Eight days later the Thunderbird One departed the black hole which orbited Nranath-Six. During that time the observation lounge was constantly occupied by those who were off duty. [Harry], of course, was one of those who almost never left the lounge. He stared just as fervently as the rest, capturing every detail of the spectacle so that others could experience it. Jevnar noted a difference on board the dreadnaught after they were once again wrapped into the nothingness of warp. Where once had been a whirlwind of harried activity, there now pulsed the steady, regular routine of people imbued with purpose. Now the ship had a proper crew.
It was just as if [Harry] knew what he was doing. Jevnar honestly couldn’t figure out if it was purposeful or sheer dumb luck on the tiny-chomper’s part. Outwardly the little sapient still assumed a carefree attitude which belied any long-term planning, and also which frustrated any of Jevnar’s attempts to figure out what was going on in his new employer’s mind.
Eventually the Dorarizin gave up such prying and just settled into doing his job. That included learning the background and habits of everyone on board…and yes, that meant everyone. Assuming no interdiction by pirates, the only source of possible danger to [Harry] was from the crew. He was sure that the crew had been vetted before hiring, but he wanted to make absolutely sure that there were no double-agents hidden amongst their number.
And Jevnar was a walking, breathing personification of the tenet that ‘If you want something done right, do it yourself.’
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Jevnar walked out of the elevator and ‘casually’ bumped into a Dorarizin female heading into the elevator. “{Apologies, madam,}” he murmured.
“{No problem,}” replied the bumpee with good cheer.
Jevnar looked up and around. “{Oh wait, this isn’t the deck I wanted…}” He ducked back into the elevator with the blurring speed typical of his species.
The woman quirked an amused ear towards him but otherwise remained impassive. “{Sorry, I already set the elevator for the engine level,}” she said.
“{Oh, that's all right. I’ll just take the long way around, I guess. You’re…Dgnrah-of-Wnran, right?}”
Dgnrah’s tail made a small but subtle wag at his mention of her name. “{Yep, that’s me!}”
They rode in comfortable silence for a few minutes until Jevnar broke the silence.
“{So when we come out of warp, will you be sending another report to the Senate?}”
Dgnrah froze into immobility for a moment, then turned her head to regard the smaller male with gimlet eyes. “{I don’t understand. What are you implying?}”
Jevnar didn’t meet her gaze, instead he stared at the elevator door while he replied with a phlegmatic calm. “{Your background documentation was too perfect, too mundane. And only the Senate could plant such an authentic-looking background into the Galnet.}”
The woman’s headfur frizzed out as she started to bluster. “{That’s a completely ridiculous accusation…}”
The beginning of her tirade cut short as Jevnar swiveled his head towards her. “{Please understand me, madam. I don’t begrudge your presence. I understand that our mutual employer is a very…important individual. There’s a lot riding on his shoulders, and the Senate wants to make sure that he’s not going to just ‘flip out’, as the tiny-chompers say.}”
His eyes became even more stony than hers. “{But now you understand that I have my nose pointed at you. You may make your reports to your superiors; as you may have guessed, I know the channels you’re using to communicate. Know that I will be reading your correspondence as well as them. If you are fair and balanced, why then we’ll have no problem. But if you decide to, shall we say, embellish your reports to make [Harry] appear unbalanced…}”
He trailed off just as the elevator door dinged and slid open. Jevnar smiled, and he was once again the very picture of agreeable friendship. “{Somehow, I don’t think we’ll have to worry about that, will we?” Jevnar pointed his nose at the elevator door. “I believe this is your deck, madame.}”
Dgnrah ground her fangs together for a moment. “{Yes. It is.}” She turned and stalked out of the elevator without a glance backward.
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Jevnar selected a few pitcher-cakes and set them onto his tray. One aspect of current ship-board life that was much better than his time in the Empire’s service was the food. Instead of the usual ‘good enough for a limited budget’ type of fare, the [Thunderbird One] sported quite a luxurious spread for every meal. Currently that meal was breakfast, which happened to be Jevnar’s favorite meal of the day. His dark-green eyes searched as he moved along the array of platters, hoping against hope to see his favorite breakfast food. He didn’t see it, of course, and accepted that fact with equanimity. After all, it was a pretty niche dish. Pitcher-cakes were a perfectly acceptable substitution.
The chef on duty, a bright-red Jornissian, somehow picked up on his yearning. “[Would you care for anything made-to-order?]”
Jevnar chuckled. “{Oh, I wouldn’t want to be any trouble. Besides, I doubt you’d be able to make it anyway.}”
“[You’d be surprised. We have a lot of baseline foodstuffs on board, and the replicators are really good at altering them to match specific dishes. Plus our system has detailed scans of just about every dish ever made.]”
After the briefest pause the butler decided to test the chef’s boast. “{All right, then. Do you have any scans for gnaltnah?}”
Before the chef could respond the ship’s computer spoke in flawless Dorarizin, with that same soft voice he’d heard upon arriving on board. “{Gnaltnah. A pan-fried cake using a flour ground from the roots of a particular strain of flowering shrub native to Kngarn-Five. It will take approximately [seven minutes] to create a reasonable facsimile of that flour.}”
Jevnar didn’t allow his internal surprise to show on his face. “{Well done. I didn’t think anyone had heard of gnaltnah off of my birth-world.}”
The Jornissian chef winked his hood at Jevnar. “[Like I said, she’s got detailed files. I’ll get some of it fried up and out to you in a bit.]”
The butler bowed. “{Thank you kindly.}” He picked up his tray and headed out into the dining area. Instead of the long rows of bench-like seating as in any navy, this room was set up more like an officers’ mess with multiple circular tables.
[Harry] sat at one of them, and to Jevnar’s surprise the tiny-chomper’s table was otherwise empty. Then he noted that every table around [Harry’s] was packed full of crew. They ate their meals while surreptitiously glancing at the tiny-chomper. [Harry] in turn ignored their scrutiny as he munched on his own breakfast.
Jevnar sighed internally. True, the captain needed to have an appropriate separation from his crew but this type of extreme segregation just wouldn’t do. Without ceremony he strolled up to [Harry’s] table and set his tray down. “{Good morning, sir.}”
“[Morning, [Jevnar].]” The tiny-chomper’s own meal consisted of a profusion of foodstuffs. First was some kind of pink sliced meat product, with a few smaller black discs of sliced sausage. As for vegetables, Jevnar could see a few dark brown hemispheres and round slices of some grilled red fruit. There were several yellow-and-white rounds on one side of the dish next to some triangular brown wedges. A goodly portion of the plate was taken up with small ovoid bits swimming in a red-tinted sauce. Overall it smelled…really appealing, if Jevnar was honest with himself.
“[I have to say, [Hnanfnsrna] has outdone himself,]” continued [Harry]. “[This really does taste just like a proper [Full English].]” He looked over at Jevnar’s plate. “What are those?”
“{These are pitcher-cakes, sir,}” replied Jevnar. “{They’re a typical breakfast food on many Dorarizin worlds.}” He sliced off a piece of one with a claw and chewed on the bite. “{And these are very fine examples of such.}” Jevnar noted his employer’s continued eyeing of his plate, and some instinctual, care-taking instinct made him say, “{Would sir be interested in trying some?}”
[Harry] blinked in surprise. “[I…sure, if you don’t mind. Oh, hang on I need to check it.]” The tiny-chomper produced a small wand-like object from his pants-pocked and waved it at one of Jevnar’s pitcher-cakes. The wand emitted a small ping and its tip glowed green. “[That’s good, no toxins or allergens dangerous for us [tiny-chompers].]” [Harry] cut off a substantial piece of one of his meat slices. “[Here, I’ll trade you some [bacon] for it.]”
“{That’s not necessary, sir…}” Jevnar’s mild protest was cut off as Harry plopped the piece of pink meat onto Jevnar’s plate. With a slight shrug Jevnar cut off a tiny-chomper-sized bit of one of his pitcher-cakes and set it onto [Harry’s] own plate.
With an adorable grin [Harry] used his utensils to carve off a bite-sized portion of Jevnar’s offering. As he started chewing on it, Jevnar realized that every single crewmember at the tables around them was staring in fascination.
To avoid joining into the stare-fest Jevnar picked up his piece of proffered [bacon] and began chewing. It was…an intriguing flavor. Salty, but with some interesting smoky flavor notes he’d never experienced in any other meat. He’d have to get some more of this [bacon], that was certain.
[Harry’s] face, meanwhile, went through several very interesting expressions as he chewed and swallowed. “[Whew. That’s, ah, really rich. Kind of reminds me of meatloaf but a lot more…buttery? I like it.]” He chuckled. “[But if I try it again I’ll definitely only get half of one.]”
Jevnar smiled. “{That’s to be expected. Sir is much smaller, after all.}”
Any reply from [Harry] was cut short as Hnanfnsrna slithered up to their table. “[Here you go!]” said the Jornissian as he placed another dish on the table. Upon that dish sat a stack of flat brown cakes with a side of rich yellow butter, just as Jevnar liked it. The smell wafting off of that stack was just as it was from his childhood.
“[Let me know if it’s accurate,]” continued the chef with another wink of his hood. He headed off before Jevnar could find his voice.
“[Oh, are those [pancakes]?]” asked [Harry].
Jevnar cleared his throat as he kept his emotions in check. “[Aherm. Yes, it’s a particular type from my homeworld.]” He stacked a few of them onto his plate and made sure to spread plenty of butter over each one as he did so. Then with an almost reverential air he sliced off a bit of the stack and brought it to his mouth.
If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
The taste was just as he remembered. For a moment, a wonderfully long moment, Jevnar was no longer on board a refitted dreadnaught. As he chewed he remembered the communal smell of his packmates, all of them small chubby wads of fur like him as they wriggled about seeking warmth and food. He could remember one of his pack-fathers bringing up a piece of gnaltnah to his mouth and gushing with praise as Jevnar chewed and swallowed the bit of fried dough. That taste continued through his childhood, and he remembered in a half-daze those lazy mornings where he’d eaten so much gnaltnah that it felt like he was going to burst…
The Dorarizin started out of his trance as he felt a small warm hand touch his arm. “[You okay, buddy?]” asked [Harry] with mild concern in his voice.
“{I am very well, sir.}”
“[Good.]” Harry grinned. “[For a moment there, you lost the [?error, possible reference to wooden pole up posterior?error].]”
Jevnar almost asked his employer what the hell he was on about, but decided to finish his breakfast instead.
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The room itself could best be described as ‘mediocre’, with bland-colored walls and occupied with made-by-the-lowest-bidder furniture. It was the typical habitat of a mid-level bureaucratic functionary, although in this case that habitat was more akin to a disguise worn by a predator to let it sneak closer to its prey.
The Jornissian at the room’s workstation was a cold-weather variant with the more chubby physique typical of her type. What wasn’t typical was her coloration, a pale eggshell white that made her look like a snowdrift when coiled up at her console. Officially, her name was Whrnsnnanth’nan, and she’d been called that for so long that sometimes she wondered if she’d forgotten her real name.
Whrnsnnanth’nan looked up as the door rolled open. A fluffed-out Karnakian with pale blue feathers trotted in holding a datapad in one clawed hand. As the door rolled shut behind the newcomer, he turned and tapped at the control to lock the door.
The Jornissian noted a small and unobtrusive light appear on her console. The Karnakian hadn’t just locked the door, he’d activated the room’s anti-eavesdropping features. This was not anything to do with her ‘official’ job, it was something involving her real job. And based on the set of her subordinate’s feathers, that ‘something’ wasn’t good news. She coiled around herself to face him. “
Ikn’nan’qual handed her the datapad. “[We’ve received the latest from our agent on board the, uh, thing.]”
Now, at last, Whrnsnnanth’nan smiled. “”
The Karnakian’s feathers subsided as he calmed. “[All right, ma’am. [Dgnrah’s] report is on there, sent after the…ugh…[Thunderbird One’s] first stop. They apparently visited a black hole for a week just to look at it.]”
The Jornissian raised the datapad and waggled it at him playfully. “
“[Dgnrah also embedded several code phrases in that report. She’s been made.]”
Whrnsnnanth’nan took in a lot of the room’s air in a single furious inhale, then she sloooowly let out that air as she calmed herself. It wouldn’t do to start spitting curses in front of her minion. “
“[From the particular code phrases she chose, it appears that whomever found out thinks she’s there just to keep an eye on the [warmcuddle] on behalf of the Senate. Nothing more nefarious.]”
The Jornissian called up the report in question on the datapad and scrolled through it while Ikn’nan’qual stood and fidgeted his claws together for an uncomfortable few minutes.
Finally she spoke. “
Ikn’nan’qual tilted his snout to one side. “[We could [stroke some scales] and get [Jevnar’s] commission reactivated. Get him back into the [Dorarizin] armed forces and off that ship.]”
“
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Witnessing a fuck-off-huge starship emerging from warp is an experience that is simultaneously awesome but also pants-soiling. One moment you’re just, yanno, vibing while experiencing the awesomeness of a starry background minus any annoying cloud cover or atmosphere, and the next BAM you’re staring down the literal barrel of a dreadnaught that’s zorped in from some direction which you can’t quite fathom.
Inside that pyramidal hull, there is a lot of activity going on. First off is the navigational department (led by a certain white-clad tiny-chomper, of course) who starts the obligatory frenzy of filing the proper flight plans within the star system’s ruling authority; that in turn avoids the dreadnaught getting plastered with a lot of targeting radars from various orbiting missile platforms. The communications department is also in the process of making sure that everyone knows they’re here and we’re totally legit guys, seriously, please don’t shoot as well as notifying everyone in the general vicinity of the ship’s current trajectory.
Barring any excitement on that angle the next layer of interaction involves, of course, the lawyers. And the reason for that most dreaded of interactions is, of course, because of taxes.
You see, Harry paid any initial taxation when he claimed his lottery…but that was within the cluster of star systems which put up that frankly ridiculous sum in the first place.
But by now Harry and Company were far and away from that initial star cluster. Therefore any new place which the Thunderbird One warped into had its proverbial hand out, expecting a taste from the roving, massive chunk of GRC which had just plonked itself into their territory.
After all, pirates usually just steal the valuables you have on hand. It takes a government to clean out your bank accounts with true efficiency. Fortunately, as Harry had mentioned earlier, he had a top-notch batch of legal eagles on board.
An LED lit up on Harry’s command chair as his legal department reported in. “[We have settled on an appropriate compensation with this system’s government. We are cleared to proceed.]”
“Awesome work, Jerry. You all earned a cookie.” The contact broke off but not before Harry heard a whole bunch of happy hissing/purring/clicking/chirping noises from that particular channel. He smiled and made a mental note to visit his legal team in person in the next day or two to dispense quite a few righteous headpats. That would be an even more effective goad than the frankly outlandish salary that he was paying them. Harry had figured out the deep dark secret of the universe…namely, that humans were viewed as the ultimate in cute. Once discovering that secret, he’d decided to use his newfound power for good rather than evil.
He touched another control, bringing up a holographic picture on the main display. It showed a massive cliff, kilometers high, with lots of exciting crags and set-backs that added to its aesthetic appeal. But that wasn’t the best part.
No, the best part was the equally massive river taking a nose-dive right over the edge of that cliff. Even through the still image one could feel the roar as tons of water pulled a Wile E. Coyote and fell in fog-shrouded sheets into a deep lake far, far below.
“[This is our next stop, sir?]” asked Jevnar.
“Yep. The L’tnan’til Falls, discovered by the Karnakians about two thousand years ago. Tallest waterfalls in the known galaxy. Kinda surprised they didn’t up and build a monastery by them.”
Kant’nat piped up from his console. “[I heard the [Eighty-Third] path tried to but were turned down. Too much of an impact on the environment.]”
“I can respect that. Hey Karl, put me on shipwide broadcast.”
“[You’re on.]”
“Hey there peeps, just wanted to remind everyone to sign up for a slot in the rotation. We’re allowed…hang on, let me check…ah, yes. We’re allowed thirty people at a time to visit the falls, and I want to make sure everybody on board gets a chance. The weather should be nice and sunny this time of year, so Hubert’s rising to the occasion and making picnic lunches for everyone.” Harry nodded to Kant’nat, who broke the connection.
“[Just a picnic lunch, sir?]” asked Jevnar with a smile. “[I thought you’d have something more outlandish in mind.]”
“What, like riding a barrel over the falls? Oh hell no, even with high tech materials I’d get turned into jam.” Harry grinned. “And don’t you go giving Driver any ideas, Jeeves. He just might try it.”
Driver gave his boss a very unamused, black-visored glare over his shoulder.
Jevnar sounded shocked for once. “[Why on [earth] would Sir think of such a thing as…as riding a barrel over the falls?]”
“Because we’ve done it? Go look up ‘Niagara Falls’ on the Galnet.”
“[With all due respect Sir, I shall not. Far better for my peace of mind.]”
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Jevnar sighed and shut his terminal. He just had to look it up, didn’t he? And so soon after his proud declaration to [Harry]. But after that initial declaration a new thought started to gnaw at him; was the tiny-chomper playing an elaborate joke? Surely no race, not even the famously… eccentric tiny-chompers would try such a risky endeavor.
But they had. By the First Pack, had they ever. It wasn’t just one or two crazies, either. Going over [Niagara Falls] in a barrel was a whole thing that got so out of hand that the government had to impose substantial fines on any tiny-chompers who tried it.
The Dorarizin let out another, longer sigh. At least his new Sir was not so reckless…at least in that regard. But it was just another reminder that tiny-chompers just up and did things which would give pause to even the most daring of his own species.
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The sky over the L’tnan’til Falls was a deeper blue shade than that of Earth. The moment Harry exited the shuttle (with Jevnar at his elbow, of course) he noted both the different sky as well as the ever-present and distant noise of the Falls themselves. The ground cover had a fern-like look that stretched throughout their landing zone, surrounded by the larger spiky growths which was this planet’s version of trees.
He was in the midst of one of the groups of thirty, towards the middle of their planned time here. From one of his hands swung an actual picnic basket, given to him by Hnanfnsrna before boarding. There were a great many such baskets among this particular group, although most of them were sized larger than the one he held.
“There’s a nice grassy area…well, this planet’s version of grass…over that way!” Harry had to yell to be heard over the Falls’ distant rumble as he pointed in the proper direction. “Gives a great view of the edge!”
They all trundled towards the indicated vantage point. It didn’t take long before the fern-like cover gave way to something more like a spongy lichen. The lichen covered a large rocky area, next to which flowed the river just before it made the final plunge.
By now the sound of the Falls was a basso roar which shook Harry’s chest. He grinned and gestured at the clearing, and in response the crew broke up into little groups and began to unpack their lunches.
Jevnar took the basket from Harry before the human could so much as blink before opening it. Harry thought of protesting, but decided it was too damn loud to try to yell that he could set up his own lunch. He watched Jevnar produce a folded blanket from…somewhere and unfurl it with a precise snap. The hulking butler then started to lay out the contents of the basket. Harry smiled when he saw that his chef had made sure to include plenty of Jevnar’s favorite pancakes in their lunch. And then his smile turned into a full-on grin when he spotted some smaller brown ovoids as well. It looked like Hnanfnsrna had successfully recreated the picnic wonderfulness known as Scotch Eggs.
While Jevnar continued to set out their lunch, Harry decided to check out the Falls close up. That decision was not made lightly. This area was a nature preserve, and the local government allowed only a few tourists into it let alone an entire dreadnaught’s crew. (Again, Harry had some really good lawyers). That in turn meant that the cliff edge had a distinct lack of handrails or anything else to prevent one from plummeting to their certain doom.
He strolled among his crew as he made his way towards the cliff edge. About thirty meters below that lip was a set-back, the first place that the waterfall impacted. The furious impact of all that water threw up a permanent white mist, and within moments Harry found himself the owner of some very damp clothes. That didn’t cause him much upset, however. He had a small storage module clipped to his implant and knew that his getting wet was all part of the experience.
Harry didn’t care much for heights, but those future generations watching this deserved to get the full experience of being here. He edged himself closer to the stone lip, making sure his footing remained solid as he went. He managed to get just close enough to that abyssal drop so that he could peek over and see the various clouds of water vapor spaced out along the Falls’ descent, leading up to a truly massive spray where the Falls impacted into that big lake oh so very far below.
The sound of it was something now utterly physical. Instead of merely rattling his chest, Harry’s whole body vibrated with the sound of the Falls. He had a few glorious moments of looking up and down the Falls as he felt his entire being taken over by the spectacle…
And then Harry found himself facing away from the Falls and a good dozen meters back from that edge. Jevnar released the human’s shoulders and stepped around to stare down at his employer. After Harry had tottered around for a bit from the sudden spin, he turned to face his butler. Jevnar had an expression that even without translators told Harry that his bodyguard didn’t like him getting so close to the edge.
Harry shrugged and tapped the storage module attached to the side of his head to say without words I have my reasons. But otherwise he didn’t protest as he walked away with Jevnar to have some lunch.