“Universe Con is coming up. The theme this decade is 'Day of the Karen'. They are celebraiting the new Sub-Class 'Ken' the male version of The Karen.” Ghondish, the goat god of eating stuff, looked around the table, catching each of his players eyes. “Do we want to go?”
“How much RAW will we have to deal with?” Sarah, small god of shadows, enquired.
“All of it”, Pendleton, god of Gnomes, said.
“I propose a vote. Ballot vote, that is, so no one is embarrassed.” Maximilian 'Mil', god of war, said.
“I second that.” This from Kocha, god of chaos.
Ghondish mad up the ballots. “Okay. There five ballots, with two check boxes on each. Mark 'Yes' if you want us to go, and 'No' if you don't want us to go. Does everyone have their permanent writing stick?” He looked around, “No, Sarah, a crayon doesn't count.”
Sarah slumped for a second, then straitened and removed an ink quill from her folder. “Fine.”
The votes were cast, and five 'yes' and three 'no' ballots were counted,.
“Not funny guys.” Ghondish scowled at the group. “Show of hands. Who wants to go?” The group all raised their hands. “Who doesn't want to go?” No hands were raised. “Okay. We are all going.”
A small cheer broke out in the group. “Now that that is settled, for straight RAW play, the Karen Class is restricted to 'Female' players only, even if they are playing the new sub-class, 'Ken'.”
“That's sexist!” Pendleton nearly yelled. “What in the Universe!”
“No need for extreme language.” Sarah rebuffed him, “It's only for the reveal of the finalized 'Ken' sub-class. On the second day of Con, it will be available to everyone.”
“That's still sexist.” Pendleton frowned. “I'm still pissed that Karen is sex restricted. What if someone Gay wants to play one? Or one of those Tr...Tran... bugger, Twin-Spirit peoples? They have both, are they banned?”
“I believe the Council of Superintendents has ruled that Twin-Spirits and such must declair a sex, and live with it for the duration of the convention.” Ghondish shrugged. “They figured it was the best compromise they could make, as there are extremists on both sides of the issue.”
“I suppose that works.” A dejected Pendleton responded. “I just really wanted to play one.”
Mil cocked his head to one side, “You could claim to be Trans, and be female for the con?”
Kocha slapped him across the back of the head. “Not funny, Mil.”
Mil looked up, rubbing the back of his head, “What? I was being serious. PenPen has been known to switch from time to time.”
The whole group looked at Pendleton, who shrunk under the pressure. “Seriously?” Kocha asked.
“Um...yes?” Pendleton mumbled.
“No shit.” Sarah said.
“Wow.” Ghondish whispered.
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“Holy shit!” Kocha yelled.
“So, how did Mil know?” Sarah asked, after the noise quieted down.
“He saw me change the other millennia.” Pendleton admitted.
“And you thought we would care?” Ghondish asked.
“Well, yeah?”
“Idiot” Kocha mumbled.
“Loud and proud! I told you to just tell them. Good folks here.” Mil smiled. “Sorry for outing you.”
“Better you that others.” Pendleton replied with a wan smile.
“Okay. Back to business. What do y'all want to play for the convention?” Ghondish asked, trying to get people back on track.
*-*-*
Later that evening, Ghondish describes the scene:
“Okay, you have all been here before, but just to clarify,” Ghondish took a deep breath, “The bar is gloomy as always, cigarette and pipe smoke hangs in the still air. The smell of old beer and not well maintained wash rooms permeate the place. Dark wood paneling, not changed in forever, greet your eyes, as do the neon beer signs. The dance floor off to the side is mostly vacant, but the music is playing a decent beat. Jessica is tending the ancient and well polished oak bar. She waives as you walk in. 'Hey Y'all! How goes the rat race?' What do you do?”
“I 'saunter' in and sit at the bar proper. Then, I'll order one of those 'pale ale's' everyone was talking about.” Sarah says. “Then I'll make small talk with Jess.”
Mil smiles, “I hold the door open for my date, miss Jenny the high-school teacher. Then politely guide her to a booth within sight of the bar, so she can feel comfortable, knowing she can be seen by the 'tender.”
Sarah raised an eyebrow, “Smooth, and well played. That should give you some advantage to seduce her tonight.”
“I'm actually planning on playing it safe, and learning about her, rather than a 'one night stand'. I finally got the 'how to date' feat. Long term relationships, here I come!” Mil beamed, “Also, I'm trying not to be a dick.”
Pendleton frowned at her sheet. “I think I'm going to order a 'long island'...Who the hells makes up these drink names? Anyway, I order one of those, throw it back, and head out onto the dance floor.”
Ghondish looked at the last party member, “Kocha, what are you doing?”
“Still getting over 'PenPen' being so cute.” Kocha flushed, “Sorry. I sneak around to the back door, jimmy the lock, and walk in. I'm trying to avoid Brash seeing me. I don't want to have an issue after that Wombats betting fiasco. How was I to know the Ice Queen was married to the CEO of Ajax Cedar Industries?”
“Stop calling me that.”
“Sorry Pendleton.”
“You forgot to add that you and Brash both work for the guy.” Pendleton smiled.
“Worked for the guy's company. Past tense.” Kocha grumbled. “Took me three, me forsaken, rolls to find a new job. Asshole.”
Ghondish chuckled, “Okay Kocha, roll for the lock.”
The die is cast.
“Uhh...Fifteen on the dice, so 23?”
The lock goes 'click', and you are in. Roll for stealth.”
Die is rolled once more. Clitter, clatter, click.
“Nat 20!” Kocha yelled, fists punching the air.
Ghondish rolled his eyes. “You know that by RAW, a Nat 20 does nothing special on skill rolls.”
“Crap. I forgot.” Kocha dropped his head to his chest. “So, 28?”
“You easily sneak into the bar. You watch as Brash walks out of the rest room, looks around for a target, and then walk over to Mil and his date.”
“Shit.” Mil swore. “Okay. I ask 'What do you want Brash?'. I get ready for a fight, just in case.”
“He stops next to your table, Mil, looks at your date, and says 'Pretty gal like you should come with me, not stay with a looser like this guy.' and he points at you.”
Mil half closes his eyes, “I crack my knuckles under the table. Can I roll to intimidate?”
“Sure.”
The die is rolled. It comes to a stop at on “7”.
“Shit. Um...13.” Mil shook his head. “Not going to work, is it.”
“Sorry. He rolled a 15 on the die.” Ghondish picked up a different D20, and rolled it. “Okay, a total of 14 on the persuasion check, to see if she will fall for the pickup line.”
“I hope she doesn't. She's a teacher, so I can't actually punch him...”
“Okay, she is starting as neutral to him,” Ghondish looked through the H&H manual for a chart, “but she is 'okay' with you, so he needed an 18-20. With his horrible pickup line, his roll wasn't high enough. She looks at him and says 'Well bless your heart. But 'I' am here with him. Please depart.' She looks back to you, Mil, and asks 'What should we order for drinks?' Your response?”
“I look her in the eyes, and say 'How about a “cocktail pitcher” of the Strawberry Daiquiri?' Then I smile at her.”
“Okay. While that is listed as a 'romantic drink', RAW says that ordering anything but beer by the 'pitcher' is a social Faux pas.”
“Well, since it is on the menu that you handed out last session, I assumed it was an alright choice.” Mil glared at Ghondish. “the 'How to Date' feat gives me advantage on 'All social rolls to influence a potential romantic partner into enjoying the date.' How's that for RAW?”
Ghondish meets the look. “Okay. I'll give you that. So the modifiers from the pitcher and drink choice balance out, so no issue there, and with you getting advantage...She says 'Oh, good idea.' And smiles.”
“Whew. I was worried for a minute.”
“Then, Brash punches you. In the face.”
…
Fin.