Two days had passed since I awoke from my hentai-cliché induced coma. In that time a doctor and nurse had visited me at my house. They came of course to check up on me, after my mother had told them about my awakening; barely coherently through the phone. They only appeared once; for only a period of one and a half hours. In that time they inspected my body for any sort of ‘complications’, as well as giving me a psychological appraisal after the calculated probing. It seemed that I had passed their tests due to them concluding my time as their patients was terminated. They also quickly took back all of their fancy life preserving equipment. They didn’t even offer me physical therapy sessions or any other standard appointments that would typical be needed after a coma.
Now, I’m not the brightest dolphin in the iguana cage, despite my past self’s belief in the contrary, but even I knew the whole thing was a tad fishy... A little over a month ago I was five-foot five, at a weight of sixteen stone, with plebeian features. I was now five-foot eleven; suddenly so skinny I could see my own ribs, yet I was only a mere eleven pounds lighter. Not to mention my eyes were the colour of a partially ripened olive, and pupils the shape of curved square - instead of your traditional circle. Oh, and one more thing... I HAVE FUCKING GILLS!
About half a day after waking up, I noticed that my entire body was painfully cracked, dry, and wrinkly - my mouth the same. I drank cup after cup of water but it did little rid my thirst. I then began to throw tap water over my clothed body in wild hysteria. I could feel the sudden splashes of cold rejuvenate me little by little, so I took to the bathroom and had a two hour long shower in ice cold water in the fetal position. This sated me but didn’t satisfy, like eating a bowl of cabbage for dinner.
Afterwards I took to studying my body in the mirror, a newfound of hobby of mine that borderlined on the narcissistic. This particular time I felt up every nook and cranny of my body with my ghoulishly long arms, that seemed to no longer follow the laws of a normal arms flexibility. Oh yeah! That was another thing I quickly learned, I now possessed a flexible prowess that was somewhere in between an Olympic level gymnast and your standard piece of well cooked spaghetti. I could now do the splits without even feeling the slightest warmth in my thighs. I could bend my back so far, I could grab my ankles and become a human wheel. All of my appendages could be rotated to any angle by any degree.
Anyway, more on that later. As I was scanning my back, I felt three deep cuts slightly above each shoulder blade. When I placed both hands over the slits, smothering them completely, I suddenly felt dry and found it harder to breath.
It took me longer than I’m prouder to admit; until I finally figured out I was now a semi-aquatic monstrosity. Thankfully I wasn’t too stupid to realise that all these octopus-like abilities/qualities I now might have something to do with that octopus who molested on the beach. Maybe it imparted its power’s to me as a gift for being a good sport about the whole ordeal.
After several panic attacks and chaotic pacing, I cursed my mother and internet provider. My internet was down and therefore I was unable to do research on octopuses, or mutations, or anything. I didn’t know anything about octopuses, except that they were ugly and had tentacles. Most of what I learned about them came from my very own quirky body. So far I had discovered soft oily skin, long limbs, jelly-like bones, gills, pretty badass eyes, saggy skin on my skull (like a small beanie hat made of skin), and I’m pretty sure I could taste my socks...
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So here I was, a half man, half octopus and my doctor had treated me with as much interest as he would have with a middle-aged man that complained about a slight cough. This was all a strange situation indeed. A normal person in my situation may have been more inquisitive but alas, I was an awkward teen who was almost as concerned about not currently being in America, than being an amphibian acrobat. I was just happy that my mum had managed to get me a flight for tomorrow. I was already over two weeks late for college. At that point in time, I had decided to put the whole octopus-man thing on hold, until I could finally begin my new life in good ol’ USA – plus internet.
* * * * * *
The day before leaving was spent buying clothes for my new body. I was planning on getting a hair cut since I now had to deal with long greasy hair, but I feared it would expose my bulbous head skin so I cancelled it at the last second. Seems I now had to be a hat man. A cotton beanie to hide my flesh one.
The day quickly went by and before I knew it, night came calling.
* * * * * *
The promised day had finally arrived. A dawn of a new beginning. The birth of a new era. A day in which I, David Wimble first of his name shall begin his new life as a glorious yank.... And as an octopus-man-teenager-thing.
I arrived at the airport at 5:20 in the morning. My flight was due to depart at 5:40. This didn’t give me a lot of time to say my farewell to my doting mother, something at the time I was greatly thankful for. She cried and cried, and cried more layers on that. Well I had a wealthy amount of angst back then, I was not such am arsehole that I couldn’t hold my mother and comfort in this hard time. I must admit my own disgusting tendencies; part of the reason I clutched her so tightly was because I found her sweet, salty tears dropping onto my bare arms oh so refreshing...
The grand clock had bonged; it was time for me to depart.
“Phone me everyday okay!” My mum sniffed.
“I will mum.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” I lied.
“Goodbye David. I love you.”
“Bye mum... I love you too.”
And that was the end of that. I turned around and marched towards my iron eagle.
I stood on the hot tarmac, gazing at my iron eagle. “This is it... I’m finally headin’ to America. To the great state California.” I boarded the iron eagle.