“So can you walk?” Sirius asked.

“Mmm, maybe not yet.” She hesitated and then reconsidered. “I probably could…”

“No, don’t push it.” Without another word picked her up and carried her back to their spot beside the fireplace.

She leaned into him, too tired to object. He was warm, and he smelt of smoke.

“So what were you trying to get the fruit for?” he asked as he set her down as if she weighed nothing. She supposed to him, she did weigh nearly nothing.

“For a drum, so you’d have a beat to sing to.”

“Oh... what was wrong with the wood?”

“Not the right sound.”

Sirius was quiet and thoughtful for a moment.

Amanda sat beside him, her leg out to the side, the other curled under her, and her shoulder touching his. Her healed leg still throbbed but compared to earlier it was only a mild pain.

After a period of silence where they just stared at the fire, Amanda spoke.

“I’ve just noticed something. All your stories involve a lost sister.”

“What? No they don’t.”

“Yeah they do. The boy in the lighthouse, his sister was in the sea. There were the two sisters in the gilded cage story, and the rabbit herder in the story you told earlier also had a sister who left him at the end. All your stories have siblings who got separated at some point.”

“They were reunited in the gilded cage one,” Sirius protested.

“After they were separated.”

He scowled and shrugged. “Lost family’s a common trope.”

“A very specific common trope, specifically about siblings.” She leaned into him, laying her head on his shoulder, trying to show she was just teasing.

But he curled in on himself, scowl still on his face. “It’s a coincidence,” he mumbled.

She twisted around until she was lying on her back half in his lap, and could study his face. In a more serious tone she said, “Sorry.”

He glanced down at her. His expression softened and then he looked away again. “I really wasn’t thinking about it when I told them, at least not consciously.”

Amanda stayed where she was, just watching him. One of his arms crossed her her ribs and casually rested on her other shoulder.

“I guess I’ve been thinking about her more lately though. I’m not used to sailing with a woman and you kind of remind me of her in some ways. Is that weird?”

“No.”

He sighed. “You’re both very determined and stubborn.”

He glanced down and she noticed how he relaxed once he caught sight of her smile.

“What else was she like?”

She watched his eyebrows knot together again.

“I don’t know… I don’t want to talk about…”

There was a faraway look in his eyes.

Amanda reached up and lightly stroked his beard with her fingers. In an entirely different more playful voice she said, “You think I’m stubborn?”

Her shift in tone caught his attention and he glanced down at her and then smiled.

He gave a brief laugh and replied, “You’re very stubborn.” But then his face fell and he started to say, “I’m sorry—“

He cut himself off as Amanda shifted, pulling herself upright until she could almost look him right in the eye. “Never apologise for not wanting to talk about something.”

He stared at her a moment and then he leaned forward and kissed her.

They never made it to the cave, not the top one or the lower one. Instead they fell asleep underneath the stars, next to a fire, and wrapped up in a a couple of blanket’s Sirius had found in their crate of things.

----------------------------------------

Sirius dreamed he was standing on a beach. But it was a hard beach, of cracked clay and dry red dirt, and there weren’t any trees that he could see for miles. Nearby the sea crashed loudly against the shore like a beating drum.

Amanda was there. Standing half way up the beach with one leg stuck in a crack in the earth, struggling to lift her foot out of the land.

“Sirius! Help me!” Another voice, not Amanda’s.

He turned toward the sea. A little way out, clinging to the side of a dingy and attempting in vain to climb on board, was his little sister. Young, just as he remembered her.

Cat was at risk of drowning. She couldn’t swim. If she fell in, she’d be swept under and lost.

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He started toward her, intent on saving her, but from behind him Amanda called out, “Don’t leave me!”

He paused, confused, turned back to look at her. “I’m not, I just—”

Suddenly Shiv was in his face, right there out of nowhere. “You abandoned us!”

Sirius jumped backward and nearly fell over. Still stumbling away from Shiv he started to shake his head. “I didn’t abandon you. You kicked me off.”

“You didn’t fight!” Shiv spat back.

“I would have fought.” Amanda’s voice was in his ear, right up close now, a weird tone he didn’t like, seductive and venomous all at once. She didn’t talk like that. He turned his head to face her, wondering how’d she’d gotten so close so fast, but she wasn’t there anymore. She was back up the beach, still trying to get herself unstuck.

He turned to try and see where Cat was, but the sea was empty now except for the slowly bobbing boat. There was no Cat in sight.

He ran into the sea, his eyes madly searching for where she had gone under.

Something grabbed his foot and tried to pull him back.

He looked down. Amanda’s pleading eyes looked up. Her hands were gripped around his boot.

“You weren’t there!’

To his horror, her entire lower half was missing and behind her lay a trail of blood and guts. A sword lay discarded off to the side, half buried among what was now golden yellow sand.

“I…” Sirius tried to take a step backward but she tripped him with an uncanny strength.

As he fell, the last thing Sirius heard was Shiv’s voice.

“What about your crew?”

Then he crashed backward and surf washed over him.

When he opened his eyes he was coated in sweat and staring up at a familiar night sky.

He sat up, breathing heavily and feeling hot despite the cool night. Beside him, Amanda stirred but she did not wake.

More gently now, Sirius pulled himself to his feet and out of her arms. Then, at a brisk pace, he set off down the path. He kept going until he felt his adrenaline return to normal levels and then he stopped to look around. Somehow he’d made it all the way back down to the beach without noticing. He found a little rocky outcrop and he took a seat.

Slowly, he breathed in the salty air. The surrounding ocean was calm and the moon lit up the water, giving it a white sheen. The night was so silent he could hear his own heart, beating heavily in his chest. The only other sound was the gentle slap of the surf as if it were licking at the sleeping earth, whispering ‘come play’.

Sirius loved the sound. He usually found it soothing, predictable but always on the move, and just different enough not to be boring. He could listen to it for hours. But tonight, even it wasn’t quite doing the trick.

Inside him raged a storm. He remembered every bit of his dream, and Shiv’s words echoed in his mind. What about his crew?

He had left them. What if Shiv had intended for him to fight? What if it had been a test? One he had failed. Amanda too, had been confused at his inaction. He wanted to explain but he wasn’t sure how to word it. He hadn’t seen any point in fighting for the leadership of a crew who had voted him out. It wasn’t his ship. It was theirs.

‘You could have fought.’

Shiv’s words in his head again. He shook it to try and get rid of them, but his thoughts went to Amanda instead. She had wanted him to fight. To argue. Maybe she was right? It was probably what Shiv had done.

“But it’s not my ship,” he said aloud to the empty air. “It’s theirs. Ours. The vote matters. Words shouldn’t change that much…” But he knew he was wrong. Still, if he’d been going to speak to them then he shouldn’t have let Shiv talk him into going back to bed that night. He should have stayed up. He should have seen them out of the storm.

“Who are you talking to?”

He spun around at the sound of Amanda’s voice.

“Nobody, just the ocean.”

She took a step toward him, concern in her eyes. “Are you alright?” she asked.

The question took him off guard.

“What?”

She frowned and took another step closer. She seemed to be limping a little bit.

"I asked if you were alright."

He heard the words but he wasn't sure how to answer it. Was he alright? Weren't you just supposed to say yes to those questions? He was obviously physically fine after all and yet, he felt it would be wrong to lie to her. Was it a lie? Maybe it was just a rhetorical question? He didn't want to worry her nor did he want to shut her out when she'd limped all the way down here just to check on him. So many conflicting thoughts raced through his mind that they clogged up his mouth and nothing came out.

She cocked her head slightly. With a slightly amused smile she said, "What? Nobody ever asked you if you were okay before?"

Her question unclogged a single word, and once he'd said one, more came tumbling out.

"No. At least not in a long time. Not in that way. I don't know. I had a dream. Just a dream but..."

She was moving closer and he realized once again he'd messed up.

"Shit! You're limping. I'm sorry. I should..."

He started to get to his feet to help her but it was already too late. She'd basically made it to where he was and now she waved her hand and head at his offer for help.

"It's fine. It just feels a little weird is all." She took a seat beside him and gave him a wide smile.

He made himself comfortable but once again he found himself at a loss for words.

“What were you dreaming about?” she asked.

He frowned. He didn’t want to tell her about that dream, about how he’d seen her cut in half, or how he’d had to choose between her and the crew and his sister. That last one didn’t even make sense. Did it? He’d already left his sister. He could go looking for her though. Amanda had said she’d come with him to look at Little Rock but how much further after that? And what of his crew? He sighed. Maybe it did make sense after all. What was he doing? What did he want? At least there was one thing he could do something about.

“Promise me something?”

“What’s that?” she asked.

“Don’t get in any sword fights. I’ll teach you some more tomorrow, if your foot’s okay but promise me you won’t go looking for trouble.”

She laughed. “I think trouble has a way of finding me.” But as she caught sight of his expression she added more seriously, “Sure, I promise.”

He wasn’t sure he believed her. He knew her too well by now. He’d just have to try and keep her safe until he could get her back home. And then? What if he moved back to Little Rock? Stayed with Amanda and looked for his sister there? Would she be safe? What if he found his father? Then no one would be safe. Maybe it was better if he stayed away? He was a sorry excuse for a protector.

“I can tell you’ve got something weighing on your mind,” she told him. “I promise I won’t judge you or like you any less, whatever it is.”

He looked at her. She looked so sincere. But he knew that last line wasn’t true, shouldn’t be true. There were always things that could and should make a person like you less.

“I’m sorry,” he told her. He didn’t want to dump all this on her. Already he felt like he’d said too much earlier in the evening. What must she think of him? She was probably only still here because they were stuck on the island together. No, that wasn’t true, was it? His fears were just getting the better of him. But he found it hard to think. She muddled his mind, distracted his thoughts. He wanted to look after her, protect her, but what if he couldn’t. She’d already fallen out of a tree and cut her hand. Because she’d been looking for a drum for him. Because she’d been using his infusement. And what use was sorry? It was a wasted word. It meant nothing, an excuse, that never held up and he couldn’t seem to stop saying it. Maybe he was just like his dad?

He pulled away from her and shook his head. “I’m sorry, that’s such a stupid word…” but he had no others.

But she didn’t leave. Suddenly he found himself encased in a tight hug. She had as much of her body wrapped around him as she could and her head buried in his neck. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been hugged like that and the surprise of it suddenly seemed to suck all other weight off him and for a few seconds all he felt was love.