Chapter 9 – Moving House

The sound of steps woke Onch from his slumber. He remained where he was, but his ears pricked up to identify the source of the sound. He looked around. Two and the others were still asleep.

The sounds steadily grew closer. They were soon accompanied by the low voices of humans. Their hiding place had been found. It was either that or some humans had decided to randomly pass by.

Onch crept silently to Blip who was closest to him. He pressed his hand against her mouth and held a finger to her lips.

She struggled against him initially. A calming gesture and a finger pointed in the direction of the sounds was enough to get her to understand. Her eyes widened and she slowly nodded her head.

They moved swiftly, Onch to Two and Blip to Statter. Both were up in moments. Statter had an arrow notched to his bow before they’d even tried to wake Kit.

The big goblin didn’t respond to any of their attempts to wake him. Running out of time, Two leveled a kick straight at the sleeping goblin’s wounded left thigh.

“OW!” Kit yelled, springing up from his supine position. “What the heck?”

Onch tried to cover Kit’s mouth, but his hands were pushed aside.

“Who hit me?”

He couldn’t hear the humans over Kit’s exclamations. No doubt they now knew they weren’t alone.

Onch angrily and quite violently held a finger to his lips. “Shut it. We’re not alone.”

Kit’s head spun around as if their unintended visitors were standing close by. He leapt to his feet and brandished his glaive.

“Let me at them. Where are they?”

Two clapped his hands at an exit about five meters away. “No time. Follow me.”

The sound of running footsteps could be heard coming to their location. The goblins made off with haste, Statter having to pull the unwilling Kit behind. They raced along the maze of corridors the sewers were comprised of as fast as they could. Two made sure to keep them from splashing the water and giving away their location.

The humans were tenacious though. They kept up for nearly thirty minutes, but it wasn’t enough. The goblins easily had more stamina from their tough life compared to these skinny, weak humans. If it hadn’t been for Two’s slower gait and Kit’s wounded leg, they’d have left the humans in the dust by now.

They suddenly halted near a branching tunnel. There were three directions they could go. Two looked to Statter.

“Which one of these goes up?”

Statter approached each tunnel entrance. He took a deep breath at each and even bent down to examine the ground. He took his time though. Onch felt irritation spread through him as he watched the goblin investigate. He threw a few looks back but couldn’t see any signs of advancing humans.

Finally, the yellow hound for a goblin addressed the others. “They all have routes leading to the surface. This one is probably closest,” he said as he pointed to the third exit.

Two nodded. “C’mon then. The humans won’t be far behind.”

Onch raised an eyebrow at that comment. Surely they’d managed to outrun the humans?

He was proven wrong minutes later when the sound of voices reached them as they started climbing the first ladder they’d come across. Two frantically waved them all up.

“Hurry, hurry,” he whispered nervously.

They were all up and out onto the surface in a dank alleyway within seconds. Two came last and gently lowered the cover to the manhole.

“What now?” Blip asked.

Heads turned towards Onch. He ignored their expectant looks and gathered the facts. In his mind of course.

Fact number one: They’d lost their hiding place. Fact number two: They knew where the grandma lived. Fact number three: The objective could only be completed by finding out yet more facts about the grandma.

Onch scrunched his face in disgust. Enough with the facts. Since when did goblins do things logically?

He spent a few more moments in thought before an idea came to him. His face glowed and his lips formed into a smile. He let out a sharp laugh.

“Looks like grandma’s gonna have a couple goblins moving in,” he said ominously to no one in particular. He rubbed his hands gleefully. This was perfect. Some good old goblin ransacking and an end to this assignment.

His hair stuck out at odd angles, and his jacket hung just slightly askew. He turned to the setting sun and chuckled like a crazy villain.

Blip leaned slightly and spoke from the corner of her mouth. “You think he’s starting to crack?”

Onch heard it and swung a backhand at the smaller goblin's head. She ducked effectively, and Onch slid forward in the rubbish strewn across the alley. His saber got tangled between his legs, and he nearly fell over if not for grabbing the wall for support. He growled menacingly.

“To the grandma’s,” he said to no one in particular as he held up a single finger. “We’ve got work to do.”

***

It took longer than expected to reach their destination. The run through the sewers had disorientated them all, and getting back had taken a fair bit of time. It wasn’t helpful that humans kept running around in their path. For some reason, there were more than the average amount of humans out and about tonight.

“Before we go in,” cautioned Onch. “I want it on your strongest oaths that you’ll do everything in your power not to get caught by old Granny.” He looked at each of their faces. “We get caught, that means we fail the assignment. Failing means pain. From more than one place.”

The others fell over themselves to pledge by their strongest oaths namely, a fine cup stolen from a troll, a sense of smell so powerful it could detect the last time one had showered, a set of lockpicks and of course, a supposedly magical glaive. Onch tuned out their jabbering. It was time.

“Statter, you go first. Find the grandma. After that, find a place where we can hide in the house. Two, check the back.”

The two goblins rushed off to get the work done. It was easy to appreciate how they were amongst the best of their clans, and thus, how they’d been assigned to fulfill the mage’s wishes. Any average goblin would never have been able to appreciate the gravity of the situation, nor would they easily follow orders. Well, these didn’t either, but they were better than the rest.

One minute turned to five, then to ten. Two returned just before the fifteen-minute mark with some news.

“There’s a shed at the back. Big enough for all of us. There are tools and stuff inside, but I don’t think it’s been used in a long time. There’s dust building up everywhere.”

Onch nodded appreciatively. “Good. Let’s wait for Statter.”

He came nearly thirty minutes later. By that time, Onch had begun to think he’d run off on them.

“What took you so long?” Blip angrily asked. “We’ve been here forever. Don’t you know how boring it is?”

Onch rolled his eyes. Of course, she’d be concerned about boredom. The funny thing was that she was the first to run when it was time for action. He put it down to her obvious youth.

Statter spat a wad of phlegm at Kit’s feet before reporting. Kit stiffened in offense, but Statter smoothly ignored him.

“Grandma was awake. I had to make sure she went to sleep before I took a look around. She’s sleeping where we saw her last time.” He paused as his eyes flicked to the large form of Kit. “I found a couple of hiding places, but I don’t think we’ll all fit.”

Two shook his head. “No need. I’ve found a better place.”

Statter took a relieved breath. “Good. I was getting anxiety just from thinking we’d all have to hide in there.”

On second thought, Statter’s observation made a bit of sense. There was also a higher chance of getting caught while living with the grandma. Onch scratched his head as he tried to recall why he’d thought it would’ve been a great idea. Must’ve been a spur-of-the-moment thing.

“Alright!” announced Blip as she pumped a fist in the air. “Grandma’s house needs a bit more cleaning.”

Onch pushed her away slightly. “Oh no you don’t. Statter, with me. The rest of you can hunker down in the shed.”

Kit looked unimpressed as Blip reluctantly followed Two around back. It took a stare-off to get him to follow.

Onch cracked his neck and turned to Statter. “Ok then. We have but one objective. Find this granny’s favorite place and get the heck out of there.”

His energy wasn’t matched by his companion. He merely shrugged and led Onch straight up the porch. The door was unlocked as before, and they both stole in without a sound.

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Inside was darker than outside. Curtains blocked out the light of the full moon in each room. They picked their way around the house with ease due to their familiarity with it. Onch searched for signs of a memorable place while Statter took the time to pilfer the contents of a cabinet in the kitchen.

There weren’t any flashing signs with huge arrows pointing to anything for a start. No blazing red circles, no guides and no copies of a book of memorable places were available. Not that Onch was stupid enough to have expected such. Well, maybe he had. How else was he supposed to find where he needed to get the grandma to?

Downstairs was probably not going to yield any results. Sure, there were plenty of interesting, glittery things that any goblin would find attractive, but there was nothing pertaining to what Onch needed.

He motioned for Statter to stay behind. Hopefully, there was enough here for him to remain occupied. Onch though, needed to go upstairs.

He knew how to avoid the creaking steps and made it up swiftly. His first stop was the bathroom. It was best to check it off. He couldn’t see anyone using a bathroom to store information.

It was as he’d expected. Empty. He fiddled with the faucet for a bit but couldn’t get water to come out. Typical of humans to make things goblin-proof. His reflection in the mirror revealed that he was in need of some grooming. Even his jacket hadn’t been spared. Mud was splattered all over and a few bits and bobs hung on his collar. He’d never do something so drastic as to bathe, but a little wipe-down wouldn’t hurt.

A jiggle of the previously locked door’s knob revealed no change. That was a lead. There was bound to be something useful there. It made him worry that Blip had been unable to open it, but there were always multiple ways around a door.

He peeked through the door adjacent to the grandma’s room. It was filled to the brim with all manner of items. Statter had come out a ghost, and true to his word, dust filled the room from top to bottom. It was almost an inch thick on the ground. Statter’s footprints could be seen having disturbed the dust.

There was simply too much in the room to go through himself. He’d have to come back another time. It seemed improbable that there could be anything of use here considering the amount of dust that had piled up anyway.

Grandma’s room was the last stop. He’d gotten an idea the last time around, and it was time to put it into action.

He entered the room quietly. Grandma had her face covered, but that didn’t make Onch let his guard down. Just a glance could be enough to make him fail. He stood by the entrance, taking in all the photos on the wall.

There had to be a clue hidden in them somewhere. He tried looking for similarities, maybe even multiple pictures of the same place. Nothing. Then he tried to look at what kind of places she frequented. There was no set pattern. She had pictures of caves and oceans, as well as those with huge groups of people running around. There was even one of her flying in the sky. Since when had humans learned to fly?

There wasn’t anything he was going to get by standing there. He’d have to come back another time, preferably when grandma wasn’t about. A more thorough search could be conducted then.

He collected Statter on his way out and met up with the rest of the team in a small shed at the back large enough to house at least fifteen goblins. Vines covered the door, reaching up to the slanted green roof. He pushed aside some of the vines and let himself in.

Inside, Blip lay on a long bench with her arms crossed and her eyes closed. Kit stood above her wielding his glaive like an executioner’s axe. Two held his one-handed axe at the ready but refrained from intervening.

“I leave you guys for two minutes, two minutes!” Onch yelled. “Why can’t you all act normally?”

Blip lifted her head and opened an eye. “We had a bet.”

“A bet?”

“Yeah. If you didn’t come back, Kit was gonna cut my head off. If you did come back though,” she said wryly as she swiveled ninety degrees until her feet pointed at Kit. “I get to do this.”

Blip slammed her foot straight into Kit’s crotch. Kit dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes, squirming in pain.

“I win!” Blip cheered as she excitedly jumped on the balls of her feet. “That was fun. Care for another bet?” she asked as she bent down her victim.

Onch shuddered. What a stupid and utterly foolish bet. Still, it was nice to see Kit in pain.

“Alright. Enough of your shenanigans.” He sat down on the very bench Blip had vacated. “The answers are in there,” he said as he pointed to the house. “I had a look around, and I think Statter will concur on this point; it’s just not possible to go through things with the grandma around.”

Statter nodded sagely. “Yeah. Her room is totally where anything important is. I looked through her entire kitchen, but there was no safe or anything. All the gold must be in her room.”

A slap could be heard as Onch’s palm met his forehead. He calmed himself and cleared his thoughts. “Regardless, we can’t do anything with old Granny around. Humans usually move around during the day. We’ll wait and see what she does tomorrow. Until then, you’re free to do what you want,” and here he stressed his next words, “except going near Granny. Two will watch her to get an idea of her schedule. The rest of you, do whatever you want. Just be here during the day.”

The Triabians took no time in rushing off into the night. Kit groaned as he rose from his place on the ground.

“That little sneak. That was never part of the bet.”

Onch just shrugged as he took off his jacket. He unbuckled his saber and took a seat at the far wall, away from the door. It was waiting time.

***

They ended up waiting and watching for a week which passed by uneventfully. It turned out that Granny didn’t really leave the house much. Whenever she left, she was taken by another human. Twice, by a younger-looking version of herself, and once, by a group of gaggling women with the combined age of over a thousand.

Onch had been careful. He hadn’t entered the home even once since last time, and he’d prohibited anyone else but Two to go as well. Truthfully, he was scared. He was always afraid that Granny would return while they were conducting their search. With their track record, they were bound to mess something up. Thus, the natural course of action was to keep everyone else away.

Strange ornaments and different kinds of shiny items had begun to build up in the shack. A testament to the thievery skills of the two Tribians. Onch even suspected Kit to have a hand, but he couldn’t prove it.

Kit had been quiet thankfully. His wound healed well enough. After a few days, the mass of muscle was out in the yard at night, practicing swinging his glaive. Onch had been initially afraid someone would see him, but the neighborhood went to sleep even before the sun was down.

Granny though, took a bit of time to get to sleep. She slept well into the morning and kept mostly to herself. She did continuously talk into a beeping rectangle though. Onch had no clue what that was about.

Today was the day though. Granny was due to be picked up by her crew of other grannies who couldn’t keep their mouths shut. She would return late in the night. They had four to five hours to ransack the place.

When Granny entered a box projectile and zoomed off, the band of goblins waited for a few minutes. Statter had noted that sometimes humans came back to grab something they’d forgotten. No doubt the fruit of his and Blip’s escapades.

No one came back. The door was unlocked as usual. The goblins were in.

Onch made straight for upstairs. He was followed by Statter while the others milled about downstairs. He flung the dusty room’s door wide open and set about.

“We could’ve used a torch,” Statter commented as he began his own search.

Onch was doubtful they were both searching for the same thing, but he let it be. Night vision was more than enough, but yes, some sort of light would make the work go faster. He should have thought of that.

He rectified his error by ordering Two and Kit to break a chair and light it on fire. Two had noticed Granny lighting things on fire at an altar-like stove in the kitchen. Soon, the two goblins brought up a blazing torch each.

Onch shifted things around to get a better look at everything. He wasn’t sure what exactly he was looking for. It probably was supposed to stand out. Some sort of treasure chest maybe?

“Achoo!” Two thundered. “Someone could’ve told me there’d be so much dust up here.”

The rest just stared at him. He shrugged in defense.

“What? I’m allergic.”

Onch pulled a skeptical face. Allergic? Since when?

He turned away and ran through the items piled up. Most were rubbish. There were a couple of books, but showing them to Statter just confirmed that they were romance novels. As if one couldn’t tell from the covers.

After an hour of searching, there was nothing. No treasure chests, no big pictures, no signs leading the goblins to what they wanted and most of all, no clues.

“On to plan B,” muttered Onch.

He signaled to Blip and she got to work. He’d been hoping he could avoid the locked room, but it seemed all the more important considering the way things were going. Statter and Kit stood by her as she worked the lock with her skills. Onch and Two turned to Granny’s main room.

It was as he’d last seen it. The goblins set to work. Drawers were emptied on the floor and the closet was similarly emptied. They found no treasure, not even anything worthy of stealing. No place was spared. The mattress was turned upside down, and they even checked behind the portal on the wall. Onch stood on Two’s shoulders to check each and every picture on the wall for any clue like a paper taped behind it with Granny’s most memorable place mentioned in big neon letters, but that was a bust.

They eventually returned to find that Blip had failed. No matter. They had a backup plan.

“Off you go Statter. Make it quick. We don’t know when she’ll be back.”

Statter raced down the stairs and to the back. He would be climbing the wall to force an entry via the window. The others kept up their search, but it was mostly stealing anything that looked remotely valuable.

“Say Onch, what if we don’t find what you’re looking for?” asked Blip.

“You mean what we’re looking for,” Onch corrected. He pulled a frown. “Haven’t thought about that yet.”

Blip made a rude sound. “I’ve got no idea what we’re supposed to be looking for. If we don’t find the goods, are we gonna be stuck here forever?”

Onch sighed. Was she opening up to him? The last thing he wanted was an emotional goblin to deal with.

“I don’t know. We’ll figure things out.”

Blip smiled in response. “Great! Because I’ve found a couple of places I still want to check out. Did you know they have these things called dumplings? They’re sooooo good. You should come with me sometime.”

Onch was about to respond with a rebuke, but Statter came through the door, cutting off any more conversation. “No can do. Window was boarded up.”

Well, that led them to the third and final option Onch hadn’t wanted to use.

“Ok, Kit. Your turn.”

The red mass of muscle grinned. “Yeah! We should’ve done this in the beginning.”

Crash! The sound of Kit’s glaive meeting the door resounded throughout the house. Onch tensed up. Two was watching the door. You never knew when a stray human could come by.

With a final crash, the door was open. Onch rushed in after Kit holding the flickering remains of their last torch. His heart dropped from what he saw.

An empty bed. There wasn’t even a mattress. A closet stood deconstructed in the far corner, and that was it. The wasn’t locked because it was hiding something important. It just wasn’t being used.

“Dammit!” Onch cursed. He punched the wall in frustration only to start dancing about while waving his hand in the air from the pain. “Stupid, stupid, stupid Granny.”

Kit looked amused. “So, we’re at a dead end. I think,” he said as he looked at Two to verify his claim. “A whole lot of good we’ve done these past two weeks.”

Knuckles still smarting, Onch strode out of the room. He returned back to Granny’s room and ran over everything again. He was desperate. There were literally no leads.

After a while of frantic searching, an inquisitive Blip came by to save the day. “What’s this?”

Onch spun about. Blip held a black book with bookmarks and ribbons poking out of it. Her toothy grin was ignored for the moment. Onch grabbed it from her hands, and he left her pouting as he flipped through the book.

It was handwritten and filled with pictures and stuff. He pushed the book into Statter’s hands.

“What exactly is this?”

Statter flipped through the pages. He took his time reading through several long passages as the rest stood waiting. Kit tapped his foot impatiently. He readjusted his glaive, knocking a group of pictures from the wall.

“Well?” asked Two impatiently. “She could be back anytime now.”

Statter nodded with finality and closed the book. “I’ll need more time, but it seems to be a diary of sorts.”

Blip cocked her head. “Diary?”

“Something where you write whatever happens to you,” Kit responded. The rest turned to him in mild astonishment. “What?” he questioned. “I’m not a complete idiot.”

Onch grinned. Finally, a lead. “While I beg to differ, let’s get save this conversation for later. Back to the shed.”

The other goblins agreed and started to file out. A thought occurred to Onch, and he grabbed Blip.

“Where’d you find that?”

She pointed to a half-open drawer. “In there.”

Onch let her go and went to check the drawer. The dresser was colored black, so they must’ve missed it while emptying its contents. He cast a look inside and was about to leave when he noticed a pink ribbon.

He grabbed the ribbon and ended up pulling out another book just like the one they’d found. That idiot! She’d missed the second volume. He cursed the klutz of a goblin and thanked his luck. Imagine if they’d had to come back for this.

It was time to leave. He’d give Statter a day or two to read through the books. Hopefully, they’d find what they were looking for.