Chapter 3 Jerks in real life.

Lets just say that my family has their own secrets. There was something that they didn't know that I have known. My family has a history with molesters. We also have a history of an abusive mother. No details remember. But I really don't give a crap what my dad tells me a lot of the time. I know a lot of people would say that I'm lucky that I have a father. That I shouldn't say things about him like I do. My dad isn't that old, but is still old. Jack, lets go with that. Likes to say things like oh, I've lived longer then my dad. Well I'll probably die in a few years. Well hay if you want to talk about you dying all the time then hurry up and die.

My reasons are numbered. I have only a few. But I can always make more. Okay I don't even know my dad that well. I never spent that much time with him. Even as a young girl. My dad has made attempts to spent time with me. I just don't want to anymore. Jack has never cared to get to know me. Jack will always see me as a stupid, selfish little girl, who doesn't deserve to live. These are the things he has told me since I was born. My dad isn't a bad person as you might think by me telling you these things. But he never deserved children in my personal opinion. My dad is great with kids outside of this family. A good person over all, but not that great at parenting. My mother was a lot worse at parenting then him. I'm thankful in some ways for having the dad that I do. But I think the time has come for him to not be in my life.

If I really think about he never really was part of my life in the first place. I'm over positive that after my dad dies I will get over it. I won't let him ruin my future. That might look better without him in it. Don't worry I don't regret anything I have just said. Let me tell you the main reason behind all of this. Let me see, the incident happened before 4th grade. A boy tried to rap me. My father found this out after he left. But my dad just made this rule. It was that I was never allowed to be alone with a guy in a room. That's not what makes my blood boil though. Even though my dad knowing that this same guy had tried to rap me. He decided that it was a great idea to invite him back to our house. Devin is his name. It is indented in my brain. Forever and ever. That I will never live. I came up with a nick name for him, DJ. It means Devin the jerk face.

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At first I wanted to believe that my father purposely invited him back so he could try again. But I know that's not the real reason. But the real reason is that he needed money and his mother wanted him to learn how to work for it. So to me now interpreting this. This is how I see it. My dad cares more about helping people then his daughters virginity. It makes me even more upset that this is honestly true. My dad would but that boy before my own safety any day. Death is my friend today.

This boy never got in trouble for what he has done. But does it really matter anymore. No it doesn't. He went to jury anyway. Me having nothing to do with it. I wonder what the world would be without, Jerks. It would be a different world for me completely. Sometimes I want to feel envious of girls who don't have to deal with my problems. But i know that some girls wouldn't be able to handle everything that I have gone through. Just like I wouldn't be able to go through a few other bad things that haven't happened anyway. I understand that each one of us were made to be able to handle a sectarian amount of things. I gave up my first friend because of Jerk Face. Knowing that I would never be able to tell him. He doesn't have to know this part of my life. I hope he never will. I kept my home life away from him. Only talking about my crushes and favorite things.

There was an unspoken rule between us. It was to never speak at school. We already got humiliated enough on the bus. Everyone said we were a couple. It ticked both of us off. We only talked on the bush. It was perfect, as anything in this world could. But that was before 4th grade. We gradually stopped talking over the years. Never really talked to him since 6th grade.