You’ve heard the fairy tale, right? Poor, sweet, mistreated Cinderella. Boo hoo. But I’m here to set the record straight. My name is Gertrude, and yes, I’m one of those “wicked” stepsisters. But let me tell you, being wicked was a full-time job, and we deserve some credit for all the nonsense we had to deal with.

First of all, let’s talk about Cindy. She wasn’t some innocent, hardworking girl. No, she was the weird one who talked to mice. Constantly. She'd hold little town hall meetings in the attic, complete with squeaky speeches and weird hand gestures. Honestly, we were worried about her. And those birds? They weren’t even cute! They were basically flying spies, ready to snitch on us at any moment.

Now, let’s talk about the housework. Sure, she did some sweeping, but that was her choice! You don’t know how many times my sister and I offered her to join us for a mani-pedi, but no, she’d say something cryptic like, “The floors call to me,” and go off in a daze with a broom. We were just trying to help, okay?

The ball? Oh yeah, the prince’s royal ball. You think we were jealous? Ha! As if. Let me tell you, that prince was boring. I mean, the guy could only talk about horses and shoes. It’s like he had one hobby, and that was footwear. Sure, we went to the ball because Mom forced us, but really, we were just there for the buffet. Free cheese plates and chocolate fountains? Yes, please!

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And then there’s the glass slipper. Oh, the famous glass slipper. What kind of weirdo wore glass shoes to a dance? I mean, how did those things not shatter the minute she took a step? Not to mention, they must have been super uncomfortable. But of course, the whole kingdom went nuts over this one shoe like it was some magical artifact. Meanwhile, the prince was literally knocking on every door in the country trying to find the foot that fit it. Have you heard of sizing charts, my guy?

So, when Prince Charming finally shows up at our house, shoe in hand, we were over it. We didn’t even want to try the thing on, but Mom was all, “It’s your last chance, girls!” and “At least pretend to care!” Fine. Whatever. So, we tried it on. Didn’t fit. Big surprise.

But then, Cindy walked down the stairs like she was starring in her own personal drama. And you know what she said? “Oh, I think that’s mine.” As if! But of course, she tried it on, and what do you know? It fit perfectly. The prince fell all over himself, “Oh, my long-lost love!” They ran off together, birds chirping and all that nonsense.

So next time you hear that “poor Cinderella” story, just remember there’s always more to it. And sometimes, the real work isn’t so much about wearing glass slippers, I t’s about learning when to take them off.

The end.