At some point Sirius ducked out of the room. Amanda assumed initially that he had just gone to the bathroom and would return soon. But after some time when he did not return she slipped out herself and went in search of him.
Eventually she found herself standing outside his cabin door. She knocked gently and then held onto the door frame to keep her balance on the rolling sea. She had sort of gotten used to the movement but that was before several shots and a couple glasses of wine.
Sirius opened the door and gave her the once over. He was giving her a thoughtful look and she could see that soft subtle smile just playing at the edge of his lips.
“Aren’t you going to let me in?” She asked playfully, feeling brave and bold, and in want of a warm body to hold.
But Sirius did not immediately step aside or pull the door open. In fact he frowned.
Something in her mind picked up on his reaction but in her drunken and flirty state she ignored it and his next statement.
“Actually I was thinking maybe you could sleep in your own bed tonight.”
Amanda heard his tone but her mind didn’t quite process it. Thinking he was joking she took a step forward and placed both her hands on the front of coat. “What?” she asked with a slight drunken slur.
Sirius’s reaction was not what she expected. He pulled back, out of her reach, almost as if she had burnt him.
That finally got her attention. She looked up dumbly at his face trying to find an answer in his emerald green eyes.
“You’re drunk,” he explained.
She laughed, rolled her eyes, and shook her head. “I’m not that drunk.”
But Sirius had pulled back even further, putting the door slightly between them. “Come back when you’re sober. I won’t take advantage of you when you’re like this.”
She laughed again, in disbelief this time. Still thinking she could flirt her way in she replied, “Trust me, you wouldn’t be taking advantage.”
When his firm expression didn’t shift she added, “I only had a few drinks.”
“Alright then. If you’re not drunk, stand on one foot, rub your belly and pat your head at the same time.”
“Easy!” Amanda exclaimed but the moment she tried it she found herself on the floorboards.
Sirius didn’t even try to catch her. The second she was out of the doorway he had shut the door to his room.
“Ow,” she murmured softly to herself. She picked herself up and rapped on the door again. Much more hesitantly than last time she called, “Sirius?” But he did not answer.
Feeling lost and far less jovial than before she retreated back to her cabin. She lay down on her bed, too despondent to return to the mess, too drunk to fall asleep.
‘Oh I bet this is going to scar tomorrow,’ she thought, but she wasn’t thinking about her physical injuries. As she lay on her bed, stuck with her thoughts, and as the alcohol slowly wore off, the rocking of the boat got more and more unsettling. It felt like there was a storm swirling inside her. Like a piece of her was missing when he wasn’t with her. And it wasn’t even like he was that far away or like she’d known him that long. Never before had she felt like this about another person. What sort of drunkenness was this?
He had said ‘come back’, once she was sober, but in her intoxicated state, even after all the alcohol had worn off, all she remembered was the closing of that door and the hard feel of the ship floor.
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Sirius had turned away from his doorway with great difficulty. He had figured she might fall but he still had not expected the sound of her hitting the wooden floor nor her soft exclamation of ‘ow’. He had waited for a moment, wondering if he should open the door and check that she was okay, but then he’d heard her get up again.
She’d knocked and called his name and he had just held his breath, worried that if she did it enough times he would eventually open the door. But she didn’t, and somehow that was even worse.
He wanted to let her in. He’d never wanted anything quite so much before. But she was pissed and he was worried if he let her in then one thing would lead to another and regardless of whether she wanted to have sex while drunk he knew he didn’t. He wanted her there and present and completely in the moment, not half out of it. And he needed to be sure that it was something that she wanted. Just because they’d done it before didn’t mean she necessarily wanted it now or that she wasn’t just doing it please him or…
He sat down on his bed with a sigh. But oh how he wished she was here, beside him. He lay there for a few hours looking up at his fake stars and for once the room felt almost too small, like a cage, and so horribly empty at the same time.
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After a few restless hours Amanda got up and wandered the halls aimlessly. She stopped by the bathroom and then got a drink from the galley. The mess was empty; everyone else had long since gone to sleep. Eventually she found herself standing at the entrance to the hold with the animals. For a moment she felt a spike of fear until she remembered Michael was locked up.
She went inside and said hi to the Bluecoons, one of the animals that had been too big to hide but whose nature had not initially been fully explained to the crew. They were safe to pat now that they’d been fed their special diet for at least a week. The creature was approximately dog sized and a little chonkier with stubby feet, like a hippo but with vibrant soft blue fur, a snake like tail, and a horn between their floppy but maneuverable ears. Bluecoons made great pets, being very good-natured animals, if you fed them right. Unfortunately they had a penchant for eating venomous creatures like scorpions and snakes as well as poisonous mushrooms. This wasn’t so bad for the bluecoons as they were themselves, immune to most toxins. However they had the ability to absorb and store the toxins from anything they ate in their horns as a venom, typically in a much more concentrated form. One prick from a bluecoon horn and it would be lights out, depending on what they had eaten recently. As they also tended to be very rambunctious creatures avoiding their horns was not so easy. The trick was to feed them on other non-toxic food for a week as over time the level of toxins in the bluecoon horn would fade.
She sat down with them and kept them company for awhile before visiting the litter of 3 month old dalmatians in the next crate over. While the bluecoons were to be sold the dalmatians were apparently being shipped to Sirena’s personal estate. It seemed that woman was very fond of black and white things. Amanda had wondered after hearing that, if it was also the intended location of the pegasus too. She looked over at Ghost and then went to pat him too. Somehow the idea of him being with a woman who shipped her animals with so little regard or planning was even worse than him being sold to some stranger.
The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.
Being with the animals usually calmed her but tonight after the the incident with Sirius, she felt more on edge. Perhaps she was sober enough now that he might let her in? Maybe she should wait until morning?
But Amanda knew she would never get to sleep if she didn’t go and see him, and at least try to talk to him. She needed to tell him how she felt, now before she lost the nerve with the daylight. But first she had one more stop to make.
The holds of the ship were all split into different sections. The animals whose existence had been kept hidden from the crew were in a different part from the animals they had known about. The dragon eggs had been up near the bow of the ship, not quite the front but off to the side and a little way back, on the lowest floor.
She found them easily enough. They were still nestled in their crate. The lid was only partially attached. She lifted it off and gazed down at half a dozen unborn dragons. The eggs were about the size of a small puppy, and still relatively young.
Absently, Amanda ran her finger over the rune that had been inscribed in the top of the crate. It had been burnt into the wood and she recognised what magic it contained. These eggs, unlike Sirena’s animals had been well packed and cared for. Their owner may have lied about what they were shipping but at least whoever they were actually cared enough about their cargo to have cast that spell around the crate. They must be powerful too, for no regular person knew runes like that. Unfortunately in their searching and removal of the lid the crew had broken the spell. But that was okay because Amanda knew what to do and she had decided that she would look after them until they go to their destination.
She gently stroked one shell and then with focus and great care she created a fire that raged hot enough to cook a normal egg. The flames licked at the edges of the egg, warming it from the outside in, just as its mother dragon would to encourage its growth.
As Amanda stepped forth from the hold she heard another sound. She darted back the way she came and then carefully peered around the corner. There down the hall, coming out of the front hold was Shiv. What was he doing in there at this time of night? Usually no one was down in the holds this late, and only the skeleton crew who worked nights would be up and on the main deck. Wasn’t that the hold where Sirius had sent Michael? What business did Shiv have with him at this hour?
Amanda stayed hidden until Shiv had passed by and then she waited some more until she was sure he was well and truly gone. Finally she made her way back to the captain’s quarters.
Once outside the door she hesitated. Technically she was still a little drunk. She could feel it. But she wasn’t as drunk as before. She knew if she didn’t do it now she wouldn’t want to later. He didn’t need to let her in. He just needed to listen. She reached up and knocked.
Sirius opened the door. He was wearing the exact same clothes he had been when he’d closed it on her earlier. In her nervousness it took Amanda longer than it normally would to notice that.
“Look. I get you don’t want to sleep with me right now and maybe don’t even want me coming in there, and I promise you I won’t… I just... I just needed to tell you. It wasn’t because I was drunk or because I want that pegasus back or because you’re the captain or even just because you’re a really sexy hunk, which you are but… that’s not the point… the point is I like you. I really like you. I like talking to you and being with you. I feel like the ground is moving under me, and it’s not just because I’m on a ship...”
She finished her babbling speech and then stood there in breathless silence while he looked at her with an expression she just couldn’t read. She was about ready to turn and walk away when he answered.
“You’re not the only one.” Then he stepped aside and held the door open to her.
They didn’t make love that night. Sirius had meant what he said and Amanda kept her promise. But nor did they fall asleep until really early in the morning. For a few hours they just held each other and talked about all sorts of things.
At one point, when Sirius stretched his arms up Amanda lifted a hand and gently traced one of the scars that curved just around the edge of his ribs. She felt Sirius freeze when he looked down to see what she was doing so she withdrew her hand. But a moment later she placed it back on his skin in another place.
She felt him sigh. “My father made those,” he told her.
She looked up at him but did not answer immediately.
Eventually, he met her eyes and then looked away as if remembering. “He was… he wasn’t always a bad man. He could be incredibly kind and loving in fact, but he had a temper. One that rivaled most storms you’ll see out here, and he wasn’t very good at directing that rage into the places he should.”
“He took it out on you?” Amanda asked in a whisper.
Sirius nodded, his gaze still fixed on the far wall. “The whip more than anything else. I think it made him feel more in control. He used to say he was teaching us a lesson. But the only thing I think I ever learnt was how to hide a bruise and how to tell if there was a storm coming. Even then, he was always careful where he hit and sometimes what you think is the calm is really right smack down in the middle, the eye.”
“He beat the both of you?”
Another nod. “He hit mum too. Not with the whip though. It wasn’t a long one, just short but it bit hard, and we could never go to a healer because that would have raised questions. It was better than when he used his fists though.”
Amanda could hear the crack in his voice. It was subtle but it was there. He was trying to speak of it as if it were just a casual conversation but she could hear that it hurt him.
“Surely someone at school noticed? Didn’t you have to do swimming sports?"
Sirius shook his head. He spoke slowly and without looking at her. “Mum always found some excuse or I’d wear a t-shirt. Cat, my sister, she never liked the water much anyway. She would have clawed your eyeballs out before she let you put her in it. Dad broke her arm once trying to get her to even take a bath. There was a river we used to go to for picnics and I’d swim and they’d sit up on the bank making flower chains.”
“Your dad too?”
He nodded. “It was where he took us if the day before had been particularly bad. He’d feel guilty I think, and he’d try to make it up to us, but no matter how many times he said sorry, he’d always do it again. You asked what happened to my mother. Dad’s what happened to her. He’s a strongarm like me. Never used his powers on any of us, but one day I guess he forgot. Never hit us kids again after that though.”
“How old were you?” Amanda asked. She was trying really hard not to cry because surely if anyone deserved to cry it was Sirius, but he didn’t. Instead he had a sort of vacant look on his face.
“Twelve,” he replied. "Cat was ten."
She was quiet, processing what he’d said. Finally she whispered, “I’m sorry.”
It pulled him out of whatever stupor he was in and looked down at her. He shook his head. “I’ve heard that word too many times in my life.” He glanced away again. “It makes it worse though doesn’t it. I left my little sister behind with the man who murdered my mum. What does that make me?”
“Young,” Amanda offered.
He met her eyes again. So she knew she hadn’t lost him completely.
“And desperate, with limited options.” She hesitated on her next question but figured it was probably one he’d asked himself a thousand times. Maybe it would be better for him to talk about it. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
He gave her a surprised look but there was a note of relief too, almost as if he’d been waiting for her or someone else to ask. He shook his head. “I don’t know. Maybe I thought they wouldn’t believe me, except I don’t think that’s true. I guess I didn’t think they could do anything. Dad was powerful and he had a lot of powerful friends. Who in their right mind would stand up to him?… except you know...” He laughed. “My sister always did… she was the only one who ever did. And she copped hell for it... and I just left her there... but she never would have come you know. She hated the water. She couldn't swim. She never would have survived out here, and he'd mostly left us alone since mum..." he paused in thought and then suddenly turned to Amanda with a concerned look, "You can swim right?"
Momentarily taken aback she laughed and then she nodded. "Yeah, I can swim."
"Good." He relaxed and in seeing her smile he seemed to find his own again, at least for a time. She snuggled up close to him as the conversation shifted and he asked her if she’d ever swum with water dragons.