CHAPTER 36: UNENDING DEPUTIZATION

I snorfled up what probably wasn't actually half my weight in food and then I lay down in the corner. The humans and Master Hethok all started talking to each other with Commander Selb asking short and incisive questions about where we'd gone and what we'd done, but I was tired and not interested in chatting.

I had barely closed my eyes when Eugene shook me awake.

{Mrglef?} I mumbled, looking blearily at him.

"Hey big guy," he said quietly. "Come bunk with me; Selb assigned us some quarters and it'll be more comfortable than a marble floor. Plus, there won't be people traipsing through."

I grumbled sleepily but shambled to my feet and followed him down the hall, Murray sitting on my head.

"Hey," Marcus called as we were almost out the door. "Where are you off to?"

"Racking out," Eugene said easily. "I figure we get some rest then get onto the path home for our boy here."

Marcus's jaw tightened but he nodded. "Sounds smart. It'll be dawn soon. Catch you guys for lunch? We can meet in the mess hall at noon."

"Sure, whatever." Eugene turned and left. I gave Marcus an apologetic shrug and followed Eugene out.

The room he led me to was a storeroom into which someone had hastily shifted four hospital beds. The legs had been lashed together to keep them from separating; Eugene kicked his shoes and swordbelt off and dropped onto the left edge of the bed with a tired sigh.

"C'mon up, big guy," he muttered, dropping his head to the pillow.

I hopped up on the bed, curled up with my tail over my nose, and was promptly asleep. It was very calming to once again share a mattress with a People. I'd just have to be careful not to crowd him off the bed.

o-o-o-o

I woke up when Eugene woke up and started shifting around preparatory to starting the day. I was still logy and not in the mood to get up so I dropped my head across his calves and went back to sleep.

o-o-o-o

"Seriously, Athos, wake up!" Something shoved me in the side of the head.

{Hrmph?}

"Huh? Wha'?"

I picked my head up and looked blearily around to see who was talking. Something felt off—the room wasn't Cassie's and the bed I was lying on wasn't hers and I couldn't smell her.

I had to struggle for a moment and then it all came back. I was in a different universe and everything kept trying to kill me and I couldn't function as a person but I also wasn't a dog anymore. And someone had been talking...oh, it was Murray. Why...? Right. He was translating me.

The bed shifted as Eugene took the opportunity to roll out now that I wasn't pinning him down. I grumbled a little but didn't complain. Instead, I stretched thoroughly, first the back end and then the front, then a little side-to-side to limber up the shoulders.

"You are way too heavy," Eugene said, laughing as he pulled his shoes on.

"Hrmph." I gave him my best Grumpy Look. "I need to go."

"I needed to go two hours ago, but you're heavy. There's a toilet on the way back to the front lobby. Let me go first and we'll find you something right away. Not sure what time it is now but we're meeting the other two at the mess hall at noon."

"I need to go now."

o-o-o-o

An hour later, Marcus, Estelle, Eugene, and I were gathered in the mess hall. Everyone else had a plate piled high and I had a bowl and a place at the table. I was tired and grumpy and the stuff in my bowl wasn't my favorite kibble and no one was 'accidentally' dropping bits of toast and eggs and my family weren't here.

"You doing okay?" Estelle asked, pausing with a fork halfway to her mouth.

"Yes." I continued eating, not looking at her.

"You sure?"

"Yes."

From the corner of my eye I saw her exchange worried glances with Marcus but neither of them said anything.

"So, what's the plan?" Marcus asked.

"I'm still a deputy," I said, not picking my head up from my stupid ugly bowl with the stupid tasteless meatloaf that wasn't what I would have been eating at home.

Eugene frowned in confusion. "And?"

"Responsible people don't walk away from obligations," Estelle said calmly. She paused between bites and looked up at him. "In case it wasn't clear, being a deputy for the City Guard is an obligation."

"Also, walking out on an obligation to the city, which includes being a member of the City Guard, is treason," Marcus added. "It leads to being hunted down by people with powers like 'know everything that is written down on anything within fifty miles' and 'cause everything that is blue to become explosive'."

"Wait, really?" Estelle asked. "How does that one work?"

Marcus shrugged. "Dunno. Might just be a legend and I don't remember all the details. I think the name was something like 'Ontological Blending', whatever that means. Supposedly, the last time the Ymelites tried to invade, Councilman Tarabean used it to make their uniforms and flags and such explode. Settled the entire invasion in twenty minutes."

"Dumbasses."

All three of us looked at Eugene.

"What? They've attacked four times in the last fifty years. They get blown to shit every time. At some point they need to accept that they aren't going through here."

"They need to eat," Estelle said sharply. "They've got the Greyspires on the west, the Dragonholms to the east, and the Malwern Conspiracy on the north. Their breadbasket never even made subsistence and it Patched out twenty years ago, substituted with radioactive badlands. That leaves their only trade options as south through Hellsport or southeast through the Allied Cities. The safe routes through the 'Holms that lead to us aren't big enough for large-scale trade and most of us don't like trading with them anyway because of their religion, so we don't sell them enough food to get by. They could try invading, but if they go after us then a million soldiers, more wizards than I can count, and two dragons land on them like a brick to the head. On the other hand, Hellsport is only one city-state and it has no allies. If the Ymelites can go through here they can get to the Southern Isles and get all the access to resources they could ever want."

"How the blazes do you know that? You're just a caravan guard."

I glared disapprovingly at him. My friends should not be mean to each another.

Estelle dabbed her lips off and set her napkin down carefully. "I am a lot of things," she said. "I am an orphan, and a gang girl, and a student at the Dichezo Dojo, and not an idiot. When I was a ganger I knew who moved on our streets and why. When Marcus and I decided to take a chance in Hellsport we both studied up on what was going to be relevant so that we could pick the best cargo and know what threats we were facing. And yes, that includes knowing that the Ymelites have attacked five times in the last forty years and the reasons behind it."

Eugene started to say something, then glanced at me and stopped. His jaw worked as he digested that. "So why cut off trade to Ozurdati?"

"Because when merchants come into your country they see your military preparations," Marcus said. "They're putting together another invasion."

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

"Says you."

"Yes, says me."

"Why can't the Ymelites go around Hellsport?" I asked. "Why do they need to keep attacking it if all they want to do is go past it?"

"Roads," Marcus said. "The whole point is to be able to move large amounts of food from the coast up to their homes. A lot of the ground in this region is mucky or rough, hard to drive a wagon over, and the Ymelites don't have any advanced travel options. If you're trying to drive wagons to the coast then you need to use, or at least cross, the Hellsport road network. The roads are made from a treated form of hellstone that moves when pressure is applied. If you have the proper licenses on you then the road will move in the direction you're traveling, doubling or even tripling your speed. If you don't have a license, you'll be dumped off the side of the road, which is a problem since it's essentially impossible to get from here to the coast without crossing at least one of the roads. People have been trying to forge the licenses forever but it's never worked. There are some magics that can lock the stone in place and prevent it from moving under you, but anytime someone tries that a strike group arrives from Hellsport and kills them. Same if you try to bridge a road or pave over it."

Well that didn't sound disturbing at all.

"It's part of why we spent weeks coming through the woods on the way here," Marcus continued. "We could have done it in a few days on the roads but buying the licenses would have taken most of the profit from the trip. We figured we had enough strong fighters along to protect a small caravan traveling through the wilderness, and—"

"And I found that journal showing that a route existed," Eugene said. "We couldn't have done it without that. Since the route proved good, all we have to do is make enough money to fund a few more caravans and some road crews. Improve the road enough that people can use it quickly, then we can set up a service running caravans back and forth. We'll be stupid rich."

"More importantly," Estelle said, "a new road to Hellsport, a non-hellstone road, will make Ozurdati the richest and strongest of the northern Allied Cities. Say what you will about Hellsport, it's rich and powerful. There's a lot of Patches here that contain very useful magic systems, and the portal to the Infernal is a source of apparently unlimited goods, especially hellstone."

Marcus nodded. "What she said. Going back to the original topic: Right now Hellsport insists on being a reshipment point. Everyone who wants to use the roads for trade needs to move through the city and pay duty. If Hellsport would reduce the duty, or rent the Ymelites the appropriate travel licenses at a reasonable rate, then Ymel would have no cause to attack. Unfortunately, the Hellsport Council likes having a captive market."

"And a buffer state," Estelle added.

Marcus gave her a 'really?' look.

She shrugged. "You know I'm right. It's why the duties are always set right at the point that keeps Ymel eating but on the edge of starving. They want Ymel too weak to break free but strong enough to hold off the Malwern Conspiracy. If Ymel got depopulated then the Conspiracy would grow down to fill the land and they'd become Hellsport's problem. I'd say the Council is much happier dealing with a bunch of semi-starved humans than the Malwern."

"I'm still not sold on the Malwern moving into such crap land, but sure. Anyway, the point is that the Ymelites need to buy food, Hellsport's prices are too high, and Hellsport controls their only good trade route and won't let them through."

I thought about that for a moment.

"But why?" I asked. "The way they're doing it sounds mean. Wouldn't they all be happier if they were nice to each other?"

Eugene chuckled, Marcus smiled ruefully, and Estelle looked sad.

"It's complicated?" Marcus said. "They—"

"Not really," Eugene interrupted. "The Ymelites are a bunch of batshit crazy assholes and nobody wants them anywhere nearby. They're xenophobic as anything and they have this weird religion that says a couple thousand years ago they were ruled directly by a god, and it was great for everyone. Then he tells them that he needs to go home for a while to deal with some god politics but he'll come back by reincarnating himself into one of his descendants. He didn't leave any specifics, and he was a randy bugger who left kids all over the place, so every couple of years someone declares himself the God-King reincarnated and fights his way to the top of the pyramid. Turns out that being really good with a sword and healthy enough to climb a lot of steps aren't enough qualifications to be a good ruler. Whoever it is rules for a few years, usually makes things worse, and then the next God-King takes the throne and undoes whatever the previous guy did, including whatever good things happened to get done."

"But..." I didn't even know where to go with that. "I mean..."

"Shouldn't they stop believing in this stupid system and choose something that's obviously better, like what's being used in literally any other part of the Realms? Sure." He shrugged. "They're dumb."

"I don't know that I'd say 'dumb'," Marcus said. "Most of them are uneducated serfs indoctrinated since birth. And it sounds like the God-King's lineage really does have power."

"Sure, but hereditary magic is common without needing to have a god involved. There isn't even good evidence that the God-King actually existed, let alone that he was actually divine."

Marcus shrugged. "Not something I'd know about. Anyway, we were talking about next steps. Athos, we need to get you back on the path home. First step in that is getting you de-deputized. How long were you contracted for?"

"Until the demon invasion ended."

All three of them suddenly looked alarmed.

"What were the exact words?" Eugene asked. "And who said them?"

"It was Watch Commander Selb. He said: 'Athos, knowing that the city is currently in a state of emergency, do you consent to being deputized into the Guard for the duration of the current emergency, subject to orders from active-duty Guardsmen, and with the full understanding that you will be deployed to potentially life-threatening situations and expected to fight and/or render assistance as ordered by the scene commander?'"

"That's...probably okay?" Estelle said. "Back at the caravansary that Council snake said that the Council had claimed emergency powers based on circumstances."

"Exigent circumstances," I added. "In case that matters. I don't know what it means."

"It's a legal toim," Murray said. "It refers ta situations dat would cause a reasonable poyson tah t'ink dere was a imminent threat ta da city as a whole, or ta an officer of da city, and dat da threat was of such magnitude dat it could not be prevented or avoided usin' onsite resources, or resources dat could be summoned in a timely way, wid dose resources all actin' accordin' ta normal legal practices. Da precedent fah usin' it is pretty narrow. Ya basically need somethin' like a demonic invasion, curse storm, self-propagatin' magical constructs...somethin' like dat. Not jes' yer run ah da mill gangbangahs blowin' shit up."

"Hang on," Estelle said, her voice holding equal measures of wonder and concern. "You just volunteered information. You did exposition."

I cocked my head in confusion, then realized the issue. "Oh, right. We never got around to telling you: Murray and I made a deal. I'm going to be paying him one Spirit every other day and he's going to help me get home. There's a bunch of rules and restrictions on what he can do but now he's allowed to tell me things and suggest stuff."

"Da big t'ing is dat I can't intafeah wit' his free will," Murray said. "Mortals got da right ta make mistakes. Dere's Infoinal precedent fah advisah-class demons and it should stretch ta cover imps as well but I don't want ta push it too much. I can ansah almost any question ya might got and I can clarify t'ings and volunteah stuff up to a point, and I won't deliberately steer ya wrong. I ain't fightin' foah ya, or usin' magic outside ah some basic stuff like translayshun, or volunteer issues unless I t'ink dey will be a really big deal. If ya ask questions I can be a lot freeah wid da info, but I've still got some restrictions dere." He pointed one tiny finger at her dramatically. "And don't be takin' dat as license, missy! I woik fah him, not you, and I don't like bein' pestahed."

Estelle nodded in preemptive surrender. "Understood."

"If we could focus on the important part," Eugene said, "what's happening with Athos? Is he stuck being a deputy forever?"

Murray wobbled one tiny hand. "Eh. Prolly not. Da Council still gots ta follow da law, an' I don't see how dey would claim dat da threat is still goin' aftah da demons is all killed."

"What about the spawnlings?" Eugene asked.

Murray blinked. "Oooh."

"You're suggesting that they can keep the emergency going as long as the spawning pit is running?" Marcus asked carefully.

"Technically the 'demon invasion' would still be in effect so long as there are still members of Lord Gliv's forces around," Estelle said. "If they don't shut the pit down then it will keep pumping out spawnlings and the emergency will technically still be in effect so Athos would still be stuck as a deputy. Plus, the spawnlings aren't much of a threat in small numbers but they will still be picking off a few people here and there. The Council won't care about that, but I do."

"Eh, let 'em grow up a bit, see how 'not much of a threat' they are," Murray said. "Coupla months, max. It'll be more than a few."

"This could be a problem," Marcus said.

"Sounds like an opportunity to me," Eugene said. "It's an Attunement farm. Capture the spawnlings as they come out, let them mature a bit so you've got various levels of challenge, then charge money for people to come in and kill them."

Marcus, Estelle, and I all considered that.

"Not sure I like the implications," Marcus said. "The last thing the world needs is Hellsport getting even more powerful."

"How long will the spawning pit last?" I asked Murray. "You said before that if it was here long enough then it would start converting the area into another part of Hell."

Murray scratched the base of his horns. "I dunno." He saw our expressions and looked defensive. "I don't! Ima imp, not a colonizah demon! I run messages, translate, pack shit, dat kind of t'ing!"

The rest of us exchanged nervous looks.

"I don't want this place to become Hell," I said. "That sounds bad."

Marcus nodded grimly. "Me either. Still, it may not be our problem. If we can get through Simon's door we can get you home. Along the way the rest of us should pick up enough Attunement to unlock a Rare Skill, maybe a couple of them. That's enough to retire on. We get out of the Hellsport area and don't come back."

"It's very much our problem if Athos is stuck being a deputy," Estelle reminded him. She waved around the massive cafeteria that had been ringingly empty yesterday and today was half full of between-shifts guards. We had taken a table against one wall and there was no one near us, but she still kept the gesture confined so as not to draw attention. "Based on attendance, it looks like the demons have been dealt with. Still, if the spawning pit is running that could give Selb and his bosses a chance to keep Athos forever."

Eugene snorted. "'Could'? In this city? They'll screw their own mothers for a stone. You know they'll keep him tied down." He chewed on his lip in frustration. "What do you think they'll have him doing? Maybe—"

"There you are," said Watch Commander Selb, walking up to our table with a satisfied look on his face and a leather messenger bag on his shoulder. "Been looking for you lot."

I felt my stomach drop.

"Yes, Commander?" Marcus asked calmly.

Commander Selb rummaged around in his satchel for a moment, then tossed a small leather pouch in front of each of us.

"You guys did good work out there. The city thanks you and offers this bounty. Athos, I'll need that deputy badge back; the Council finished off the remaining demons and destroyed their spawning pit, so the state of emergency is over. Feel free to finish your meals, but you'll need to leave after that—unless any of you want to join the Guard. If you do, come find me. We'd be glad to have you."

He gave us a polite nod, turned, and left.