I followed shortly behind them, as they walked down the street. The street was quietly empty, but in the distance across the street, I could see some houses - one or two stories high perhaps, lit by warm orange light. Was it the time for dinner, where they gathered around the table? Or was it the time for bed, escaping themselves into the land of dreams. Or perhaps, it was just a common life in this town, a town on the outskirts? Who knows. Regardless of the reasons, I continued to follow them, with my mind wavering over the thought. It was nothing, but boredom.

We continued along the street. The night wind brushed on my face, tickling and poking sheepishly at the wound on my shoulder. It wasn’t as cold as I remembered. Perhaps, summer had finally come once again. Summer. I mused to myself, while adjusting the borrowed brown leather cloak to shield me better. It had a better texture than my previous one.

It was no surprise, since my outfit was in no fit to wear after being long worn out, and even more being tattered to oblivion by red lychantes. When they saw my predicament, they kindly lent me their clothes, which, unsurprisingly, they had one in ready, as the building turned out to be an inn, and it was theirs. Of course, the size wasn’t perfect. But, who am I to refuse such kindness?

Elaine, huh.

My mind called out to her as soon as her remarkable auburn hair came into my view. She walked in front of me to the right. Trying to glance at her expression, however, was almost impossible as her shoulder-length hair obstructed it, so I couldn’t make it out at the moment. I was only a little curious, how she was still doing after what happened before? Was she still sulking? If so, perhaps I should apologize again? Hmmm. I wonder.

Soon, I saw them turn right at the first crossing we encountered. I quickly jogged a bit to catch up with them, as I seemed to be lagging a bit behind. The light from the lantern in Belaius' hand shone the path ahead, where apparently the paved path stopped there. Its orange glow cast flickering shadows on the uneven ground, as the sole source in this moonless night. With Belaius in the lead, he guided the party forward.

The way he carried himself through the darkness of the night, perhaps could be called bold or, to be exact, confident, perhaps. Of course, it shouldn’t come as a surprise, since maybe he had been going in and out in this area for a long time. Perhaps, he remembered it well, just like at his home. However, I felt like that reason itself couldn’t be just, yet.

I didn’t know, perhaps it was his gait, or his big figure. But even when I observed those parts, it wasn’t enough. It was a weird feeling, really. The darkness around him didn’t even try to engulf him, to devour him alive. Just like at most times, instead it looked like they blended against him, becoming part of him. Creating a limelight for him. Perhaps, it was odds for darkness to give light. But, I felt like that was the most appropriate one.

Maybe, for one unfamiliar with him or even for those well-acquainted, his presence alone exuded confidence, instilling a sense of ease, relief. It felt as if, regardless of the situation, the man in front of me could effortlessly overcome any obstacle. With certainty, and with no trouble. And, perhaps, that was also part of the reason why Elaine has so much trust in him.

But, for me, it invoked a weird feeling. A familiar one, perhaps. When I looked at him, somehow he reminded me of someone that I knew. A person that I knew all too well. He was the leader of the party that I once belonged to, so to speak- a man of word, and perhaps a person who I once looked up.

Then, perhaps, if I asked, he could grant– no, that was just a foolish thought. No matter how strong a person is, they can't carry all the burden alone. I have seen one crumble before me. It was slow and suffocating to witness, let alone to experience.

“Are you okay?” Elaine asked, as she slowed down her steps to match mine.

“I’m fine,” I said, giving my usual response.

But, as if there was something funny about it, she let out a muffled giggle, softly covering her mouth with her hand.

“...”

I didn’t know how to react to it, as the only thing that I could do was to wait for her to finish. When Elaine realized this, she explained to me, “No, I mean, it’s just funny, no? Didn’t we have this exact conversation too back then, in the forest?”

“... Really?”

“Yeah, it is. Don’t you remember? And, you replied in the same way, too. Even though you remember that much about the plan, but, you don't remember about it. You sure are weird,” she said, smiling brightly.

But as if she realized something, in a fluster, she hurriedly added, “No, I don’t mean it in a bad way. I mean, weird is a bad word, yes. And, yet, somehow it kind of fits you nicely. It’s like, weird, but it’s not really that unpleasant, I think,” she said, somewhat unsure in the end.

“It’s fine. I get that a lot from some people. Even, I’m beginning to think so,” I reassured her. It felt like it had been quite a while since I last heard someone saying those words directly to me. Was it seven months ago, or maybe a year? Well, perhaps it didn’t matter anymore.

“Some people?” she asked, peering curiously over my face. “Are you referring to your adventurer comrades, by any chance?”

“… Well, former, I guess,” I said, almost clicking my tongue at how perspective she could be at sometimes, no, perhaps at how foolish I was.

“Former?” she repeated the word back, puzzled. After a brief pause of contemplating, she proceeded to ask, “Um, … what happened?”

“An adventurer thing, I guess. Sometimes, we break up, change parties. Try to gather the best of the best in the group. New people in, and old ones are out. And, I guess, that’s how it’s done.” Everything that I said, probably didn’t even register first to my brain. But, I managed to say something, even if it was not the best.

“But, why do you call them former?”

"Ah, it's just an adventurer language,” I explained.” It's just so, we could have an easy way to differentiate from the current and the old ones. Sometimes, you don't want to make a mistake on that. People are quite sensitive, after all.” A lie. It was all a lie.

“I see. I could somewhat understand that. There was a kid, a friend of mine, he always hated being compared to his older brother. And whenever I brought up the topic of his older brother, he always had that sulking look on his face,” she let out a giggle as her eyes were staring afar, reminiscing.

“... You must be close, then?”

“Yeah, kind of, maybe. But, he can be a little handful sometimes. Always act like he knows everything because he was only a bit older. But, maybe, that’s what made him different.” Elaine flashed a smile that felt uncharacteristic to her usual.

“I see,” I replied.

"People can be quite sensitive, indeed. Do you think—" she began but halted mid-sentence, as if the words caught in her throat. “Do you think maybe your old comrades were, once, feeling offended by being called that?”

“No, as I recalled not. They were pretty fine about that. Besides, it’s a long-established term that has been used for a long time. People are already getting used to that.” Another lie, no, perhaps it’s a half-lie to be exact.

“I see, so, you are all still hanging out even after breaking up?”

“Yeah, of course?” Lies.

Perhaps, at this point, I don’t know whether I should be amazed at myself or terrified by it. It’s truly amazing how I can just seamlessly spout one lie after another. They keep coming in and out as if my brain recognizes them as undeniable facts. Or perhaps, to be more precise, it’s as if I’ve practiced them beforehand to make me believe so. Of course, I would never have considered doing that, no? Right, seriously, who does that in the first place? Simulating conversation in their mind? Couldn’t be the work of a sane person.

“By the way, where are we going?” I asked, trying to shift the subject from the current. To avoid putting a trap on myself.

“Ah, that’s right. I’ve never informed you, didn’t I? We are visiting mom. It’s her birthday today,” she said, her usual smile back, adoring her face.

“Your mother?” I asked again, for the sake of keeping the conversation going.

“Mm-hmm, she is a very kind person. I’m pretty sure she would love to meet you too. She is quite fond of having new visitors, after all.”

“I see, then I’m looking forward to it.”

“Do you really mean that?” she asked as she peered over at my face once again. “Somewhat, I couldn’t read your expression at all?” But if that’s true, that would be the most welcomed.”

Before I could say anything back, Belaius who was in the front ahead, maybe a little too ahead than before, raising his voice so he could be heard. “Hey, what are you two doing? Hurry up? The night won’t wait forever, you know.”

“Yeess!” Elaine also raised her voice, as she hurriedly strode off to the front before she gave me a smile, “Come on!”

I gave her back a smile; an awkward one, perhaps. Even so, I would like to keep maintaining my pace. It wasn’t like I disliked the company of others. Well, perhaps, a little bit. Yeah, just a little bit. Really. But, I just would like to still want to remain as myself, and will continue to strive to be so. Perhaps.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Carefully treading lightly over an uneven path, I followed them. And before long, I could see the destination in the distance. Marked by a lone arch gate standing alone. As it meant to be the start of every beginning, like how it was always supposed to be.

Its crooked, and rusty appearance, perhaps couldn’t be best described as one but reliable. But the fact it had stood there with all the signs aligned to it. Perhaps, it had stood longer than anyone could suggest.

For a brief moment I took my time, to pay my deepest respect– an honorable salute– to the only one, an all-mighty veteran, the unsung hero, whose achievement seemed forgotten by the tale of time. Thank you.

—

Perhaps, the first question that popped in my mind, when I stepped into the place. Was she really mean that? I didn’t know if Elaine was joking about meeting her mother. But, if she really meant it, then I would really, really meet her. It wasn’t an exaggeration, really. If I described it, for one to live in this place would be either a massive weirdo, such as me, either unconditional or conditional. And the other one, perhaps, would be for a deceased person.

Well, why would I say that? It was simple, because as far as my eyes could see, there was nothing but tombstone-in all different kinds of shapes, each depicting what faith they once believed, a simple stick in the ground, or to the lavish one ornamental glass with different arrays of colors.

Yes, perhaps, Elaine’s mother could be very well working at this place. Or the other choice would be we were just passing through, and she was just beyond after this. Although, apparently I could easily cross those options out immediately, as before long Belaius who was in the front finally stopped at one particular tombstone.

The tombstone was made of white pristine marble, it was regular looking, except it had the shape of a bird, a dove to be exact, with its wings spread gracefully. The meaning has many variations as it's means of goodwill of the others as that found in a shelter and conformity in the warmness beneath its wings. Or perhaps, to the one that I most likely believed, it meant to release one from its shackle. This particular symbol, often associated with the faith, is known as Eudoveia the White. And, the largest faith within the empire.

“... this is the one,” muttered Elaine softly, beside me. Her voice carried gentleness, and perhaps a tinge of sadness.

On her chest, she held onto something tight and dearly, at first I assumed it was just a regular gift for her mother, perhaps. You know, because it was her birthday, just like she had mentioned before.

But when I looked again, it was something familiar to me. The ones that I have seen before. But, where. I couldn’t exactly recall. Perhaps, because of the fact that the moon was no longer obscured by the clouds anymore, I could see a bit of a glimpse of its blue tingle that its holding so tightly. The very color that reminded me of the sky. And, perhaps as well, the suffering of that comes from pursuing that very liberation.

Blue. The rope. And the dream, huh.

“...is that…” Unknowingly, I muttered, the words escaping my lips without intention.

“Yes, this is her favorite. Perhaps, it's all thanks to you, and Sera that we could have it.”

Sera? Is that a name that I have recollection of? I wonder. Perhaps, I could ask for that, but I restrained myself to do so, as I didn’t want to ruin this solemn atmosphere that I was certainly absolutely fond of. The very taste of solemnity and peace. It wouldn’t be exaggerated if I say this was the place that I supposedly belonged to.

Elaine, who also recognized this fact, decided to not bother. And, move along, approaching the tombstone. The white light of the moon shone her pathway, as well, with the help of orange light from Belaius’ lantern waiting at the side.

I approached Belaius, who stood nearby. When I arrived near him, he spoke, his voice sounded gentler than before. Perhaps, he was a man who could adjust his place well, a man with a place in society most likely.

“Thank you for accepting my, no, our request for coming here. I know it was a bit sudden, and sounded a little selfish, but I feel like I just want to show it.”

“No, no problem. It’s my-” I halted, changing my mind. “No, It’s not a problem. Besides, I have no reason to refuse, either.”

“I see, you are really a good man. My apologies for doubting you before.”

“It’s fine, really. I feel like any parent would feel the same if their daughter was about to meet any stranger, nonetheless one with barely any background.”

I thought that response could be considered just fine, as I just quoted what he was saying before. But, it was different from what I expected.

“...Hmm, what do you say? Do you mind if you repeat it?”

“Well, any parent would feel the same if their daughter was about to meet some stranger, no? Nonetheless, someone without a background like me.”

“...”

After a somewhat unnatural silence that lasted only for a second, he suddenly raised his voice, as if he received some revelation, getting excited. “Yes, that’s exactly right. I’m glad you could understand it, too.”

Belaius quickly squeezed my shoulder in a somewhat overly friendly manner, his grip was strong. Luckily, it wasn’t on the side of my wounded one. Whether he realized it or not, well perhaps I would think it as the latter as he probably grabbed the one that was closer.

“Yes, that's exactly right. What you just said was right. It's just parental love, isn't it? Some people around here think I'm a bit little too overprotective, they say. But, no. I completely disagree.” He shook his head vigorously, emphasizing his point.

“I mean, what I can say, Ellie has fine features of her mother, her kindness, her gentleness, and both her charming and attractive smile, don’t you think? When she grows up, I believe no man would be able to resist her charm. That’s exactly what I worried about.”

“...”

“Lately, I’ve noticed some young lads have been drawn in, trying to get close to her. And, as a father myself, it’s like a bitter-sweet feeling. It pains my heart, but at the same time I couldn’t help but to feel happy. That’s exactly why I couldn’t help but to worry about her. What if she, perhaps, falls into shady people. And, as a father, it would break my heart if something like that were to happen, don’t you agree?”

He paused, looking at me for an agreement.

“Well, that’s understandable. No parent would want any of that to happen to their child.”

Upon hearing my response, he smiled. Perhaps the brightest that I’ve seen from him so far, and looked the most authentic.

“That’s right. But, folks around here just don’t understand. They say, I’m scaring people away with my glare or something. And, saying that I should stop being a busy-body asking about what they are up to when they are with Eliie. But, they just don’t understand. They just don’t understand it at all.” He shook his head again.

“But, I’m glad you could see it as well as I do. However, I’m not saying this all to you, because I have your trust to have my daughter, or rather at the opposite, you still need to trusted you to have my daughter. Rather, if you really mean it, maybe I could give you a chance, of course it will not come as easy.”

Although, I’m not saying all this to you, because I’m giving you a chance to have my daughter, remember. Or rather, you still need to prove yourself first.”

That's quite a leap. What is he on about? Is he drunk by any chance?

He eyed me for a moment before finally being broken off by Elaine, who cleared her throat. I could see the tip of her ears were flushed red, embarrassed. Well, who wouldn’t when her father just blurted out nonsense to a stranger who he just met.

“Mmm, could you please quiet down, dad. You are being embarrassing, and also you’re disturbing the neighbor. ”

But, undisturbed by Elaine’s warning, Belaius closed the distance, and whispered close to my ear, a hint of playful smile adored his face.

“I think she is just at that age, you know,”

But, alas, it didn't go unnoticed by Elaine, as she sent her sharp, icy cold stare toward him. Her tone was low and cold.

“..Dad… if you keep doing it, I will come to hate you. Besides, do you mind if we start now?”

Even though she said that, I felt like she didn’t really mean that way, as her tone was not quite harsh as one expected. Perhaps, that shows how close they are. And, probably, is another reason why Elaine has so much trust in him. One that is tied by blood.

“Yeah, Yeah, it seems to be getting late. Please do.” he said finally, his silly demeanor from before was gone. An air of composure filled him back, as if the last exchange from before wasn’t even happening.

Elaine nodded softly, as in understanding. Perhaps she had accustomed to his antics, as she showed no sign of surprise at this peculiar behavior. And, not long after, the atmosphere gradually shifted back to one but filled with solemnity.

She slowly traced her small fingers against the surface of the gift, preparing to unveil it. They moved delicately, with practiced yet gentle movement, as if the gift itself was another part of herself, and she didn’t want even a single scratch to befall on it.

The little blue glow that emerged on the small opening. Little by little, it gradually increases, as before long a soft cast of blue illumination filled its surroundings. It felt a little surreal, as if the glow from the flower itself was manifested from within it, creating a spectacle by itself. When I first saw it in the forest before, I thought my impression of it couldn’t be changed. Yet, upon seeing it again, I couldn’t help myself but to be astonished.

However, if there was one thing that remained unchanged. I was glad I didn’t ruin it with my soon rotting corpse, though that idea seemed irrelevant when knowing the result.

The four-petaled flower, huh? I never knew that it can be so–

“... Beautiful.”

“Yeah, they truly are,” Belaius answered, his gaze fixated on it. “It’s a tradition in our family, every year, we come here to celebrate her birthday. Are you perhaps familiar with its origin, Cerulean Euthymia?”

“No, I’m not.”

“It's said that the first spirit king, who once ruled over all the land, gave his life for his loved ones in his final battle. The gentle azure glow emitted at the tip of the flower, often said that it represents the blood he shed upon them. And, many times in the past, Cerulean Tetrámyleia Euthymia has served as a loving remembrance to honor departed loved ones. In the language of flowers, it conveys the message, ‘My heart belongs to you.’ And by some chance, it happens to be her favorite flower. Coincidence is truly a strange one, isn’t it?” He paused, looking in my direction.

“Just like our encounter, maybe there is more than one can simply see. Or perhaps, there is nothing at all, it’s just simply an encounter one among many. However, I believe, in the end, all encounters are special to their own. When a parting comes, there is always a sadness that accompanies, and for those who left behind, they couldn’t do anything except to accept it.”

A single tear, falling down from his eyes as he finished.

“..dad…”

“However, don’t you think that what makes them beautiful?”

“That might be so,” I answered nonchalantly.

He offered nothing to my answer except a single nod, and so he continued.

“My apologies, it’s always got into my sentiment every time. Seems, we got sidetracked a bit, then let us begin.”

What he was saying was right for the most part, except for us adventurers. Concept death and life were superficial things. For everyday, we fought not only to live, but to achieve what we hold dearest. It might be for a better tomorrow, for a fame could be, or perhaps, for a tasty breakfast in the morning. However, what if they robbed that very thing from them. Was it still worth fighting, to battle every single time when there was nothing but death in the front of your eyes. A lingering smell of it prickled against your nostril. The taste of rusty blood, rolling in your tongue.

However, it was not the death of yourself but the death of your comrades, ones who once laughed together, who once shared a meal together, who once fought side by side. Was it worth it, when knowing the dream was impossible to achieve, regardless of the reason?

The answer that I found to that simple question was a no.

As they began to pray, clasping their hands together in memory of their beloved ones, I stood silently at their sides. Perhaps they, too, had realized that I was a faithless. Yet they still allowed me to stay by their side. To begin with, there was never a rule that said a faithless couldn’t do a visit. However, it felt like a futile endeavor for one, didn’t you think?

Eleanora Raveest

131–173

In Loving Memory