Lou whistled to himself as he nodded to the guards who were already doubled over laughing, clutching their most likely bruised sides as they howled.

He waved to the baker and her father who supported each other as they succumbed to guffaws, he called out a greeting to Karen Hinterland and her daughter who clutched their tummies until his cart pulled out of their sight.

He let out a freeing breath.

It was a beautiful sunny day, and all was as it should be.

Lou pulled up to his chapel, gave his pony an affectionate pat on the neck, and entered the building without stopping his trilling tune for an instant.

That is until he entered the building and found Tivera standing waiting for him.

He frowned.

He didn’t even remember falling asleep.

“Priest Lou of Reckish…” Tivera brandished his finger theatrically at the monk, the bells on his hat jingling. “You have failed the first test!”

The monk straightened and blinked. “I-what? How… What did I-”

“I jest! Did I frighten you?” Tivera threw his head back and cackled.

Lou’s gaze flattened. “Actually, it made me realize that not much was said about the priests who failed a trial. Most either wound up dead or successful.”

Tivera let out another ridiculous laugh while spinning on the ball of his feet with his arms in the air. As usual, the god was tight fisted when it came to information.

Lou grunted.

“Well, you passed! Though you nearly didn’t, you got lucky when that lieutenant tipped you off. That test was to teach you not to mind what people may say or do around you. You are in charge of how you respond to others, and you have been chosen as Reckish’s priest to be strong against adversity and protect the weak!”

“I already didn’t care about what people say or do around me, and as a monk I already know I’m to help the weak,” Lou reminded waspishly.

“Why did you hide in your vestry then, little priest?” the god asked before sticking his tongue out tauntingly.

“Because it was loud and I couldn’t have a conversation with anyone.” Lou explained obviously.

Tivera paused.

“Well… you also were very annoying when we first met so… I feel better now.”

Lou closed his eyes. “Was that the primary reason for my first test?”

“Yes. Yes it was.”

“Aren’t you supposed to help me grow as a priest to better serve the world?”

“Well maybe you’ve learned to be a little less grouchy over small inconveniences. Boop.” Tivera tapped the tip of Lou’s nose, making the monk’s eyes open again.

His gaze narrowed.

Neither of them spoke.

“As much as I’d like to believe that that was the true lesson in all of this, I’m starting to think the gods are humans who accidentally got one too many abilities than they know what to do with and are simply bored.”

Tivera folded his arms and stared down his long nose at Lou. “Priest, are you trying to annoy me again?”

Lou didn’t answer right away. Nor did he meet the god’s gaze.

“For someone who loves when choirs perform, I thought you and I would get along better. I should have known Reckish could only stray so far from his ‘type’.”

Sensing an opportunity for some answers, the monk peered back at the god while relaxing his face into what some might interpret as polite indifference.

“Why was it Reckish took such a gamble in choosing me?”

Tivera grinned, gave an irritating laugh and shook his head making his bells jingle again.

“Ah, ah, sneaky little priest! Off you go. Enjoy your second trial!” Tivera waved theatrically.

“Did you design another trial based solely on the fact that you’re once again displeased with me?” Lou asked despite his vision starting to fill with the dancing light again.

“Absolutely not, dear priest! Best of luck!”

*

Lou awoke with a jolt.

A hand on his shoulder being the cause.

Looking around himself blearily, the monk realized he had fallen asleep in the vestry while he was working on arranging a simple choral list for the military men.

Blinking and stretching his aching neck, he then turned, half expecting Oliver Kelly to be standing there with a mocking eyebrow raised and the irritating mysterious half smile of his that made Lou feel as though he were being laughed at…

Instead he found himself staring at Benny.

“Pardon me, Brother Lou. I just came to ask about joining the choir.”

Lou yawned as he stood to face the young man, though he tried to cover his mouth as he did so.

Then it dawned on him.

Benny wasn’t laughing! The first trial truly was over!

Lou sighed in relief, a smile warming his face.

“Of course, Benny I’d be thrilled to have you-”

A fart punched through the air.

It was short, and sounded like a small, muted trumpet. A single note.

And it had come from Lou.

The monk, embarrassed, cleared his throat, “Apologies about that. As I was saying though, Benny, of course you are welcome to-”

Another fart. This one longer and drawn out to a high pitched end, interrupted Lou yet again.

Benny pursed his lips and squinted his eyes as he looked away from the monk.

It was clear he was straining himself trying not to laugh.

Lou briefly wondered if he could just leave. Not say a word, and leave.

He cleared his throat and rested his hand momentarily on his stomach, silently wishing it to shut up.

“Excuse me. It must’ve been the eggs this morning, I-”

A louder one broke out, its end fierce enough to echo in the vestry.

Benny had done the best he could, he burst out laughing and doubled over, unable to stop himself. Tears came to his eyes and he clutched his stomach as he tried to calm himself back down.

“S-so sorry, Brother Lou. I-I know it’s juvenile.”

Lou rubbed his forehead, his face burning, yet at the same time thinking, You hear that Tivera? Juvenile. It’s exactly what this is!

“Benny, I would love for you to join the choir. I’ll post the schedule on the doors to the chapel.”

There! He’d said a sentence without farting!

Lou was relieved. Perhaps it was only when he said certain words that he-

The longest, loudest, gut wrenching fart tore itself from Lou’s body, and Benny was on the floor, clutching his sides, unable to stop himself from laughing.

Lou dropped his forehead to his hand.

At least they don’t smell…

*

By the time Lou had returned home that evening, he had more or less figured out what caused his farting.

It was any time he spoke.

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Either during the sentence, or shortly after, he would break wind.

It was the most ridiculous, useless test Lou had ever heard of, and he silently wished that Reckish was in the heavens throttling Tivera for him.

That bloody performance god is most definitely still upset with me.

The monk thought to himself idly as he unhitched his pony and made his way into his home.

Meow was curled up in front of the door, a bright green eye slowly opened as he approached, then she sat up with a yawn.

“Well hello there, you’ve been keeping away for a while haven’t you?”

She blinked, and with no small amount of gladness, Lou learned that he seemed to be able to talk to creatures and not sound like a punctured wind bag.

After a small meow, the cat peered up at him and waited for Lou to open the door, which he did, allowing her entry before himself.

“I tell you, Meow, you made the right choice being born as a cat.”

Striding into his house and closing the door behind himself, Lou took stock of the darkened quiet, and felt something he hadn’t had the time or brain power to process in a number of days…

Loneliness.

I wonder if Oliver is terribly busy. This is the longest I’ve gone without seeing him since meeting him…

Lou shook his head.

“He’s a farmer. He probably only hung around for a little while because he wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to start interfering with the old and new residents.”

Looking toward his darkened kitchen, Lou acknowledged that he needed to light the hearth to at least warm the house.

With his mind already sluggish, the monk made his way over to the fireplace and picked up the flint from the mantle, even though all he felt like doing was crawling into bed with or without a fire.

Maybe I’ll go visit Oliver’s farm… I can always go to thank Maureen for the food she has sent to me. Honestly I should have already done that!

The monk nodded to himself while lost in thought as he began striking his flint over the kindling he had set out that morning.

Luckily, the fire didn’t need much persuading that day, and so in a matter of minutes, Lou was able to sit back on his haunches and admire the respectable blaze he had built for himself.

“Then again… maybe it’s best Oliver isn’t here for these trials… Gods. If I farted in front of him like I did Benny today…” Lou rubbed his face, but then… surprisingly, felt himself start to smile.

“I wonder if he would laugh as hard as Benny did, that would certainly be a sight to see.” Lou chuckled.

The monk tried envisioning Oliver laughing beyond control. How he’d gasp, how his amber eyes would look watering with tears…

He blinked, snapping his thoughts free from their odd spiral.

Lou stood abruptly, as though someone had just whispered something untoward in his ear.

I’m thinking strange things.

I haven’t done that since before I became a monk!

Lou turned from the fire, and half ran up the stairs to his loft.

“This isn’t anything like that!” He declared to no one in particular, though Meow, who had already settled herself at the foot of his bed, watched him curiously as he set to preparing himself for sleep.

“Besides that time was… I didn’t really feel that strongly about…”

A certain person’s face flashed into Lou’s mind… A man with black, curly hair and deep blue eyes…

He felt his hands curl into fists at his sides for a breath, but just as quickly as the tension had risen in his body, it eased away.

“No… It was the betrayal that really bothered me. Nothing else,” Lou murmured to himself quietly.

He then took a deep breath in, and let it out slowly while removing his robes.

“Of all the times to be thinking about ancient history. I really should be focusing on what Tivera wants me to learn from this… ridiculous trial…” he mused as he stretched out onto the bed. The air was chillier than he’d anticipated, making Lou’s skin flush with goosebumps.

He turned onto his side toward the stone shaft of the kitchen chimney below.

“This trial feels too similar to the last one. I feel embarrassed, and people laugh. Is it that I’m going to be humiliated as a priest and I simply need to get over it?” Lou chewed his tongue thoughtfully, though the weighty pull of sleep was making it difficult to think straight.

He closed his eyes. “I’ll study more about Tivera’s history to maybe–” Lou yawned. “Piece things together more. At least… these tests… aren’t too bad… so far.”

Then without another full minute being able to pass, the monk slipped into a deep, dreamless sleep free of any intrusion by the gods.

***

“Well, Reckish? What do you think? Your monk certainly seems less stressed doesn’t he?”

The war god stared darkly at Tivera. “I am taking you before Zeviras.”

The jester laughed, but proceeded to twirl and prance out of Reckish’s immediate vicinity.

“Now, now! Zeviras agreed I was a good fit to choose a trial for this particular priest!”

Reckish’s steely gaze didn’t move from his fellow god.

Around them stood magnificent pillars of honey colored marble, and beneath them, floors of the same color inlaid with shimmering gold as clouds tinged with pink from the evening sun floated by outside.

The building they stood in was both a fixed and unfixed structure in the heavens as it lazily drifted around the mountain tops– the mountains that just so happened to be near Oxby…

Hanging to Reckish’s right was a large oval mirror the length of a horse and encircled in vines where they had just watched the start of the trial for Lou.

“What could my priest possibly learn from this?” Reckish growled before looking out over the sea of clouds.

Tivera threw his arms in the air and spun around so that he too could look across the sky toward the town. “I can’t tell you that! Though I’m not too sure you picked the right human to fulfill your promise.”

Reckish stared at Tivera’s back silently.

“Stop thinking about shoving me into the clouds,” the jester called out in a near sing song.

The war god said nothing.

When Tivera turned to smirk at Reckish however, he instead let out a yelp and jumped.

Reckish had closed the distance between them silently, and loomed over the jester.

“Whatever you’re trying to do, it better be to help my monk and not because you simply wish to annoy me.” Reckish’s eyes flashed.

Placing a hand on his chest, Tivera took a steadying breath then waved off his fellow god’s warning.

“I know what I’m doing. The question is, my dear grumpy elder, do you think your priest is going to stay the same, or is he going to change to become like your usual brutes?” The jester’s gaze bore into Reckish’s profile. “After all… Bilsib is next, and unlike my tests, our dear Lou won’t be able to avoid the trials she has planned.”

Reckish didn’t say anything, and instead continued staring stoically over the scenery.

Feeling a little smug that he got the last word, Tivera popped out his hip and stared out alongside the god.

Though his gloating came to a swift end when Reckish shoved him into the clouds that drifted below.

“Daaaaamn you Reckiiiiiii-”

Tivera’s words faded as he fell.

Reckish smiled.

At least the jester was good for something.