Have you ever desired supernatural powers..?

Wondered what you would with these abnormal abilities if you did..?

Maybe even looked deep within yourself and asked: ‘Would I actually be the hero, or would the sins of my own mortal huberous cause me to be known as the villain?’...

Well of course you bloody have!!!

If you haven’t you’re either a liar, or possess the imagination of a labotomised sea cucumber!

Well, if you’re wondering why I’m asking (and mildly berterating) you, it’s because not only have I hypothesised this secenio as well, but I’ve been able to put the theories to practice.

Yep, just your everyday run-of-the-mill average Joe gaining superhuman powers in a completely random and highly unlikely fashion.

So what you’re about to read (if I still have your attention that is) is my story. It’s got action, comedy, drama, romance, and some weird shit that can only really be described as ‘stuff you see in low budget horror movies, that rely more on shock factor, than money or a good plot’.

I’m not really gonna explain it more than that. I mean, I’m pretty sure I wrote a blurb for this at some point. I will quickly say however, that it’s funny how you’re the only person in known history to ever get legit super powers – and then all of sudden other special wankers appear out of nowhere with all kinds of superhuman malarkey... I guess it’s kinda like when you learn a new word and then the word suddenly seems to be everywhere.

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Anyway... Let’s get this metaforphircal show on the road.

I’m gonna start this story just slightly before I got my powers and I’ll be telling it from a first person, past-tense perspective. I will of course be using a more wider range of vocabulary and thoughts than what my past self may have been thinking at the time. Otherwise it’d get pretty dull and repetive rather quickly. Lots of gaps in the memory and thoughts that only really make sense to yourself. You ever try to explain a dream of yours you found interesting? You ever notice how it’s almost always boring to the listener? You see what I’m saying? No..? Well screw you! You’re not the one that dreams about cartoon characters riding dinosaurs having sex with your childhood fears; ya know...