When I slowly opened my eyes, the first thing that captured my vision was a dark brown ceiling in the above, high beyond the reach of my flimsy hands. It was a ceiling that I didn’t particularly recognize. Or rather it was only an ordinary looking one with nothing special to add, except a few darkened black spots here and there, perhaps due to the old age of the building.

Or maybe, it was a stain from something else. Still, whatever the reason behind it, it didn't matter, did it? It should be clear as day by now. As it should have been transmitted to my brain at this instant. The fact that I laid here, staring up at some dumb ceiling for no particular reason. I had failed my wish.

Or perhaps, in some way, I had succeeded, and I was in sort of Heaven as to say? Well, maybe it wasn’t Heaven, but rather Hell instead? No, that was just as absurd as the hell was frozen itself. It was very clear to me, it was neither of those, nor it was an afterlife either. How laughable it was if the afterlife was just the exact life after. Or perhaps, that was how it should be? Still, even so, this time truly wasn’t, as the evidence pretty much there, screaming at me close to my consciousness.

How could I ignore it? The feeling of the beating of my heart, the sensation of the soft touch of the mattress under my weight. As well the slight ache from the wound on my body, which seemed to have been dressed neatly by bandages. It was the reality. The reality that I was in, it was painfully clear but I really needed to admit it already that I hadn’t kicked the bucket yet.

But, how? How could it happen? How could I, me, myself not die in that situation? It led me to wonder. How could that happen? Weird, yes, and perhaps the most peculiar thing ever to occur. I wondered, perhaps, if I really was cursed. How could I not think of that? Despite my years as adventurers, there were many instances where I was coming close to danger, and yet despite all of that I still hadn’t died, yet? Maybe, it was just an insane of dumb luck, a devil’s luck perhaps. Or, it might be that I was really cursed.

A curse was put on me, by whom? I didn’t know, by Demons, Gods or whoever it was. For I was doomed to roam on this cursed land for the given amount of times, indefinitely. While, perhaps, not in a literal sense of forever, but even to live out in a normal human lifespan would be very discerning. Growing older, reaching thirty, forty and beyond it, seemed like an eternity, already. Or perhaps, it could be an eternity…

No, no it shouldn’t be possible, as there is no race that could live forever, even the longest-race ones, they would eventually meet their end. Perhaps, it’s also a blessing in disguise that I wasn't born to that race, or I would taste that eternity myself…

However, perhaps, it wasn’t a curse, but maybe a mistake, a lapse in judgment on my part, perhaps. What if I didn’t decide to help her, ignored her plea for help, and stuck to my plan instead, hanging my body or whatsoever, doing things at my own pace. Perhaps, the result would be very much different, yes. But, would I really find the salvation that I sought for? Well… perhaps, yes, and perhaps not. I couldn’t be certain.

Of course, it was just a simple if, and in every ifs question there were never ever truly the right answer. One could argue about one thing, but at the same time the other could also do the very same itself. In the end, it would solve nothing but add nothing but rubbish. However, I was most certain it was a mistake. Not a mistake to help her, but a mistake to even question about it itself. It was a wonder how I could even come up to think about this myself.

It should be within my train of thought that helping a person in need shouldn’t be ever considered as a mistake. What kind of human would I be if I were to become as such? Definitely not the ones that I would hold my head high. Even if that person in need would do some evil deed in some line in the future, helping them shouldn’t be considered a mistake, regardless. Though, it would be different if I were directly helping them do the deed instead. But, such a case wasn’t found in Elaine, or perhaps it was the mischief spirit. So, in the end, it should be the right decision to make. Yet, still…. I just don’t know. But, I really didn’t die, did I?

“...I didn’t die, huh…”

The words just vocalized on their own. I didn’t know why I did that. But perhaps, it was a wish on my part, a wish that someone would outrightly deny it. Deny it with a firm voice. In this very instance, in this very room itself, a voice would tell me otherwise. But, alas, a wish was only a wish without any means to accomplish. As a second was ticking into a minute, no such thing could be heard. There was only silence. A long and disturbing silence.

In the end, perhaps, at best, it would be my own very voice. Weak, and hoarse one, devoid of any comfort, and it would only fueled me with nothing but the long, already deepening regret.

“...Haaah.”

A heavy sigh escaped from the dry lips on my face. Looking at the dumb ceiling once more. But, the darkened black spots this time, somehow resembled to me as a smile, as if it was looking at me the entire time, watching me flip in and out, as if it had eyes to see, even though there was only a smile. But, what the smile appeared to be, was it a smile of laughter, perhaps? as it enjoyed the silly situation that I was in. Or was it a smile of mockery, as it sneered at my current dumb situation that wasn't worth even a coin. Or was it the smile of pity instead, perhaps understanding how ridiculous I was.

I had no idea.

In the end, what it mattered to me, anyway. It wasn’t. I closed my eyes, to see the blackness of the world. Or perhaps, the precise wording would be seeing the back of my eyelids. But, what was the small detail like that, did it matter? Nope, not at all. Even the pain from the wound on my body seemed to become more insignificant to the like of myself.

Even though it had been treated, there were no chances for it to be completely healed in an instant, at best what could be done was to stop the bleeding and avoid the life-threatening situation. Even with the help of mighty light magic, it was still not possible…

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

And, yes I was wounded, of course I was. Didn’t I? How could I not think of that? Perhaps, perhaps the dearest with that I had could still be realized. Yes, it was still possible. It ought to be. There was an easy way after all.. When I was wounded like this, there was a way to accomplish that. It was such an easy way, really. What I needed to do was to tear open the bandages, and undo the effort.

Of course, there was a chance that someone was coming, and stopped me from doing so. But, I could firmly say no to that, no? However, what would happen if no one was coming? Well, I could just finish what I had, no? What was the problem in that? Nothing. But, maybe there was a better way to do it. On my right side, I could see there was a window close to the bed. It was big enough for someone to fit in. It was covered in a glass pane, but it looked quite easy enough to open as it was usually locked by a slide from inside.

Perhaps, yes, just perhaps. Maybe I could jump out from that window. I had no idea what floor I was on. But, even if I was on the first floor, it was still doable. It ought to be. With the bandages loose, it was such an easy feat to accelerate the process. I could just run, and run. Where shall I run, right? Well, I could just run somewhere, perhaps back to the forest once more, or maybe out to the wilderness. Until I would eventually drop, and die.

It would be an easy feat. My wish could still be finalized. Or that was what I thought….

But…

But… would that be really the salvation that I really desired…

Perhaps, if I were to borrow the words from the mischief spirit, was that really the wise choice to partake?

What would the auburn haired girl, Elaine, feel about this later on? Knowing someone who she had tried hard to save inflicting self-harm to himself or even putting his life at risk? Would she grieve, or regret the choice she made, when she could abandon me there? Or was it an arrogancy on my part to think that she would care for someone random such as myself? Perhaps, so. But, it was one thing that I couldn’t help myself to think about, as it was such an interesting option to delve in.

Yet, once again was that really the wise choice to take on?

But, what about the person who treated me? Would they regret their choices as well, for treating me instead of just leaving me hanging dry to die? Even more, maybe when there were more suitable patients who were in need of emergency treatment. Or how about the owner of this building? Would they also regret their choice to shelter me, or maybe they would curse me to death when they know I ended my life here, making this room to be cursed one.

I don’t know. That’s probably the best answer that I could give to myself. Perhaps, I could do it better if I, or perhaps if he did it there…. What if, how about, maybe if. All those things are just an if question. A hypothetical question. An illusion, put by human’s brain so they could cope when things didn’t go as one's wish.

In the end, what was the right answer, and what was the wrong one. Perhaps, those kinds of questions would still elude me, even by now. Or perhaps, there was never the right answer all along. Who knows?

Pulling myself up from the softness of the mattress. I tried to do it gently. Getting my best to not give too much shock to my frail body. But, still a pain could still be found, but it wasn’t as bad as I had expected.

Sitting on the edge of the bed like this, I looked around at me; to the room that I was in. Surprisingly, or perhaps not as much as a surprise, the room didn’t seem to belong to anyone. The wording may be a bit weird, I meant what it was. The room lacked decoration or any sort of effects that made it looked like it belonged to someone. It was just plain, and boring with bare minimum furniture, and not even a decoration; yes, perhaps it looked like one of many rooms belonging to taverns or inns that I often visited.

Perhaps, it was the right decision to not kill myself here, or I would turn this into a cursed one where a ghost would whisper nasty lie to whoever rest here. And, that ghost would be me. Would I stay conscious, after becoming one. And, perhaps, not asking the visitors for them to die, but asking them to kill me instead. Or perhaps, life as a vengeful ghost wasn’t as bad as it sounded.

“...Haha…”

I didn’t know, perhaps, that was about right. Looking at the nightstand, near me, I spotted my effects placed on the top of it, neatly seemingly with great care. The leather brown pouch, and the black sheathed dagger. Perhaps, if I had spotted it a minute ago, I would have been overjoyed. Although, overjoyed perhaps, was a bit overstatement. Even so, for now the slight sight of it didn't amuse me by a tiniest margin.

Putting my legs to work, I stood on the wooden floor. A light headache immediately flashed before me. With wobbly, weak, and not so good legs of mine, I moved toward the door at the other side of the room. The sound of my light steps accompanied me as I carried my way. It didn’t take too long before I arrived in front of the brown oak door.

Perhaps, the little rest that I unconditionally forced upon me did me a wonder. Or, maybe it was a long one. Well, perhaps, the word long one also might be kind of overstretched, as I couldn’t tell exactly. From the sight of the window, I could see the sky was dark already. But, has the day changed by then? I wondered.

Putting my left hand on the handle; exactly just like what I’d practiced so many times to make it natural. I was ready to open the door. But, before I could, the door was open by itself, pulling toward the opposite of me. What appeared at the other side of the door was a little girl with neatly auburn hair reaching to her shoulder. The attire she wore was still the same as before, but fresher with no dirt around. While on the collarbone, there was a small blue ribbon, which seemed like it wasn't there before. Or was it?

She stood there, with a little surprised look on her face; her eyes widened upon contact, and it took her another second before she opened her mouth. The words that she produced were simple, as if nothing else were transpired to her mind right now. Perhaps, deep in her mind, she was not expecting me to stand here, in front of her like this, only to be separated by a so little gap, created by the door.

“...Oh, you’re awake!?”, she said, eventually. There was a bit of hint of excitement in her voice, and, worry, also perhaps remorseful, as she casted her eyes a bit down.

In the end, all things didn’t matter that much to me at all. As I was one of many residents of this land. But, my stand still stood firm. Although, let me make it clear here. Even if I said that, I wasn’t as ungrateful as a piece of shit to easily disgrace the kindness of people given to me. I would take it. And, by then, I would take my leave. Postponing for one day would make no little difference to me at all.

In the end, whether I die today or I die tomorrow, it was all the same. What wasn’t the same was if I were forced to live for much longer in this insufferable land than the already given time. Now, the rolling dice had stopped, and whatever was blocking my way, was mine alone, mine to take, and mine to suffer along the way.

“Yes,” I said, shortly.