Healing Salve effect negated by status effect 'Worm Infested': Healing is insufficient to advance resolution of status effect. Minor Healing effect negated by status effect 'Worm Infested': Healing is insufficient to advance resolution of status effect.

Zoola frowned. "Why didn't that do anything?"

"What do you mean?" Marcus asked. We had decided to add 'go get Athos some healing' to the front of the priority list and he and Estelle were waiting patiently while Zoola went over me.

"The edges of the salve should have sparkled when I put it on," she said. "They didn't. It's acting like it's just spackle."

I looked away uncomfortably.

"What's wrong?" Zoola demanded.

"Nothing."

"C'mon, dog. Something's wrong."

"Worms."

"What was that?"

"Worms."

"Speak up, imp."

"Hey, don't blame da messenja, lady. He's doin' da whisperin', I'm just translatin' accurately."

"Come on, Athos," Zoola said kindly. "I can't help if I don't know what the problem is."

"...Worms," I muttered by way of Murray. "I have worms." Family, I hoped she wouldn't make me talk about it.

Zoola frowned. "Worms? What are you talking about?"

{Can you explain it, please?}

"Sorry, Boss. Like I said, I ain't no exposition fairy."

I sighed and looked away. "One of the nagas we were fighting hit me with a Worm Vortex Skill. It did a lot of damage and it infested me with a bunch of worms that are giving me a penalty to my Recovery. Aerith, that healer guy, he managed to kill a few of them but there's still a lot left." I looked back at her, my head hung low. "It's not my fault! I didn't eat poop, I promise!"

Zoola blinked. Her expression was complicated and I couldn't tell what was going on in her head, but I was afraid part of it might be suppressed laughter.

"Why would you think I would think you had eaten poop?"

"...no reason."

"Mm-hm. Okay, well, how big is the penalty? Is it getting worse? Because if your Recovery goes below zero you're going to start taking damage and eventually die."

Eep. Fortunately, I was a long ways off. "I'm fine for now. It's only a seventy-point penalty—well, seventy-five before Aerith cured five of the worms."

"You...you have a Recovery of more than seventy-five?!"

"Yes? It's normally a hundred and twenty-three. Holy shitballs, Boss, your Recovery is a hunnder and twenny-t'ree?! Well, not since I got hit with that attack." Murray stopped and shook his whole body, doing a really good impression of me splatting the Guardsmen earlier. "Sorry 'bout dat. I shouldn' be interjectin' my own comments inta da translation. Anywayz, he said da 'Yes? It's normally a hunnerd and twenny-t'ree' part, and den I said da 'Holy shitballs, Boss' part, and den he said—"

"We got it, Murray," Marcus said, looking simultaneously amused and flummoxed.

"So, wait...Athos, that really was you speaking when you said the part about a Recovery of one hundred and twenty-three?" Zoola asked.

"Uh-huh."

She stared.

"Is that good?" I asked.

She and Marcus burst out into somewhat hysterical laughter. Estelle sighed and shook her head.

"Yes, that's good," Zoola said after managing to get herself under control. "Most humans are born with about fifteen in each stat. If we don't manage to access then we max out at twenty-five. I've been accessed for five years and I'm at nineteen."

"Oh."

"Yes. Anyway, did you get a message when I put the salve on you? Or when I used Minor Healing?"

"It said 'Healing Salve effect negated by status effect 'Worm Infested': Healing is insufficient to advance resolution of status effect.' Same for Minor Healing."

"Hm...so we can't keep applying the salve until there's enough accumulated healing to kill one of the worms. It needs to be done all in one go. How much did that guy heal you for when he cured some of the worms?"

"Two hundred and thirty-two the first time, and that cured two worms. Three hundred and ninety-two the second time, and that healed three worms."

Her eyebrows rose. "One hundred points per worm, and it needs to be all in one go? That's going to be a problem."

"Why? Aerith didn't have any trouble."

"Healing skills are rare enough that I can make a good living selling healing salve that only does a few points per dose. That Aerith guy is probably one of the best healers in the city."

Oh.

"Any chance he'll heal on his own?" Estelle asked, looking at Zoola.

Zoola shook her head, then shrugged. "Maybe? He's still got bonkers Recovery. If his body prioritizes the wounds first then he'll heal. If it prioritizes the worms first then he won't. I have no idea which way it'll go."

All three humans chewed on that for a moment.

"The plasters have at least stopped the bleeding," Marcus pointed out. "He's not leaving bloody paw prints anymore."

"I suppose that's something," Zoola said doubtfully. "Keep an eye on your status review tomorrow, dog. If you're at least a few points better then that's a good sign."

"Will do," I told her, nodding. Thank Family that we weren't talking about the worms anymore!

"Unless there's more you can do, we should head out and talk to Simon," Estelle noted.

"Nope," Zoola said, busily packing up her remaining salves. "Sorry, Athos. I wish I had something else to offer, but I'm just a minor talent so far."

"Why is that?" I asked.

She glanced up. "Hm?"

"You said you'd been 'accessed' for five years, which I guess means that's how long you've been talking to Mr. FloatyBox. So why don't you have more Skills? Or do you, but they aren't the right ones?"

She studied me for a moment. "It's rude to ask people about their Skills."

"Oh." I hung my head. "I'm sorry, I didn't know." I considered it for a moment. "Why is it rude?"

Her 'vaguely irked' face broke into a disbelieving laugh. "Crazy dog. A guy saw you use Spirit Transference, immediately tried to kill you in broad daylight, and you're asking me why we don't talk about our Skills?"

"Oh." I seemed to be saying that a lot. Maybe this was a good time to stop talking? No, I needed to know this. "It's just...Skills give Attunement, and you can buy more Skills with the Attunement, so I thought..."

She shook her head, still chuckling. "Yes, each Skill gives Attunement, but usually not much. My first Skill, the one that got me access, was a Common-rank Physique +1. It generates 1 Attunement a day and the lowest price to unlock and Attune a new Skill is 432. Getting me that Skill wasn't easy; Jalos paid a hunter to carry a mouse while hunting dire wolves. Fortunately, one of the wolves had the Skill and it went into the mouse that the hunter was carrying instead of into the hunter himself. I took the mouse out of the city so that I would be the only valid target, then I killed it and got the Skill, which gave me access to the Skillweb. Seven months later, I had saved up enough Attunement that I could unlock one of the Skills adjacent to Physique +1. I got lucky; it was Healing Salve instead of something useless. Seven months later, I was able to actually buy it. Now I get Attunement whenever someone uses one of my salves, but I can only make so many per day and I need to virtually exhaust my mana reserves doing it. Earning enough Attunement to buy new Skills is slow going unless you're constantly fighting or have a really good healing or protection Skill."

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"Oh." Yes, this was definitely time to stop talking. Saying that I earned over 1900 Attunement each day just from Supreme Exemplar would only cause jealousy, the same way that an owner giving someone else a doggy treat at the park caused jealousy. (Stupid Margaret and her giant bags of treats that she gave Percy, her stupid little Pomeranian, every time he yapped at her!)

"Anyway, I'm sorry I couldn't help more," Zoola said. "If you'll excuse me, I've got to go find an apothecary so that I can buy some herbs to make more salves. Stay safe, you three." She stood up and ruffled my ears, careful to avoid the worm bites, then gave the humans a wave and left.

"Sorry that didn't work out," Marcus said.

I shrugged. "We'll get it figured out. At least it doesn't hurt much." That was a complete lie.

"Uh-huh." Based on Marcus's tone, I was not a very good liar. "Anyway, let's go. And yes, you have to be on the leash."

I sighed but stood still as he slipped the rope around my neck. Leashes were evil, but better than someone trying to assassinate me again.

o-o-o-o

The sun was behind us, so when I walked in the door of the shop I cast my shadow across where Simon was sitting at his counter writing something while chomping absently on a sandwich. He was wearing a tiny little pair of half-moon glasses balanced on the end of his beaky nose.

The firebrick-red demon looked up, saw us, and promptly smiled a terrifyingly teeth-infested smile. (His teeth were chiffon white! Colors were neat! Also, needle teeth were not well adapted to chicken salad sandwiches.) "Welcome! Your timing is impeccable! I was going to message you as soon as I finished with the accounts. I have excellent news about—Satan's succotash, what happened to you?!"

"I got hit with a Worm Vortex in the tournaments."

"Oh, dear." He tipped his head down so he could study me over the rim of his glasses. "My, my. Don't be offended, but you look terrible."

"We have some questions for you, if you've got a moment," Marcus said. He was carrying his spear loosely at his side and my newly supersensitive nose told me that he smelled wary, which was a thing that my old regularly sensitive nose could have told me just as well. In fact, the only thing my new nose was doing for me was making the faint brimstone reek of the city painful and the strong brimstone reek of Simon torturous.

"Of course! What can I do for you?"

Marcus gave me an 'are you sure' glance and I nodded. "Athos got attacked by a Skill hunter earlier today," he said. "We need to get him an ID tag so that he's accorded legal protection. He doesn't have one so we're worried about what will happen if he tries to leave the city."

"Hm. Yes, that could be difficult. Fortunately for you, I can issue temporary tags. They're typically given to demons who want to go out on the town for a quick 'vacay', as I gather you humans call it." He sighed. "It's mostly the balors and the succubi and incubi—you know, go out and eat a few duelists, shag a couple dozen idiots into signing eternal contracts, that sort of thing. Prices are very reasonable—one Spirit for a three-day tag. We also offer a subscription service with a 1.5 Spirit upfront fee and then up to ten tag renewals for only fifty mana each. Each renewal gets you another three-day tag."

"1.5?" Marcus scoffed. "That's ridiculous! One third at most."

I kinda tuned out as Marcus and Simon threatened each other with numbers for a few minutes. Instead I turned to Estelle.

"Thank you for helping me," I said quietly. Murray, wonderful translator that he was, translated at the intended volume.

Her lips twitched for a moment. "No problem. Least we can do after how many times you saved our butts on the trail."

I cocked my head. "I didn't do that much."

"You saved us from the wolves on the first day, found the horses, held off the snakebear thing so we could kill it safely, got wagons out of mud and holes in minutes when we would have been at it for hours, and saved all our asses when we went after the lizard. Least we can do is help you get a tag."

I tried to give her an affectionate slurp, but she covered her face too quickly so I only got her forearm and elbow.

Rude.

"Gack!" she said, smiling. "No slobbering!"

Hrmph.

"Fine!" Simon shouted, throwing his hands in the air. "Ugh, humans. You're all just lucky that I'm such a softy."

"Hm, what?" I asked.

"We've got a contract for you if you want it," Marcus said. "One Spirit for the tag, plus up to five renewals for twenty-five mana each, with each renewal being for three days."

"Oh...that sounds good," I said. Oh dear. I was going to have to put my paw on that quill again, wasn't I?

"Can't believe I'm letting myself be ripped off like this," Simon muttered to himself while rapidly scrawling the terms of the agreement onto more of that not-paper. My enhanced vision could pick out the pores and a few unremoved vellus hairs on its surface. I couldn't smell a heckin' thing except for brimstone, for which I was very grateful. If it had smelled like human I was probably going to have to eat Simon's face, and I was pretty confident that he wouldn't taste good.

"Actually..." he said, his quill pausing halfway through a word. "I think I might be able to offer a deal that would be better for both of us."

Marcus and Estelle exchanged glances. I gave Simon a doubtful eyeball.

"What's that?" I asked suspiciously.

Simon seemed surprised at my caution. "Well, as I was saying when you walked in, I have excellent news! I found a route home for you."

I jerked my head over in shock. "I thought it was going to take three days to find? We were here yesterday."

"Yes, well, always allow more time than you need. Now, the route is a bit longer than one might consider ideal..."

My doubtful eyeball progressed to a suspicious eyeball. "How long?"

"Twenty-seven links."

"Twenty-seven?!"

"Navigating the deepest reaches of the infinite darkness that is the noxaetherium ain't like dusting crops, boy."

My group delivered three simultaneously blank stares.

"See, it's a play on how dogs are typically called 'boy', but the quote actually ends in 'boy' so...no? Nothing? Really?" He put his glasses down and gave forth a dejected sigh. "No one appreciates the great masters. I'll have to tell George about this. He'll hate it."

"Who is George?" Marcus asked.

"Hm? Oh, George was a visionary. Transformed the world for generations of children. Lit off imaginations that produced millions of truly awful writers, several very good ones, and gave hundreds upon hundreds of science educators a way to teach children that science is cool." He shook his head. "He would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for all that meddling and prequels."

"Would have gotten away with what?"

"His afterlife. PortalCo would never have been able to host him if he hadn't started meddling with his own opus. Petey-boy was a huge fan of George's—even wanted to have George autograph his wings—but the shooting priority thing infuriated him. Really ruined the..." He shook himself. "Terribly sorry. You don't care about otherdomainal popular culture. We were talking about your route home.

"As I was saying, I found you a route. It involves passing through twenty-seven separate domains and I definitely wouldn't use words like 'smooth' or 'unobstructed'. Still, I'm prepared to offer you substantial assistance."

"What kind of assistance?"

"These."

He plonked two small leather pouches on the counter and loosened the rawhide drawstrings so he could reveal the contents. All three of us leaned in.

"What are those?" I asked, looking at the unremarkable smooth river stones inside.

"These," Simon said, tapping the left pouch, "are guidestones. Each stone is attuned to one of the domains that you'll need to pass through. It will automatically activate when you get to that domain and then crumble when you leave it." He pulled one of the stones out and held it up on a clawed hand. (I noticed absently that he had very callused palms.) It was an oval about two inches by one inch and a quarter inch thick. In color, it was mostly a dove grey with speckles of fog, flint, cloud, and coin.

"All you need to do is place the stone on a flat surface, push a little mana into it, and one part of the edge will brighten to indicate which way you should travel. Guaranteed accurate or your Spirit back."

"And what about that one?" Estelle asked, pointing at the other bag. That one contained only a single stone, about the size of a large smooth marble and containing a swirled riot of soft colors from cinnamon brown to peacock blue to periwinkle purple.

"That, dear friends, is a Superb-quality portal stone. The gentleman here can simply feed it a bit of mana, toss it down, and after only sixty seconds it will open a portal back to this office. If things get too dicey, simply portal back here and take a break. Rest, recover, and try again."

"Single use, right?"

"Yes, well, you try finding multi-use Superb-quality portal stones. They can't be had for vitriol or souls."

The three of us exchanged looks.

"I should warn you that routes between the Realms are never stable." Simon said, one finger upraised. "This particular route, being as long and windy as it is, will only remain open for perhaps half a day without stabilization. With a bit of effort I can stabilize it for up to two hundred and twelve days plus a couple of hours. After that we would need to scout a new path, and given how far away it currently is I'm uncertain that there would be one, as your home Realm is receding from everything in its local group and become progressively harder to reach. If you don't make it back before this route closes, you most likely won't make it back at all."

He let that one hang in the air for a moment.

"Also, just as visitors to this Realm slowly lose access to their own abilities, you would lose access to your own. Oh, you'll maintain use of your existing ones all the way back to your own Realm, but once you get there it will all fade. You would no longer have any of your active abilities. No more...I don't know, fire breathing or transforming flowers into toads or whatever you might have. Passive abilities, I'm not sure."

"I'm only smart because of a Skill," I said slowly. "Will I stop being smart when I get home? Or what about while I'm in transit?"

Simon tapped his chin with one clawed finger, studying me. "A Skill made you smart? Interesting. I'd be very curious to know more about that Skill...regardless, the fading takes months. Regardless of how many domains you traverse in that time, you'll maintain all your Skills for longer than the route will remain open. You should continue to gain Attunement during your travels, although you will likely lose access to the Skillweb after a certain distance. As to whether you remain smart once you get home...I can make no promises, but my assumption would be yes. Passive abilities typically transform who you are, they don't actively maintain a new state. As such, when you lose access to mana you will probably retain the intelligence you were granted. Again, I promise nothing because this is outside my field of expertise."

So going home probably did not mean losing who I now was. And, to be honest, even if it did mean losing my current intelligence, that didn't seem so bad. I liked being a dog, and being just a dog had been a nice life. I had a wonderful family who loved me and took care of me, and I was never bothered by existential questions like 'what happens after I die?' As to the trip home, I would still be able to use what I had but I wouldn't be able to gain more. That seemed...manageable.

"You mentioned a deal?"

"Yes," Simon said, smiling broadly. "We can fold the ID tag in with the route. Now, you need to understand that these stones are expensive items. Dozens of guidestones, each one attuned to a specific far-off domain? Pricey. A Superb-quality portal stone capable of reaching across dozens of domains? Very pricey. Stabilizing the route? That will cost you."

"How much?" I asked.

"Well, I'm feeling generous. Let's call it six hundred and forty Spirit for the lot."

I blinked.

"That's more than I have."

Simon shrugged. "Yes, well, hardly my problem. I can give you excellent rates on some helloin; plenty of people in this town will be delighted to sell you their Spirit for a taste."