It took a lot of convincing him, Lee never liked having to be the middleman. Eventually he came around. I think he probably agreed with me when I said I didn’t want to leave with James hating me. Or the other way around…

I see both of them immediately, since there was only one path to get to Secret Park, hidden away behind houses and never occupied on weekdays. We all used to come here after school when we were freshman… fifteen years old and sticking together because that seemed to be what everybody else expected us to do.

Lee grabs James by the elbow and drags him over to the picnic table where I’ve been waiting for them. James tries to leave as soon as he realizes what’s going on.

“Theo,” he glares at me, his arms crossed.

Lee sighs and collapses across the top of the table, closing his eyes.

I shrug. “Thanks for coming,”

“I wouldn’t have if I knew you guys were planning something.”

I smile, “I know.”

Lee waves his arms around. “Go on, apologize already so we can move on and go help Tae pack up his room.”

It was hard to know I was leaving. After so many years of wishing to escape, it had taken this long to realize that it wasn’t the time, the people, or the place that I wanted to change. It was me.

Something Ravina had said one night drifted back to me as I remembered what I’d done to James, and how poorly I’d treated him…

It’s impossible to be happy if you’re unhappy with who you are.

And as always, Ravina was right.

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“I am sorry,” I say.

James looks like he’s ignoring me, so I try again.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t react well when you were only looking out for me. I’m sorry I had such a hard time understanding your intentions, and I’m especially sorry about what I said about Jonathan. I knew right away that I shouldn’t have.”

James nods slowly, and then uncrosses his arms.

“You forgot one thing,” he says.

Lee perks up, probably fascinated that James is actually responding.

“Yeah?”

James glances up at me and shrugs, “You didn’t say sorry for leaving.”

I hear Lee sigh, and James looks down again.

I remembered all the times we came here during the summer when it was too hot to even breathe. And in the winter when we’d come back to class after lunch soaking wet from the snow.

Lee would build an igloo underneath the pine tree until his hands were almost blue, and I’d end up taking pictures and crying with laughter when James sat on the thing and they ended up fighting.

There were a lot of memories here. In this place, in this town. And I’d miss even the bad ones…

The text James sent us both the night he heard his brother died. We all met underneath the pine tree and sat in complete silence until the sun came back up and the real world came back with it’s real world problems.

“Believe it or not, I’m sorry I’m leaving.” I tell them.

And it’s true. Because here I am happy, even if I never knew it.

Finally, James relaxes his posture, and Lee sits up and crosses his legs on the table.

“So are we good?” I ask them.

Lee smiles, “Heck yeah. But we’re going to miss you Theo.”

I grin but look down shyly. “Same here,”

“I’m sorry too,” James mutters. “Sorry I didn’t trust your judgement. I can be overprotective…”

Lee rolls his eyes. “We know, you’re like a mother hen-”

James laughs, “Shut up!”

I just nod, “It’s alright.”

Lee jumps off the table and sighs again loudly.

“Alright drama queens, shows over. Can we go home now?”

We follow him away from the picnic table, under the pine tree, and towards the pathway one last time.

I hope I’ll come back here soon-

“Oh yeah,” James frowns, grabbing my shoulder. “I’m sorry I punched you.”