Lou set down the lantern and candle, barely moving his sights from the god before him.

Reckish waited patiently.

“Wh-why are you here?”

The god eyed his priest wordlessly for a minute, then took a deep breath in.

“Weren’t you going to prepare dinner? Feed yourself first, then we’ll talk.”

“Why did you show up before I ate then?! Now I’ll just be terrified the whole time I’m cooking, and eating– and I could get indigestion from the stress, or heartburn! Have you ever had heartburn that keeps you up all night?!” Lou’s words flew out of his mouth unbidden. “No, no. Of course not. Gods wouldn’t get heartburn… You need to tell me whatever this is all about right now.’”

Reckish opened his mouth, but was cut off as the monk continued his rant.

“I didn’t unlock any powers today! I wasn’t annoyed at all! Toward anyone! I mean… not in any extraordinary way!”

“Louis, I-”

“Oh no… is it because I argued with a child? I swear, it wasn’t an actual argument, I’d say it was more of a negotiation!”

Reckish faltered at that last bit of news, then closed his eyes and held up his hand, stopping his priest from continuing his anxious spiral.

“This is not about you unlocking a power, and if you are insistent that I tell you now, so be it.”

Lou braced himself.

“My brothers and sisters are advancing your trials.”

The monk balked.

Reckish waited.

“But… wh-why?!”

“I told you when you gained your last ability; you are acquiring your skills faster than any other of my priests in history.”

“Why does that matter?! All of the priests thus far have faced their trials only after their first seven powers awakened!”

Reckish locked eyes with Lou. “Priest, you need to take a deep breath. The trials are not on your doorstep this minute.”

“Oh, you want me to calm down? Well, sir, if you wanted someone that could keep calm under pressure, you shouldn’t have chosen me! Take it back! Choose someone else!” The monk rounded the table and stood imploringly before the god who appeared unmoved.

“I did not make a mistake. You will learn to find peace of mind in crises.”

“Like hell I will!”

Reckish let out a short breath, and continued to stare down at the man. “If you could finish with being obstinate, you might find it best to ask more pressing questions.”

Lou rested his hand on his cooking table, steadying himself. “Who will send the first trial?”

Pleased that his priest had listened to his advice, Reckish nodded. “You’re in luck, Tivera volunteered to send you your first trial.”

“The… The god of jesters and performers? That’s… I’ve not heard of him ever giving the first trial to a war priest.”

A glimmer of irritation passed through Reckish’s eyes as he thought of his fellow god.

“Yes, well… he felt it was time.”

Hearing the news, Lou did feel marginally better.

“Who goes after Tivera?”

Reckish hesitated, his gray eyes growing shuttered…

“The second test will be from Bilsib.”

Lou’s brief reprieve ended.

“BILSIB?! BILSIB’S TESTS ARE KNOWN TO DRIVE PRIESTS MAD!”

“Get ahold of yourself, priest.”

“NO! YOU GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!” Lou threw his hands in the air and stalked away from the god. Then rounded back quickly, where Reckish waited without budging. “Wait. You never came in person to give any of your previous priests a warning. Why do I get one?”

Reckish took his time and looked around the large room. “As I said before, you are a special case.”

“Am… Am I something you tried, just for the sake of trying? Was choosing me just something you did because you were bored?!” Lou demanded, his eyes wide and wild.

“Mind yourself, priest. I am a god. Your patron god.”

“And that doesn’t answer the question,” Lou insisted, his voice and features growing manic.

The light in Reckish’s eyes shifted as he leaned forward.

Even though the movement was small and otherwise nothing in the god’s face changed, Lou found his knees practically knocking together under the crushing weight of fear that bore down on him.

The silence was too loud, and it almost sounded like it was roaring at him…

Lou wanted to crumple onto the floor.

“You didn’t wet yourself. That alone is a good indicator you aren’t a terrible fit as my priest.”

Reckish’s voice was soft, but Lou felt as though he were choking, even though the god hadn’t laid a finger on him.

“I was permitted to warn you as this expedited schedule of trials is not a normal occurrence. You have only three abilities, and you did not undergo any of the specialized meditation or prayer training that a new priest usually learn prior to engaging with civilians.”

The fear gradually ebbed away enough from Reckish’s aura that Lou could breath, though as he continued to tremble, realized that his cheeks were damp.

“You accepted to some degree you are my priest when you decided that you could choose the wars you wished to wage. I did not take issue with it, but if you are going to forge your own path, you cannot expect the same obstacles as everyone else. They will be different for you, because you are different.”

Lou still couldn’t speak.

“I will collect your apology for your disrespect next time you discover a new power. Good night.”

Reckish strode past Lou, and remarkably, despite wearing armor, he didn’t make a sound as he did so.

In fact, the monk didn’t even hear his front door open or shut.

It took the better part of an hour, but when Lou finally snapped out of his horrified trance, he sunk to the floor, and stayed there. Slumped over.

He didn’t have the will to make himself dinner any more.

***

Oliver Kelly whistled as he walked down the winding slope toward the monk’s house in the shadows of dawn. The sun hadn’t yet broken over the horizon, but the birds were already awake and atwitter for their days.

The eldest Kelly son carried with him another basket of eggs, and a bottle of milk. He was already looking forward to the quiet of the monk’s abode that allowed him to orient himself for his day. He’d already finished his batch of morning chores, but instead of going back inside his own home to wait for the daily breakfast feast his mother produced, had begun to slip out with some food to bring the monk. He had never had moments of stillness like he’d had that first morning he’d broken into Brother Lou’s house, and he found after getting a taste of it, something inside of him longed for it more and more…

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

His mother had informed his father that she would continue to send the monk food for as long as she pleased, and unless he wanted to sleep in the barn for the rest of his days, he wouldn’t say a word about it.

Oliver had always known his mother devoutly followed and prayed to the gods, but not having an established chapel in the town meant he had never truly seen how much…

He pushed those thoughts aside, and instead focused on opening the front door.

What was odd about it however… was that he didn’t have to pick the lock.

Smiling, the eldest Kelly son took it to mean that the cantankerous monk anticipated his coming.

Opening the door and setting a foot over the threshold, Oliver stumbled back thanks to a jolt of surprise.

“Good gods! What in Polly’s shit are you doing?”

Lou stared wearily up at Oliver, deep lines carved under his eyes, and bags that looked like bruises offering additional shadows to his stubbled face.

He hadn’t moved from his spot on the floor since he’d first sat down.

“Who’s Polly?” Lou asked instead of answering.

“My cow.” Oliver straightened back up, reentered, and closed the door behind himself firmly.

“Ah.”

When the monk didn’t say anything more, Oliver made his way over to the cooking table, and proceeded to prepare breakfast as he had originally planned. He eyed the back of Lou’s brown hair with a measly ounce of concern, then his gaze drifted down to the monk’s back that remained rigid…

“Did you sleep at all?”

“No.”

“So did you unlock multiple powers this time?”

Oliver watched the back of Lou’s head as it tilted forward, meaning he was looking at the floor.

“I didn’t unlock any,” the monk’s voice rasped.

Pulling out the large porcelain bowl Lou kept on the top of his cupboards, Oliver moved it over to the cooking table and began cracking eggs.

“Am I supposed to keep guessing?” he asked while he continued his work.

Lou sighed, and rubbed his face.

He stood, albeit it was not an easy task after sitting on the floor all night…

After three cracks in his left knee and a sharp stab of pain from his back, he stared idly off into the distance at nothing in particular.

“Reckish visited me.”

“So you did uncover a new ability. Was it because of Franny? If it was, you have to let me tell her, she’ll be mighty proud of herself for at least a month if her battle of wills with you brought out a new power.”

“You haven’t told anyone about me, right?” Lou’s head whipped around, his green eyes desperate.

Oliver briefly hesitated breaking open another egg and met the monk’s stare.

“No. I didn’t. I was trying to get you to lighten up.”

Lou let out a breath, his eyes fluttering closed in relief.

Oliver resumed making breakfast. He wasn’t going to beg for the information.

“My trials are going to be starting soon.”

Without bothering to look up, Oliver poured a healthy splash of milk into the egg mixture.

“Are you going to leave Oxby?”

Lou gradually turned and braced his palms against the table. “Not yet. The most dangerous trials were given by Reckish, and because he is my patron god, he doesn’t give me one.”

Oliver considered this. “Can you promise that no one in Oxby is going to get hurt?”

Lou gave a humorless laugh. “And here I thought you’d ask if I could have whatever beast or test that comes abolish the new residents before I kill it.”

Blinking, Oliver stared dumbly at the monk, hope bright in his eyes. “Can you do that?”

The monk scowled. “I’m not going to help you kill anyone.”

Shaking his head disappointedly, Oliver located the leftover bread he had brought with him for his last visit and began slicing into its stale crust.

“Pity.”

Lou rolled his eyes. “Civilians most likely won’t be affected… besides. Of the seven tests, the first one is being issued by Tivera.”

“The god of jesters? What’s he going to do? Tell bad jokes until you go on a warpath? If you’d like I can have my brother Brody come over to tell you some of his jokes to train yourself. They’re bloody awful. You’ll want to throw yourself down the nearest set of stairs.”

“That won’t be necessary.”

“They don’t even make sense… A horse asks a girl out on a date and she says she only likes men who are whinny-ers. That was one of his. If he wanted it to be funny, it should’ve been something like, a beautiful, blond girl asks a horse on a date, but all he said was ‘neigh’. Then another bloke would come up to the horse and ask why he turned her down, and the horse would say, ‘I prefer redheads’. That’s a joke!” Oliver carried on emphatically.

The monk stared at the Kelly son flatly.

He allowed the silence to stretch on between them.

“Again… I don’t believe that will be necessary.”

Oliver looked up from his cooking preparations exasperated. “Oh come now! That was bloody good!”

“How long have you been waiting to tell that joke?”

Oliver didn’t answer but instead refocused his attention on making breakfast, though Lou noticed he was quite pointed in avoiding meeting his gaze.

“Right. Well… I don’t know what kind of test Tivera will send… he’s only done two or three trials in history, but they were for the priests chosen by Berra, or Zeviras…” the monk sighed and made his way over to the bench by the dining table.

“You know, you could see it as a good thing that it is Tivera and not Bilsib. Three days of tests with Tivera is a picnic compared to that goddess.”

Lou’s complexion turned green.

Oliver looked at him with growing wariness. “What’s that look for…?”

The monk swallowed with difficulty. “Bilsib… is going to be my second trial.”

Despite having been in the middle of dunking the bread slices into the egg mix, Oliver froze.

Then, with a slow shake of his head, he spoke. “If you descend into madness… I’ll still come by to check on your cat.”

“Thanks,” Lou retorted glumly.

“Don’t mention it…” Oliver trailed off. “Did you really not think my joke was better?”

Lou couldn’t even meet the Kelly son’s gaze before dropping his head to his hands.

What in the world has my life become?