You’ve all heard the fairy tale, right? The one where Snow White, that sweet and innocent princess, had escaped from her wicked stepmother and had ended up living with seven dwarfs in the forest, and we all had just happily taken her in and had helped her until Prince Charming showed up to save the day? Yeah, right. Let me tell you, living with Snow White was no walk in the enchanted woods. I’m Grumpy, by the way, and I’ve got a few things to say about this whole mess.

First of all, let’s get one thing straight, Snow White wasn’t the angel everyone thought she was. Sure, she had that whole “fairest of them all” thing going for her, but have you ever heard the saying “Don’t judge a book by its cover”? Well, it definitely applies here.

It all started when we were coming back home from a long day of work in the mines. You know, the usual, digging up diamonds and gold, trying not to collapse an entire mountain.

So, we’re dragging ourselves through the door, ready to kick back, maybe have some stew or whatever, and what do we find? Some girl, passed out in our beds. Yeah, you heard that right. She hadn’t knocked, hadn’t left a note. Just waltzed in, had probably eaten half the pantry, and then decided to nap like it was a day at the spa.

Naturally, I’m grumpy (hence the name). I mean, who wouldn’t be? I’ve got a long day of digging behind me, and I come home to find someone drooling on my pillow. The others? Oh, they’re all over the moon. “Oh, look at her! She’s so beautiful!” Bashful’s over there blushing like he’s just seen his first crush, and Dopey’s practically doing cartwheels. It’s ridiculous.

But me? I’m suspicious. I mean, this girl clearly has no boundaries. So, we wake her up, and she’d started rambling about how her evil stepmother had been trying to kill her, and I’m like, “Okay, sure, and why is that our problem again?” But the rest of the guys? Total suckers. They’re all, “Oh, of course you can stay with us! Please make yourself at home!” Like we’re running some kind of enchanted Airbnb.

So now we’ve got Snow White living with us, and let me tell you, it’s chaos. First of all, she’s a neat freak. Yeah, everyone thought we dwarfs are messy, but we had our system, okay? We had our chairs just the way we liked them, the tools scattered in a specific pattern, and don’t get me started on the kitchen. But Snow White? Noooo. She started cleaning everything, talking to birds, singing all the time like she’s auditioning for Forest Idol. At first, it was kind of nice, sure, the place looked good, but then she started making rules. Rules! In our house!

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“We’re going to have three square meals a day,” she said, “We’re going to wash up before dinner.” “Everyone should go to bed at a reasonable hour.”

Uh, hello? We’re dwarfs! We work long hours, and we’re night owls. And don’t even get me started on the “singing while we work” nonsense. No one’s got time for that when you’re swinging a pickaxe! But the other guys? Oh, they fell for it. She’s got Doc polishing his glasses every five minutes, and Happy’s grinning like he won the lottery. Meanwhile, I’m sitting in the corner, grumbling about how we’ve lost all control of our own home.

And that’s not even the worst part. The drama with the stepmother? Yeah, it’s real. Snow White’s got this crazy stepmom who’s obsessed with being the fairest of them all, so naturally, she’s not thrilled Snow’s hanging out in the forest getting all the attention. The old lady had tried to kill her multiple times. First with some cursed comb, then with a poisoned apple. Real pleasant family dynamic, let me tell you.

So one day, the stepmother showed up, all disguised as some old hag with apples. And what does Snow White do? She bought one and ate it! Even after the whole “my stepmother is trying to kill me” speech she gave us. I mean, come on. I’m over here yelling, “Stranger danger!” and she’s just like, “Oooh, an apple!” Next thing we knew, she was out cold, face-down on the floor.

And that’s how we ended up with a sleeping princess in our living room for who-knows-how-long. It was a mess. We tried everything, shaking her, shouting, dumping water on her face (okay, that last one might’ve been my idea). Nothing worked. So, we just left her there, hoping maybe a prince would wander by or something. And you know what? That’s exactly what happened. One day, this prince showed up, no idea who invited him, and he was all, “Oh, my love!” Dude had never even met her, but sure, go ahead and kiss the unconscious girl. Totally normal behavior.

So, he kissed her, she woke up, and then it’s all, “Oh, true love!” Cue the birds and sunshine. And they rode off into the sunset with Prince Charming, leaving us with… nothing. Not even a thank-you note or a pie.

And you know what? The minute she left, the house was a disaster again. No one remembered how to clean. Doc couldn’t find his glasses, Bashful was hiding in the corner, and Dopey? Don’t even ask. So yeah, we’re back to our old ways, but honestly? I’m fine with it. I liked it better before Snow White turned our home into some kind of enchanted summer camp.

Moral of the story? Sure, maybe don’t eat random apples, but also, if you find yourself living with seven strange men in the woods, maybe don’t take over their house and turn it into a musical.

The end.