“So, what are you going to say to James?” Ravina asks me.
I steal one of her fries and avoid her question. We’d gone to a fish and chips place by the school and no one was here except the one guy covered in tattoos working the register. Ravina is staring across the table at me, waiting for me to answer. I don’t want to, because I don’t know what to say.
I messed up. James might never forgive me. What’s there to say?
“What are you going to do about Julie?” I shoot back at her.
Ravina turns pale and her eyes dart away.
I frown. “Sorry,”
I grab one of her hands. It’s cold.
“God, sorry Ravina I didn’t mean-”
Insensitive ass, my brain shouts at me. Yeah I am.
She shrugs, trying to smile. “I don’t know, I need time to think.”
We both decide to leave the other alone, about this particular crap. Ravina pauses for a moment, stares at me like she’s going to say something, then quickly looks away.
“We should head back or we’re gonna be late,” she whispers.
I blink. We obviously have at least fifteen minutes…
“Okay,” I say. “Ravina is something wrong?”
She swallows, then her eyes dart back up to mine nervously.
“Theo we need to talk,” she says softly.
Every movie I’ve seen, told me that when your girlfriend said that sentence, shit was about to go downhill fast.
“Did I do something wrong?”
Her eyes widen and she shakes her head. “No! Just the opposite,” she blushes.
Clearly she was holding something back.
“What is it?”
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“Um…” she tries to say.
I lean towards her and she lowers her eyes again.
“I well, I love you.” She says.
“I love you too,” I laugh, taking her hands. “What’s going on?”
Ravina blushes even more, staring at me from under her long lashes and looking so damn beautiful.
“No Theo,” she says softly. “I mean I love you.”
She holds her breath, seemingly waiting for my response.
A million things spin through my head and it would be so easy to get lost in it all, but I stay in this moment, because Ravina’s gaze is holding me here.
“You mean…”
She nods shyly. And just like that, I realise right now in this moment, with the fish smell and the tattoo guy, Ravina Dobs and I have never been more honest.
I love her. She loves me. I hate myself for not seeing it sooner. For not saying it sooner.
It was just my own fear of losing The Game that kept me silent. And here was Ravina, sweet strong Ravina. Just like always, being the brave one.
I try to say something, but everything I should say gets caught in my throat. I need to say something, Ravina looks like she’s gonna puke. Come on, say it!
I love you, game over-
“Me too,” I manage.
Ravina looks like a million pounds were just lifted off her, and then she smiles. A brilliant, wonderful, show-stopping smile. A smile like I’ve never seen.
Wow. We don’t need to pretend anymore.
“I love you.” I repeat.
Ravina leans in and whispers conspirioritally, “We lost.”
I grin. “We did.”
I don’t dare ask who lost first because fuck, I have no idea and I’m sure it was probably me…
I lean away and let go of her hands. She sighs with obvious relief.
“Now what?” I ask.
And that question raced through my mind suddenly, like a train going out of control. The most hopeful two words I’ve ever heard in my life. Because now what, meant anything.
It meant being ourselves and seeing where that takes us.
It means a million more moments hopefully, with the girl that I love. A million more chances to show her how I feel. And I won’t disappoint her. I don’t give a shit about college, maybe I never did. It was simple cowardice to cheat on that test. I want to tell her that I was just scared of what would happen if I failed. I’m still scared of what will happen, but not at school. It’s her. Can’t fail Ravina.
I smile when I realise that she’d never let me fail her. Brave, brave girl.
“Now what… ” Ravina muses.
Then she smiles. “We get to be together, win or lose.”
I laugh. “Deal,”
And we’re good. We’re perfect. We’re just the way we are, with no game.
Right now, Ravina and I work.