I’m no great friend.

After all, why would I consider myself a friend if I was responsible for their suicide?

Without someone to talk to during my first and second year, my world became buried with that sense of dread. I loathed at the sight of friendship. Their fabricated and deluded naivety was comparable to children's shows detached from the real world.

But in reality, I remained jealous.

A world of mini politics dominated the school. But that didn’t mean that I was in my own world detached from society. Yet each and every day, the same thought kept coming through my head. The urge to make up for my mistake with Hano. To make things right. To prove that I was really a friend.

And to do that, I had to get revenge. Against the very students who tore Hano’s life up. Vermins who cowered behind groups and the screen to throw their insecurities at others. Ryota, Ishigami and Ayaka.

Even if they held the advantage of believing the younger year levels were inferior, such a small gap didn’t mean I had an opportunity to reach their good side. After all, my lack of interaction with her meant nobody knew that I was associated with her.

Hiding behind fake smiles while making ‘friends’ with random groups I could see. I followed with offers. Laughed. Tried to console those who were sad. All while maintaining a false sense of charisma.

I took up the job of becoming the Council President. Stepped into this world of politics while pretending to be like everyone else. Although it was rare to meet a first year candidate to run for such a role, the possible candidates were less qualified or less popular. Holding the usual standard promises while banking on friends to help.

Through this scheme of friendship, I drew more and more friends. My popularity spread across through a mixture of engagement with club activities and smiles. I received compliments left and right, believed to be an upstanding role model who wouldn’t step out of line.

Yet it felt like I had reached the lowest of the low within my life.

Eventually, my influence drew close to my intended targets. And despite my age, they often saw me as someone acting as an escape card to get out of trivial delinquent trouble.

Although as my interactions with them continued, they started to accept me despite the fact I was a junior.

From then, it was only a matter of time until I gathered everything I needed. Every ounce of information from each of their friends. Their likings, their hobbies, their social media accounts, and eventually the secrets they’ve shared with only a few, mainly with the three delinquents I was targeting.

And it wasn’t just embarrassing secrets. Their relationships. Their most scandalous moments. Moments of treachery and deceit that if leaked, would cause outrage. And all I needed to do was mix a few lies within it.

When I had pressed the send button to the hundreds of students across the school under a fake account, I felt a sense of dread hang over myself. A feeling as if I couldn’t turn back. As if I was stepping into something that I couldn’t redeem myself.

But only one thought followed; it didn’t matter.

The school remained in total uproar prior to the festival. Rumor after rumor spread across the school backed by fabricated counter rumors which struck almost every popular student within the third level. As a safety measure, I threw a few rumours against myself.

Everytime I got to school, the atmosphere across the school had turned tense. The common commotion of students laughing and talking had changed into arguments and shouting. Distrust formed and entire lunch tables held the sound of arguments.

Yet nobody really knew who did it, contributing to the sheer distrust that had built up across school. Each minute, more and more rumours continued on, alienated by the hostility developed between past friendships.

And it was only after a few days, I eventually talked with a few students, pinpointing the blame on Ryota on his friends who had not only had a few non damaging rumors but knew the most from their friendship circles.

After a few hours, the school finally called the three students, with threats of a possible expulsion once they’ve concluded their investigation. However, they eventually went with a week-long suspension. Although to add onto the punishments, their social life had deteriorated.

All to isolate Ryota’s friend group from the rest of the school.

Even prior to the start of the school festival during the evening, I couldn’t stop myself from staring at the open field filled with stalls and food trucks, oblivious to the mixed tension across the place.

By the time I had started to get bored, my eyes wandered towards Ryota, who had not only come alone but moved away from the rest of the festival. His two friends Ayaka and Ishigami followed soon after, unwilling to reveal their faces despite the special occasion that had dawned on them across the festival.

When I walked towards the storage house with a small box in hand, the sound of heated arguments reverberated across the steel walls. Finally, the trio had finally been torn apart across on all sides, causing them to blame each other.

“IT WAS YOU” Ryota barked, his voice piercing my ears “WASN’T IT? YOU STUPID–”

“IF IT WAS ME I WOULD’VE SAID WAY WORSE THINGS” Ayaka responded rather aggressively, her face almost completely red due to the occasion.

“THEY ARE ALREADY WORSE! IT’S EVERYTHING I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO SAY”

Ishigami glanced at me, before staring back at Ayaka and Ryota arguing at each other.

“Now’s not the time, Tanaka”

With such a dismissive response, my fist clenched. I couldn’t control myself. I had to say it at this point. Let out all the anger I’ve been holding back for a while.

“You really are dense, hm?”

“Hm?” Ishigami turned over, “What’d you say?”

“You really are dense, aren’t you?” I raised my voice, gathering the attention of Ryota and Ayaka “Or did I need to say this in order for you to realize who’s truly the culprit?”

The argument that had echoed across the warehouse suddenly stopped. Both Ryota and Ayaka turned to me, stopping dead in their tracks with their faces turning from anger to confusion.

“Ryu… you… released it?” Ishigami stared at me, his eyes widened, “You…”

“Mhm”

“Ryu…” Ishigami’s fist clenched, finally managing to piece everything together, “You… YOU–”

He swung his right fist straight at my face, barely missing by a few inches. Had he not missed his first swing, I would’ve been on the ground instantly.

I dropped the box at the steel wall just close by Ayaka, causing its contents including a small box knife to fall down before raising both arms to meet the oncoming attacks.

While stepping behind, Ishigami lurched forward again, this time throwing another punch that barely grazed my cheek.

Close.

Before Ishigami could even look at me, I struck straight through his face with a short jab, before grabbing him with my free hand onto the collar. Before he could continue with his offensive, I threw another punch into his face, before slamming the back of his head onto the steel wall.

“STOP!” Her voice pierced across the room.

Turning around, I had barely managed to raise my left arm to block a roundhouse. With the first hit, I almost fell onto the ground.

Ryota’s kicks had lived up to what I had expected.

Had I not instantly flailed my right leg and pushed him back, I would’ve taken quite the hit. Something I didn’t wish to risk considering I had known of his exploits in Karate.

“Ryu!” Ryota kept a small fighting stance, staring down at me from a few meters away, “What the hell is this all about?”

“Acting all innocent isn’t…” I backed away for a moment, my nose slowly bleeding down onto my lip, “Isn’t going to help… Ryota”

“We’ve never done anything to you!” Ryota clenches his fist, his anger slowly taking over, “Yet you’re saying as if we’re not innocent”

“Don’t act oblivious Ryota!” I shouted back, “That’s something I always hated about you”

As we stared at each other, the sound of Ayaka’s sob slowly echoed across the warehouse, even muffling out the commotion of the festival music right beside us.

Despite the heated exchange, I gave a smirk back at Ryota who continued to give out that furious expression of his I’ve always been familiar with.

“Even if you apologise now, it won’t help, Ryu!”

“You don’t think I already know that?”

I pushed straight forward, feigning a jab straight at him only to be met with a direct hit through my face. Recovering from the attack, I stepped back, blocking the barrage of jabs, strikes and kicks across the body with little success.

With each hit, Ryota’s offensive continued, forcing me into a corner. Although by then, I couldn’t stop smiling.

“What the hell is the matter with you?” He lashed out, his voice showing a sign of hubris already, “Regretting your actions already–”

Before he could finish his statement, I had grabbed onto a sheet of metal, slamming it straight through his jaw.

“AGH! YOU–”

I slammed him in the face with the metal sheet again, causing the rack to suddenly reverberate across the room. Ryota fell onto the ground face first, completely unconscious.

With both guys knocked out, all I needed to handle was Ayaka.

I hadn’t exactly anticipated the massive fight to go out the way it went, but my use of violence could easily be defended. But what I had planned out was having a box cutting knife placed conveniently in a corner that she could run to. Just close to where Ayaka had kneeled down sobbing.

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Yet as I slowly approached closer, her sobbing stopped. Allowing me to crouch down to her level.

“Are you starting to regret what you did?”

Ayaka didn’t say anything.

“Don’t cry like you weren’t innocent, Ayaka. You brought it upon yourself”

I continued to stare straight at Ayaka, who remained on the ground sobbing uncontrollably. For a moment, I glanced over at the box knife, which remained dangerously close to her grab, before staring back at her.

“Leaving this school…” I crouched close to her level, whispering towards her ear, “would be the best thing you’ll do in your whole life. Because I won’t stop–”

Ayaka gripped onto my collar, with her right hand grasping for the box knife before swinging at it straight towards my neck.

Despite the close call, I backed away from Ayaka, almost crashing into the group of students who were witnessing the incident firsthand.

“I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!” Ayaka’s voice pierced my ears again as she swung the knife at me to no avail, “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU DON’T DESERVE TO–”

With her final swing, I raised both arms, being slashed across the arm and chest before falling onto the concrete ground. Pain started to ache across my body, with blood already splattered across my face.

“Ack!”

Despite the fact there were almost hundreds of students watching the fight, not a single one bothered to run and help. But to be honest, I didn’t need it. Or else that would’ve foiled everything I had in mind.

Ayaka stepped over towards me, prepared to deal the final blow with the knife with tears streaming across her face and even landing on her uniform.

“People should like you… should–”

Before she could thrust the knife towards my neck, I raised my left arm, with blood splattering all across my face and shirt. The bloody end of the blade sticking out from my school blazer, mere inches towards me.

I stared at it out of shock, before quickly recovering myself as to land a direct punch at her face with my right hand, causing her to fall onto the ground right close to me.

Despite what I had planned, the pain was almost unbearable.

By then, the warehouse was filled with gasps and screams of the spectating students. One of the few guys I had ‘befriended’ ran over, attempting to tend to the stab wound on my hand while calling for a teacher. A few others follow, all surrounding me at that moment.

By then, Ayaka had finally sealed her social life. There was no stopping it. Now, she would feel the same as how Hano felt. Isolated.

Despite my fading consciousness, a few brave students finally ran over, disarming Ayaka. Her wails echoed across the warehouse yet were received to a group of students who looked on at her without a single care for her.

After all, why would they? For all they knew, she was someone who looked like a fool trying to attack a Council President with the intention to murder. And she was just the person suspected of leaking the rumours. So even if she might’ve said something that could’ve caught the attention of a few, in the eyes of the masses, Ayaka was pissed off over the fact that she had been caught and I was pressing for her expulsion.

I was eventually rushed to the hospital, somehow slipping in and out of consciousness. Over time, my head started to spin between being in the hospital bed to lying on the ground somewhere familiar, marked only by a ceiling fan I had vaguely recognised.

Eventually, I felt myself on a hospital bed, accompanied by showers of flowers and letters and a few students who had come to visit me. I didn’t open any of them though, for some reason.

The aftermath felt like years. I came to the news that Ayaka faced expulsion for her use of a weapon against another student. And although there was some investigation and question over what had happened, causing me to be questioned almost everyday. Everytime I was questioned if I had really antagonised Ryota and his friends, I kept denying and denying. Even almost resorting to tears as to express my frustration. Although eventually, every teacher on the board had concluded to one thing. I was too ‘innocent’ to do anything of such a degree.

When I returned back to school after a week, I continued playing the happy game, continuing to talk with students and pretending to maintain that usual charm I held on others.

But by the time I had reached the second year, I had finally dropped the mask I was holding. Despite the popularity and pity that showered me, I finally acted like the person I wanted to be. Reserved, quiet, and detached from the world. All while pretending that the effects of the attack had left me mentally scarred as a plausible excuse.

Yet even though Ryota’s friend group had left with a very poor record, I still felt empty for some reason.

It was as if I was dead. Living in a world filled with frauds and fakes while hoping that I could leave this world with the satisfaction I got. Yet at the same time, it felt as if I was missing something as if I had overlooked a part that I shouldn’t have.

Experiencing events with little thought in my head other than my constant silent criticism and judgment while staring at others making friends.

I always saw an individual who would only make friends with someone for their own ulterior motives or out of sympathy as if it was a game of politics. Not out of a genuine need to understand and help others.

Hence why I kept rejecting or making excuses. I thought everyone was just faking their thoughts over someone for an ulterior motive.

Even if I did find someone genuine, what would happen if I’m unable to care for them? If I kept to my old ways? If I turned my back from them when they needed me the most?

That feat kept coming at me every single day. And with Yuki feeling closer and closer to Hano, my mind continued to race everyday with the fear that I have repeated history.

But even with the stress of it, I can’t just push Yuki away. She’s given me a lot already and I’ve already made a promise. Protecting her and the School Life Club, although a trivial purpose in the eyes of almost everyone, is something that’s prevented me from lying on my couch everyday.

And that has been what’s keeping me going for the past weeks.

By the time I had realised my surroundings, it dawned on me that I was significantly late. Yuuri would’ve already settled inside the clubroom cooking breakfast.

Usually when I think deep about my thoughts, I often end up snapping out of it just in time for something. Call it instinct but I call it just really unnecessary scheduling.

“Good morning!” Yuuri glanced at me, giving a warm yet amused smile, “You’ve woken up quite late for once”

Despite making the slow trudge into the bathroom and towards the Clubroom, I still had found myself barely awake. My eyes were still almost closed despite the fact I had woken up just minutes ago.

“Morning…” I glanced around the room, “I need to ask you for a favour real quick Rii-san…”

Yuuri’s rapid blinking either indicated she was surprised I had asked her for a favour or I had mindlessly called Yuuri ‘Rii-san’.

“Uh sure! What is it?”

“Do you happen to have some Mochiko by any chance?”

“Well no, but I’m sure we would have some either in the school store or by the storage unit by the first floor”

“Right… thanks”

“Hold on a minute” Rii-san grabbed onto the back of my school blazer without looking, “Could you at least help me set up the breakfast in return?”

“Sure…”

Although Yuuri never helped me with the favour by technicality, I couldn’t deny it for obvious reasons. Although I did manage to check the nearby cupboards to gain some idea of the remaining stock we had by the shelves.

And let’s say they weren’t desirable.

“Good morning!” Yuki opened the door, “Ah it’s rice!”

“Good morning” Yuuri turned over, holding onto the Ladle, “Which one do you want, Yuki-chan”

While Yuki stared at the Yamatoni with interest, I glanced over at Kurumi.

She could be of help. But I don’t want to bother her. Not now. Especially since I have everything in mind now.

“Need something?” Kurumi glanced back at me, her shovel still resting close to her back with the help of a sling.

“Nope” I responded back, before walking towards the table of food Yuuri and I had placed.

As we all sat close by the table, Yuki hummed while pretty much inhaling her food within seconds.

“Why the good mood today Yuki?” I turned to Yuki, “Something’s up?”

“Yeah, I thought of something awesome!”

“You said that last night” said Yuuri, “What was it?”

“Let’s go on a field trip!”

Yuki stood up by her chair, rather dramatically pointing her chopsticks outta nowhere. By then, we all just looked at Yuki. Sure, Yuki may sometimes act deluded, but after yesterday I had come to realize that reality still had a grasp over her.

“Huh? A field trip?” Kurumi looked rather confused.

“It’s almost the season for field trips, right?!” Yuki finally sat down, “The school life club has to live in the school without leaving it. But! Going on a school event doesn’t count as leaving school”

She was right. In reality, most clubs were encouraged to go on an outing and even the current nature of the School Living Club was no different.

“Right?” Yuki turned towards Kurumi and Yuuri who remained skeptical over the idea.

“No, no!” Kurumi responded, “Going on a field trip isn’t what a club would do, right?”

“Kurumi-chan! You’re too rigid! If there’s a will there’s a way”

“Yeah Yuki has a point” I laid back by my chair, “In order to establish club activity you can’t always have daily meetings without much purpose. Changing it up would be fun”

“But how would we even do that?” Kurumi whispered to me.

“If that’s the case…” Yuuri lowered her chopsticks, “Let’s go fill out a form to get permission for us to leave the school. We need to show it to Megu-nee”

Yuki reached for her backpack, revealing to us a field trip request form. Or what seemed to be one. I’ve reviewed and accepted enough field trip requests that my head had pretty much burned the image of the actual form into my head.

“Tada!”

Kurumi looked at the paper, before giving it to me for a second review.

“Whatcha think?”

“Although spelling your own name may be a challenge” I said with a smirk, “Your reasons are good enough but can we have it in two days rather than tomorrow?” I passed the paper back to her, “Regardless, I’d approve. Remember to bring it to Sensei”

Her face lit up in excitement as she got off the table, grabbing onto the paper.

“Yeah! Thanks for the meal! I’ll go ask” Yuki ran out of the room, the paper almost flying off her hands.

With the room turning silent, Kurumi had given me quite the puzzled look.

“What?” I glanced back.

“Where would we even go once we start the field trip?”

“The Tron Mall obviously. It’s within the urban area so it’s most likely to be overwhelmed during the first hours of outbreak and therefore impossible for any possible mass looting to occur”

“That… yeah good point” She leaned back, “Although I suspected you knew someone who would’ve been at the Tron Mall… during that day”

“I wish” I chuckled, “But should we find anyone, even if they’re not from our school, we’ll then know we aren’t the only ones left”

“But what about the helicopters that often fly over?” Kurumi raised an eyebrow, “They aren’t piloted by robots right?”

“I’m referring to just this area. I wouldn’t want to travel to Tokyo unless my theory that the city is a zombie safe haven is correct”

“We will remain in the school forever right?”

“Not forever but…”

“Right… right” Kurumi smirked.

“We’ll need a ride then. Kurumi, can you drive?” Yuuri gathered all the bowls from the table, setting it by the sink.

“Only driven in games… it’ll work out somehow”

“What about you Ryu?” She looked over at me.

“Never driven. Although I could try out the wheel since I had someone once explain to me the basics of driving like… six years ago”

“Wow! Family friend?”

“Not exactly… just a friend’s older sister”

“Quite sure people still called you a loner back then” Kurumi smirked, oblivious to who I meant.

“Heh…” I got up from my chair, “Gotta go now”

“Hold on” Yuuri grabbed onto my arm again, making me flinch, “Where are you going?”

“Preparing for the trip of course! I’m sure Megu-nee would accept regardless”

“But what would you even prepare… nevermind”

“See you in about a few hours” I waved back before leaving.

This whole ordeal has gone completely out of hand! Tomorrow is the big day and I already have to account for the field trip now? Should I be able to accommodate such within a short span of time?

I’m sure Yuuri and Kurumi haven’t found out yet. But to be fair, if they did and have already planned something out for her I don’t think it’d be optimal. Although with their minds focused solely on the logistics of everyday life I reckon what I had in mind was fine.

And with that, I stood close to the stairs with a kitchen knife prepared.