Dear God,

It was past midnight when Ocean came home.

At that point the worry was eating me alive, and making me imagine different tragic scenarios. The guilt kept me awake, the fear was making me sick, and the tears were threatening to fall.

At that moment every single path I thought led to an only fate: desertion. It was the word that echoed in my head. Over and over again.

If someone takes Ocean asking about the sentries it would raise suspicion, it would raise questions. And questions are just some steps away from court-martial. And in a court Ocean, as a Guardian, would have no mercy because desertion, or even a project, is the worst thing a Guardian in exercise could commit. It's a shame. It's disloyalty. It's a crime, against the nation, against The Guardians, against your family, against your community, and against every single institution that makes up our nation.

But if I have done it and got caught, it's not so terrible, it would be just treason. I was not a guardian, I was training to be one, but I was not one. I would not be judged in court-martial, I would not be considered an enemy of the guardians, the nation would just put me over supervision for some years, and I would probably receive some punishment. But nothing so grave like death penalty, that is what would happen if Ocean go to court-martial for desertion.

That thought made my blood freeze, and I felt dizzy, because Ocean was balancing on a rope, with death flirting with him, threatening him in every step he took. And the thought of Ocean death makes me sick, makes my heart become stone, and makes me feel like I am sinking in my mind.

***

I was lying in my bed when I heard that he was at home. It's just a whisper of life, he almost didn't make any sound, and I just could listen to it because I was focused on the surrounding space.

I sit down and run to the door, I run to him, to my brother. I think I have never run so fast in my whole life. I hugged him. I hugged hard, like the world depended on that single hug.

“You took so long, I thought that something happened, I thought that you were in the prison,” I was crying, I was crying like a baby girl. Because I was not a guardian, I was not a warrior, I was a girl trying to be a survivor, I was a girl trying to make my family survive.

“It’s okay, little Moon. Everything is okay. I’m okay,” he whispered in my hair, and it was almost like he was saying it not to me, but to himself. “By the way, I got what we needed.”

***

We are lying in my bed again, waiting because according to Ocean the sentries would change shifts an hour before dawn. Thus, we are waiting. But between the hours that we were waiting, and that Ocean was taking a nap, I was trying to don't freak out. Our lives were about to change, everything we knew, everything that we knew for our whole life was going to change. Ocean and I would turn our backs on everything we know. But what really makes me feel empty was the thought that everything we know would hunt us. To The Guardian we would become the enemy, that must be hunted, that must be imprisoned and killed. My home would become my nightmare. But honestly, what makes me feel empty and sick is not that, it is not, what makes me feel void was that such a place was not my home anymore, not when my family was treated as a merchandise.

Thus, I was sad, but I would turn around, and if I needed to, I would never look back to my nation.

***

As a result of the wars, our nation’s security was a priority since everyone could remember, in this way, getting out of the territory was unpleasant and trouble. But thanks to my mom, we lived outside of the wall, hence we would not need to climb it, or fight our way out, consequently our first problem was sorted out.

Our second problem was the transportation, and thanks to our dear friend Olavi it was not a complication.

Our third problem, and until now the harder, was passing through the towers.

The Towers are all around the nation. They are basically big buildings suspended in the water that are not far from the coast and the walls, but far enough away to anticipate an invasion in advance and have time to prepare. There are stories about how it emerged, and how it could be suspended in the water, and the reason it appeared in the first place. Those stories are legends about a time lost in the memories of dead Guardians, but somehow it survives the death.

Thus, getting through The Towers is difficult, but thanks to Ocean, and his spree, that night we knew the sentries' shifts, in such a way, it was not as difficult as it should have been.

Our fourth problem was The Patrol. After The Towers are The Patrols, sentries that watch the nation’s border, in the ocean. Each sentinel of the patrol has a partner, they generally work together for sometime before The Guardians change the duo, and the next partner is unpredictable. It is the thing of The patrol, everything is unpredictable and unknown. No one really knows who The Patrol’s sentries are, or how many work in the border, or how it works, or how many hours are the shifts. Everything is top secret information. They say that all these secrets are because of the nation’s security, that the secrets are essential to the safety of the population, because all the wars we fight brought us enemies, and these enemies would use us, and to kill us with no thoughts.

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The patrol is our first security barrier, after it The Towers, and finally The Walls.

Thus, ironically, I am trying to go through it all, go through security that has been around me for my whole life. It was definitely a bad joke.

***

Two hours before dawn, Ocean and I were ready to go out. The two hours that changed our lives forever.

Everything was packed, each thing that we took with us. The food that we would need to be careful of, the few clothes that we took, and our weapons were in the sheath.

I think I never saw Ocean with so many blades, two long and curved blades, several knives attached to his body, and armor over his torso. Each thing was done from The Guardian’s metal. The light and resistant metal, popularly known as the strongest metal in the world. In many ways, he was set to a war.

My condition was like my brother's, the only distinction is that I was not so capable of using a blade like him, like a Guardian. But unfortunately to the Ocean that mission did not have so many volunteers, thus he needed to accept anyone that was willing to fight that battle.

“Here,” Ocean gave me a pack, and inside had silver plumes. “I divide between us. If anything happens, it will not be totally lost.”

“It’s from all of us?” I asked while putting the package in my bag.

“Yes, at least what we still have. We can't let it here, but perhaps we can hide on some island, or a place like it.”

I could not control myself and I gave him a cold smile

“Does the surviving sibling take it all?” I asked while smiling.

“Of course, dear sister,” he also gave a big smile, but in a few instant it vanished. He took a deep breath before asking me what we were avoiding, “are you ready for it?”

***

There was only silence when we arrived at olavi's house. It felt like the whole world stopped during that night for a few seconds, everything was suspended in the air, as if everyone living was holding their breath. It looked like magic, honestly. Old magic, the type that was dead for a long time.

The anchorage next to our home was quiet, no soul was there, no one was there to stop us. Quietness, silence, empty, and ease of robbery.

We walked through the anchorage like little foxes, subtle and careful, ready for the danger, wanting for the danger. But in the end, Olavi’s boat was easy to find, and easy to take.

I can almost feel the feeling of entering that boat, a mix of happiness, anxiety, fear, and restlessness. I can almost feel the beat of my heart, and the sweat of my hands. I can almost hear my breath on that day, and can almost hear myself praying to no one hear my breath, because in my mind it was too loud.

Put everything we took with us in that boat, just take a few instants. And when I looked over my shoulder to my brother to tell him that I was ready to go, I saw the most strange thing that I ever saw in my entire life. Ocean was putting an envelope on another Olavi’s boat.

“What are you doing?” I whispered. “We need to go, you idiot,” it was the only rational thing I could think to ask.

In a few seconds, Ocean ran and jumped in the boat. He sits in the extremity of the boat, and said:

“Hold on.”

I saw him putting his hands next to the sea, and from nowhere I saw water. The water was coming out of him, and in the blink of an eye we were moving in the sea. Fast.

“It's almost time,” I said over the sound of water.

Ocean nodded to me, and somehow we got faster.

***

The sea until The Towers was illuminated by The Wall’s light, thus we took the path with rocks, and with a coral barrier, because it was more secluded.

Our boat was small, and in the sea it was more difficult to see than warships. Beside it, The Towers were more concerned with what might try to attack the nation, not what might try to get out of the nation. Thus, no one was waiting for us.

We got close to The Towers a whole minute before the shift change. That minute was the scariest moment of my life, because we are there in the middle of the sea, in a boat with a lot of packs trying to sneak out of our house. If someone saw us, we would be in a kill-or-die position. Because I know, in my bones, that on that night we would do anything to have a chance of saving the Sun.

When the time comes, Ocean uses everything he has to make us fly over the sea. I still remember passing the towers, that black stone that shines in the stars' light, I still remember to touch, for a brief moment, that stone and feel just coldness. I remember to look into Ocean's eyes, and see worry, and somehow I remember to see fear in his eyes. My big brother was feeling fear, an emotion that for a long time in my life I think was impossible for him to ever know what it was. Because he was so strong and powerful, my child’s mind can't see him feeling it.

The Pass through The Towers took a whole minute, a wink of eyes.

One.

Two.

Three.

I opened my eyes again, and we were away from The Towers, flying over the water to our sister.

***

Dear God, thank you for listening to me and staying with me. Please, be with me and with my family in dark times. Please give us a good night of sleep. That’s what I ask you and appreciate, God.