Xaxac sat at the dining table sipping his wine and staring fondly at the door to the storeroom, past which lay the kitchen and half his family.

He took a bite of his salad and ignored the silence.

“My earrings look good on you,” Agalon said.

“You took my staff,” Lorsan said, “I need it back for school. Where is it? I’ve tore the house upside down!”

“I took it with me,” Agalon said, “I would have give it back to you if you’d known how to act.”

Xaxac slowly chewed his cornbread.

“You know I’m throwin the ball,” Agalon said, “For the mask festival. You can’t be actin a fool and shit at that party, Lorry.”

“Lock me in my room,” Lorsan suggested.

“How was them fighters?” Xaxac asked chipperly.

“Alright,” Agalon smiled, “Gonna be a hell of a season. I think Billy’s a shoe-in for the championship.”

“Yeah, good luck at your horrendous animal cruelty,” Lorsan folded his arms across his chest, “I’ll be at school thoroughly enjoyin my time away from you.”

“Sounds great, Lorry,” Agalon said, “Eat your chicken. You’re gettin too skinny on military rations. Maybe you’re hungry. Maybe that’s what’s wrong with you.”

“Xac had to shave today,” Lorsan said conversationally.

“Really?” Agalon arched an eyebrow, turned to Xaxac and studied him. “That’s… interestin…”

“Yeah,” Xaxac smiled up at him, “Lee says I’ll get better at it, but I didn’t cut myself at all!”

“Darlin, you like tea or coffee better?” Agalon asked.

“Um,” Xac considered these options for a moment before he answered, “Coffee! But with lots of sugar!”

“Of course you do, Honey Bunny, you got expensive tastes,” Agalon laughed. “I’m gonna start leavin you coffee with breakfast.”

“Thanks!” Xaxac smiled.

“Give him a cigarette, too,” Lorsan mocked, “Breakfast of champions.”

“You are eatin breakfast at school, ain’t you?” Agalon asked with concern, “Please tell me you ain’t doin that.” Lorsan rolled his eyes so Agalon continued, “I’m paying for meals whether you eat um or not. Eat your food. You’ll regret starvin yourself.”

“I like cigarettes,” Xaxac said, “but they’re not… food, Master Lorsan.”

“Oh shut up, you ignorant slut,” Lorsan huffed.

“Lorry, I swear to Thesis above you’re on my last goddamn nerve,” Agalon said.

“I’m sorry,” Xaxac said to his salad.

“I was talkin to daddy,” Lorsan clarified, “I didn’t even hear what you said. Quit mumblin.”

“I said cigarettes ain’t food,” Xaxac said louder.

“It’s an appetite suppressant,” Lorsan said.

“You ain’t some starvin pesant,” Agalon said and Lorsan twitched. Agalon studied him as if he had found some sort of piece of a puzzle, “What was that? Why’d you twitch? I hit a nerve. Why’d you twitch?”

“You didn’t hit shit,” Lorsan said.

“Who’s the peasant?” Agalon asked.

“Well, this has been great, but I’m goin to my room. Y’all have fun. Night Xac.” Lorsan scooted his chair loudly from the table and stood.

“Goodnight!” Xaxac said chipperly.

“It’s like seven o’clock!” Agalon stood as well and pointed to the plate Lorsan had left, still half full, “You get back here and we’re gonna have a nice family dinner!”

Lorsan walked out of the dining room and slammed the door behind him so hard the dishes rattled on the table.

“I think he’s getting better!” Xaxac said cheerfully, “He’s bein nicer to me. Baby steps.”

“That boy turns my hair grey!” Agalon seethed as he took his seat.

“Lee was supposed to remind you about your hair,” Xaxac said, “I dunno why you want it to stay blond. I like the grey. It’s pretty.”

Agalon giggled and took a sip of his wine.

“Thanks, darlin, but I’d never live it down if the court saw me lookin like this.” He sighed and continued, “I know I look a mess.”

“I like how you look,” Xaxac said, “that’s why I couldn’t talk, that first time I seen you out on the field. You looked so good up there on that horse… I couldn’t figure out what you wanted from me. I thought I was in trouble. I know I looked stupid.”

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“Well,” Agalon smiled, “You clean up nice.”

“Thanks!” Xaxac smiled and Agalon refilled his glass.

Xaxac moaned and fought when Lee tried to shake him awake.

“Rise and shine, Honey Bunny,” Agalon said, so Xaxac rolled over and came to the heartbreaking realization that he was no longer asleep.

There were four people in the room. That was odd. Jimmy stood near the doorway, watching the scene intently as if trying to memorize it, with his hands folded in the small of his back.

Once Lee was sure he was awake he turned to Jimmy and began to speak.

“Always have an itinerary the night before,” he explained, “you’ll get the young master’s schedule down pretty quick, or you ain’t smart enough to do this job.”

“Yes, sir,” Jimmy said.

“What’re we doin?” Xaxac asked as he groggily reached for his wine and took a sip. The more he drank, the less intense his headaches were the following morning; he thought he may be building up some sort of resistance.

“I’m having a valet trained for Lorsan,” Agalon explained, “He’s gettin to that age. But he’s bein a pain in the ass so he’s practicin on you.”

“You should know which outfits are suitable for which activities,” Lee continued as he picked up Agalon’s undershirt, “If the wardrobe was still in here-”

“Seriously where the hell is my wardrobe?” Agalon asked, “This is bullshit, right? Like we all agree that this is bullshit?”

“And my clothes,” Xaxac said.

“And his clothes!” Agalon agreed.

“If the wardrobe was still in here, you couldn’t lay them out the night before,” Lee said as if he was undisturbed by this outburst, “So do it before you wake him up. Don’t make him wait. This here’s a standard military uniform, which is what he wears at school, but when he gets to the house he actually wears the underclothes, pants, button up and boots that them youngun’s are wearin nowadays.”

“God, I hate that,” Agalon said, “Trend chaser… he looks like a servant. These kids don’t respect authority.”

“That’s what they had in the shop!” Xaxac said, “In the window! That’s what Lorry wears!”

“I agree, Master,” Lee said, “But you can’t do nothin with kids. He’ll grow out of it.” He turned back to Jimmy and continued, “But it is made real similar, so practice on Xac. His clothes are folded on the vanity. Socks and undergarments first, work your way from the bottom up. Then the pants and shirt, Master Lorsan would have suspenders and a vest, but I’ll show you that when we move up to him.”

“Yes, sir,” Jimmy said and moved to obey him while Xaxac stared at him in confusion.

Agalon stood as Lee began to dress him.

“This feels weird,” Xac said to Jimmy.

“Imagine how I feel,” Jimmy whispered back, “Xac, I gotta tell you somethin, hold on.”

Xaxac stood to allow Jimmy to pull his undershorts up. As Jimmy pulled the undershirt over his head, Jimmy leaned in far closer than he needed to in order to smooth it out and whispered in his ear.

“I’m seein your sister, Alley. And… you’re gonna be an uncle.”

He pulled back to pick up Xaxac’s pants, and Xac tried as hard as he could not to change the expression on his face. Alley was pregnant? She was gonna be a mom? She wasn’t much other than he was! But he was grown, and so was she. She was gonna be a mom!

He would probably never see that child.

He stood to let Jimmy fasten his pants and whispered, “That’s… that’s great! I’m real happy for her! Tell her I’m happy for her. Tell her I wish I could see it.”

“She knows,” Jimmy said as he pulled Xac’s arms through his sleeves, “I’m workin on a house. We’re gonna get married. Hattie May’s gonna marry us. I know you can’t be there, but we’ll be thinkin about you.”

“Congratulations!” Xaxac whispered.

He wanted to be happy. He didn’t understand why he wasn’t happy. Alley would be a great mommy; their parents would be perfect grandparents; that baby would have a gramps to tell it stories by firelight.

So why did he want to cry? That didn’t make sense. He had something real bad wrong with him that he was eventually going to have to deal with. He couldn’t keep letting it go on; it seemed like the longer it went on the worse it got. He just couldn’t react to things like a normal person.

“Xaxac,” Lee said, “See if you can shave by yourself this morning. Be real, real careful.”

“No,” Agalon said with so much force it made Xac jump, “He ain’t gonna shave himself on the second day. Lee, you do that, Jimmy come here and comb out my hair.”

“Master, you want me to do up your haircolor tonight?” Lee asked, “You told me to remind you by the next bath day.”

“Yeah, I need to get that done,” Agalon said.

“Start at the bottom,” Lee said as he filled the basin and moved it to the vanity, “Work your way up.”

“He don’t even look like he’s got a beard,” Jimmy said.

“Are you blind?” Agalon asked.

Xaxac sat in silence and stared into the mirror as Lee whipped the foam he was going to spread over his face.

Xaxac didn’t remember what he had looked like before he had lived in this room. But he knew it wasn’t the man in the mirror. That guy had a much leaner face, eyes that were way too big for their frames, and too bloodshot. His hair was too long; it would get in the way on the field. He looked strange. Did Alley look strange too? She had to. She had to look a lot different. She was pregnant. She was pregnant with a baby he would never see. She had a life, a complete life with a new family, and he wasn’t part of it. He couldn’t be. He never saw her anymore.

He was never going to have kids. He was never going to have a family. It just… was not the only path that life could take. He had never really stopped to realize that his future was always just going to be…

He was thinking too much. Alex said that bad things happened if you thought too much.

Lee scraped the hair from his cheeks, swished the razor in the water, and tilted his head to get the other side.

“Alex said there was a place on the water continent where they waxed your hair off and you only had to do it once a- ow!” Xac winced and Lee cursed.

“Why the hell were you runnin your mouth!?” he asked, “I told your dumb ass to hold still!”

“Did you cut him!?” Agalon snarled, “On his face!?”

“That’s a lotta blood,” Jimmy said, “Holy shit. Xac?”

Lee picked up the towel and held it to Xaxac’s face, and Xaxac stared at the man in the mirror turning the towel red.

It stopped hurting almost instantly.

“You can move it,” he said softly, “It’s healed.”

“That was a lotta blood,” Jimmy said, “Ain’t no way it’s healed. Do I… Do I just stand here or ought I go get somebody? I oughta be doin somethin-”

Lee moved the towel away, dipped it in the water to wet a part of it, then wiped away the blood to reveal smooth, unbroken skin.