The appointed time arrived and Sans very begrudgingly teleported to Toriel’s living room. She startled at his teleport - he’d still been having fun with her, not teleporting directly where she could see, over these last months. But this time, he hid nothing.
“you wanna talk, so let’s talk,” he said gruffly.
She blinked in surprise and nodded.
“It is good to see you, Sans,” she said from where she sat at the table.
“gotta say, under the circumstances, feeling’s not mutual,” he said and then sighed at her expression. “you’re not gonna remember, so i… you’re not… it’s kinda like you’re going to die, tori, and i don’t want to think about that. so i don’t want to talk to you, think about you. not this version, anyway.”
“I see,” she said, smiling a little. “Thank you for speaking to me without pretense.”
“sure, fine,” he said. “so what is it you wanna say?”
He hated how he was being with her, but well, like she’d said - no pretenses. This wasn’t like before he’d met Frisk, in those last months underground. Back then, he’d felt like everything was going to end and everyone would be reset, sure. But it’d been like being on a sinking ship with others - he could laugh with them and joke as they went down, since they were all going down together. Now… now he was looking at someone who mattered to him, and he wasn’t sinking with her. He was just… just standing here, watching her as she faced the end.
She gazed at him for a moment.
“There are things that are important,” she said, her voice solemn. “Not my feelings, of course, but yours. You and Frisk, alone in all the world. If my child and my dear friend are to have a good future…”
She trailed off and then took a breath.
“I would give everything for Frisk, and not much less for you,” she said. “Do not spare my feelings in this conversation, Sans.”
He nodded and forced himself not to look away.
“I would ask that you use this opportunity,” she said, her voice firm and commanding. “Frisk is young, yet, and my relationship with them is that of a parent, which I do not wish to risk altering. With you, however… you are my friend, and should the nature of that friendship change, I am amenable. It is for this reason that I would speak to you, and not them. From what you said before Frisk saved, your feelings in regards to me are unresolved. From what Frisk has said, your thoughts on the morality of these timeloops are uncertain.”
She took a breath, and he saw the Queen in her gaze.
“Ask of me what you will, and I shall answer,” she said. “Do not ask what you do not wish to know.”
“you brought me here for me to ask you questions?” Sans asked incredulously.
“I brought you here to ask, as strongly as I am able, that you ease your burdens,” Toriel said. “Frisk spoke of a saying yesterday, that two may keep a secret if one of them is dead. I am soon to not exist.”
Sans started laughing, a bitter sound.
“you want me to drop all of my pretenses,” he said after a minute. “just speak freely, bounce things off of you. use you and just toss you aside when i’m done.”
“It is fortunate that I know you care about those in dead timelines, else your choice of words might make me wonder,” Toriel said and Sans looked down at the table. “It is my will that you and Frisk both come through this power and this time in ways that are stable. For the sake of my child, of my friend, and of our people. Even the world is at stake, should Frisk grow unstable. This is no idle matter, Sans.”
He looked back to her, his own mirth gone.
“you’re right, it’s not,” he said and sighed, taking a seat. “alright, fine. couple things need to happen before that’s an option, though. one, i need a promise from you.”
Her face tightened and she nodded.
“don’t tell frisk anything about this conversation,” he said. “anything i reveal, anyway.”
“I give you my word,” Toriel said.
“that easy, huh?” he asked. “not worried about what i’m keeping from frisk?”
She smiled.
“There is much that concerns me, but refusing to make that promise would not help with those concerns,” she said and he laughed.
“true,” he said, pulling out his phone and calling up Frisk.
If he could swing staying here at Toriel's place, that seemed better than taking her away. More respectful to her and easier to just up and leave if he needed.
Frisk answered immediately. “hey frisk. where’s flowey?”
“Offhand, I don’t know,” Frisk said. “Want me to contact him?”
“yeah,” he said. “sit with him if you can manage it. if he spies on this conversation, he’s gonna have a bad time.”
Frisk laughed at that, an odd sound of glee and malice. They said they’d call him back and then hung up.
“Flowey?” Toriel asked.
“long story,” Sans said. “he asked frisk not to tell you about him, and i’m not rocking that boat, either.”
He sighed. Toriel looked at him contemplatively.
“i don’t know if this is a good idea,” he said after a moment.
“Nor I,” Toriel admitted roughly, looking down. “I fear that it may backfire, but I do not think I can be brought into these loops.”
Sans almost choked and started laughing.
“yeah, that’d be awkward,” he said, grinning at her.
“A bit,” she agreed.
“more than you realize,” he said. “more was involved than just sex. frisk’s happy to fuck around, but it’s the rest of it that’s never gonna happen. probably with anyone else. ever.”
“What did you do to them?” she asked, frowning.
“nothing they didn’t want me to do,” he said.
She gazed at him consideringly.
“So it will be you alone, then,” Toriel said and he nodded.
His phone rang and he answered.
“Hey Sans,” Frisk said. “Flowey’s unhappy, but I have him here. Um, he’s asking for a favor in exchange for agreeing to be babysat?”
Sans considered. With what Frisk had said about Flowey, he should try to play nice - at least a little. Wouldn’t hurt to hear him out.
“something specific, or an IOU?” he asked.
“An IOU, if you’re willing,” Frisk said after a second.
“nope,” Sans said. “i already did him a favor anyway, agreeing to keep this timeline till next thursday.”
“I hate being a go-between,” Frisk muttered. “He says, um, that you’d agreed to the other thing for your own reasons, and he’s not convinced that you’re actually willing to do him any favors.”
There was a reason for that. Sans was tempted as hell to make things hostile - he could use threats, promise Flowey a hell of a time if he caused Sans any trouble. Except it’d upset Frisk. And worse, if he killed Flowey for good it would seriously screw with their head. Might even pull out Chara in unexpected ways.
He could also handle things himself. He could teleport Toriel away - to either house, both of which he’d warded against intrusions.
Thing is, if he backed off from the idea of doing Flowey a favor now, the damned weed might pretend it was “proof” that Sans wasn’t willing to play ball. Might cause a headache if Flowey had that as leverage.
He could live with a headache.
“put me on speakerphone,” Sans said.
“He can hear you now,” Frisk said.
“i don’t buy that you actually think there was any reason to agree to your timetable other than trying to be fair to you,” Sans said. “you wanna dismiss that, fine. we’ll be meeting up soon and clearing the air anyway, so i’m not going to waste time negotiating anything now. i am willing to work with you and haggle things out, but let’s save it till then.
“here’s how it’s gonna be today. i’m taking toriel somewhere else and if you show up, you’ll find out how nice i’ve been. i wouldn’t recommend it. capiche?”
“Always so fast with the threats,” Flowey said in a saccharine voice.
“this is me playing nice,” Sans said. “play along and we’ll keep it that way.”
“Very well,” Flowey said. “We’ll speak soon.”
He closed the phone without saying goodbye and sighed, leaning back.
“So there is another who remembers the timelines,” Toriel said.
“yep,” Sans said. “long story. doesn’t change much, far as you’re concerned - frisk’s in charge of the power.”
“And you are in charge of Frisk, from what they have said,” Toriel said.
“like i said the other day, i gave up fighting them,” he said. “they want to be mine. not my lover, not a romance thing, but my sex slave, my tool, my prized possession.”
Toriel’s face was tight.
“I see,” she said.
“also worth noting that if this conversation gets too much for me, i’m out,” he said. “and you won’t see me again.”
“I understand,” she said tightly.
“last thing,” he said. “like i mentioned to flowey, we’re taking this conversation somewhere private. i’ll teleport us both, so don’t resist the magic.”
She nodded and he went over to her. With a flicker of power, they were in his Snowdin living room. Papyrus was probably home, so his Overground house wasn’t a good choice. It wasn’t nearly as well kept as Toriel’s place, but it was good enough for this.
“Where are we?” Toriel asked, looking around.
“snowdin,” he said. “that means i gotta take you back, so i won’t quite just up and disappear on you, but whatever.”
He sighed and flopped onto the old couch. There wasn’t any other seating in the room, so Toriel awkwardly sat next to him.
“i have no idea what to say, what to ask,” he said after a moment, staring at the blank TV. “you’re right that it’s important, that frisk and i are… not insane. so i agreed, but now that i’m here… what the hell do i say?”
“What weighs on you?” she asked.
“what weighs on me,” he said, laughing bitterly. “that question, asked by a woman that i halfway fell in love with, but who would hate me if she knew who i really am, what i’ve done. so yeah, that was doomed to failure.”
He sighed and closed his eyes.
“maybe more than halfway,” he admitted.
Sad, how easy it was to talk to a ghost of Toriel. To an image that wasn't fully real, that would never remember. How simple it was for words to come, that he couldn't have managed to speak if there was any chance they could be heard.
There was silence for a moment.
“Frisk wished to use this timeline to see if I could, among other things, forgive them for what they have done,” Toriel said. “Did they speak to you of how things went?”
“yeah,” Sans said. “i didn’t ask for details, but they asked me to keep this timeline because apparently it went swimmingly. i hadn’t expected that when i decided to have some fun with human souls, so whoops. too late for that to work out.”
“You…” she said, startled, then her voice went tight. “I suspect you are phrasing things in such harsh ways deliberately in order to push me. Am I correct?”
He sighed again.
“yep,” he said.
“Why?” she asked.
“because… i dunno,” he said. “it’s all kind of bullshit, isn’t it? you want the blunt truth so you can help me figure things out, but there’s way more than you bargained for. sure, i could give you a huge load of context, help you understand, but that’s not why we’re here, is it?”
“No it is not,” she said quietly. “Tell me this, then. Are you a good person?”
He laughed.
“hell if i know,” he said. “frisk thinks i am. they don’t know everything, but they figured out quite a bit. sharp mind, that one.”
“Do they know enough to make such a judgement?” she asked.
“i don’t think they judge me the same way you would,” Sans said. “they’re bigger on motives and intentions than actions. for that… they have reason to think what they do, though i don’t know if i agree.”
“You feel that I care more about actions than a person’s heart?” Toriel asked.
“yeah,” Sans said. “asgore’s a sweetheart and a bit of an idiot. killed some people out of grief and a questionably sane plan, and never stopped caring about people. but you turned on him for it. me, i don’t even know how many humans i’ve killed, but it’s well into the hundreds at least.”
He sighed. She was keeping her expression controlled, but he saw the pain in her eyes.
“not that it matters, with you forgetting, but rarely innocent civilians,” he added lightly.
He couldn’t quite bring himself to paint his actions in that bad a light.
“It does matter,” Toriel said. “If you wonder if I could forgive your actions and care for you despite what you’ve done, then you could find out.”
He scoffed.
“no point,” he said. “you’d judge me for it and rightly so. the question here isn’t who i used to be and why. or how it’s possible. the question is how the hell do i…”
He trailed off for a moment and put his arm over his eyes.
“harsh phrasing aside, tori, i do actually care about doing what’s right,” he said, his voice subdued.
“I wonder,” Toriel said after a moment. “I wonder if the reason you are pushing me in this way, with this harsh phrasing, is because of the same struggle as before, with your difficulties speaking. You cover your pain with feigned harshness instead of feigned apathy. It also gives you an escape, that if I react too badly, you can flee the pain of it all while letting you tell yourself that you tried.”
His breath caught a little at that.
“you’re probably right,” he said. “trying to address problems seems sensible. ripping out my heart again, not so much.”
There was silence for another moment.
“You had begun to ask a question,” she prodded. “What you felt is the most important question. How the hell do you what?”
He moved his arm from his face and stared at the ceiling for a bit.
“let’s say for the sake of argument that frisk was right about chara’s risk, in that first timeline,” he said. “let’s also pretend that things didn’t almost go horribly wrong in their murdery timeline. killing a ton of innocent people in a dead timeline to improve knowledge of a major risk in the true timeline. is that morally okay?”
“I have not had nearly enough time to come to a true answer,” Toriel said. “The question has haunted me, I must confess.”
Sans laughed.
“that actually makes me feel better,” he admitted. “i figured you’d immediately call it evil.”
“It is evil,” she said. “But it is an evil that was undone. Only Frisk’s soul bears the mark of their choice, and they bear deep scars for it. Still, it is only because they are good that they suffer so.”
Sans nodded.
“seems fine to me,” he said. “it bothers me that they killed papyrus, and obviously i’m not okay with ending the universe. i’d hate to be the sans who lived in that timeline - that would have sucked. i’d have been pissed off and hurt, no question. but if i’d known the reason…”
He sighed.
“point is,” he said. “i had issues with the resets happening and not letting time pass, trapping us all in an endless loop. that was from flowey, though, before frisk took over the power.”
He wondered if Toriel was able to keep up with that, but it’s not like it mattered.
“trapping us in time, all that resetting, that was a real issue,” he said. “killing people and undoing it… i don’t see any reason to hold that against them, not really. i expect i had a hell of a time with the whole ending the universe thing, but if it weren’t for that? if they’d just killed however many and it didn’t look like the universe itself was at risk? i’d have just let them be. i’d probably mess with them, maybe insult them a bit, whatever, but what difference does it make? hell, even if they only spared papyrus, i’d probably have still tried to be their friend. partly to try to convince them to change things, but even so.”
He closed his eyes and took a slow breath. Toriel didn’t speak. He passingly wondered if she was waiting for him to finish his thought, or reeling. But again, it didn’t matter.
“which brings me to my current situation,” he said. “on one hand, i don’t want anything to happen to you, or papyrus. on the other… killing some random person for their soul so i can teleport faster just seems practical.”
“That is what you spoke of earlier, as to why this timeline could not be kept?” Toriel asked.
“yeah,” he said.
“I see,” she said. “But you have seen that Frisk’s actions were not without consequence. Surely you have seen how wretched their guilt is.”
“kinda hard to miss,” he said and she nodded. “thing is, it’s like you said. frisk only suffers because they were a good person. are a good person. if they’d disconnected emotionally and killed everyone without feeling guilty about it, there’d be less total suffering in the end, wouldn’t there? but that sounds like a worse thing to me. thing is, i don’t…”
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.
He tried to figure out how to phrase it.
“i hate seeing frisk suffer,” he said.
“As do I,” Toriel said. “I would not want them to disconnect and stop caring, however.”
“but we want them to heal,” Sans said.
“Which emotional disengagement would not help with,” Toriel said, and gave him a pointed look. “Which I suspect you are entirely aware of, are you not?”
He laughed at that.
“you got me,” he said, then glanced over at her. “tori, i get that i’m being a dick. i don’t want to hurt this version of you, but…”
“I do understand,” she said with a small smile. “You are trying to protect yourself at my expense. Do not feel guilty about that, however, Sans. This honesty is what I requested of you, after all.”
“you can be real with me in turn, if you want,” he said quietly.
“What I want is to support you in the hopes that you and Frisk can, together, heal and become strong, despite the burdens you bear and the challenges you face,” she said. “What I feel does not matter compared to that.”
“you feel like you don’t matter?” Sans asked.
“The opposite, rather,” she said. “Of course I matter, and so does my choice to sacrifice my heart for my child, my friend, and my people.”
“so you feel that i did the wrong thing by killing that guy for his soul,” Sans said.
“Yes, but I suspect for different reasons than you are thinking,” she said. “I was Queen, once, and I do understand pragmatic considerations. The biggest mistake you made, I believe, was in killing him prior to deciding where you stood on the matter, morally. You are clearly uncertain, and yet you made the choice.”
“i have been trying to figure it out, you know,” he said. “i’ve been chewing on different parts of the problem for a year now.”
“A year?” she asked.
“the first eight months were when flowey had the power, and apparently i murdered the shit out of him so much that he started avoiding me. so from my perspective, i didn’t know he existed till frisk mentioned him,” Sans said. “point is, i was using crown funds to analyze spacetime with alphys and knew about the loops, though not much in the way of details. i’d put a lot of thought into what those loops meant during that time. then, with frisk, a lot of thought into what it would mean to have that power.”
He glanced over at her. She had a good poker face, well controlled, but he could still pick up glimmers of frustration in her eyes. She had a great deal of questions she wanted to ask.
“Perhaps that might be an easier angle to address,” Toriel said. “Assume for a moment that you had the power entirely on your own. What would you do with it?”
“see, i’m actually kind of split,” he said. “it feels different being in on the power, and i know what it feels like to be on the outside of it. if i hadn’t had that, though? if i were the first one to have gotten it? i’d have abused the living hell out of it.”
He chuckled and it wasn’t a particularly happy sound.
“i’d have exploited it for all it was worth, and probably wouldn’t have tangled myself up in moral questions at all,” he said. “helping people, killing them, having fun, learning stuff… i’d’ve gone nuts with the freedom and done all kinds of things. everything.”
He’d have been just like Flowey, in other words. Except for the fact that he would still feel, would still be capable of caring. And didn’t that make him worse than Flowey, in some ways? He probably wouldn’t have stooped to quite the same depth of evil as Flowey, but he didn’t have the excuse of being soulless.
“The difference being that now you cannot disregard the perspective of those outside of the loop,” Toriel said, sounding thoughtful.
“yep,” he said. “it’s why this conversation with you is so… i dunno. hard, i guess. i don’t have memories of being in a confirmed dead timeline, of course, but… well. i get what it’s like to sit there, anyway.”
She nodded and laughed a little.
“I admit that it is difficult,” she said. “You lived with this feeling, that everything would be undone, for eight months?”
“yep,” he said. “it was a lot better with frisk, since they’d keep me aware of their intentions and all that. there’d have been some surprises, like with emergencies and whatever, but for the most part, they took away that gut wrenching dread.”
She reached over and took his hand.
“I am sorry you had to endure that,” she said.
“and i’m sorry you’re having to endure this,” he said. “and by telling you about the loops, you’ll be dealing with existential crap from now on, too.”
“It may be difficult, but I would have it no other way,” she said. “I would rather be in the loops, naturally, but the choice of knowledge or ignorance? For a matter like this, it is better to know.”
He glanced over at her again. Frisk had told him about what Toriel had said as they’d left the ruins. She’d told them not to come back, how she hadn’t wanted to know if they’d been killed by Asgore. This sentiment wasn’t universally true, then - she didn’t always want to know.
“‘cause it lets you support us,” he said.
“Yes,” she said.
“but if it weren’t for that, you probably would rather not know,” he said.
She hesitated.
“I do not much like the idea of being manipulated or exploited,” she said. “But if I ignore that concern, as well…”
She thought for a moment, then smiled.
“It is still better to know,” she said. “Even beyond supporting you and Frisk, it enables me to have influence on Frisk’s use of that power.”
“look at that,” he said with a laugh. “frisk’s power is so compelling even you’re sucked in by it.”
“I would not put it quite like that,” she said.
“i would,” he said with a cheeky grin and she scowled at him, though her eyes were laughing.
“I simply would wish to help the world be a better place, in the ways that I can,” she said.
“same,” he said. “frisk, too. sure, if i had the power with no eyes on me, i’d have maybe too much fun, but i would still try to make the world better in the true timeline.”
Toriel blinked - his best guess was in reaction to an unexpected thought.
“Did Frisk ever simply play with this power?” she asked.
“not that i know of,” he said. “they became friends with me before they grew to trust in their power, and i get the impression that my other self warned them off from casual use of it. even in this timeline, on the day we met, i ended up lecturing them a little on being too cavalier about the use of their power.”
“A bit hypocritical, in light of what you think you would have done,” she said.
He sighed.
“i know,” he said. “but it’s weird, this power. in those eight months, with those reports, it felt… not personal, exactly, but like i was being attacked. like i was being destroyed, along with everyone else i knew. like everything was pointless, because of what they were doing. and even though frisk wasn’t as casual about it as flowey was, or i’d have been, still, it felt wrong.”
“And now you find yourself torn between those perspectives,” she said.
“yep,” he said. “does it matter what happens in dead timelines, or doesn’t it? if i killed you right now, would that matter?”
She gave him a sidelong look.
“not going to, obviously,” he said.
“I am as yet unsure as to the moral value of a life within a dead timeline,” she said. “It is a surprisingly difficult question. However, I am certain of a few things.”
“hit me,” he said.
“Frisk tells me that is a difficult thing to manage,” she said teasingly and he grinned.
“guess the real you is going to learn a little about that, huh?” he asked.
“I will respect your secrets,” she said. “But yes, your fight with them is a critical part of their story. I do not know much, however, and I will not pry.”
“you want to know, though,” he said.
“Of course I do,” she said and sighed. “This is difficult, Sans. It will be even more difficult for that version of me, as Frisk and I have discussed ways of avoiding sharing your secrets, but we cannot hide the fact that there are secrets.”
“makes sense,” he said.
“If you wish, you could speak of them to me, now,” she said softly. “Will there ever be another time that you could speak of it without fear or guilt?”
“without guilt?” he asked. “i’m feeling guilty for this conversation as is.”
“Do not,” she said firmly. “I am glad of it.”
He squeezed her hand.
“you were saying about your insights?” he said, and she smiled a little.
“While I have much to consider on the relative value of lives and feelings of those who are to be undone,” she said, “there is something that is unquestionably of value. The minds and hearts of those that remember. You, Frisk, and apparently this Flowey character. The world quite literally depends upon your continued goodness and sanity.”
He swallowed uncomfortably at that.
“To kill someone for convenience will have an effect upon your mind,” she said. “Whether or not you ultimately decide that their life is of true importance, the choice to do so will reinforce the feeling that their life does not matter. How many lives might you take in dead timelines before they begin to seem like perhaps they do not matter in the true one, either?”
“so the issue is the effect it has on our minds, not just whether it matters on its own,” he said.
She nodded.
“Frisk spoke of their concerns about Papyrus,” she said and he flinched at that. “Even should you decide that leaving him to his own devices is morally fine, the question is, what is the impact on you?”
He looked over at her again.
“you’re thinking i need to interact with him in dead timelines?” he asked.
“Actually, I feel the opposite,” she said with a sad smile. “As terrible as it is to say, cutting yourself off from him in dead timelines is probably the most wise, as it would mean that your interactions with him remain the most real.”
“it’ll hurt him like hell, though,” he said.
“Not necessarily,” she said. “The surprise is unwelcome, but if he is made aware ahead of time of the possibility that you might be pulled away for unknown durations?”
He looked down and nodded.
“He is stronger than you perhaps give him credit for,” she said warmly. “Why, Frisk even told me of how he valiantly stood against them, striving against a terrible evil in hopes of doing what was right.”
He laughed a little at that. Papyrus was something else, alright.
“you thinking we should tell him about the timelines thing?” he asked.
“I have been thinking about it,” she said. “I believe it will prove necessary. You will have him by your side for life, and I do not believe you can expect to hide this power from him for life. Not without destroying your relationship with him.”
Right. He took a shaky breath. He hadn’t thought about that either.
“And if you must tell him one day anyway, it might be best sooner, rather than later,” she said. “I do understand concerns about keeping it secret, but as potent as this power is, it would seem to me that risks to your mental health - for any of you - is of greater concern than risks of revealed secrets.”
He rubbed at his chest. That struck a little too close to home. He'd been thinking of Frisk as the threat to the world, but Toriel was right, it really was all three of them now…
“it’s an incredibly dangerous power and it’s one that hurts to even be aware of,” he said. “telling papyrus… it’d just burden him.”
She frowned.
“May I speak bluntly, without fear of sending you fleeing?” she asked.
He groaned.
“fine, sure,” he said.
“You are doing wrong by Papyrus, in your thoughts,” she said. “You love him and care for him, but do not respect him.”
“but-” he started to say and she raised her hand to interrupt him.
“Let me finish,” she said. “You always seek to protect him, to support him, to bolster him. You rely upon him only in ways that do not truly matter. You trust him in some ways, but I do not believe that you let yourself see how strong he truly is. I had not realized the extent of it myself, until Frisk’s story, but I suspect I still saw it more than you.”
She smiled at him.
“Tell me the truth, Sans,” she said. “Or rather, face it yourself. Do you trust Papyrus?”
He leaned back on the couch.
“i thought we weren’t wanting to rip my heart out,” he grumbled.
“Can you heal and grow stronger if you do not face yourself?” she asked. “You do not have to answer, if it is too much.”
He was silent for a moment, letting thoughts pull him away.
“he’s still a kid to me,” he said quietly. “in my head, he’s still the cute kid he was when our family died.”
She inhaled sharply.
“I am sorry, Sans,” she said softly.
“i was just a teen myself,” he said. “going through my reaper training, a few kills already under my belt.”
She was staring at him in wide-eyed confusion.
“it was all kinds of messed up,” he said. “i wasn’t his dad. i couldn’t replace our dad, but we had no one else. i mean, we had gaster, i guess, but that wasn’t the same.”
“Do you mean Doctor Gaster, the previous Royal Scientist?” she asked.
“you know of him?” Sans asked, glancing over. “you were in the ruins then, weren’t you?”
“Yes, but part of what I have done in these last months is to catch up on all of the history I have missed,” she said.
“makes sense,” he said. “look, there’s no point in going into all that, and it won’t make any sense anyway. point is, you’re right. he’s sort of a mix of my baby brother, my kid, and a reminder of everything i’ve lost. a reminder of the way i… the way i wanted things to be, i guess. he’s so happy. i never wanted to take that away from him.”
Her gaze was intent on him and he could practically feel the curiosity blazing.
“That is why you are so overprotective of him,” she said.
“i wouldn’t call it that,” he said.
“I would,” she said with a cheeky grin and he grinned back.
“seriously, though, i let him do his own thing. i’m no helicopter mom,” he said.
“This is true,” she said with an amused smile. “You do not swoop in for every little issue, but at the same time, you do not have faith in him to handle his issues on his own. Or to handle greater burdens. Unless I am mistaken?”
He sighed.
“fine,” he said. “i don’t. he’s still that goofy little kid with a smile that could light up the surface of the sun.”
“On some level, perhaps he always will be,” she said warmly. “But set aside that image and ask yourself - do you honestly believe he could not handle the knowledge? Do you believe he would wish to turn away from a chance to support you and Frisk both?”
His breath caught at that and he turned it into a cough, but it didn’t fool Toriel.
“maybe he could handle it, but i…” he started to say and trailed off.
“But you do not wish to inflict it on him,” she said and he nodded. “You could ask him, but there is no point in the question, is there? You know what his answer would be.”
She was right, there was no question. He couldn’t imagine any universe in which Papyrus didn’t puff out his chest in pride at being asked for help, at being trusted. In… in joy at the ability to share in something meaningful with the people who mattered most to him.
Sans swallowed against the tide of emotion.
“y-yeah,” he said roughly.
“He has grown up into a brave man with love enough for all the world,” she said warmly.
He remembered Papyrus crying in fear at shadows. He remembered making a big show of checking all around his room and promising Papyrus that he was safe. Giving up and sleeping with the little rascal tucked into his side. So peaceful, despite the war having ripped away everything, and the hate in Sans’ heart towards those that had done it.
The hate had faded in time - it just wasn’t him to hate forever. Papyrus, though, had never hated in the first place. Though maybe that was because Sans had never told him what happened to their family. Just… just encouraged him to forget, to be happy with what he had. He’d been so young he probably had forgotten them completely.
It… it was better like this, wasn’t it? He still had that same smile.
A feeling of warmth startled him from his thoughts and he found himself being hugged. The surprise passed and he chuckled a little, hugging her back.
“er, thanks,” he said awkwardly.
“Are you alright?” she asked.
He laughed.
“obviously not,” he said and sighed, wiping at his eyes. “i guess i wasn’t ready for papyrus to actually grow up.”
She nodded, looking serious.
“We are often not ready for what we must face,” she said gently.
She gave him a considering look for a moment, as he settled. She seemed ready to say something, waiting for him, and after a moment, he met her gaze.
“I believe you will need to reveal this timeline power to anyone that you wish to be close to, for all of your life,” she said. “It is too potent, too impactful, to both hide it and have a true connection. Further, you have bound yourself to Frisk in a way more serious and enduring than marriage. Especially if no others can join you in these memories, as you have said. Your relationship with them and their power is now bound into who you are. You must accept that and its consequences.”
“it’s really not like marriage,” he protested.
“You will be with them for the rest of your lives,” she said. “Possibly exceptionally long lives, no less.”
“i mean, okay,” he said. “but it’s not like that. they don’t think they’re even capable of romance anymore. they said if i wanted something like that, they’d hold out hope that i’d still want to use them in, uh, various ways, but i should try to find normal kind of love stuff with someone else.”
Toriel blinked at that.
“This situation is very strange,” she said.
“tell me about it,” he grumbled.
“It is different from marriage in a number of ways,” she said. “But it is still a binding more extreme and long lasting than any marriage. And, for now as well as hopefully into the future, you are bound by mutual love.”
He winced at that.
“Perhaps not a complete and healthy love, but from what I have seen and heard, I believe you do love them,” Toriel said. “If you are bound together eternally, then perhaps it would be wise to embrace that.”
“uh,” he said, taken aback.
“Commit to them and to your future,” Toriel said. “Can you see any other means by which your strange eternity can be a good one?”
“uh,” he said again.
She chuckled.
“You had not thought of that, had you?” she asked.
“no, i can definitely say that i did not think of things that way at all,” he said.
“Do you feel that perspective is an incorrect one?” she asked.
He sighed.
“probably not,” he admitted.
“So perhaps the next question is the more important one,” she said. “How do you feel about the idea of being bound to Frisk, hopefully in love, for the rest of your life?”
Another surge of emotion hit him at that.
“mixed,” he said after a minute. “selfishly… i’m glad of it. i never want to lose them, ever. but the part of my heart that does actually love them the right way, that’s a little more torn. they deserve better than to be shackled to me, with all my crap.”
She beamed at him.
“Hmm,” she said. “Then it would seem to me you know the answer to that question.”
“huh?” he asked.
“About how to do what is right,” she said. “They are bound to you, but you wish that binding were a healthier one, yes?”
He nodded.
“It seems likely to me that you are bound together for all time,” she said. “You cannot lose them, ever.”
A trembling flutter of emotion passed through him at that, hearing his thoughts echoed back like this.
“Then you should strive to be the sort of person that they deserve to be eternally bound to,” she said. She leaned a little closer. “And that ideal person is not one who stands alone, is he? He has a brother, and others dear to his heart, who stand with him in the ways they can, does he not?”
“i don’t know if i can ever be that person,” he admitted. “be the kind of person frisk deserves.”
“That is something that we know for sure does not matter,” she said. “Frisk is bound to you, and to our knowledge, this is one of the few things that can never be undone. Whether you can succeed in reaching that goal is meaningless, because the choice of binding to you has passed. The only choice, now, is whether you will try.”
He swallowed.
“nothing against you, tori, but i might need to tap out,” he said, a tremor in his voice.
“I understand,” she said. “Is there anything else that you would know of me, Sans?”
Her gaze pierced into him.
“i… guess,” he said, looking down. “you don’t know nearly enough, but you know more than you used to. do you think i was wrong about you? about us?”
“I confess I am a little afraid to answer that question,” she said. “Considering the situation with Frisk. Even if you did find yourself in a complicated, multi-person relationship - I do not see that working well with me, considering my relationship with Frisk.”
“yeah, that could be awkward,” he said. “i… could ask them.”
Her eyes locked onto his. Her expression was a complicated one, but he couldn't… he looked away.
“that was stupid, sorry,” he said.
“More than halfway, I believe you said,” she murmured.
More than halfway in love with her.
“... yeah,” he said.
“I will tell you if you truly wish to know,” she said. “Are you certain, Sans?”
“no,” he said. “you tell me, toriel. do you think it’d be good for me to know?”
She held his gaze for a long moment and then sighed.
“I do not know,” she said. “I wish that I knew, that I could be certain of any path before me. Still, only a few short steps remain on my path, and I find…”
She hesitated and Sans held his breath for a moment, riding out the pain of that. He knew what that felt like, too goddamned well.
“I think I would prefer for my thoughts to remain, to be remembered in some fashion,” she said.
He nodded at that.
“i won’t forget,” he murmured.
“I know,” she said and took a steadying breath. “For the man that you were, and the man that you are, I believe you are correct that we never could have been. But I have seen and heard, within you, signs that you have not finished becoming who you will be. And that man…”
She touched his cheek lightly.
“I do not know if ever he will exist,” she said. “But what I have seen… I could love him.”
She smiled sadly.
“A goodly part of my heart already does,” she said, her tone gentle.
“god that hurts to hear,” he said with a bitter laugh.
“I know,” she said, looking down. “I hope you continue to become who you are meant to be, Sans.”
“i’ll try,” he said. “like you said, a lot of people have my back. you, frisk, papyrus.”
“Please do not be afraid,” she said. “You can trust in those who love you, Sans.”
He stood up at that.
“i have to go,” he said. “lemme take you home, tori.”
She nodded and stood, letting his magic sweep her off her feet. They stood in her living room once more.
“i won’t forget,” he said. “ever. thank you.”
“And thank you,” she said. “For giving this fleeting life more meaning. I wish you the best in your journey. You and Frisk both.”
He nodded.
“uh, same,” he said. “... goodbye.”
“Goodbye,” she said, her voice cracking.
With that, he disappeared.