Wen Reian

2019 years after The Long Night

Hêi’àn City

“Uncle?! Are you listening? Uncle Wen…”

Startled from his thoughts by Song-jun’s voice saying his name, Wen Reian blinked. After noticing several pairs of eyes were on him, namely the Princess’s wide ones, the healer forced a quick, apologetic smile.

“Sorry, A’Jun.”

Hearing from across the table the King’s deep laugh, Reian made it a point to sit forward attentively and respond to the girl.

“What were you saying? I’m listening-”

With a dramatic sigh akin to that of one of her fathers, the girl collapsed dejectedly, folding her arms upon the table and acting as if the world itself was ending. Reian’s false smile finally turned real when Jin Songcai, the King’s lover and husband, reached across the table and gently draped the Princess’s napkin over her head.

“If you’re going to sleep, you should at least have a blanket, dear.”

Song-jun peaked her eyes out from beneath the square of fabric when she heard the King chuckling again.

“Dad!” She whined, “Come on, you know better than anyone I can do it!”

Wen Reian, who truly felt guilty for only having been partly listening to his family’s conversation this evening, quickly interjected.

“Do what?”

Song-jun pouted. “I knew you weren’t listening…”

Beside Wen Rei, Songcai tssked his daughter, but Reian’s heart only softened at A’Jun’s pleading eyes and gentle frown. She looked just like she did when she was younger; still wearing ribbons in her hair to this day. Reian remembered the very first time she’d learned how to tie them herself…

The King spoke finally with a tired but amused sigh, clearly having had his conversation several times already.

“A’Jun wishes to travel to Xibù Shataar, as their governor has invited her to finalize our agreement.”

Reian’s eyes widened. The Princess was so young! But she was talented, both in cultivating and diplomacy, however she’d never gotten the chance to expand on her gifts. It was a huge wish of hers, Reian knew. However with two very protective parents and one very protective uncle, there was never a shortage of moments like these; Song-jun pleading with her fathers or all three of them to allow her just a bit more freedom.

“That’s…” Wen Reian managed to find the words he was looking for.

“An amazing opportunity!”

Having realized that she might have an ally, A’Jun’s face brightened considerably.

She shot straight up, “That’s what I said! But-”

Songcai sighed and shook his head, reaching out again, this time to take an apple from the table…

“I’d be willing to say yes,” the fair-haired man said, picking up a knife as well and beginning to cut slices off the fruit.

“Unfortunately Xie and I are hosting the King from Lêung Shãn during those days, and therefore cannot accompany you.”

“There are no soldiers or cultivators you trust who could?” Reian said, taking a sip of wine and watching as Jin Songcai began to place the apple slices one-by-one on the King’s plate…

Xie Yi-jun was frowning now, seeming unwilling to answer. His husband did it for him.

“Everyone appears too busy, it’s a shame…” Songcai mused.

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A’Jun looked from her father to her other father, then to Reian several times, as usual being a master at reading the room. She realized it was mainly the King with reservations, so she seemed to search her mind for the perfect solution, when Songcai finally added-

“If only we knew of a skilled cultivator, someone we all trust, who could use a break as well. Hmm…”

Wen Reian was about to nod in agreement when he saw that A’Jun was staring at him, blinking her dark eyes and seeming on the verge of leaping across the table to beg. Reian’s surprise came at the same time as Xie Yi-jun’s half-hearted refusal, the King seeming to already accept that he was going to lose.

“Now hang on-” Reian stuttered while Yi-jun sulked openly, his husband still stacking slices of apple on his empty plate.

“Absolutely not! Wen Rei is far too busy, aren’t you? I mean-”

Both of them quieted down when they saw the looks Songcai was sharing with A’Jun. The two of them were thick as thieves, having shared a telepathic bond similar to Yi-jun and Songcai’s since the Princess was very young…

Yi-jun’s eyes narrowed.

“What’s this? I feel as if you’re six years old again and begging me to teach you how to ride a horse. I regretted that then, you know.”

Xie Yi-jun stared down at his apples, with only love and worry for his daughter in mind. Thinking back to when A’Jun had fallen in the stables, Reian also recalled how much the King had cried that night, even after Songcai healed the little girl and she was perfectly fine.

Yi-jun would always protect Song-jun, but from past experiences, all of them knew that there was very little stopping the girl from getting back on the horse if that’s what she put her mind to.

Songcai, seeming pleased with his attempt to distract Yi-jun with food, as the King was nibbling distractedly on an apple slice now, turned to Reian and said very calmly…

“I wouldn’t want her to go so far away with anyone but Xie-jun, myself, or you.”

Wen Rei could feel the Princess’s stare, as well as Songcai’s warm hand on his shoulder, the man’s soothing aura assuaging any of his doubts about the journey. Songcai just had that effect on people…

“Alright,” Reian shrugged. “If both your fathers agree, I will take you.”

A’Jun let out a joyful laugh, stomping her feet rapidly against the floor and rattling the table like she usually did when she was excited.

Reian had to admit, the idea of spending more time with his niece was appealing. It had been tiresome the last few months working mostly alone in the tower of Hêi’àn City where he lived. When Songcai had taken on more responsibility as the King’s husband several years ago, Reian had offered to stand in place as the city’s resident healer. He didn’t regret the decision, as it meant he was much closer now to his family, and was able to do the work that he loved…

Unfortunately the last couple months, the last couple years even, Wen Rei had begun to feel as if something huge was missing. Or perhaps like he was changing in some way that was minuscule to others but felt drastic to him.

It wasn’t enough to say that Reian felt as if he was stumbling through life with the lights out and no directions. At this point, having unhealed wounds and unanswered questions from his past, he wasn’t even sure if light would be enough anymore.

“Thank you so much! I promise I’ll do exactly as you say, and I won’t cause any trouble this time!”

A’Jun spent the next little bit chatting in detail with them about how much she was looking forward to traveling and seeing more of the world. Songcai was listening and Yi-jun was too, a faint little smile at the edge of the King’s lips as Songcai took his hand on the table and Yi-jun squeezed it, clearly for a bit of reassurance that their daughter would be okay.

Reian tried his hardest to be there, in the moment, appreciate everything he had and remind himself that this was the life he had chosen, the life he had been gifted and fought for… died for.

Tugging at the back of his mind however was this uncomfortable stray thought that he just couldn’t get away from. It kept saying that something deep inside him was broken. Lacking, or missing. Staring at Yi-jun and Songcai’s hands linked on the table, Reian recalled all those years prior that he had once held their hands as well. Such a thing wasn’t something he dwelled on often, as ten years had since passed and his relationship to the two had naturally progressed into what it was today, something he was indeed grateful for.

Perhaps it wasn’t them he missed per se, just the companionship, a sense that someone out there knew your secrets, the dark parts of yourself you have tried to bury or to kill, and they love and accept you anyway…

It had been such a long time since Wen Reian felt as if he deserved such a thing. The person he was now, he wasn’t sure if that man deserved anything he had at all. Not the family he had, or the work he was falling out of love with-

What do I deserve? After everything I’ve done, and everything I’ve seen…

Perhaps it wasn’t about deserve. Perhaps Reian should just keep being silent and grateful, and not worry about things like the morality of his soul, or how his goodness fared in comparison with the likes of Jin Songcai and Xie Yi-jun.

I don’t like comparing us, but it’s becoming difficult not to. I also don’t like this creeping feeling that I’m not where I’m supposed to be! Haven’t I done and lived through everything so that I could be exactly where I am today?! Why can’t I just be happy?

No answers came to him, and Reian had a feeling they wouldn’t. After all, who was he asking?! Himself! A fool who knew nothing more than running away.