We got back to the outpost without further complications. I thanked Lord Axis for that.

I was helped back to my room by Emrum, I had enough dignity as to not allow him to carry me into the outpost at least.

I wouldn’t live that down. Even if my body cried out in protest. Most of the dwarfs were counting on me as a powerful witch. Seeing me in such a state would likely shake their trust.

The sole thought that kept me going was that beyond the next door, I could finally rest. The negative effects of mana exhaustion were always severe, this time it was especially so.

I turned to Emrum, who was supporting me, and thanked him properly, giving him a half hug. Then I pushed myself off of him and struggled to my bed, practically dropping on top of the mattress.

I felt Emrum’s worried gaze follow me until I reached my bed and heard his voice call out to me.

“Rest, girl. You deserve it. Tomorrow there won’t be another excursion. The current circumstances are too dangerous, and you don’t really need the practice either. Now I will have to report everything to the commander, along with the others. I will come to visit you later.”

I grunted like a dwarf to that, not even attempting to lift my head off the mattress.

Then I heard the soft closing of the door and listened to the heavy steps slowly disappearing at the other end of the corridor.

In the meantime, I couldn’t help but notice the slight similarities between the symptoms of mana exhaustion and a much more mundane hangover. I didn’t like it. It wasn’t fair that I didn’t even drink and had to suffer this fate.

I turned towards the wall, hugging my staff to my chest. I thought about taking off my boots. Then I remembered that these were skin tight knee-high boots which were a pain to take off and the effort simply seemed too much for the current me.

Soon enough, my consciousness slipped away, and I was lost in a dreamless sleep, but not for long.

I was standing in a dark cave surrounded by darkness on all sides.

I tightened my fingers around my staff. I got used to the boost it provided to my magical capabilities, and I already felt vulnerable without the familiar weight and the smooth touch of warm metal channeling my power. I could feel the light pulsation under my fingers and it calmed my nerves as I faced the suffocating darkness.

I glanced down at the magical weapon. It was a very simplistic item in design. A smoothly polished metal surface, with occasional metal rings. Placed in equal distance to one another along the length, welded into the shaft of the rod to give a better grip to the wielder.

There was a metal globe at the upper end serving as a weight for potential clobbering while the lower end was pointy to gain a better grip on the ground while walking or pierce someone in the leg if the need arises.

At first I thought that the globe was some sort of crystal, like I have seen it often in magical fiction. Unfortunately, it was made of the same metallic material as the rest of the staff. Still, it was where the magic channeled through the staff concentrated. It unleashed the destructive powers from there.

Except in the case of earth spells. When I used earth manipulation, I deliberately pierced the pointy end of the staff into the ground, which enabled me to channel my magic directly into the ground under my feet, giving me superior control.

At least the magic of this world seemed to follow some sort of logical principles. I wasn’t sure how much I would enjoy it if that wasn’t the case.

I looked up from the lightly glowing staff in my hands and turned my attention back to the cave system.

I knew that I was dreaming. It was an interesting thing, but since I arrived to this world, I only dreamt two other times, and I was also completely aware of the fact that I was in a dream.

It was either an elf thing, or it was connected to being a mage. Maybe the fact that I am a messenger of Axis? That couldn’t be ruled out either.

Even so… The knowledge in itself wasn’t enough to end the dreams. That was another unfortunate thing I had already accepted. The previous two times, the dreams ended when I got scared or woke up on my own after waiting long enough for it to end naturally.

Still, I wasn’t really planning to wait too long in this damn creepy cave. I pushed the globe end of my staff into the darkness, attempting to channel more power into the light spell.

To my surprise, the staff’s light, instead of shining brighter, simply extinguished.

My knees buckled under me simultaneously, and I ended up sitting on the cold ground in complete darkness. I gripped the staff, trying to reignite its light, panic pulsing through my body, shaking my limbs.

My legs felt numb… it was the same as back in the cave. Did I overuse my mana again? No… I have to focus… this is just a stupid dream…

I knew that it was a dream… I knew it, and still… I couldn’t move… The bone-chilling coldness of the ground felt so real…

“This is a dream…” — I whispered to myself, clutching my staff with shaking hands. — “It’s a dream… there is no reason to panic.” — Yet my voice sounded more and more unsure of that fact.

Then… I felt something cold slither across my leg. My heart skipped a beat. I immediately began to crawl backwards, away from the disgusting sensation… I was mostly relying on my hands to pull me backwards, since my legs still felt numb.

Then I heard a cackling laugh somewhere above me. When I looked up, I saw that white skull mark with the hollow black eyes painted on the roof of the cave right above me.

In my panic, I didn’t notice that my hands touched empty air, and the next thing I knew… I was falling backwards towards a bottomless abyss.

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The sharp wind whistled in my ears, bringing the sounds of maniacal laughter from the distance. As I stared upwards while falling through the darkness, I caught sight of the same white skull hovering above me, making a throat slicing gesture with its bony fingers. It was grinning at me, an insatiable hunger mirrored in those pupilless eyes.

I screamed, overtaken by the terror.

A terrified scream shook my body as I bolted up on the bed. Chest heaving, skin covered in sweat and grime, which I didn’t even bother to wash off after coming back to the outpost.

I placed my right palm above my left breast, feeling my frantically beating heart and the half drenched undershirt and underwear even below that layer.

I could feel that even my hair was drenched somewhat. The usually neat ponytail came loose in my sleep and the long, unruly strands of hair were sticking to my sweaty skin and face.

I glanced around the small but familiar room. Concluding that this was not a dream anymore. I was happy about that. Truly…

I let my head drop back on the mattress while releasing a long, tired sigh.

“Sigh… what the heck is up with those dreams…” — As I lay there, my breathing slowly stabilized. I considered the idea of going back to sleep. I wasn’t exactly well rested yet. Alas, the moment that slithering sensation came to my mind, new goosebumps started to run up my arms…

Thanks to that, I decided against said idea.

With a purposefully elongated groan, I sat up on the bed, my legs in a loosely spread position. I couldn't care less. There wasn’t anyone here, and it’s not like I was wearing a skirt either.

Even the thought felt ridiculous. Being a girl was one thing, but I wasn’t intending nor capable of acting like one. I lived seventy-two years as a man. The ingrained habits, way of movement and slight gestures are not going to just disappear. It is impossible to cover it up, therefore I didn’t even attempt to.

I was acting the way I would in any circumstances. The only difference was that I put extra emphasis on my speech. To communicate more politely and avoid cursing. This way, I didn’t put myself through extra torture, and the dwarfs who were not the epitome of etiquette were satisfied.

In their eyes, I most definitely look like a tomboyish girl. Or who knows, since I didn’t meet with any dwarf woman yet, it might turn out that I fit in more seamlessly than I imagined.

I didn’t have to struggle to force myself to speak politely that much, either. It was my bread and butter after working in the car sale industry as a salesperson for over forty-five years.

I slowly looked myself up and down. I felt sticky from the excess sweat, numb from the lingering tiredness, and even smelled of all those things which slightly disgusted me.

I sniffed my armpits tentatively my features distorted as a direct reaction. — “God… I stink and feel like shit!”

My eyes turned towards the washing basin placed onto a nearby nightstand. A pair of clean towels were prepared next to it. — “I guess it’s high time to clean myself up, again.” — I spoke to myself as a way to motivate my protesting muscles.

“I should have at least taken off the coat before going to bed… That’s the reason I sweated this much…” — With that said, I peeled myself off the bed, with considerable effort and began to take off the layers of clothes one by one…

A few minutes and a lot of awkward movements later, I was standing in my underwear, in the middle of the room. I looked at my body. The sense of novelty was far from gone, but my mind was beginning to create a concept of familiarity with the new way I was.

The idea that this young-fresh body I was seeing was mine, that it was me, in fact, was slowly starting to take root in my psyche. The thought created a lightheaded sensation. It was not the straight burst of vertigo that I felt a week ago thinking about the same thing. That feeling of panic has degraded to mild disbelief over the past week. The adaptability of the human mind was simply fearsome.

It’s not the first time to clean myself… since turning into a woman…

I did not touch my body at indecent places more than necessary… The change was too much and I felt too intimidated to really think about such things. Not even mentioning that it felt wrong and shameful. Mostly because I couldn’t really accept that this is my body. Even if I lived in it…

I believe, not being willing to face this problem was the other reason which caused me to bury my head in the sand… Well, figuratively speaking, what I actually did was to focus on learning and practicing my magic not letting myself to think about anything else. Magic was based on logic, rules, and concepts, even if a bit outlandish in nature. I could work with that…

However, that was not the case with turning into a young girl after dying in my sick bed as an old crook.

Being young again was as big of a shock as changing gender. A lot more appreciated one though, but experiencing both at the same time was simply ridiculous.

Oh, yeah… I saw a few of those gender bender isekai-hentai stories way back… Let me tell you something… If your entire life turns the inside out, both idealistically and physically. Your first fucking instinct is not starting to finger yourself until your mind blanks out. However surprising that might sound, such a thought is not even in the scope of actions that came to your mind…

I mean, the aesthetics of this elven body were clearly good. I was used to seeing such girls in magazines or printed on giant posters across the city, ah, minus the long ears, of course…

However, I was definitely not used to seeing it when looking down at myself. No… I shouldn’t go there… these types of indecent thoughts shouldn’t be entertained any further. I just said… a minute ago… Damn it! This just feels wrong.

Suddenly, I heard a series of knocks on my door, which jolted me out of my thoughts. I felt my heart jump, and a feeling of guilt lingered in my chest. As if I was caught in the middle of some indecent act.

I didn’t even hear their steps getting closer… I was used to noticing people far before they got to my door. Was I lost so deeply in my thoughts? Am I turning into a pervert…

Just then, I heard the metal click of the doorknob. And the door was pushed open.

“Lora!? Are you still asleep? We are coming… in… oh…”

I stared at Emrum, who was the one who opened the door, standing right in the doorframe, wide eyes like circles gazing at me. A step behind him, with a similar, quickly reddening expression, stood Tymur.

I looked at them, blinked, then looked down, taking in my current attire or the lack of it. A half drenched in sweat, white panty and bra.

The idea of someone seeing me wearing women's underwear jumped into my mind and I momentarily forgot that I was a woman, therefore completely in the right to wear such clothes.

The idea of having found out by my friends as a man that I wear woman’s underwear was an entirely unacceptable scenario. That meant I imagined my seventy-two-year-old self wearing… in front of my friends… no… I would rather die… this whole experience felt like a nightmare material.

Rest in peace, last remainders of my dignity… The thought jumped across my mind chaotically…

I felt blood rushing into my face as if I was turned upside down. A deep red blush quickly reaching the tip of my elongated ears.

Avoiding any type of eye-contact, I gritted my teeth while reflexively covering myself and said.

“…Haven’t you learned to wait for permission to enter, after knocking on someone’s door!? Get out you bastards!”

As if burned by hot iron, the two dwarfs jolted out of their stupor, mumbling a swift apology and shutting the door with so much force that I feared for a second that it might break off its hinges.

God willing, that did not come to pass.

And so I found myself once again alone between the walls of my room, with the images of the absolutely stupefied and panicking faces of those two, usually so annoyingly confident dwarfs.

A dry chuckle shook my body as the memory played again and again in front of my mental eyes.

I attempted to stifle my snort, hearing the anxious apologies shouted from the other side of the door.

“…Ah-ha… maybe… this isn’t going to be all bad after all… kuh-hu… no, definitely not. Those faces were marvelous… There might be unexpected positives of being a girl.”

Even if that was so embarrassing that I want to die...