Sans: alright, nows a good time. i can head over

Toriel: That is excellent. I will see you shortly.

Sans took a couple of minutes. He didn’t want anyone to get used to him being able to show up at a moment’s notice - it was more fun to keep them guessing and uncertain. With Frisk, they knew about how freely he could teleport, of course. Frisk and Papyrus, that is. And, he supposed, Flowey, though that had never come up. He’d barely interacted with the manipulative little weed, though he realized with a sinking sensation that that would probably be changing soon.

Remembering the resets was a good thing; it really was. But for the love of all that was good in the world, did it really have to be paired with all of this emotional… mess? He was not up for talking to Toriel. Or Flowey. Or Frisk. Or… anyone.

The knowledge that, if he were willing to be a little bit hypocritical, he could have all the time he needed was also itching at him.

But he’d delayed enough. He teleported over to a little alley beside Toriel’s house and headed inside. He heard laughter as he opened the door and smiled.

“Where do you keep finding these ‘memes’?” Toriel asked as Sans went in.

“If I told you, you wouldn’t need me anymore,” Frisk teased.

Toriel laughed again, and then greeted Sans. She and Frisk were sitting at the dining room table.

“heya, tori,” Sans said casually. “frisk.”

He tried to casually glance over at Frisk, but he failed. The sight of them, the burning love in their eyes, it seared him once more, the memories raking him over the coals. He’d slipped in twice this morning, taking them away for mutual pleasures, and he was still hit by the desire to do it again.

It took a moment before he managed to close his eyes and pull his attention away, back to Toriel. She had an odd expression on her face - a blend of relief, satisfaction, and a little pain.

He… really didn’t want to think about what she was thinking, what she was feeling. It’d been less than twenty four hours since… since all that stuff had happened, and he was still feeling off kilter, unbalanced. Hopefully he’d get through this conversation alright.

“Hi Sans,” Frisk said, a little shyly, and he couldn’t help but grin at that.

“good to see ya both,” Sans said. “so, what’s up?”

“Oh, yes, that does remind me,” Toriel said. “Frisk, sweetie? There are a few things that we need from the grocery store. Would you be a dear and take the list from the counter, and go get them?”

“Uh huh,” Frisk said dryly. “You were just reminded of that, sure. Be nice to him, okay?”

“Why would I not be nice?” Toriel asked with a playful grin.

“Your ‘teacher voice’ is scary, and you know it,” Frisk said, getting up, and Toriel laughed. “Stay safe, Sans. Text me if you need and I’ll come rescue you.”

“my knight in shining armor,” he said, putting a hand over his heart. “wait, that’s undyne’s job.”

Frisk grinned, coming back from the kitchen with the list.

“I could ask Undyne to come help,” they said teasingly.

“heh, that’s like trading the frying pan for a flamethrower,” he said. “it’s a nice house, and undyne’s a bit fast to turn up the heat.”

“There will be some heat, but I would prefer to see Sans ‘grilled’ and not ‘roasted,” Toriel said, making both Sans and Frisk laugh.

“Alright, well, I’m off. I’ll try not to be too quick,” Frisk said.

“traitor,” Sans said, to which Frisk grinned.

They left with a cheerful farewell, and Sans took their seat at the table. He felt his phone buzz and he quickly checked it.

Frisk: I don’t think you’ll need it, but just in case, I went ahead and saved.

Sans: uh thanks

He had really mixed feelings about that. Had Frisk noticed that he was feeling off, and was just trying to give him a safety net? Did Frisk think he was a complete hypocrite, and now that he had access to the reset power, he’d be fine using it to manipulate relationships with people he cared about?

He’d have to think about all that later. He put away his phone and looked up at Toriel, whose smile had completely faded. He almost felt like he was in school about to get chewed out by the principal. She’d really nailed that “disapproving teacher” look, damn.

“I am certain you know why I wish to speak to you,” Toriel said.

“actually, no, though i do have some guesses,” Sans admitted. “i have no idea what frisk told you.”

“Hmm,” Toriel said. “Well, then. What do you guess that Frisk told me?”

That hardly seemed fair. She was trying to push him into either confessing more than Frisk had or revealing that he was hiding things.

“i’m guessing you’re worried about frisk and me getting into a relationship,” he said after a moment.

Seemed like that was the easiest dodge of her question. And that much was a reasonable guess. Not that they were in a normal relationship, but still.

She frowned.

“I am,” she agreed. “What are your intentions with Frisk?”

He sighed. He really didn’t want to do this. Maybe he could just try to do his usual thing and deal with it later, once he’d had more time to process everything? Or maybe she’d drop it if he made it clear he didn’t want to deal with this?

“you know me, tori,” he said. “i’m always up for a good time.”

Her eyes narrowed.

“frisk and i had a heart-to-heart chat… or more like bone-to-soul,” he said with a wink, which made her lip twitch slightly, but didn’t ease the irritation in her gaze. “we're not aiming for a fairytale romance. no grand plans, no candlelit dinners. we’re just taking things as they come.”

“That is… Sans, you cannot be serious,” Toriel said, with her full-force teacher’s voice. It was sharp as anything, but against the LOVE numbing his heart, it was nothing.

Though it seemed weaker than he was used to, come to think of it. Emotions were swirling in his chest like they hadn’t in ages. Hell, it was like his LOVE… had…

Oh shit. Had everything they’d done together broken away some of the LOVE that had numbed him?

He did not have time to think about this.

“it’s not my place to decide things for frisk,” he said, and the irony of that statement was not lost on him. “as for me, i’m not up for anything serious, for my own reasons. with anyone. frisk gets that, and if they want to just do whatever with me anyway, why should i reject that?”

“Do you realize how much they love you?” Toriel asked, anger burning in her gaze. “Do you understand how much you mean to them? Yet you are being this frivolous with them?”

He sighed and looked down. He was trying to keep things lighthearted, but he’d pissed her off. And… maybe he was kind of being a dick. But damn it, he didn’t want his heart to be ripped open again.

“look, tori, just ‘cause i like to take a chill approach to things doesn’t mean i don’t understand them,” he said. “i get it.”

“Do you really?” she asked. “I do understand taking a playful approach, but this is no joking matter.”

“isn’t everything a joking matter?” he asked with a wry laugh. “i’d be making jokes in the face of the end of the world.”

He happened to know that it was true. Toriel didn’t seem to appreciate it, though.

She closed her eyes and took a breath, then met his gaze again.

“Do you love Frisk back?” she asked.

He flinched at that.

“I thought as much,” she said, anger clear in her voice. “But you have convinced them that you do love them. How could you do that to them?”

“i didn’t… look, it’s complicated,” he said, looking away as his heart was ripped open anyway.

“What is possibly so complicated about that?” she asked. “Either you do love them or you do not. It is a straightforward question. If you do not, then you should not mislead them! Not about that!”

“since when are emotions straightforward?” he asked. “and i’m not misleading them.”

He was just trying to hold himself together, trying to keep things lighthearted, and he just did not want to deal with this shit.

“Oh?” she asked scathingly. “So they came to the conclusion that you love them without any input from you?”

“because they felt my fucking soul, toriel,” he said angrily, and then looked away.

Damn it, he hadn’t wanted to say that.

“They…” Toriel said haltingly, the anger in her voice replaced by uncertainty. “You mean… you have…”

Sans was furious, but mostly at himself. He couldn’t believe he’d actually snapped at Toriel like that, cursed at her. She just wanted Frisk to be okay, like him, and was being protective - and it was of someone they both were driven to protect.

What the hell was wrong with him?

“i’m sorry,” he said after a moment. “i shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.”

“I, too, am sorry,” she said, looking down. “I let myself believe that your flippant comments meant that you did not care. I should have realized that you were simply trying to avoid having a serious discussion.”

“heh,” he said. “you got it. that is what i was trying to do.”

“Sans, this is serious,” she said, glaring at him again. “I am worried about Frisk and your attitude is not reassuring.”

Her tone was not exactly understanding. Sans really felt on the back foot here.

“gimme a moment to think,” he said.

“What is there to think about?” she asked. “Excuses? Justifications?”

Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.

He closed his eyes.

“word choices, maybe?” he said. “look, tori, i get why you’re upset.”

“Do you really?” she asked bitingly.

What the hell, he could always get Frisk to reset if this went too badly.

“yeah, i do,” he said, an odd feeling of relief filling him at the sense of going on the offensive.

He felt a surge of really nasty temptation. He could tell her that it was because she’d lost everyone, lost her real family, and was being overprotective of Frisk as a result. It’d get her off his case for now, but that was a nuclear option. As annoyed as he was at being grilled like this, he didn’t actually want to hurt her.

He also didn’t want to reset, but the option meant he didn’t have to be afraid of this backfiring. He could try to be real with her, and if it went badly, oh well.

“you’re upset because you’ve seen frisk interact with me - you know that they’ve got an… unconventional admiration for me,” he said, looking down at the table. “and because you know that i… well, you know the score. i have a hard time saying things sometimes.”

“Sometimes?” she asked coolly.

He looked up at her. Maybe he should address the elephant in the room.

“and because of us,” he said.

Toriel’s face tightened at that.

“i couldn’t do right by you, tori,” he said. “maybe i’m wrong about how you feel, but i don’t think i am. you and me… it couldn’t work, because of what you’ve gotten on my case about before. i have a hell of a time saying things. it’s not fair to you. it’s not fair to frisk, either, but they don’t care about that.”

Toriel was looking shaken and taken aback.

“I… that is… what do you mean, that they do not care about that?” Toriel managed.

“i’m packing more baggage than a mettaton costume convention,” Sans said dryly. “maybe too much for a relationship at all. but frisk doesn’t even want a relationship.”

Toriel looked very confused. Admittedly, that wasn't the best way to put things.

“i pushed you away because i just can’t do all that,” he said. “the whole open with my feelings thing. i pushed frisk away for the same reason. pushed them away hard, might i add. frisk and i… we’re not doing the romance thing. they’re not asking me to be fair. they just… they just want whatever i’m willing to give, with no demands for anything more.”

He sighed and looked down.

“my intention was to try to keep things… i dunno. just friends, purely platonic. trying to be fair to them. i wasn’t even seeing them that way, just trying to ignore the way they looked at me, you know?”

She nodded, looking thoughtful.

“yesterday, they proved to be… uh… persuasive,” he said.

Her eyes narrowed inquisitively.

“What happened yesterday?” she asked.

She probably already had a pretty damned good idea, since there weren’t a lot of ways to see someone’s soul. But there’d been more than just sex.

“a lot of things,” he said. “including telling them stuff i’ve told literally no one else, not even papyrus.”

She blinked at that, surprised.

“i don’t know what i want, what i feel,” he said. “but i can tell you that i trust frisk. their weird devotion thing…”

Toriel’s lips pursed unhappily.

“it’s messed up, sure, but it resulted in me feeling like i could actually trust them. that no matter what i said, how badly i screwed up, that they’d be there for me,” he said, and looked away. “that they’d never turn away from me.”

He heard a tremor in Toriel’s breath.

“so that’s what happened,” he said. “there’s my intentions. i didn’t try to get in this situation, and actually tried to avoid it. but pushing frisk away now… what’s the point? it’d hurt them, it’d hurt me, and for what? i’m being real with frisk. i’m not holding them back. if they want to stop… whatever this is… they can. i’m just not fighting them anymore.”

He looked back up at her. Her eyes were glistening and she looked torn.

“Sans…” she said and took a breath. “I suppose this explains some of the things that Frisk had said to me, about how uncertain they were about your future together.”

He looked down.

“yeah,” he said.

“But you want to be with them?” Toriel asked. “This is not a choice of mere convenience, is it?”

“god no,” Sans said, wincing. “no, toriel, i could never do that to them. i…”

He hesitated, but this time, Toriel gave him room to find his words. His soul had been ripped apart yesterday, and he felt like he was bleeding again.

It didn’t help that, in some ways, he’d fallen for Toriel. In… a lot of ways. Talking to her about this… what a mess.

“yesterday was…” he started, and then sighed. “i… so, look. i’m feeling like overcooked instant noodles - all soft and mushy. or maybe raw. not my usual flavor, but hey, y’know what they say about variety. my life could use some spice.”

He winked at her and she smiled a little.

“i dunno how to say it right,” he said. “but, uh.”

He struggled for a minute.

“You can just say that you are glad to be with them,” Toriel supplied with a sad little smile.

“uh,” Sans said. “i… am glad to be with them?”

“Why does that sound like a question?” Toriel asked and Sans groaned, leaning back.

“because everything is a mess and it’s complicated,” he grumbled.

“I do not see what is complicated about this,” Toriel said. “Are you or are you not glad to find yourself in a… relationship of sorts with Frisk?”

His life was too full of emotional pain lately, that was his problem. The sex was nice - beyond nice - but the rest of it fucking hurt. He didn’t want to be having this conversation. He didn’t want to see that twisted expression on Toriel’s face, that faint look of longing, hurt, and regret in her eyes.

He had two choices. He could get the hell out of here. He could just say he was glad to be with Frisk, that he’d try to figure things out, try to do right by them, and just leave.

And pretend he didn’t know what Toriel was feeling.

Or he could try to face things head on and… and…

He sat up again and took out his phone. He didn’t turn it on, and just stared at it, flipping it over again and again. Fidgeting. Frisk had just saved. That meant that things couldn’t go too badly. He closed his eyes. With Frisk, while he had accepted the situation for now, in a big picture sense, his problem was that he didn’t know what was right. With Toriel, his problem was that he did know what was right, but didn’t want to do it. At least he thought he knew.

It was hypocritical enough that he was considering resetting if things went badly. He had to at least try to do what he thought was right, didn’t he?

“i regret a lot of things,” he said in a low tone, still staring at his phone and not Toriel. “if things had been different, if i had been different, then i… then, you and me…”

He swallowed.

“it’s not possible,” he said. “it never was possible. but there’s still regret anyway, y’know?”

He wasn’t looking at her, but he saw her nod in his peripheral vision anyway.

“i dunno if there was any other way out of that mess for me,” he said. “other than frisk’s… uh… persuasion. i sure as hell couldn’t have said all of this if i weren’t…”

He swallowed again and rubbed at his head.

“If it were not for Frisk’s influence,” Toriel said in a low tone. “You… you do not think that I could have…?”

“like i said, the situation with frisk makes me feel like i don’t have to be afraid they’ll turn away from me, no matter what i do or say,” he said.

“Right,” Toriel said, her voice faint and strained.

“not that i intend to do or say anything that they, uh, should turn against me,” he added.

Which was a little disingenuous… there were very specific facts about his past that he did not expect Toriel would take well. The problem didn't have anything to do with him saying or doing stuff in the present day.

“I understand,” Toriel said.

“so, uh, yeah,” he said. “i’m glad for them, in a selfish way. i want to do right by them, but it’s not… i… i don’t know what i’m doing. i do know that i want frisk to be happy. i want you to be happy. i’d like to manage it myself, too, if it’s even possible.”

“I would like that, as well,” Toriel said, her voice low.

“look, i don’t wanna do this again,” he said. “this conversation sucks. i just wanted to make sure that… that you were okay. that you knew enough to not… i dunno.”

He sighed again.

“are we good?” he asked.

“I… ah… there are a few things that I was hoping to…” she said tentatively.

“let’s just get it over with,” Sans said.

“I… Sans, you are hurting,” she said.

“yep.”

“We can discuss things another time, if it would be better,” she offered.

“c’mon, tori, you know better than that,” he said with a wry laugh. “if i weren’t bleeding all over the floor from frisk ripping my heart open, there’s no way i could have said any of this. if you want to know the truth about something, it’s now or never.”

“You will just go back to how you were before?” she asked. “Never speaking of your truths to anyone?”

“i have no clue,” Sans said. “but i already don’t want to be having this conversation. i don’t see why i’d be any more eager in the future, and i’d rather not dread it.”

He didn't know, but his guess was that he'd go back to his usual habits for the most part with everyone else except Frisk. At least for a while.

“Very well, then,” Toriel said. “I am concerned with… the nature of Frisk’s infatuation with you. It seems a little… ah…”

“obsessive? insane? excessive? profoundly unhealthy in deeply disturbing ways?” he asked wryly.

“I would not have quite put it like that,” Toriel said.

“i would,” Sans muttered.

“It sounds as though you have put thought into it,” she said and he nodded. “I am… well, I am concerned about how a healthy relationship can exist with that level of attachment. I would know your thoughts on the matter.”

“it can’t,” he said flatly. “but a healthy relationship can’t exist with my crap, either, so i guess it balances out.”

“That is not how relationships work,” Toriel said. “That is not how anything works.”

He chuckled.

“i’m hoping we can help each other,” he said. “frisk wants to be this way, and as long as they’re happy…”

He shrugged.

“if you can convince them to change on that front, you’ve got my support,” he said. “but as long as they want to be like this, as long as they’re happy like this, then i don’t think i’m doing them any favours by rejecting them. we’ve discussed this topic extensively and they’re quite committed to staying as they are. feel free to discuss it with them - it’s not a sensitive topic. they’ll talk your ear off, i’m sure. tell them i said it’s fine to talk about it, if they’re hesitant to answer.”

“So you do not intend for this to be long term?” Toriel asked.

“i’m…” he started to say, but hesitated.

Again, the idea of letting Frisk go - ever - was hurting.

“it’s more that i have no clue,” he said. “right now? they’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. better than i deserve. i’ll try to do right by them, toriel. for as long as… whatever this is… exists.”

He smiled a little.

“that cover it for ya?” he asked lightly, looking over at her.

The expression on her face… there were a lot of feelings twisting her heart.

“You have given me a great deal to consider,” she said in a low tone. “I think I understand, and would not hurt you further with my questions.”

He stood up and turned to go, but hesitated. He didn’t want to do this again, didn’t want to have Frisk reset, but…

“maybe you can return the favor a little,” he said, his back still to her. “i’d like to know about… well. about you. your thoughts, your feelings.”

He’d seen a great deal from her face, of course, but…

“I am grateful that you have spoken to me like this,” Toriel said. “I do not know if the course the two of you are on is a wise one. It does seem to be a course that you both wish to follow, however, and that is important. I have no objections.”

He noticed she didn’t comment on one certain part.

“anything else you wanna add?” he asked lightly.

“I… also have regrets in my life,” she said in a low tone. “I am grateful, too, for what you have told me about… you and I. It is a shame that things could not have been different.”

That wrenched at him.

“... yeah,” he muttered. “i think that’s everything, then.”

“I would think so,” she said.

All in all, it seemed like a good outcome. Doing it again… yeah, he didn’t see that he’d make it turn out better, and he sure as hell didn’t want to try.

“welp,” he said. “enough of that. goodbye, toriel.”

He hadn’t quite meant to phrase it that way, but…

“Goodbye, Sans,” Toriel said, a melancholic ache in her voice.

There was nothing else to say. He left and teleported back to his room. Again. He was spending a lot of time there. He tossed Frisk a message that the conversation went okay and then just… lay there uselessly.