Annabelle sat hunched over on the toilet, shaking. She fought hard against the tears; as much as she wanted to hide forever, she would have to come out eventually, and Jack would see her. And she didn’t want him to see her crying.
All the euphoria she had felt minutes before had now drained from her like an emptying bathtub. That was exactly how she felt: empty. All she had left was a massive weight of guilt overpowering her. Regret. Shame. The realization that she was now destined for Hell.
Imagining how she was to burn for eternity brought the tears. She couldn’t hold them back anymore. All her faithfulness, her worship, her devotion, all for nothing because she couldn’t control her body in a way that was holy and honorable, as she had been taught by the Bible. It didn’t matter if she were to marry this man someday. She was no longer pure.
A soft knock came on the door, followed by a whisper. “Annie? Are you okay?”
How could she tell him no? How could she explain to this man that what they had just shared was sending them both to Hell? He already didn’t care, though; he had said as much once before. But would he care about her destiny? She said nothing.
“Are you hurt?”
Besides the pain in her heart, she had a strange burning sensation in her abdomen, like a little fire was sizzling there. Not painful exactly, but definitely noticeable. She hoped it was normal since she had no prior experience to compare to. “No,” she said, and knew her attempts to hide her sorrow from her voice had failed.
“Something’s wrong,” he said. “Come tell me. Please.”
The softness in his voice reminded her that the connection she’d had all evening had not completely disappeared. She no longer felt a grip on her soul, but there was still something there, even with a door between them.
She flushed the toilet and came out, giving up on hiding her tears. Jack motioned for her to follow him into the bedroom again. He was fully dressed—though he hadn’t taken off his shirt to begin with—and sat on the foot of the bed, patting the spot next to him. When she sat, he made no move to put an arm around her or kiss her or anything like that. He simply rested his elbows on his knees and leaned close. “I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he said.
“You didn’t.”
“You’re crying.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Is it a girl thing?”
“It’s a God thing.”
Jack raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
She knew he wouldn’t understand. But as the tears flowed fast and sudden, she blurted it out. “I’m going to Hell.”
The words were met with silence at first. She had expected a chuckle or a snort or a scoff. “No you’re not,” he said.
“Yes I am!” She finally looked up at him, ready to defend against any snarky looks, but was met with seriousness. “You don’t understand,” she continued. “You don’t care about going to Hell, you just accept it. I can’t just accept that. I’ve spent my whole life working toward earning eternal life in Heaven and it’s all gone, just like that.”
“Do you really think that a woman like you, someone who knows only kindness and caring and love and faith, is going to Hell for one sin?”
“It’s a big sin. I took an oath many years ago to remain pure until marriage. I knew tonight was wrong but did it anyway.”
Though she expected to be met with ridicule in some form for taking such an oath, no such reaction came. “I’m sorry if I pressured you.”
“You didn’t. It was my choice.”
“Maybe. But honestly, think about it. Think about all the great things you’ve done. All you’ve done for Joey, loving him when no one else would. All your patients that you cared so much for when they needed it most. All your devotion to your church and your beliefs. Even being nice to a guy like me, your polar opposite. I’m pretty sure God has seen all of that and secured your spot in Heaven already.” Jack paused a moment. “Besides, I seem to remember you telling me that I still had a chance at Heaven because God forgives when you confess your sins and accept him. Am I right?”
He was right. Everything he said rang true in her heart, and she recalled the exact verse that referenced it. “If we confess our sins,” she said aloud, “He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
Jack nodded and squeezed her close. “You’ll be okay. And…and I’ll understand if you think we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”
There was dejection in his voice and on his face and she felt the connection fading. She grabbed it back to hold it tight, not sure how she was able to do such an invisible thing. “Of course I still want to see you. After what I just gave up to you, you better be my boyfriend.”
Jack grinned. “Okay.”
“But I’m not doing that again.”
“That’s fine.”
Annabelle stared. “You’re okay with that?”
“Of course. I might not be godly and pure, but I’m no asshole either. At least I try not to be.”
“Stop cursing already, please.”
“Sorry.” But he was smiling. “Am I at least still allowed to kiss you? That’s not a sin too, is it?”
“As long as it’s private you can kiss me all you want. Just keep your hands away from certain places.”
“Yes, ma’am.” After they kissed for a couple seconds, Jack said, “I’m gonna go now. But I’ll see you in the morning with Joey.”
Annabelle grabbed his wrist as he stood. “I’ll drive you home.”
“No, it’s okay. It’s late, but the buses are still running. I’ll be fine.”
“It’s cold out and you’ll have to walk still.”
As they gazed at each other one last time, Annabelle felt the fingers caressing her soul once again. “I’ll be warm enough,” he said. “Trust me.”
* * *
Jack’s head buzzed with so many thoughts and emotions that he passed the first bus stop he had planned to take, forcing him to walk two extra blocks to reach the next one. He had opened a most forbidden door that night and had walked through it without a second thought. For the entire evening he had forced himself to ignore the fact that he was a demon. If demonized souls weren’t supposed to have feelings like this, then why did he? Tonight, I am human.
There had to be some sort of human component left in his soul, though. He knew he had human instincts leftover in his brain after his memories had been removed, and they had gone to good use that night as he seemed to know exactly how to do something he could not remember ever doing before. Maybe some of that humanness had seeped into his soul, too. Or been leftover even after being demonized. Maybe that’s what made him so different. Surely no other Soul Reacher could connect as deeply to someone as he had done that night, being able to touch her soul with his. The pathway to it had been wide open though, no resistance whatsoever. She had to have felt it. But instead of pushing the sensation away like anyone else he’d connected to had done, she embraced it somehow. Maybe it was an angel thing.
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For a moment he realized he had committed something that would earn him a long stint in torment if Lucifer were to find out. He would just have to hope that the Dark Lord would not feel the need to analyze any recent memories. And he would probably have to keep the kissing to a minimum. Secrets were getting harder and harder to keep, and he worried he might not be able to keep them all from the right people.
When he finally arrived home, he was greeted by his three bandmates sitting in the living room, all of them giving him curious looks. Dorian’s was laced with a bit of concern, and Jack had been surprised that the demon had kept his opinions on the matter to himself. Until now.
“Where have you been?” Dorian asked.
“Out, obviously.”
“You’ve been gone for five hours.”
“Didn’t know I had a curfew, mother.”
Miles and Cameron chuckled, but otherwise said nothing. Jack hung up his coat, planning to get upstairs as quickly as possible before questions were asked. But he didn’t get farther than one step from the coat rack.
“What happened?”
“None of your business, Dorian.”
Dorian was glaring now. “Something happened. I can tell. And you better spill it, because anything you do affects us all.”
With three sets of eyes on him there was no escaping. And once again he couldn’t disagree with Dorian’s assessment. “You don’t need to worry about it.”
“What is it?”
Jack sighed. He might as well just come out with it since it was obviously going to come out anyway. “Fine. I had sex with her. That’s what happened.”
His companions all gasped, but none looked more petrified than Dorian. “You did what?” he screeched, slowly getting to his feet. His eyes were wide and his hands gripped his spiky hair. “You did what?”
“I know you’re not deaf.”
“You idiot. You fucking idiot! I knew you getting involved with the angel was bad, but didn’t expect it to be this bad. Shame on me for thinking you’d have enough common sense to not completely fuck up this mission and get us all sentenced to torment.”
“What Lucifer doesn’t know won’t hurt anyone. Just keep your mouth shut about it.”
“Don’t you get it? It doesn’t matter what we say or don’t say. A holy war is imminent now, and all because you couldn’t keep your pants on.”
Jack stared at him, then at the other two hoping they shared in his confusion. Unfortunately he only saw fear.
Cameron spoke. “There’s seriously gonna be a holy war now? Wouldn’t we have been called back by now if there was?”
“It is strange we haven’t been called back,” Dorian said, shaking now. “That gives us time to maybe figure something out. Jack, what did you do with the body?”
Jack furrowed his brow. Dorian had truly lost his mind. “What are you talking about? What body?”
Dorian’s return stare was equally as dumbfounded. “The dead one, you fool. Unless her body disappeared after she died. That’s what happens to demons, you know, when we die on Earth. Maybe it’s the same for angels.”
“She’s not dead, dumbass. Why would she be dead? It was just sex. I didn’t take her soul.”
Dorian cocked his head. “She’s not dead?”
“No. She’s perfectly fine other than she thinks she’s going to Hell for sexual immorality. Why did you think she was dead?”
Scratching his goatee, Dorian looked away thoughtfully. “Wow. I assumed she was powerful, but this is beyond what I expected.”
“Why?” Jack demanded.
“No, actually, it makes sense.” A knowing smile came over Dorian’s face. “When Buriel raped Joey’s mother, she should have died within minutes. Melted from the inside out. But she survived because the angel used her powers to heal her. Because she has those powers, she survived the same situation with you.”
Jack blinked. The news that what he’d done could have possibly killed Annabelle gripped his heart.
“She still doesn’t know you’re a demon, right?” Dorian asked.
“Right.”
Dorian sighed and collapsed back in his chair. “Okay. We’re good then.”
“No holy war?” Cameron asked.
“No holy war. Oh, and Jack, I suggest you keep it in your pants from now on. You’re treading a very dangerous path with what you’re doing. Unfortunately you’re the leader so I can’t forbid it.”
“Don’t worry, it won’t be happening again.” Relieved that the interrogation was over, Jack said, “I’m going upstairs,” and made his way to the stairs.
He was halfway up them when he heard footsteps following. Normally he wouldn’t mind Miles’s company, but this time he wasn’t in the mood. But he didn’t tell him to leave. Once at the door to his room, Miles called out to him.
“I’m not interested in a lecture, Miles,” Jack said.
“I just want to know, are you not seeing her anymore because of what happened?”
“I am still seeing her. Just with certain boundaries. And none of you will stop me.”
Miles sighed and followed Jack into his room. Jack stared out his window at the shadows formed on the side of the building beside them.
“As much as I hate to say it, Dorian is right. This is dangerous, Jack.”
“I had no idea I could have killed her.”
“I’m not talking about that. I know you didn’t sleep with her because you’re a horny demon that thought it would be fun to desecrate an angel. You did it because you actually like her. You care about her. If we were human, that would be a great thing, but—”
Jack turned to face him. “I am human, Miles. I’ve never felt so human in all my time as a demon. I don’t feel like a demon at all. The only thing that reminds me of what I’m supposed to be is my powers of connection. I connected so deep with her tonight that I literally touched her soul with mine. Not my hand. My soul. It was the greatest happiness. Once this is all over, I’ll never get to experience that happiness ever again. No reward Lucifer can give would come close to what I felt tonight. I need to enjoy every moment of this before it’s gone.”
“So you don’t actually care about her? It’s all for your own enjoyment?”
“Of course I care about her. I can’t even put into words how much I do. Who would have thought I’d fall in love with someone from the other team?”
“Love?”
“Yeah. I told you, I’m human. There’s something very human about me, and I can’t ignore that.”
“I think that’s why you’re so strong. Why you’re the best Soul Reacher ever known. You connect to people in ways no one else can. But your greatest strength is also your greatest weakness. You’re connecting to the wrong person for the wrong reason.”
“Of course you don’t understand. You’re too much like any other demon, incapable of caring about others.”
“I do care.”
“Only about yourself.”
“That’s not true!” Miles scowled, but underneath Jack saw pain. “I’m just not good at showing it. I don’t know how. You’re a professional at dealing with emotions. It’s natural for you. Me, I don’t know what to do with this…this…nice feeling. Like, yeah I care about the mission and not fucking up because I don’t want to be tortured forever, but what bothers me more is that…I miss how it was always just us, doing our thing. Like friends. Now I have to share you. And it’s gotten even harder because it’s like your power over us, through the music, it sticks and it’s changed me even more. Like I’ve said before, you’re making me good. But now you’re kind of slipping away.”
Jack felt a tug on his soul as if Miles was actively pulling on their connection, one that had become so natural that he rarely thought about it unless they were playing music. He gripped it back as if shaking hands through it but not letting go.
“I’m sorry,” Jack said. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“Now you do. So I guess I’m saying to think of it like this: if you fuck up this mission because of a woman, it’s gonna affect the rest of us in a way you might not realize. Especially me. And it’s gonna hurt more than whatever Luc might throw at us.”
Jack nodded, hiding the twitch at the degradation of the Dark Lord’s name. Their friendship was even more rebellious than that.
“I won’t fuck this up. I promise.”
* * *
Annabelle almost missed her alarm on Thursday morning. She had stayed up late praying and scouring her Bible for reasons she would not go to Hell. As always, she was comforted by Matthew, where the righteous were those who cared for the least of mankind, that caring for others in need was the same as giving that love to Jesus. People who were not devout but had good hearts were rewarded with the kingdom of Heaven. She would be okay. Even Jack would be okay.
But after her shower and getting dressed, Joey was waiting for her at the kitchen table with a glare as he ate breakfast. “I know what you did last night,” he said.
Annabelle rolled her eyes as she went to the coffee maker. “It’s none of your business, so never mind.”
“It’s a sin.”
“Trust me, I am very aware of that. I’ve asked God for forgiveness, and Jack has agreed to keep our relationship pure from now on.” Still facing the boy’s judgment, she said, “Are you convinced I’m going to Hell?”
“Of course not. That’s not possible. You’re an angel.”
Annabelle sighed, then sat at the table with a muffin. “I am not an angel. I wish people would stop saying that. Jack said it last night too.”
Joey’s eyes widened. “He did?”
“Yeah. He said the lights around Buckingham Fountain remind him of me. An angel glow or something. It was cheesy, but I think he meant it.”
Joey snorted. “I can guarantee he meant it. But you still shouldn’t be with him. Not like you’ll listen to me or anything.”
“Joey, you’re sixteen. You don’t understand these sorts of things yet. Besides, wouldn’t you like it if Jack became your uncle?”
The boy covered his face with his hand and groaned. “You’re gonna regret this. Both of you.”
Throughout the rest of their morning routine, including the drive to Jack’s house, Annabelle worried about Joey. The closeness they’d built over the years seemed to be fading. Her purpose in life was pulling away. But couldn’t she have two purposes? Couldn’t she have a happy, loving relationship with a man and care for and protect Joey? She didn’t understand why Joey was so against it; Jack was his hero, he should be happy at the prospect of being closer to him in the foreseeable future. She would just have to hope that something would change his mind, something would make him see that what she saw in her future was a good thing.