“I feel like I’ve been dumped,” Fenrir whined to Tabitha who was still trying to work on his submarine project.

Naturally, Tabitha’s response to such a statement was to groan, sigh, and look at him. “Now what? Did ya get in a fight or somethin’ with one of the girls?”

“I told Saya that she should start to be more independent, so now she’s actually trying to be independent, and I feel lonely.”

Tabitha glared at him straight in the eyes when she heard that. “So, you’re tellin’ me… ya feel like you’ve been dumped because your girlfriend is doin’ exactly what ya wanted her to do, which is good for both of ya?”

Fenrir pouted and nodded. “I’m lonely. Tabitha, join my harem.”

“Heck no.”

“But without Saya always messing around with me, it’s like there’s an open space! She was basically so active that she filled three girlfriend spots at once! Now she’s only giving me enough attention that it’s like she’s only one girlfriend!”

“I ain’t joinin’ your harem! I ain’t joinin’ anybody’s harem! I’d rather take a swim in a volcano before I do somethin’ like that!”

“What’s with everybody and taking swims or baths in volcanoes? Is that like some sort of trend I never noticed? Or maybe it’s just because Eva always talks about it that I’m so aware of it.”

“To be fair, I did pick that up from Eva. So, don’t think it’s a trend. Just a uh… Eva thing.”

“Fair enough. Anyways, harem. Join. Come on. I need a small, tsundere, hammer-swinging harem member who is going to bully me and talk with a Southern accent.”

“I’m reportin’ ya for sexual harassment if ya keep it up.”

Fenrir pouted and slumped forward, hugging his knees up against his chest. “You’re so mean to me, Tabs.”

“I’d argue that you’re the one bein’ mean to me right now by even makin’ me think of bein’ any sort of romantically involved with ya. Don’t think there’s a single thing ya could do to make me go for that.”

“What if I give you a billion dollars?”

“Nope.”

“What if I buy you your own personal space colony?”

“Nah.”

“What if I buy you all the tools and materials you could ever need in order to tinker with anything and everything you want until the end of time?”

“Still no.”

“Damn, seriously? Am I that bad?”

“Look, you’re nice and all, but: one, I ain’t interested in any kind of romance. Two, I ain’t interested in somebody who ain’t satisfied with only one lady. Three, I don’t roll that way. And four, even if ya were an attractive, single lady and I cared enough to consider romancin’ yeah… I still wouldn’t. You’re my friend. I don’t believe in datin’ friends.”

“Huh. That’s something I haven’t heard before. Why not?”

Tabitha sighed again, realizing that she wasn’t going to get to properly work on their submarine for as long as Fenrir was needy and wanting attention, so she set down her tools and took off her gloves to give her hands some fresh air. Well, to give them air as fresh as an underground cave could give them. “I’ve always looked at it this way: if you’re meant to date somebody, you’re probably gonna realize it from the start. Somebody who ya only take as a friend is somebody ya didn’t instantly have a spark for, and I think that spark is needed. Now, I know it ain’t. Plenty of folk out there who date their friends or end up with somebody who they didn’t originally consider hookin’ up with. But… maybe it’s a bit hopeless romantic of me, but I think that true, real, undyin’ love always comes with a spark. It’s somethin’ ya immediately know and recognize at first sight. If you ever got to the point of bein’ friends with somebody, then it means ya probably didn’t have that spark in the first place. Ya might love them to some degree, but it would be settlin’. True love is somethin’ that happens right off the bat. It never takes time.”

“Huh. That… really is a pretty hopeless romantic thing to believe. I didn’t expect to hear something like that from you. Ever. And I guess that by your logic, you would think I’m settling for my girlfriends? Because I can’t recall ever exactly feeling some intense, sudden spark that told me ‘I’m going to marry this woman,’ or anything like that.”

Tabitha shrugged and picked up her glass jar to take a swig of water from. “Maybe it is true love even without that. Impossible for me to know. You and them are the only ones who could ever know that. What I’m talkin’ about is more of a standard I’ve set for myself than a standard I hold others to. Plus, ya see… I’ll admit it, I’m selfish. I’m the most selfish person I know, and I only really care about myself. I never do anythin’ for anybody unless I think it’d be fun. Havin’ a girlfriend, or even a pet, would mean that now I’m obligated to actually spend time with them and take care of them when all I want to do is what I want to do. That’s why, unless some lady comes up to me and I immediately feel somethin’ so darn powerful that I have to get with her or I can’t imagine livin’ otherwise, then she ain’t worth it. Because unless I can feel that strongly for her, then I know that I’ll get bored and annoyed and grumpy whenever she asks me to do anythin’ for her that I don’t already want to do myself.”

“I can kind of understand that. Being in a relationship can be annoying sometimes. Especially now that my girlfriends’ periods have synched up. If they’re short on their products, and they’re cramping too hard to go to the store to get them, then it’s me who gets sent on an errand to go and pick everything up. I don’t mind, and I’ll always get them whatever they need… but yeah, it’s not fun to do, plus it is kind of annoying when I get asked while I’m in the middle of something. But if they need them, they need them, and it’s my responsibility as a good boyfriend to get them what they need.”

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

“Yeah, that’s good and all, but I’d never. I’d probably break up with a girl if she wanted me to go out and get her things even if it’s only once a month. Now, if she asks me to pick somethin’ up while I’m goin’ out to pick somethin’ up for myself? That’s… tolerable. Annoyin’ still, but tolerable as long as it’s in the same store. Otherwise, I’d tell her to go get it herself and probably get broken up with on the spot. That’s why I need somebody who I’ll love so darn hard that I want to go out of my way to make them happy. Because if the love ain’t that strong, it never will be, and I’ll resent them every time they want me to do somethin’ for them.”

Fenrir whistled and flopped backward onto the cave floor, looking up at one of the lights they set up to hang from the ceiling. The light wasn’t very bright as it depended on some glowing coral discovered off the coast, stored in a hanging jar of water, but it was bright enough to cast a dim light to the ground at least. “I have to admit, you sound like you’d be a pretty horrible girlfriend.”

“I know I would be. That’s why I don’t bother and wouldn’t bother unless a gal comes along who is literally perfect, probably to a degree that ain’t even possible. But that’s alright. I already figure I’m probably goin’ to spend the rest of my life single, and that’s nothin’ I have an issue with.”

“Well, there’s always toys to use. And seeing as how you’re a wannabe engineer, you could always just make or modify your own.”

Tabitha went silent after that, slowly turning her head away from Fenrir.

“You’ve totally already made your own toys, haven’t you?”

“One,” Tabitha replied, “I don’t talk about sensitive topics like that with anybody. Two, that’s private, and it ain’t somethin’ ya need to know. Three, see points one and two.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll drop it. I’ll leave the secrets of you and your custom sex toys behind.”

“I will throw this wrench at your face.”

“You trying to train me for dodgeball or something?”

With a groan, Tabitha gave in just a little and said, “If ya want any more details, just go ask Serra about it. She talked to me for ideas about how to make her own… toys. Didn’t share with her any of my designs, but I gave her some pointers and told her how to make sure not to electrocute herself.”

“Now that I think about it… Serra did ask me the other day if we’d be going to a home supplies store anytime soon. She wanted a drill, and some wires, and… you—you didn’t tell her to do anything that might blow up or burn our house did, did you?”

“Anythin’ can blow up a house or burn it down if ya do it wrong.”

“That doesn’t give me any kind of confidence at all.”

“Ya won’t need it if ya burn in your sleep. Now, can I get back to doin’ what I was doin’? This big lady here is almost done. Just need to apply the finishin’ touches and then make sure everythin’ is in workin’ order.”

“Still refuse to join the harem?”

“Ya know what? Fine. I’ll join your harem… if ya let me try out a special toy I’ve been plannin’ named ‘The Analihilator 3000’ on ya.”

“That—that sounds terrifying. I… I think I have to pass.”

“Ah, shame. Guess I can’t join your harem. Oh well.”

“Were you… are you… actually planning something like that?”

“Of course not. I wouldn’t tell ya anythin’ even close to what I actually like as that’s for me to know and for you to never know.”

“Fair.”

With his check on Tabitha and the submarine complete, Fenrir went back up the lift and found himself in the small building used to disguise the entrance to the cave. Though, the building had turned from a glorified shack into a proper little cottage… for none other than Oleander and Corwin to share. Both of which were currently in, and Rao was with them as well.

“I swear this place was empty when I went down,” Fenrir said.

Oleander smirked and held over a hand over his mouth before saying, “Oh, Fenny. You only thought it was empty because I was busy in the bedroom getting filled by Cor.”

“I’m surprised I didn’t—”

“Hard to moan when I’m gagged.”

Corwin, blushing and rubbing the back of his head, said, “I… still feel that I tried to push too many sheets into your mouth.”

“Don’t worry about it!” Oleander leaned closer to Corwin and ran a finger in circles against his chest. “Trust me, I can fit anything in my mouth, or down my throat. You should be very aware of that by now, what with that giant thing down there that somebody keeps on making bigger.”

“O-Olly! Please! We—we have company!”

“I know. That’s what makes me want to tease you in front of them. You’re too cute when you get all flustered and shy, especially when you were just acting so rough and dominant a little bit ago,” Oleander cooed.

Fenrir went from basically learning nothing sexual at all about Tabitha to learning far too much sexual information from Oleander. Then again, that sort of thing was to be expected whenever Oleander was involved. One should simply assume that they will be subjected to his eager sharing of anything and everything sexual just by existing on the same world as him.

“Anyways,” Fenrir said, changing the subject himself to look at Rao and ask, “what brought you over here? Were you in the back with them?”

“Come on, bro, you know I don’t swing that way,” Rao answered. “Not that there’s anything wrong with swinging that way. Just, you know. I don’t.”

Oleander wrapped an arm around Corwin’s shoulder and leaned forward, smirking at Rao. “We’ll be glad to teach you all sorts of new things if you ever decide to give it a try. I might have pride in my tongue skills, but my Cor here… let’s just say that his tongue would make any man religious.”

Fenrir tapped his chin. “I wonder if you could teach me anything for my girlfriends. I feel like my oral game isn’t that great.”

Oleander cringed and Corwin almost joined him. “Please, Fenny. Our tongues were given to us for the sole purpose of pleasuring cocks. We don’t know anything about all that confusing stuff down there that girls have.”

“Right. How stupid of me to assume that one’s tongue skills would be applicable to both genders. Anyways.” Fenrir looked at at Rao again. “What’s up?”

“I need relationship advice,” Rao answered. “I thought I’d try coming to them for some since everybody says that gay guys give the best advice.”

“Slightly stereotyping,” Oleander said, “but true. I was just about to answer him before you showed up, Fenny.”

Fenrir’s ears twitched when he heard the accusing tone of Oleander. “What’d I do? You make it sound like I’ve done something bad.”

“You showed up. Just kidding. None of us will ever turn down the eye candy that is your avatar.”

“I will,” Rao said.

“Oh, shut up, your inner gay knows he’s hot.”

“I… I don’t have an inner gay… I think? I mean, if I was gay, then sure, but—”

“See? Your inner gay knows.”

“Wait, is that how it works?”

“Yep!”

Fenrir rubbed his forehead and sighed. “Olly, please don’t take advantage of how trusting he is.”

“What? Is there anything wrong with what I said? I—wait. Crap. My personal alarm just went off. My Chinese is about to get here and then I seriously need to work on this project I have. Ahhhh… I wish I didn’t have to do boring things in real life and could just stay here being a cute, gay femboy all the time. But unfortunately, I have to go. Should probably hit up the gym, too, since I’ve put on a couple of pounds… anyways! Cor, Fenny, good luck giving this bonehead some relationship advice!”

“B-bonehead?” Rao asked just as Oleander’s avatar slumped into Corwin.

Fenrir and Corwin looked at each other… and neither of them could exactly deny Oleander’s parting insult.

“Don’t worry, Rao,” Fenrir said. “You might be a bonehead, but you’re the group’s bonehead.”

“Does that mean I have a really thick skull or something?” Rao asked.

Corwin smiled and scratched his cheek. “A-ah… yes, something like that.”