My first solo monster encounter wasn’t much to look at, but it’s kind of funny to replay the radio traffic.

I was doing a solo patrol, which basically meant walking up and down the Charles River watching for monsters, ready to help any civilians who wanted to flag me down, when I saw something big and weird in the water.

“Hey, are hippos native to Boston?” I said, keying my radio.

“Hippos like a hippopotamus?” Jade asked.

“Yeah. The big things that look like logs with eyes when you see them on the surface.”

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“No, Tim, there are not supposed to be any hippos in the Charles River.”

“Okay, then this is probably a monster, and it looks like a big one. I don’t know how big the normal ones are, but this one is coming out of the water, and it looks at least… Wow. Okay, it sees me. It definitely… Whoa!”

At this point the recording is drowned out by scuffling, panting and assorted goofy Tim noises, followed by a thump and a dwindling scream captured by a police drone. It takes me a couple minutes to get back on the radio.

“Okay, I cannot stop the giant hippo. I tried to punch it, and I just kind of moved its fat around. Then it charged at me and sent me flying in a couple different directions at once. I think somebody needs to come and put some bullets in this thing. Over.”

Randy had to come and shoot a rocket in its mouth.