Dear God,

The ocean was dark and frightful. Everywhere you looked, there was only water, and it seemed ready to devour the poor soul that was trying to venture out in that immersion. The darkness was infinite.

But what made me feel better was thinking that we are traveling faster than a monster could jump to kill us. At least, a small monster. Thus, if we died, we would die with dignity.

“Remember, when we get close to The Patrol, you need to keep The Shield up over the whole boat. No matter what, or they will sink the boat before you could say anything,” Ocean looked at me to see if I was following what he was saying, and in that brief moment, I could see the worries and the anguish in his eyes. Bright. Raw. Frightful. “The first one will go down to confront you. The other one will stay aloft, he will be the support and messenger if anything goes wrong. You need to be quicker. You don't have the guardian's mark, thus he would not be waiting for a big deal. The first thing that he will think that you would do as soon as he lands on the boat it’s bring down The Shield, because everybody knows that you can't defeat him with blades. Thereby, at this moment he will be waiting for whatever power that you could have, because it is your best chance to get out there with life. Keep The Shield up. Fight him, give him your best, but when he's about to separate your head from your body, you attack. Fast. Subtle. Did you understand me, Moon?” His voice was grave, serious. He was not my older brother anymore. He was a general talking to a soldier. A soldier that had an important mission and that could not mess up anything or people would perish.

“Yes, Ocean. I understand,” I said, trying to be confident.

“He will be feeling the victory. He will be almost seeing you fall, lifeless. At this moment, you bring down The Shield, and use your magic. As soon as you attack him, you need to send your power to the other one, you need to stop him from running away. When he notices what you do with his partner, he will bring up The Shield, thus you will not be able to do anything to him with your magic. But you can do a cocoon to stop him from reaching the towers. Once he's in the cocoon, I'll go inside it and do whatever it takes.”

At that moment, in the darkness, surrounded by water, and with the imminent danger of death, my heart was beating in my chest, the fear was inside me like poison. Destroyed. Wrecked. Entering in my heart and in my mind. Blooming in my body like a flower in the first ray of sunshine on a spring morning. Powerful. Exuberant. Colorful. Poisonous.

Fear.

I was so afraid that night. Fear of being murdered. Fear of failing my sister. Fear of making a mistake and causing Ocean's death. It was the only thing I was feeling. It was the only thing I was thinking, like a song in my mind. A cruel and horrible and sad song.

“You need to try to be undetectable, please. Or someone else from The Patrol can see your light blue and send reinforcement. When you attack the other one, trying to send him as close to the water as possible,” Ocean gave me a half smile, one that said that he didn't want to put me in that position. A half smile that at the same time apologized to me. For everything that happened. For nothing at all. For every wrong thing in that nasty world. That half smile that I had known my whole life.

“Remember, none of them know that you are a Dreamer. They are not from our city. You have the surprise element.” he put one of his hands on my cheek. “Everything will be fine, little Moon.”

After that, we travel in silence. While we moved, I did my best to control my mind, to control the beat of my heart. I did my best to control my fear.

I don't know how much time we traveled, I don't know how far we were from the coast, but after a time the first ray of sunshine appeared on the horizon. The dawn of a new future. A new beginning.

I listened Ocean take a deep breath before he said:

“It's time.”

He stopped moving us. He looked at me. Big blue eyes looked at me. He gave me a sad smile before giving me a hug. A strong hug. A powerful hug. The type that brings tears to your eyes.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

It ended. As soon as I started to feel safe, it ended.

It felt and ended like a breeze on a summer afternoon. So pure and so sweet and so finite.

He met my eyes and said:

“Good luck, my sister.”

After that heartbreak whisper, he jumped in the water.

***

I rowed for a thousand years. I rowed for a whole day. I rowed for a brief and frightful second until they found me.

They came like death in the middle of the night. They came as quiet as a dying lover's last words. They came as terrifying as a mother protecting her children from harm.

In the blink of an eye, they were there. Wings, blades, and armor twinkling in the sun. They looked like saviors, but for me, they are not saviors. For me, they are only ruin and doom.

I kept my shield up.

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I kept my blades up.

I was ready for them.

***

The moment they flew over me took an eternity. They stayed there almost my entire life before they said:

“Are you allowed to cross the border?”

I did not have one. He knew it. I knew that he knew it.

I did not answer him. It did not make sense.

One.

Two.

Three.

That was all he waited for before attacking me.

I listened to the sound of his wings. The sound of the wind touching it, the metal singing over the sound of my breath, my heart beating over the sound of the water.

I could almost feel the grandeur of that moment.

I lived a thousand lives before he landed in the boat. And when he finally — finally — did it, the time stopped, and it seems like I have lived my entire life for that moment.

I kept my Shield up.

He came at me. Blades up.

He attacked. Quickly. Strong. I defended myself with my own blades. The impact made my bones shake. Dust. I was dust. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the other blade coming towards me, yearning for my blood. I used every drop of energy to redirect his attack to his side, while lifting a blade to defend myself from the attack coming toward me, at the last second before it split me in half.

I had an entire second before he came to me again. Attacking. I swept toward him, my bones feeling the blade clash. I took a step back. I defended myself. He attacked. I swept my blade toward the side of his body. He intercepted my movement subtly. I took a step back. I saw his blade touching my arm. Scratch my body. I saw blood, but I didn't feel pain. I took a step back. I saw his blade almost touching my throat. I took a step back. He advanced towards me. He was playing with me, I was a toy. I tried to regain my personal space. I kicked his crotch. I listened to his pain, I listened to his curse. I attacked him. Over and over and over again. Our blades sang, the sound hunted my ears. It was touching like old lovers, lovers mad at each other — furious at each other. My world has become attacked and defended. My world became yearning for the pain and blood of that guardian.

He attacked.

The boat was rocking.

In every step, in each move, the boat rocked. I could feel the Ocean’s movement, I could feel the ocean's desire to bring us down. Furious. Plaintiff.

I defended myself.

I could smell blood, sweat, and salt water. Everything was a mix of smells of despair and insecurity.

He attacked me. He used his speed, strength, and experience to imprison me at one end of the boat. I was an animal, I was an animal about to be slaughtered.

That moment stopped. That moment froze, I could see his eyes — soft, kind and lively. He was someone like me. He was me in another life. Not only that, but he was just like me, making what was necessary to survive, to save, and to keep our loved ones.

He was not guilty.

It was not his fault.

He looked at my eyes for a brief moment — a brief, brief, brief moment — before sending his blade to cut my throat.

I don't know if it was a joke in my head, but I can vow that when he sent his blade to my throat, I listened to him saying something. A soft and fast whisper:

“I’m sorry.”

***

At that moment, time seems infinite. It felt like it would last for eternity. A brief moment that looks infinite.

But after eternity, there was only light.

Blue light.

Light that lasts for the blink of an eye.

A light so pure and beautiful that for so long only brought me happiness. But in that morning it brought me only sadness and death.

***

For a brief moment, protecting me with my magic was like an embrace. It was hot and cold at the same time. It was emotionally and dangerous. It was like comprehending everything that existed inside me. And It feels like for the first time I understood what it means to be me. Truly and completely.

And after that feeling, I remembered what I was doing, what I was trying to do. I was trying to find Sun and to save Sun. And I remembered that to make it, I needed to control my magic.

I fell into my magic. I fell into the ocean and felt my heart pound.

I fell and started to fight for the control of my magic.

And controlling my magic was like having to get up at dawn after staying up most of the night. It was terrible and excruciating and agonizing. Because the freedom was amazing and addictive. It was like being on top of the world.

***

I stared at the dust and the blades for a second.

I stared at it for a year and realized what I had done with another person.

I was sinking into my mind.

I was sinking.

I was sinking into the blue.

I closed my eyes.

Blue.

It was the only thing that existed inside my mind.

I was just seeing blue.

I opened my eyes.

I took a breath.

I sent light blue to another person.

To the other Guardian.

And for the first time in my entire life, I was blue.

Everything was blue.

***

Dear God, thank you for listening to me and staying with me. Dear God, please give me the strength to do everything I need to protect my family. Please, make me strong for Sun. That’s what I ask you and appreciate, God.