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They Think I Invented Pizza
Mermaids Mermaiding

Mermaids Mermaiding

Pete didn’t know a lot about trees. He couldn’t recognize the difference between an oak and a juniper. The one thing he did know…he would learn to climb them. He’d climbed trees before and with no trouble.

Growing up, he lived four blocks away from his grandparents. He spent many hours playing in their yard. That same yard boasted two large crabapple trees. He’d climbed those two trees countless times; he’d never fallen before. If not for Max lunging at his face, he wouldn’t have fallen from the other tree either.

It didn’t seem fair that his tree-climbing skill had dropped into the negatives. It wasn't his fault he fell out of a tree. Even so, he knew if he climbed some trees, he could push his skill back into the positive.

He'd put a lot of thought into the best way to approach his tree-climbing skill. This included the evaluation of the trees in the region. Near the Trash Panda’s hideout, the trees had thinner branches with pine needles. They’d be no good for climbing.

The trees around the lake had thick trunks and sturdy branches. Not to mention, the spacing of the branches made them ideal for climbing. It was even easier than the crabapple trees when he was five.

He inhaled a final deep breath, held the air in his lungs, and blew it out. Then at the same time, he lifted his right leg onto a lower branch and his right hand to higher one. And he began to climb, going up one limb after the other, ascending five feet above the ground.

Tree Climbing proficiency raises by 1 level.

Tree Climbing proficiency raises to level -4

Climbing wasn’t as easy as he’d remembered. He suspected that had to do with his negative skill. His right hand reached for another branch. And the branch where he’d been standing snapped. And he fell. He fell hard. He fell on his backside. If not for the soft mud to land on, he was sure he’d have broken his tailbone.

Tree Climbing proficiency lowers by 2 levels.

Tree Climbing proficiency lowers to level -6.

A third notification popped up, related to the other two, but it was something Pete hadn’t seen before:

Didn’t your mother ever warn you about the dangers of climbing in trees? Stay out of them. It is for your own good.

Pete blinked in confusion at the prompt. Was the world itself conspiring to keep his tree climbing down? Was his inability to climb trees a sick joke to whatever created his prompts? Was the prompt right? Would it be for his own good if he gave up on tree climbing?

“Are you okay?” Zoey’s voice asked.

Pete blinked the prompts closed and spun to face her. He remained planted firm with his butt sinking into the mud. “I’ll never recover from this…not on an emotional level.”

“Don’t be a baby.” She held out her hand. He took it, and she helped him to his feet. “I bet we can find an item that gives you a passive tree climbing ability? It’d make sense to try leveling the skill with something like that. Otherwise, you might continue to level in the wrong direction.”

“You know.” Pete inhaled and exhaled a single, long breath. “You might be right.”

“You had something you wanted to show me?” Zoey asked.

“Oh, right!” Pete said. “Do you have your pizza peel? The shield one?”

Zoey nodded once as she held out her left hand, materializing her pizza peel into it. At the point where the handle met the carrying surface, Zoey pushed a button, creating a foldable hinge. When the peel locked into its shield form.

“Hold it out,” Pete instructed. “I’m going to slap it.”

Zoey’s initial reaction was to ask why, but she knew better than to try and understand Pete’s antics. Plus, she trusted him, so in the end. She held it out in front of her, bending her front leg at ninety degrees, extending her back leg behind her. In martial arts, they referred to her stance as an extended forward stance. It allowed her to brace for whatever Pete had planned.

“Okay,” he said. “I hope this works.” Then he lifted his hand. And with all the strength he could manage, he slapped against the shield's flat surface.

The Claddagh ring on his hand rang in a high pitch against the cold metal of Zoey’s steel. At the same time, the sound of Pete’s open palm against a solid, flat surface created a hollowed thwack. The timber resonated in the air. Ding…ing…ing… It reminded her of hitting a hollow metal fencepost with a stick. The sound resonated, carrying in the air.

Zoey’s arms buckled against the force, and her feet dug into the soft earth. But she remained upright, and the shield absorbed the damage from the slap.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

As the sound died off, a prompt appeared before Pete:

Slapping proficiency raises by 2 levels

Slapping proficiency raises to level 112.7

He blinked the prompt away and asked Zoey. “Did your proficiency go up?”

She had her forehead wrinkled in confusion as her eyes read the prompt in front of her. Pete couldn’t see her prompt, but he could see her eyes tracing over the words as she read. As she blinked the prompt closed, she answered. “It did. My Pizza Peel skill jumped three levels, and my light armor gained one.”

Pete felt the excitement growing in him. If he continued to slap the peel-shield, he wondered how high he could raise his Slapping and her peel skills. There was only one way to find out. “Are you ready for me to slap again?”

“Ready when you are.” She told him, bracing for another slap.

* * *

From the cover of water—only the top of her head and eyes above the surface—Aqua watched. She didn’t know why the young man slapped the young woman’s shield. The sight of it confused her. As the mermaid looked closer, she realized she had seen the boy before. When she had, she wanted to tell him hello, but shyness won out. Instead of speaking with him, she pulled on his leg, panicked, and swam away.

She could swim up to him and his friend. She wondered what kind of friends they were. Was the young woman with the shield his girlfriend? The mermaid didn’t think that was the case. If it were, why would he be slapping her shield over and over? That’s an awfully strange way to treat a girlfriend.

Though, the force of the slaps against the shield seemed strong. She wondered if they would be strong enough to defeat Charybdis. The mermaids didn’t have anyone strong enough to defeat the monster. I should go talk to dad about it, she thought. And with that thought, she spun away from the bank: plunging into the water, swaying her green tail up and down. It moved in slow, powerful strokes, allowing her to descend in an accelerated dive. As she dove, she passed by fish, freshwater shrimp, and a miniature saurian. The latter had the appearance of something that was a mix between a small crocodile and a human. It swam past her using it’s powerful, webbed—and clawed—hands and feet to pull itself through the water, leaving ripples in its wake.

She was glad that Greenlake only held miniature saurians. Some other species grew to be four…even five times the size of a mermaid. They had long, triangular snouts filled with pointed teeth, and thick green scales. The scales formed a natural armor around their muscular bodies. She shuttered at the thought of coming across one of those.

The deeper she went, the cooler the water became, and the tops of the seaweed forest came into view. They reached up at her like long, green fingers. Fish near the forest grew bigger, feeding on the plankton that thrived near the plant.

Aside from plankton, crabs floated near the plants. They snacked on the nutrient-filled leaves. They were round and blue with fat claws. They’d pinched her before…when she was a little girl. But the experience helped her learn that if she left them alone, they’d leave her alone. So she made sure to keep her distance.

She continued above the forest for a few minutes, thinking about the young man as she swam. She’d never seen anyone slap so hard. Could he use a sword, too, or was he only good for slapping? She hoped the man could use a sword. If not, she doubted he could slap Charybdis to death.

A dim, emerald light appeared far ahead of her, and she knew she was almost home. This insight gave her cause to speed up, and she moved her arms more effortfully. Her tailfin pushed against the water with a powerful force.

With each stroke, the light ahead grew in intensity and size. It illuminated the far edge of the seaweed forest. One light became two, and two became three. Before long, the entire town was lit up.

Structures of the town sprouted up from a singular limestone foundation. The town’s first architects buried that foundation deep into the sandy earth. Each house rose as a circular pillar. Some had entrances near the top, others had entries near the bottom, and most had them in both locations.

The entrances themselves were circular doors reminiscent of portholes. They required touchpad codes to open. Though some of the wealthier families owned biometric scanners. The mermaid girl’s family was the former. In fact, from a financial perspective, her family might have been the poorest in town. Between her, her parents, her two brothers, and her two sisters, they struggled to fit in their tiny home. Even so, the value her familial relationships added to her life… It made her feel like the wealthiest mermaid in the world.

Shops owners and politicians housed their businesses and public buildings within stout domes. That type of setup made navigating the merchandise easier for the mermaids. It gave them space so they wouldn't bump into each other. Plus, the owners could look down from the ceiling and see the whole store at once. It helped them eyeball their inventory. They could also see if any customers needed help and catch any would-be thieves. Not that they had to worry about any mermaid thieves; no one in Greenlake had that job.

Within the town, three buildings stood out over the others. The Siren’s Call’isuem, Club Shake-a-Fin, and the King’s mansion. Where most buildings in town were limestone, mermaid architects built these three from glass, jade, and marble. Rumor was that they imported the marble from First Sea and the jade from Volcano Island. Though, that was so long ago that no one knew for sure.

Club Shake-a-Fin was more glass than rock. Each of its walls was transparent, allowing people on the outside to see all the fun happening on the inside. The walls formed a cube shape, much like the structures in the land part of Greenlake. Though, the walls were not flat. Instead, they were a series of stacked, concave, and convex diamonds. They diamonds jigged inward and jagged outward. They rotated in a checkerboard pattern. This design allowed lasers and strobes to reflect and refract. It created an unpredictable light show every night. The light even passed through the exterior walls, creating streams of iridescence.

The Call’isuem was a half bowl, similar to the design of a coliseum on the surface. The difference came in a glass sphere. A sturdy metal base held the glass structure. It allowed the edges of the glass to spread within meters of the stands. It gave the audience a great view of the happenings within the sphere.

Most of those were sporting events like raiderball. Though the town used the venue for guard certifications and training. When they did certifications, they allowed the public to watch. The Call’isuem also hosted the largest underwater rodeo in the world. It happened once a year.

Two hatches rested at the bottom of the sphere, connecting it to the sphere’s base on each side. Those hatches led to separate, underground tunnels. On one side, the tunnel stretched to an indoor stable. The majority of the stable held rodeo and farm animals. There were rideable seahorses of every color, hippocampi, and bull sharks. The bull sharks were the kind with horns. The other tunnel linked to the guard station inside the castle.

The officers in the castle looked more like medieval mermaid knights. They could transport prisoners or other combatants to the Call’isuem. Though, a prisoner had to do something awful to earn punishment in the form of a Call’isuem battle.

The King’s mansion proved the most extravagant of all. Whoever built the castle—Aqua wasn’t sure who it might have been—lined up tall spires to create the castle walls. The spires were of jade and wrapped in clear quarts. The same quartz formed the windows and jade the window frames. A tall archway of Jade formed the front entrance. There, a miniature army of knights guarded against any intruders.

Aqua swam past the club, the arena, and the King’s mansion. She did so without slowing down. Then she reached her home, swam straight in, and approached her father. “Daddy,” she told him. “I found someone that can defeat Charybdis.”