Since Veit rudely left her hanging to go do his actual job, Malwine found herself a bit too eager to pout, alone in the room she shared with Adelheid.
Anything seemed preferable to processing the information that had been all but dumped on her.
She hadn’t even quite had the time to consider how she had, indeed, been right all the while back when she’d joked about whether the next stage after the silver one would have been gold—assuming that was the one Adelheid had witnessed, anyway, though Veit had practically confirmed it.
Early Esse. Mortal Esse. Core Integration. Formation of Tree Veins. Immortality. She was still missing a firsthand sighting of that last one’s color.
Only five stages sounded disappointing to her. Like, Abelard was seriously only one step behind people who could literally call themselves Immortal? Was the difference between one stage and the other really that steep?
Neither her grandfather nor any of the Mortal Esse people she’d seen had looked impressive. Not really. Maybe it was their lack of Affinities affecting how she perceived them—there were probably only so many flashy things they could do without them.
Malwine tried—aggressively so—not to think about what Veit had said on the topic of mortality. It seemed both too simple and daunting for the first rank-up. Recalling the widow’s childhood was… difficult. She’d been orphaned young, though the exact age slipped past Malwine’s fingers, the already old memories now fragmented.
Had there been a moment when she realized death existed? Probably? It wasn’t that she thought Veit was wrong about that part. She simply… wasn’t compatible with his views on it. She’d lived past the time she once thought she’d have, as the widow. There had been a time when that centenarian had been surprised to reach fifty.
Reliving that felt impossible. She had come to understand she would someday die, and that went away one day. As Malwine, the option had never felt real. She was in a cultivation world. It might have been a weird one, certainly, but Immortality existed. Was she really supposed to just, momentarily forget that in order to rank up?
She narrowed her eyes, summoning another of her harvested items from her inventory.
Core Stage Enhancement Elixir
Harvested by Malwine Rīsanin
Revealed by Malwine Rīsanin
Designed to aid in overcoming particularly bothersome bottlenecks, this elixir will provide sufficient energy to forcibly advance one's core.
Attempting to use this without meeting the requirements for the next core stage may lead to damage.
Would using this now, of all times, be a good idea? [Unpacifiable] certainly appeared uneager to complain, its only noise the faint humming that the second sibyl warranted. She doubted Veit would be fixing that anytime soon, considering his initial reaction at learning she’d set OHeidi on fire.
Please. I know what I’m doing.
Malwine uncapped the elixir and downed it, fueled by what had to be pure spite. Who was Veit to tell her how things were going to go and claim she needed some highly specific understanding of mortality to advance? Her view on it, as someone living a second life, would never align with that!
Holding on to [Meditation], she visualized her core. The fiber optics lightshow she had going on remained, though the strings had loosened, no longer flawless. Her perception of her core would vary, and if she didn’t reinforce it often enough, things like these would happen.
Stupid high maintenance inner world.
She imagined herself sitting next to {Legacy}’s Root. No, on it. It was certainly good enough to serve as a chair to a fairly adventurous toddler. Unleashing an intangible breeze through her core for effect, she allowed her braids of dubious quality to be shifted with the wind.
Despite this being of her creation, she avoided touching the water. OHeidi had left her a bit jumpy about that, unfortunately.
The Mortal Esse, Malwine thought. I’m going to rank up just to see your reaction, Veit. Just you wait.
The part of her that still felt like the widow—an ever-dwindling part—missed Yoyo. She missed her life on her Earth, no matter how imperfect it had been. No matter all the opportunities she had now, to live far beyond any standards she could have held to then.
Who was she fooling? The widow had stopped thinking she would ever die. But not once had she actually convinced herself she was immortal. Which Malwine could be. Someday.
“I could die still,” Malwine’s visualization of herself spoke on a whisper. “But I will not. I will do everything in my power to ensure I do not.”
That was the wall she found she would never get past. She could acknowledge reality. But… she refused to abide by it, in a sense. It wouldn’t change the facts, but it controlled her perspective.
Malwine stared up into the endless sky above her unfortunately themed core, at the stars that fueled her lightshow. It reminded her of what she saw before being reborn—of the Nightsky caves she never got to photograph for Yoyo.
I wonder how he’s doing. She smiled despite herself. I hope he didn’t get too many people to meet their maker over my death, if it was really an accident.
Alternatively, I hope he did if it wasn’t.
She laughed, then. She’d been born in this world with only bits and pieces of both selves. The widow was missing crucial parts—enough that the more time passed, the more that identity felt foreign to her. Malwine was herself. She had been the widow, but she no longer felt like a continuation of that.
Yet for her new life—her own life—she didn’t even have the full picture. Everything the system had told her as she was reborn painted a picture to her, of her being Beryl’s child. It had warned her of the risk the curse presented to her before she had even opened her eyes.
Who are you, Beryl? Malwine pondered. Why do I exist when the child you would have had wasn’t going to live?
Or was I always going to be this person?
Malwine looked off to the side, imagining a button labeled [Postpone Existential Crisis] hovered there just so she could press it.
Focus. Core stage, core stage, core stage.
Making her visualized self take a deep breath, she tried to imagine lines running through the circumference of her core. On its surface. They came out a far more electronic green than she had intended, but they matched the color of the Early Esse, and they were filled to the brim with light, blocking off her night sky.
The elixir’s description mentioned it contained energy. It also mentioned there could be some damage, but Malwine chose to ignore that part—again, [Unpacifiable] had not complained. That continued to be the case. Why doubt herself, then?
She imagined the promised energy manifesting just above her. The elixir had been colorless and tasteless, so she made it the color of the now-hidden sky, not unlike the background of her panels.
I have wished for the Mortal Esse for as long as I have breathed. Why she decided to phrase that like she was some Victorian poet, she wasn’t sure, but she kept her eyes on the hovering mass of energy. She’d visualized something closer to Adelheid’s shadows than a ball of light, in the end.
Following that thought, she shaped the false shadows into a ball of yarn that would have fit right in on dimly lit midnight. Unspooling it slowly, she made it rise, until one end of the yarn touched the highest point of her core. She sent it off then, weaving outwards as the widow often did when ‘organizing’ electrical cables. She always ended up making them look like some ill-advised fashion statement, closer to a rubber or wire bracelet than anything that looked secure for storage.
They slowly became a dome, and she continued covering the flowing lines of the Early Esse with it. The fiber optic lightshow was gone, and her core’s own light dimmed by the second. By when she had covered everything above the water, most light came from below, from the remainder of her core’s walls beneath. {Legacy}’s own glow could not compare to the Early Esse’s manifestation, even now.
Malwine looked down at the Root, one of its pieces within her grip. “Do you think I’m about to fuck up?”
The Root remained silent.
“Just as I thought.”
She hadn’t been quite thinking, then. Neither was she speaking. She didn’t quite understand what this was, nor did she recall it ever happening before.
An indeterminate amount of time later, she found herself in near darkness, with only {Legacy}’s dim light to remind her of where she sat.
“Let’s go.”
A lot of what she did was instinctive. She’d yet to understand so many things, and at times, doubted she ever would. Her life was full of uncertainty and luck alike, enough that she considered starting to blame {Foresight} for everything even if she had no evidence to back such a belief with.
It bothered her that Veit hadn’t seemed happy about her choice not to name her Affinities, even if a treacherous part of her hoped he might someday prove trustworthy enough for her to open up. He simply struck her as someone who could be helpful down the line. Mostly because he’s a geriatric Level 400 who stalks through trees for a living, and that sounds like the type of thing strong people kill time with.
In this occasion, Malwine’s instincts told her to push. She’d created something that, when looked at from a considerable distance, might have deceived anyone into thinking she knew anything about knitting in this life.
So she pushed. It felt like slamming headfirst into a wall, her core resisting the motion. She was at the peak of the Early Esse, and it would stay that way.
“Fuck off,” she told nothing in particular, redoubling her efforts. She imagined the woven layer was a weapon of war, which she had just declared on her bottleneck. She would besiege it if she had to, hitting it enough times for its walls to crack.
That, she did. She held on to the sphere of her own making, its strands feeling almost velvety by now, however that even worked. It felt like trying to fill a balloon with water to the point of exploding—only, it didn’t.
Malwine grit her teeth—possibly the real ones—imagining the full weight of her attributes falling in line. That wasn’t how it worked, probably. But she sure as fuck wasn’t going to let Elflorescence hinder her, not now nor ever. Her capacity to visualize bullshit strategies would not be stopped by something as flimsy as inexplicable curses.
At last, she felt her core flex. The pressure she was applying was starting to have an effect.
With that, came a strange pain. It wasn’t quite physical. Oh, hello, damage. She didn’t stop, ignoring the strange sting of it all. After swaying for a third time, something within her core’s borders loosened, and the sphere she wove with the elixir’s energy started to sink into them.
It was a cool balm, soothing her core and removing a tension she hadn’t even been aware of. She couldn’t help but gasp. It was hardly overwhelming, but she didn’t watch the rest of the way, closing her eyes.
Even without notifications, she understood she had succeeded. Finally.
Yet she couldn’t help but wonder, now that it was done, just what this potential damage would look like. She awoke, taking a deep breath as her real self.
Your [Meditation] Skill has improved! 28 → 29
Your core has advanced to the First Stage of the Mortal Esse.
You have reached Level 65!
Success.
Malwine smiled again, bringing up her status. It looked much better in the greener green, as Adelheid would call it.
Name: Malwine Rīsanin ⊛
Kind: Human
Inherent Aptitude: The Weight of Legacy | Inherent Flaw: The Fog of Lore
Age: 42 months (+1297)
First Stage of the Mortal Esse | Level 65 (11+54+0*)
Lifetime Skill levels: 560 (+1253) (S)
The level-up on [Meditation] also tempted her to check up on her Skills panel. With as many Skill levels as she’d been gaining with Adelheid, she’d been neglecting to keep an eye on the full thing—it just changed too often for it to matter.
Skills
Locked
Unused Skill Slot (x2)
Locked
Locked
Unused Skill Slot (x2)
Locked
Locked
Unused Skill Slot
Locked
UNUSED
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Mental Defense
17
Undeveloped Aspect
UNUSED
Earthless Glory
5
Undeveloped Aspect
UNUSED
Multitasking
9
Undeveloped Aspect
UNUSED
Shieldwork
28
Undeveloped Aspect
UNUSED
The Plurilingual Psyche
29
Understanding
UNUSED
Home Sweet Home
50
Homeward Roads
Identify
Cool Head on Your Shoulders
50
Expressed Reversal
UNUSED
Unpacifiable
50
Implacable
UNUSED
Learning By Reading
50
Remote Reading
Locked
Unused Skill Slot
Locked
Locked
Unused Skill Slot
Locked
Curator of Fallen Branches {Legacy}: 13/40
Locked
Unused Skill Slot (x2)
Locked
Locked
Unused Skill Slot (x2)
Locked
UNUSED
Enforced Longevity
11
Undeveloped Aspect
Locked
Unused Skill Slot
Locked
UNUSED
The Things We Do For Family
3
Undeveloped Aspect
Locked
Unused Skill Slot
Locked
UNUSED
Meditation
29
Undeveloped Aspect
Blank Panel
Write Anywhere
29
Undeveloped Aspect
UNUSED
Once and Forever
50
Mana Reclaimer
UNUSED
Situational Autopilot
50
True Autopilot
UNUSED
Nosy Old Lady
50
Purpose
UNUSED
Close to my Chest
50
Reveal Nothing
Locked
Unused Skill Slot
Locked
Locked
Unused Skill Slot
Locked
Her only complaint would have been that [Enforced Longevity] hadn’t leveled with the OHeidi incident. That’s some absolute BULLSHIT.
Such was her outrage that she hadn’t even initially noticed the change. She had a new Skill slot now, one the color of the Mortal Esse.
The spark of another thought bloomed, and she rushed to bring up her Mana Sources panel.
Mana Sources
Root
Acclimation
Control
Legacy ∞
50
25
Foresight IV
0
0
Vestige IX
10
5
Available
-
-
Locked
-
-
Locked
-
-
Locked
-
-
Other Affinities: Ore III
Oh, Adelheid. I’m so sorry—not—but I’m going to steal {Implicit} the first chance I get.
Malwine would ask this time. While skillfully not mentioning the first time. She hadn’t succeeded at actually taking {Missing} anyway, and the girl understood that stealing was wrong.
So Malwine wouldn’t be caught dead admitting she tried to steal an Affinity from her little sister. The end result was different enough. Probably.
Between the success of using the elixir and her new free slots for a Root and a Skill on each category, Malwine found she was overjoyed. She giggled, hoping the sound wouldn’t bring Adelheid back too soon—she still wanted to imagine telling Veit for a longer while.
Oh, would he be annoyed? Or would he go on another rant about how dumb her actions were? The forester had not seemed particularly uptight, even before today. She was even looking forwards to shaking him down for informa— to taking suggestions from him, as she had so honestly requested of the man. Well, he’d even offered first.
There was nothing wrong with taking a convenient offer.
Sighing, Malwine straightened. She’d have a talk with Adelheid while she was at it.
[Unpacifiable] nudged her, and she froze. Opening her least favorite panel, Malwine felt her features contort into an ugly frown.
Visible Status Effects
Buffs: N/A | Boons: N/A | Neutral Effects: N/A
Debuffs: [Strained Core]
Curses: [Lament of a Salvation Denied]
[Strained Core]
From forcefully advancing your core
Pushing through to higher core stages becomes harder as the lining of your core recovers from being subjected to excessive force.
Yeah, I walked right into this one.