“So you spent the last century and a half meditating in a colorless void?” Sarah asked.
“Yup.” Maximilian 'Mil', god of war, replied.
“So what did you learn?” Pendleton, god of gnomes, asked.
“Nothing I'm going to share.” Mil smiled.
Ghondish looked at the assembled players, “Now that we are back to an actual party, the community board has assembled to hear your petition about putting up the 'Don't pee in the public pool' signs. Who wants to take the stand first?”
“We have a pool now?” Mil asked.
“Yeah.” Kocha smiled. “Happened about sixty or so years ago.”
“Damn.” Mil shook his head. “I really did miss a lot.”
“He doesn't know about the fence rules.” Sarah laughed.
“Oh, shit! The fence regulations!” Kocha laughed.
Pendleton just giggled.
“Fence rule? What fence rule?” Mil asked.
“The new one!” Kocha said between laughs, then fell to the floor.
“assholes” Mil mumbled to himself.
“Oh, did anyone notice that Bjorn has been really quiet lately?” Sarah asked.
“Yeah.” Pendleton responds, “I asked him what was happening, and he just grumbled about schisms.”
“You don't think---” Kocha asks.
“No, Charity hasn't been revealed to them yet.” Ghondish cut off the comment. “She and Bjorn are keeping it hush hush for now.”
“It's been a hundred years.”
“Wait?!? Bjorn? Has a girlfriend?” Mil almost shouted.
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
“Well, yes.” Pendleton said, “I introduced them at the last gathering. She's a nice gal, perhaps a little young, but she wanted to get to know him.”
“Well, I never thought that would happen.” Mil said, jaw around his ankles.
“Things happen.” Sarah said. “Oh, you also missed my kids, John and Jack.”
“...” Mil's eyes bulged.
“Don't worry, they had happy lives in the world.” A tear ran down Sarah's cheek, “They died a few years back. Old age and battle scars.”
Ghondish thumped a hoof on the table, “Game is starting! Who is speaking first?”
- - -
“Alright, Mil your turn.” Ghondish proclaimed from behind the GM screen. “The children are cowering behind you, up against the fence.”
“I step up the the loitering jerk, and... do I punch him for spitting on the sidewalk and cussing at the kids? Or just chew him out and hope he leaves?” Mil looked at the rest of the players.
Pendleton looked up from his notes, “Last time you clocked someone, they pressed charges.”
“Yeah. Court is a pain.” Mil looked over to Ghondish, “I chew him out in the most polite way I can, then ask him to leave.”
“Roll...Intimidation.”
Mil rolls the D20. “I rolled an eight, for a total of thirteen.”
“He laughs in your face, ashes his cigar on your new sneakers, and headbutts you.” Ghondish rolls his D20, “Does a seventeen hit?”
“He hit me.” The look of shock on Mil's face was funny enough that Sarah began to giggle. “I clock the guy. Right in the ear. Asshole.” He rolled his D20. “Natural 20!”
Ghondish looked over to Kocha, who shook his head 'no' and Ghondish exhaled in relief, “Alright. Nat 20 on a called shot. He crumples to the sidewalk, clutching at his ear.”
“Good!” Sarah interjected, smiling.
“Yes. A good shot.” Ghondish shook his head. “Sadly, you have forgotten about his pals on their motorcycles. You know, the ones with the 'angry' tattoos?”
Sarah looked up from lighting her Llama, “Shit. Them.”
“Yes.” Ghondish replied, a small twinkle in his eyes, “Them.”
Mil grinned. “I cuss them out, and then I say something along the lines of 'F around, and find out'! When they get off their bikes and attack I let loose my rage.”
-
“Okay Mil, the cops are at your bed in the hospital, and taking down your statement.” Ghondish said, “What kind of story are you going to spin?”
“I think I'm going to try the truth.”
Sarah choked on her beer, “Really?”
“Yep. I, for once, didn't do anything wrong.” Mil said, “And the whole incident should be on the CCTV recordings for the clubhouse.”
“Well played.” Ghondish said, “You give them your statement, and point out the cameras. An officer is detached to go and investigate.” He paused, and looked at the others, “The rest of you have already given your statements, so you are free to do as you will.”
“When will I be able to get out of the hospital?” Mil asked.
“Three days. You have a broken arm from the pipe you blocked.”
“Ugh.” Mil rolled his eyes, “At least I saved myself from another concussion. One more of those and I lose an Int point.”
“I still can't believe you bit that biker's ear off.” Sarah said.
“I didn't know you had taken the 'rage' tree, instead of the 'working man' tree.” Pendleton piked in.
Mil gave Pendleton a look, “Didn't you notice that I never worked overtime, if I could avoid it?”
“Sure, but I thought that was because you took your weekends too seriously.”
“Why didn't you ever rage before?” Sarah asked.
“Didn't need too before. Two or three on one is an easy fight. Especially with backup. But six on one? With no backup for three rounds? I would have been dead!” Mil replied. He then looked over to Ghondish, “Did the Ice Queen's kids make it to safety? I was too busy making combat plans to pay attention.”
“They made it out of trouble just fine, thanks to your intervention.” Ghondish smiled, “Oh, one last thing, that so called 'Ice Queen'? She comes and visits you in the hospital.”
A chorus of “WHAT!” is heard from around the table.