You’ve all heard the story, right? The “unsinkable” Titanic, the ship of dreams, with its luxurious cabins, fancy passengers, and high-society parties. Right, we all know how it ends—with everyone blaming me, the humble iceberg. But do you know how I feel about it? Didn’t think so. Let me tell you, it wasn’t exactly how people think. So, sit tight because I’ve got a lot to get off my icy chest.

I was just chilling in the North Atlantic, doing iceberg things. I mean, I’m an iceberg. I float. That’s literally all I do. I don’t steer, I don’t plot evil plans. I was just hanging out in the freezing waters of the North Atlantic, minding my own business, when suddenly, this massive floating palace came steaming straight at me. Now, I may be made of ice, but I’m not made of stone. I tried to get out of the way. Honestly, I saw them coming, and I was like, “Uh, excuse me? Big boat, oncoming iceberg, maybe someone wants to turn the wheel?” But nope. They were too busy sipping champagne and having fancy dinners.

I was actually rooting for them! When I heard about the Titanic, I thought, “Wow, good for them! A ship that’s supposed to be unsinkable? Impressive!” I was really hoping this thing would glide by me, everyone would get to New York, and they’d tell cool stories about how they passed a magnificent iceberg on the way. I could’ve been on postcards! People would say, “Hey, did you see that beautiful iceberg?” I had dreams, you know.

But then, things took a turn, literally, for the worse. They spotted me, and instead of properly changing course, they waited until the last minute to try and make a turn. I mean, come on, I’m right here. It’s not like I could move out of the way. I’m a floating iceberg, not a speedboat. I’m just out here floating around, as I have been for centuries. And, of course, BAM! They hit me. Not just a little bump, but a full-on scrape-down-the-side collision. And let me tell you, it was awkward for everyone involved.

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Immediately, there was chaos on the ship, and I was sitting there like, “Uh, did you not see the giant block of ice in the ocean? What did you think was going to happen?” It wasn’t my fault! I’m not some malevolent ice force. I was born this way. I literally just sit, freeze, and exist. And then they act like it’s my fault. Oh, great, blame the iceberg. Typical. Blame the ship designers, not the glacier!

The next thing I knew, the ship was going down, and people acted like I was the bad guy. “The iceberg sank the Titanic!” Oh, please. As if I was just waiting in the middle of the ocean with a “Sink Famous Ships” checklist. The ship hit me. They were driving too fast in icy waters. Ever heard of a speed limit? Yeah, neither had they, apparently.

And while we’re on the subject, can we talk about how I got no sympathy? Everyone’s sad about the ship, the people, the drama, and sure, I get that. But did anyone stop to ask how I was doing after the crash? I had been floating in those cold waters for centuries, minding my own business, and suddenly, I was thrust into the middle of a maritime disaster. My integrity was damaged, too! Do you know what happens to an iceberg when a ship hits it? Let’s just say it’s not great for my figure. I lost some serious chunks that day. But no one cares about the iceberg, do they? No memorials, no sorry, nothing.

And the worst part? They made a movie about it! A blockbuster film where I’m portrayed as this menacing force. And did I get any royalties for my cameo? Closing credits? Nope. Meanwhile, Mr. Leo’s out here winning hearts, and I’m left floating into obscurity. I mean, I get it, he’s good-looking, but come on, throw me an iceberg-sized bone here.

So, what’s the moral of the story? Simple: Don’t blame the iceberg for bad driving. I was just doing my job, being an iceberg. Maybe next time, stick to the shipping lanes, avoid the icy waters, and maybe, just maybe, don’t call your ship “unsinkable” if you can’t back it up.

The end.