Xaxac was sitting on the sofa, listening to Lorsan tell him about the horrible things he had had to do at military camp, rising with the sun for long days training in the heat, eating mediocre food, interacting with people he didn’t care for, and thinking that it didn’t sound half as terrible as he made it out to be, that it actually sounded very much like the days he had spent as a field hand, when he heard the sound of footsteps in the hallway. His eyes grew wide and without thinking, he put one hand on the back of the sofa, lept over it, and began to run toward the bedroom.
“Hey!” Lorsan got up to run after him, but Xac was faster and had made it to the doorway before Lorsan was able to lay a hand on him. He grabbed him by the upper arm and was attempting to pull him back into the sitting room when the door to the hall flew open, and Agalon’s face changed from a tired, contented smile to one of anger.
“Lorry, let go of him, have you lost your goddamn mind?” He asked.
“Where the hell have you been!?” Lorsan turned to face him, and Xac darted into the bedroom.
“Hell of a greeting,” Agalon snarled as he took off his traveling cloak and threw it over the chair at the writing desk, “Here I was expecting you might be happy to see somebody you ain’t seen in a month. Guess I was the dumbass for expectin anything.”
“Here I was thinkin somebody might be here when I got back!” Lorsan argued, “That dumbassery is hereditary, like all the other shit I have to live with.”
“Welcome home,” Agalon said, and Xac could see that he was trying to quell the anger that had built up inside of him, “I’m sorry I was gone. Maybe I shoulda stayed home. I gotta get ready for this season, comin up, but…”
“Whatever,” Lorsan said dismissively, “You get you a new pleasure slave? You oughta put bars on them windows. Maybe thisin won’t jump out.”
Xac turned to look at the open windows in the bedroom, their curtains fluttering softly in the breeze. He had thought about jumping out, that first day when he had been locked in. But they were three stories up, and he had had the sense to know he would get hurt. Why would anybody jump out?
Desperation.
Madness.
It was so easy to get so lonely up here, but… but surely anybody with any sense would know better? They’d have to know that it was better to live up here than anywhere else. That didn’t make sense.
“Kenny fell,” Agalon said, and that made a lot more sense, especially if he liked to drink as much as Xac did.
“Might wanna put some bars on them windows,” Lorsan suggested again, “So nobody else don’t ‘fall’ out one.”
“You’re scarin the hell outta Xac,” Agalon stepped past Lorsan to put an arm around Xaxac, “He’s real skittish. He’s a little bunny rabbit.”
“Yeah he looks real gamey. Does he run like a rabbit? You lose that’in you won’t never find him again.”
“I’m not gonna run!” Xac yelled and clutched at Agalon’s uniform, “I wouldn’t never run! I swear! I ain’t gonna run! I’m a good boy!” He wanted to go to Basilglen, wanted to get out of that room, and in that moment he felt a measure of hate for Lorsan that he could not articulate.
“I know you wouldn’t run, Honey Bunny,” Agalon ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to comfort him, “Lorry’s just cranky because he’s tired. He’s had to ride in from the capital. That’s all that’s wrong with him.”
Xac buried his head in Agalon’s side, hiding his face there, so he did not see Lorsan watching him, judging the authenticity of his tears and fear. Xac did not know that Lorsan had connected this sudden change in mood, but fortunately, he said nothing.
“Honey Bunny?” Lorsan scoffed.
“He is an actual rabbit,” Agalon explained, “I’ve been reading up on them. He’s a shifter. A lapin.”
Lorsan’s eyes shot open in shock and alarm, and his defensive, defiant attitude was knocked from him by this information.
“Honest to god?” He asked, “He’s a shifter? Xac’s a shifter? You’re a shifter?”
Xac risked a glance at him and slowly nodded.
“Daddy, them things is dangerous! What are you gonna do? Keep a monster in your bedroom!?”
“What, we scared of rabbits now?” Agalon asked as if the concept was ridiculous, “Let’s get some food in you. Maybe then you’ll quit actin a fool and shit. I didn’t send you off to toughen you up to have you come back scared of a tiny little human.”
He led Xaxac toward the door with one hand in the small of his back, and Xac turned around to look at Lorsan, trying to send a silent, telepathic message.
Please, he begged, Please drop it. I got a good thing goin here, please don’t mess this up for me.
Lorsan followed them down the hall and onto the landing, apparently much less impressed by it than Xac had been.
“Oh,” He said, “No, no I get it. Chain him up, let them moons get full, and charge five silver a head to gawk at him.”
“That ain’t a terrible idea,” Agalon admitted as he led Xac down the stairs, “I hadn’t thought of that, and I wouldn’t phrase it that way, but I bet folks would pay to see that.”
“Right,” Lorsan huffed as if he did not believe him, “You hadn’t never thought of that.”
“You are a rare breed, darlin,” Agalon said to Xac, “I bet people would like to see you. It’d be good for shifters. Show folks there ain’t nothin to be scared of.”
Xaxac didn’t particularly care one way or the other about this conversation. The more time he spent alone with his reflection, the more he thought he may enjoy being looked at, and he could never remember the things that happened while he was shifted. As long as he was chained up, it would probably be alright. It was just a little odd to hear something that he had always considered a curse be discussed as if it had anything positive associated with it at all.
“Right. Make that scared little bunny a public spectacle,” Lorsan huffed.
“Don’t be so contrary to every goddamn thing,” Agalon said, “You make me tired, you know that?”
“You need to color your hair,” Lorsan shot back, “I’d be ashamed to be seen with you.”
“I’m gonna get around to it,” Agalon shrugged, “You can’t color it right after you washed it and I washed it last night. It’ll burn right through and destroy the root. That’s a life lesson, boy.”
Xaxac spotted Lee and wanted to wave at him, but the look Lee gave him told him it would be a bad idea. Instead, he smiled as big as he could to show that he had listened and clung more fiercely to Agalon. Be quiet, look pretty, and do as little as possible.
Lee smiled himself and pulled open a door that Xac expected to walk through, but Agalon paused where they were and turned to speak to Lee.
“That boy give you any trouble?” Agalon asked, “He’s been in a mood.”
“Master, if I couldn’t put up with a ornery youngun you might as well as put me down,” Lee laughed.
“There is no greater test of patience,” Agalon said as if he was imparting some great wisdom, “Than a fourteen-year-old boy. Maybe he’ll feel better after we get some food in him.”
Agalon led Xac into a narrow room lined on one side with windows and on the other with a long, thin piece of furniture he didn’t recognize. The vast majority of the room was taken up by an ornate wooden table with equally ornate chairs, and from the tiled ceiling hung a chandelier similar to the one in the foyer that sparkled and reflected the candlelight, effectively lighting the entire room with a diffused, soft light. Xac thought it was beautiful and took the seat to the left of the head, which Agalon pulled out for him. Agalon took the seat at the head, and Lorsan the seat to his right, directly across from Xac, where he would be forced to look at him through the entire meal.
“So how much have you had to drink?” Agalon asked pleasantly as if he was making conversation, “You smell like whiskey and you’re tryin to start a barroom brawl with your old man.”
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“I needed a drink,” Lorsan huffed and leaned back in his chair, “Been a long-ass day.”
“You don’t know what a long day is,” Agalon argued, and Xac perked up because a door in the side of the room next to the long bar opened, and Jimmy stepped out of it carrying a tray. But that wasn’t the reason for his joy. He could see, through the other side of this door, the storeroom he had used to go upstairs from the kitchen! He was beginning to get an idea of how the house was laid out. In that storeroom was the secret staircase, so there was nothing above the dining room; each story was a little more narrow than the one above it. Beyond that room was the kitchen, and that meant the bath was across from them, on the other side of the hall. He wasn’t sure what to do with that information, or if he needed it at all, but there was a chance that his mother or Allie may come into the storeroom at the exact moment someone meant to make use of the door, and they may see each other!
He sat up very straight and smiled sincerely at the thought of it. He hadn’t seen them in so long! He wasn’t a baby who missed his mommy, but he couldn’t be blamed for wanting to see her. He had never been away from his family for so long, wasn’t exactly sure what to do about the feelings it gave him that he could neither articulate nor place.
Jimmy had actually served salads for all of them, though Xac’s was much bigger, something that confused him because he assumed Agalon, being the biggest person, would get the most food. But he wasn’t particularly concerned, because it was really none of his business, and kept his eyes on the door while Jimmy poured his wine.
Instead of retreating to the invisibility his position afforded him, Jimmy took the bottle and moved to the bar to set it down, then went to stand behind and to the left of Agalon, which was… off-putting? Was he going to stand there silently and watch them eat? Xac arched an eyebrow at him in confusion and Jimmy shrugged. Apparently, he was. Whatever.
No one came into or out of the door.
“So,” Agalon said cheerfully, “How was camp?”
“I hate it, thanks for asking,” Lorsan said, mocking his father’s enthusiasm, “Like I hated it last year. Like I hate the military academy. I hate that fucking place. It’s torture. I’m so glad you send me there instead of dealing with me.”
“That’s great, Lorry,” Agalon said.
Xaxac smiled, sipped his wine, and ate his salad.
“In a few more years you’ll graduate to an apprenticeship,” Agalon said, “You thought about that, at all?”
“Figured my rich daddy’d pay somebody to sign the form,” Lorsan said, stabbing a small tomato with his fork and watching the red liquid within spill out on the other vegetables.
“You’re a mage, boy,” Lorsan said, dropping his imitation of conversational pleasantness, “You need to take that seriously. Magic ain’t nothin to fuck around with.”
Lorsan sighed, and replied with the first sincerity Xac had ever heard him use to address his father, “I’m real good at healin… real good at potions… think I’m gonna be a medic, like my pa. That’s the easiest thing so that’s what I’ll do.”
“There’s a lot of career opportunities there,” Lorsan said with real pride, “You get outta trainin you ain’t gotta do active duty, you can apprentice out to a doctor and go into that in the private sector.”
“I like animals,” Lorsan told his salad, “Thinkin about bein a vet.”
“That’s a perfectly respectable profession,” Agalon said, and Xac liked the way he sounded, liked the legitimate pride in his voice much more than the contempt, “Lots a respectable folk go into that. Big demand for it round here, too.”
“That’s me,” Lorsan sighed, “Perfectly respectable.”
Xaxac smiled, watched the motionless door, and ate his salad. He felt that he should probably pick up the pace, because both Lorsan and Agalon had finished, especially when Jimmy moved to refill everyone’s glass and take away their empty plates, leaving Xac’s.
No one else seemed to be in the storeroom when he went through it.
“So,” Agalon said as he sipped his wine, dragging the word out, “Have you… met anyone?”
“You met anybody?” Lorsan asked, “Or after that fourth marriage fell apart did you decide to just double down on the bestiality?”
“The latter,” Agalon said as if he hadn’t been insulted at all, “I think I’ve got too old for the dating scene. So they just not doin etiquette classes down there no more? Am I gonna have to scry somebody?”
Xaxac smiled and quietly ate his salad, trying his best not to give in to the urge to chug his wine.
“We are gonna have to start thinkin about that, though, here in the next few years,” Agalon said, “You don’t find somebody I’m gonna have to do it, and right now I just about hate to saddle some poor girl with you. Havin to listen to your mouth night after night.”
Jimmy came back with two more plates, this time full of cooked food that made Xac’s mouth water. There was some sort of meat, baked potatoes covered in butter, and what looked like roasted vegetables. He hadn’t had any cooked food in so long… he could smell the sweet sugar glaze, and couldn’t keep himself from staring as Jimmy sat them down, then returned to the bar and came back with a big plate of sliced cornbread to place in the center.
He watched Agalon and Lorsan both reach for it, crumble it up over their veggies and cut off slices to eat with their meat.
His mama had made that cornbread. He recognized it.
It was so good… he could remember those cold winter nights when she would pat it out and bake it in front of the fire in their little wooden house. It was sweet, and yellow, and warm, and his mama had made it, maybe even made it for him. Did she know he was out here? Surely Lee had told her he was out here.
He didn’t know he was crying.
Would he get in trouble? He would probably get in trouble.
But it smelled so good.
And his mama had made it.
He couldn’t… he couldn’t break down… he had to control his breathing. He had to smile. Don’t cry. Is that pretty? Who’s that gonna help? Smile. Look pretty and do as little as possible.
“The hell is wrong with you?” Lorsan asked him, and Xac’s eyes widened in alarm.
“I’m sorry,” Xac turned his eyes back to his plate and picked up his wine to take a drink.
“Are you crying?” Agalon asked, “Are you alright? Are you upset? Lorry’s too much for you, ain’t he? I shouldn’t have made you put up with that. Shoulda left you upstairs. You wanna go back upstairs?”
Xac shook his head.
Wait, did tears mess up makeup? He picked up the napkin from his lap and used it to dab at his face.
“No, Master, I’m sorry,” Xac said, “I’m fine. It’s just that my mama used to make cornbread and I ain’t seen her in a while. I liked it. I ain’t had none in a… while.”
“Get you a piece,” Lorsan said as if the entire thing was ridiculous, “Ain’t nothin wrong with it. We’re eatin it.”
“Shifters have food allergies,” Agalon said, “He can’t eat it; it’ll make him sick as a dog.”
“Why?” Lorsan asked, “I reckon rabbits can eat cornbread. Can’t rabbits eat cornbread?”
“I think it’s got eggs and lard in it,” Agalon turned to Jimmy and said, “Go into the kitchen and get the cook. Tell her she’s not in trouble. I just want to know what’s in this.”
“Yes Master,” Jimmy said and left through the storeroom.
“Honey Bunny,” Agalon said in a voice meant for comfort, “You know I’d give you anything you wanted if I could. I just gotta take care of you. I don’t want you to get sick. You ever got sick from eatin somethin? Them books say shifters retain traits from their animal form even when they’re human.”
“Yeah,” Xac said, “I know. I’m bein stupid…”
“Rabbits ain’t exactly know for their intellect,” Lorsan giggled.
The door opened, and she was there.
Xaxac saw his mother for the first time in what felt like an eternity. He wanted to jump up, to run, to hug her, but he knew he couldn’t. He knew he had to sit there, to smile, to look pretty and be quiet. He did not know what it was like for a mother, to not see her child for so long, then to see him, looking completely different, in different clothes, with tears in his eyes. He did not know how much she knew, how much Lee had told her. He thought he knew why her eyes were misting, but he didn’t, not really.
“Abigale,” Commander Agalon asked conversationally, “What’s in this cornbread? Is there anything like meat, butter, or eggs? Anything that may have come from an animal?”
“Master, that gets right expensive,” Abby said, “I don’t never use none of that unless I got it. We go through them eggs pretty regular for breakfast. I use bakin powder to get it to rise. Use corn oil and whatnot.”
“So if someone was to be allergic to animal products, they could eat this without bein sick?” Agalon asked.
“Master,” Xaxac watched anger flash over Abby’s face before she caught it, and he wondered how many people had been instructed to look pretty and smile, “Is this about Xaxac?”
“Oh, you heard about him?” Agalon asked.
“Master, I raised that boy for years,” Abby said, “I know what he can eat.”
“Really?” Agalon asked as if this greatly interested him, and turned to look at Xac, who nodded and tried his hardest not to cry, “Oh, darlin, is that why you wanted to go to the kitchen?” Xac nodded again, “Well, that’s lucky then. She knows what you can eat. Yeah, dig in.”
Lorsan leaned back in his chair and watched this exchange with crossed arms and a scowl.
“That’s his mommy,” he said, “that’s why he’s cryin. Bet he ain’t seen her in weeks.”
“Lorry, hush,” Agalon said as he picked up several pieces of the cornbread and sat them next to Xac’s plate, “You’re personifyin. Humans don’t put as much stock in that as we do. They barely remember their parents. He’s cryin cause you’re scarin the hell out of um.”
“You don’t put a lot of stock in it,” Lorsan said, “When my mommy died, you sure as hell didn’t put a lot of stock in it.”
“Lorry, I swear to god,” he sighed, “That’ll be all, Abigale, thank you.”
“Ain’t nothin can hurt him in the cake, neither,” Abigale said hastily, then remembered who she was talking to and added, “Master.” before she spared one more desperate glance at her son and disappeared into the storeroom.
“Thank you!” Lorsan called after her.
Xaxac wasn’t going to cry. He had stopped, and he wasn’t going to start again. He smiled at Agalon, picked up a piece of the cornbread, tore off a chunk and said, “Thank you, master.”
“You’re welcome, Honey Bunny,” Agalon laid a hand on his head and stoked his hair as if he was petting a pet, “I told you you could have what you wanted if it wouldn’t hurt you.”
Xac stuck the chunk in his mouth and glanced up at Lorsan, who was still staring at him.
Smile.
Be quiet.
Be good.
Look pretty and do as little as possible.
Just smile and lie. Tell them you’re alright. Tell them you’re ok. Just be good and do everything that they say.
Xac allowed the flavor to dance over his tongue, sweet without being tooth-rottingly sweet, perfectly textured, just a hint of onion powder. Just like mama used to make, just like mama still made.
“It’s really good,” He said with a smile.