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The Wizard of Ounces
Chapter 11: Philosophy? You have to be joking!

Chapter 11: Philosophy? You have to be joking!

Chapter 11: Philosophy? You have to be joking!

"Yes, let's follow the yellow dragon scale road," said Lefty.

Lefty put one foot in front of another, remembering how he once had put one foot in front of another after his parents had died by Orc attack. How he walked from their farm on the outer, outskirsts to the gates of the town. He didn't have any family in the town, nor the coinage to enter. He thought of the indignities that had been suggested to him if he wanted to pass through the gates. He could feel the hair on the back of his neck as he thought about this. But, he also thought of his resourcefulness; and his will. Nothing could hold him down.

  After being denied entry, Lefty, still somewhat bewildered by what had befallen him, walked to a nearby farm to the gates. It was measures from where he lived and he didn't know them at all. He saw their simple wooden fence and a handful of goats there in. Lefty didn't stop to think. He didn't contemplate right and wrong and what would happen to his soul. He just slipped under that fence, took a goat by the neck and snapped it. . Time did not seem to move. He dragged the goat undr the fence and then toward the town gate, and the completion of his plan.

  He looked at the blood spilling from the neck of that goat, and thought each drop of that blood was hope. The blood felt warm and comoforting on his hands. And, its dark, earthy smell finally cleared his mind, lead his heart to race, and inspired his thought to move a step more quickly.

  Now, he needed a fire. He was lucid enough to think that he had to build it far enough from the town gates not to be seen, but close enough that the smoke would attract attention. He measured the distance with his eyes and took his best guess.

  Maybe the easiest way was to drag some wood from the fence, he thought. His mind, fed by te goat's blood, quickened his thiking. It didn't have to be the world's greatest fire. He just needed to get the guards attention. He used two metal fasteners found in the fence as a means of starting the fire. He rubbed and rubbed until he was drenched with sweat and nearly giving up hope despite the courage the goat's blood gave him, but just as thought that this was all hopefless, somehow he started a small fire. He quickly incized the goat and put his hand into where he had cut it, and pulled out a lump of its flesh, and put it on the fire. He then used his hands to direct the wind, and the smoke it carried, toward the guards. He perked his ears hoping to hear the crash of metal armor as one - he knew they weren't stupid enough to both investigate - but the one guard he hoped was moving closer to him. Once he heard that crash - he moved as quietly as he could around the field in a big half circle to the other side of the town wall. He then pushed his tiny child body up against the wall and dreamed with all his heart that the shadow would cover and protect him.

  Yes! He thought. There is only one guard at the gate!

  He slowly inched along the wall and then bent his body around the corner and into the side of the opening of the gate. The second guard stood in front of the gate. He was looking at where his fellow guard had walked off to; to investigate the smoke they had seen and the pleasant smell that had wafted their way. He was not looking behind him. He didn't seem to think or be concerned that an urchin was trying to hide from him and sneek into the gate wthout him noticing. Lefty thought, he was probably thinking he wasn't being paid enough to do this and what was for lunch. I will use his emotions to my advantage!

  Lefty remembered the suprise and the pain. How he had gotten around the corner, through the gate, and then he started to run, and in the process, he had left his shadow, and ran into the man.

  "Where are you going, sonny?" he said.

  Dont answer. Never say anything, thought Lefty.

  He tried to let his feet do the talking. But, the man had grabbed him by the arm. "You ain't going nowhere Sonny. You look like you are in some trouble, eh?"

  Lefty kicked the man, and twisted and wriggled and tried to break free. But, the man was stronger than he expected, despite his willowy build.

  "You ain't gonna get your freedom and your supper that way laddie," the man said.

  He was right, thought Lefty. No, no. He was wrong, way-wrong. It was how I got my freedom and my supper. It is how I got here.

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  Lefty's eyes got large. His mouth opened. Then, his arms fell gently to his sides. "I slit his throat, didn't I?"

  "What did you say?" asked Jazz.

  "Huh?" said Lefty. Lefty looked around and saw how the yellow dragon scale road lead to the rocks littering around as if it knew exactly where they were going. "Oh. Nothing. Just wondering where we were."

  "We finally reached the base of the mountain. The great teacher lives up there," and with that Jazz pointed up.

  Lefty looked up an incline. It started fairly gently but as his eyes moved up, he could see the moutain side became steeper.

  Lefty thought, it will be good to get away from that weird yellow dragon scale road but it will be a rough go up the mountain, at least for my companions who probably aren't much experienced to climbing.

  "Why does he live way up there?" asked Juan.

  "I guess he thinks it is a good place to sudy," said Jazz.

  "Probably a way to protect himself from Orcs," said Lefty.

  "It doesn't matter. We came all this way over the fields and through the woods for the purpose of going up there. So, we are going to do it," said Bob.

  "You don't worry that is preasant thinking," said Lefty, "You never question anything?"

  Bob sighed. Suddenly, Lefty could tell that Bob had been slightly slouching. He stood up straigt as if he were trying to tower over the diminutive Lefty. "I have been doing that more and more these days, actually. Maybe, I should do it more..."

  "Never mind," replied Lefty, "It doesn't look good on you."

  Lefty could see Bob shake his head and walk away. What a fool! thought Lefty.

  "Okay guys," said Jazz, "Let's get out the ropes and the spikes."

  Lefty, and everyone else, at first, started walking up the mountain. An hour or so later, they started crawling. Then, Lefty started looking up the close to shear cliff in front of him. Sweat poured over his brow. His hands were dirty from crawling around on the rocks, so he smacked them together to knock the dust off.

  He could see Bob put the first spike into the rock face, with a powerful, but clean blow; he tied it with rope and then laid the second spike. He climbed up fairly easily and then laid the third spike, and then the 4th. Jazz and Juan held a blanket out under Bob as he worked his way up the mountain laying spikes tied to ropes until he was over half the way up and hard to see.

  Jazz and Juan put away the blanket and started working their way up

  I guess I will have to pull up the rear, thought Lefty, at least for now.

  Lefty started racing up the rope, His legs moved nimbly and with confidence. Soon, he had caught up to Jazz and Juan, he even found a way to get around them and work his way up behind Bob's big behind.

  Lefty could hear Jazz say, "Lefty is like a spider the way he moves around these ropes."

  Bob pulling himself over the ledge was now like the full moon rising high in the sky from Lefty's vantage point.

  Please don't fart, thougt Lefty.

  Then, Lefty heard a scream, and then a second scream, each high pitched and scared in their own discrete ways.

  "Who are you?"

  "Ouch! That smarts!"

  "Of course it smarts, you overfed oaf!"

  "Who are you?"

  "Are you a parrot? Don't you have words of your own? That is exactly what I asked you!"

  "My name is Bob. Ouch. Why did you do that again?"

  "Because your name is not Bob, it is Boob. And, that is exactly what you are. Now state your business before I do something worse!"

  Lefty now pulled himself over the ledge.

  "Oh, I see, you have a dirty, little friend, too. Why do you bother me like this?"

  Lefty could see a being of small stature, wrinkled face, long silvery hair, bright silvery eyes that shone like glistening moons in the darkness. Despite the creatures age, his face was handsome. He must have been quite the looker many, many years ago. But, what Lefty's eyes really fell on, after taking all that in, was it's ears. They were slightly pointed.

  Lefty bowed.

  The creature turned its face to the side.

  "Excuse my friend over here. He is but a peasant. He is big and useful but not so bright," said Lefty.

  "Hey!" shouted Bob.

  The creature turned his head to the other side.

  "We have come a long way to learn from your wisdom. We are on a quest, and we think you can help us," said Lefty.

  "Do I look like someone who needs money? Do I appear to be some kind of shopkeeper out here selling wisdom, not that the likes of you probably couldn't use it. But, I am not selling. Now get out of here before I hit you over the head with my walking stick, Stafford."

  "Well, good, we don't have any money."

  From the voice, Lefty knew that Jazz had pulled himself up over the ledge.

  "Is that you Jazz," said the creature. "You look older and your armor is in more disrepair than even before. You were always lazy. Try spending more time repairing your armor, and stop drinking and carousing at night. You could have been an oracle with your own mountain, but now you travel with these bumpkins. If you applied yourself, you could do better."

  Jazz imagined himself living alone on a mountain like his teacher and shuddered.

  Then, Jazz blushed. "As always, teacher, you are quite wise."

  "So, if you don't have any money, how are you going to pay your tuition, Jazz?"

  "Well, I was hoping you would do it out of a love for knowledge."

  "Philosophy? You have to be joking!"

  That seemed to fit Lefty's perspective perfectly...