. “You know he doesn’t deserve that.” I understood where she was coming from, but it still wasn’t nice.
“I know!” she yelled, smacking her blankets again. “But if you want me to like him then why do you all! Keep! Fighting! Because of him?!” She was crying full force again, accompanying every yell with a smack to her blankets, and I took a few moments to run my fingers through her hair.
“Because life is hard,” I sighed. “And it fricking sucks. Jacob was a lovely person. He was kind, caring, brave, and just overall awesome. Like a knight in shining armor. And now he’s gone. And I won’t see him ever again.” I took a shaky breath at the end of that, rubbing at my eyes.
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“And it sucks. It makes me really sad, and it makes mom really sad. And she blames dad, and dad blames himself. Ivan doesn’t wanna be sad again, so he keeps a bit more distant. I bury myself in work because I can’t stand it when mom complains or dad drinks.”
“Me neither,” Beth agreed, almost whispering now.
“But there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t force our parents to make up, Butterfly. I’d love to if I could, but I can’t. Jacob could’ve. But he won’t, ever, anymore. And I’m sorry you have to suffer because of that,” I said, choking up a little.
Beth’s face finally raised from the blankets a little, and she shifted over, putting her head on my legs. “It’s not your fault,” she whispered.
“I know,” I whispered back. “And mom knows, and dad knows, too. But sometimes, you feel something different from what you know, even if that’s unfair.”
She nodded at that, and I ran my fingers through her hair again. “We all love you, Beth. All in our own way. Mom, dad, Ivan and I. You’re the world to us. All of us.”
Once more, she nodded, remaining silent, and I kissed her forehead. “Even if it’s hard sometimes, don’t forget that, alright?”
“Okay, Fio,” she said, shifting again, before leaning into me with a hug. Sometimes I forgot how small she was, letting me wrap my arms around her easily. We sat like that for a long while until a soft knock came from the door.
“There’s food,” mom said quietly, and I looked down at Beth. She was snoring softly. I smiled a bittersweet smile and laid her down on the bed. She wouldn’t be interested in whatever healthy stuff my mom had conjured from the underworld for now.
The rest of the conversation at dinner went much more smoothly. We didn’t go into heavy topics. Mom stopped being naggy about my posture or the way I sat, and I didn’t complain as I forced her horrible creation down my throat. It was healthy, but goodness me was it miserable.
Beth eventually rejoined us, eating somewhat quietly. Her mood lightened a bit at dessert, even if it was only a very vaguely sweet jello. I took her out to the swings afterwards, tossing her around. She laughed, and I smiled. Eventually, I was able to leave the house with a smile.
It had been bitter and sweet at the same time, as it almost always was when I visited mom. Two more stops to go now, and Ivan was next.
He was patient with me, much more so than I deserved, but I wanted to meet Sarah anyway. Dad could deal with me tomorrow. And having some barbeque after mom’s poorly disguised prison food would be nice.
Luckily, my outfit still worked for this, though I did swap my shirt for a slightly brighter one, and put on the faintest bits of make-up in the car. My mom hated the stuff, saying it smelled horrendous and was a betrayal to nature, but I still wanted to look decent if I went to a restaurant.
By the end of it, I was looking gorgeous. I smiled at myself in the mirror, then headed inside. As always, Ivan had booked the table on our family name, Bellum. It was a pretty fire name, though. Ivan Bellum. Sounded like an absolute badass. If only he wasn’t such a sweetheart.
I apparently was there before Sarah and him, so I just ordered an iced coffee with a hint of rum. They used cheap liquor, and I couldn’t care in the slightest, enjoying the faint burn on the back of my throat.
Eventually, the two of them came in. Ivan, with his raven black hair, and dark eyes. He wore a buttoned shirt, though it was also black, making him look almost like a nordic grim reaper with his beard.
Sarah, on the other hand, was the polar opposite, bright blond hair and blue eyes, wearing a colourful pastel shirt. She greeted me with a happy smile and a wave, as the two sat down. They ordered drinks, and then we ordered a large set of ribs for the three of us.
We chatted a lot before that, mostly about inconsequential stuff. I asked about hobbies, Ivan told me more about the sword fighting thing, and that he’d also been getting into some more games and music. Mainly retro stuff, but also some more modern things. Sarah shared a lot of his interests, though with a much greater penchant for fantasy.
Apparently, she really liked getting immersed in stories and other worlds. I smiled at that. Same for me, I told them. My work stuff was brushed off quickly, and Ivan told me some bits and pieces of the coding work he’d been doing. Apparently, a new program of his running on a couple air filters helped make the city more breathable.
I was glad to hear it. Maybe I wouldn’t have to wear a mask anymore when I headed from my car to a restaurant soon. We both laughed at that joke. That wasn’t changing anytime soon.
Sarah’s voice was melodic and nice to listen to, so I didn’t mind in the slightest when she talked a lot of the time. About her interests, what she did, what she liked about Ivan, the fact that she couldn’t wait to meet our parents, and so on. I was apparently the first family member to meet, the cool sister. It had me grinning. Ivan wasn’t living that one down for a while.
But the evening went by very nicely. By the end of it, we were all just slightly tipsy, but all still easily within legal driving limits. Not that it was strictly enforced these days. I hugged Ivan goodbye, then did the same for Sarah. It had all gone so well, when Cass chimed up.
[Contact with gateway user established. Activate [Gateway]?]
Keeping my face from changing was done by a pure exercise of will, as I kept a smile on my lips. Sarah looked slightly shocked for only a moment when we drew apart, but I simply laid a finger onto my lips. She gave me a very small nod, then her face turned radiant again, and she walked off with Ivan.
What had my brother gotten himself into now?