Chapter 11 – Ticket to Zaragoza

It took longer than it should have for Two to explain how exactly humans could fly. There were several outburst of shock and indignation before the rest of the goblins understood that humans couldn’t just spout wings and fly. Two attempted to draw several images, but he had the artistic ability of a four-year-old with hooves for hands.

“So, we just need to steal one of these planes and fly the old crone across the ocean?” Statter clarified. “It’s a simple job. We should be done by tonight? Where could one acquire one of these flying objects?” he asked as he turned to Two.

Two munched down on his food and spilled most of the grape juice he’d become addicted to. “It’s not so easy,” he said around mouthfuls. “Most humans just sit on the plane as it flies. It doesn’t just fly by itself. There has to be someone who controls its flight.”

There was a moment of silence as each digested the information. It was broken when Kit spoke up.

“So we learn to fly a plane first. Then, we can easily steal one. I call dibs.”

The group descended into a shouting match as each goblin presented their case as to why they were best suited to flying the aircraft. Onch sat back lost in thought. He fiddled with his dagger while he racked his brain for a solution.

The typical goblin approach was out of the question. His and Two’s experience with the box projectiles had taught him enough to know that these metal contraptions were beyond the control of simple goblins. Maybe a goblin mixed with some gnome species might be able to do it, but none of the five had that going for them. Stealing the aircraft was another matter. According to Two, the planes could get quite big in size.

He mulled over it, throwing out most of his ideas. There was no way they could get their own plane. They had to use the existing human system, and they had to do it fast. There were only about two days left before Kristala’s deadline.

He was brought out of his planning by a nudge at his side. He looked over to see Blip staring up at him expectantly.

“What is it?”

Blip pouted. “You weren’t listening?” She waved a hand at the others. “We’ve all agreed that I’d be best suited to fly the plane when we get it. So, that leaves one question. When are we getting a plane?”

Onch glanced over at the others. They were all staring at him expectantly, even Two. It seemed as if he’d gotten caught up in the other’s excitement.

“Ahem.” He needed more information is what he needed. “There seems to be only one way then. Blip, Kit both of you find out where the fliers of these planes reside. If we can find one we can learn how they do it. Statter, you find me a plane. A small one preferably. Two and I’ll get some more information.”

None of the other’s jumped to obey. Statter was busy shining a glass ball from who knows where, and Blip and Two were busy shoulder checking each other. Kit was the only one who’d even moved to the door.

CLAP! Onch clapped his hands, jumped up and swatted the glass ball from Statter’s hand. The rest were startled. “Need I remind you all of what’s at stake?” he hissed angrily. “There’s more to it than just fun and games. We’ve about two days to get this done. Move it or else we’ll all have our skins turned inside out. Forget the mage, Kristala will make us wish we were never born.”

Kit was out the door before he’d even finished. Blip and Statter followed close behind, but not after Statter picked up his little trinket.

Onch huffed as he sat back down. He ripped a leg piece from half a chicken remaining in front of him and munched on it.

As he was working on controlling his anger, Two approached. Onch did his best not to lash out angrily since the only other functional piece of this band was Two.

“So, where are we off to?”

Onch eyed his brother. He ripped off the last piece of meat before responding.

“We’re going to figure out how humans normally get on those planes,” he said with great emphasis. “Only an idiot would think about stealing from these crazy humans. Every door is locked and wherever we go we manage to get ourselves hurt. It might be time to try a different method.”

Two nodded sagely. “So then, are we going to find where the humans hide all their planes?”

Onch slapped himself mentally. Sometimes you couldn’t rely on anyone.

***

Blip pulled at her earing as she watched Kit waltz straight into the room they’d been watching for the last fifteen minutes. It was a stupid move. She’d learned that not all humans were what they seemed. It was better to observe them before approaching. Even better, it was best not to be noticed by them at all.

The past few weeks had taught her all she needed to know about humans. They were finicky. Even losing a small piece of anything would send most on a hunt for what they’d lost. And they needed so much to live. The amount of fuss they’d cause if even a single thing didn’t go their way was actually kind of funny. She’d had lots of fun watching them rage when they couldn’t find what they needed on time.

They also didn’t appreciate being interrupted. Plenty of humans had gotten into arguments over what seemed like normal behavior to Blip. If they couldn’t tolerate a human barging in on them, how could they tolerate a goblin?

Especially while they were on those screens with moving objects. They were simply obsessed with them. This particular human had been flying in the sky on his screen for the last couple of minutes on what they’d thought was a plane. Kit hadn’t been able to wait and complete their reconnaissance.

Wild screaming was abruptly cut short a few moments later. Kit emerged from the building with the human slung over his shoulder. He raced down the road just as other humans came out to see what the commotion was about. They shrieked and shouted as the saw a mass of red muscle plowing down the street at high speed.

Kit pushed aside an obese man who’d try to get in his way. In a few moments, he was out of sight. Some humans jumped to their box projectiles, which she learned were called cars, and raced after him. They’d be hard pressed to catch him though. Blip had shown Kit a path to take if they ever needed to get out of pickle.

With a sigh, she followed after him but much more slowly. There was a treehouse a little ways away, and she knew Kit would be there. He’d taken the previous three humans there as well.

Four cowering humans greeted her upon climbing up to the treehouse. Kit stood over them menacingly, attempting to interrogate them.

“I’ll hang you by your toes,” he growled. “What do you mean you don’t know how to fly a plane. I just saw you flying one!”

The human in question had tears streaming down her face. Her brown hair stuck out at odd angles and her purple cat pajamas stood out like a sore thumb. She looked like she’d been zapped with electricity.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she pleaded between sobs. “I’ve never flown a plane.” The sobs began again. The human became so overcome with tears that she couldn’t respond anymore.

One of the others gathered some of his courage. “We don’t know what you’re talking about. None of us are pilots,” he said.

Blip cocked her head to the side. “Pilots?”

The appearance of another goblin seemed to shock the humans even more. One of the two who’d remained silent so far squealed in fear. His legs knocked together audibly, and he promptly fainted.

“What’s a pilot?” Blip questioned. “We’re looking for plane-fliers.”

The one who’d spoken up before opened and closed his mouth as he took a moment to process what he’d heard. “Um, that’s exactly what a pilot is. A plane-flyer.”

Blip grinned excitedly. “So which of you is a pilot?”

The man looked back and forth. “None of us.”

It was Blip’s turn to be confused. “But we saw you flying a plane on one of your flashy mirrors.”

“Flashy mirrors?” The man scratched his head in thought. “What flashy mirrors? Oh! You mean my computer?”

Blip let the foreign word roll about her tongue. Computer. Interesting.

“What’s a computer?” Kit interjected.

“Computer. It’s a machine,” came the response. “We use it for a lot of things.”

“Like flying planes?” Blip asked hopefully. This one was smart. He could fly their plane for them. There wouldn’t be a need for anyone to learn how to fly a plane. It would save them a lot of time and effort. Onch would be impressed.

“Well, I’m sure computers have something to do with it, but I wasn’t flying a plane.”

“Well then what were you doing? Because it seemed to me like you were flying a plane.” Kit folded his muscular arms across his chest. His glaive was propped up to the side and made him look even more imposing.

“No, no. I was playing a game. It’s a simulator.”

“Simuloafer?”

“No. Simulator. It’s pretend. Doing it but not really doing it. It’s not real life.”

Kit pulled a face. “Why’re you wasting you time playing pretend? Isn’t that what kids do?”

The other humans had retreated behind their companion. Slowly, the man was getting more used to talking with them. It made him fear them less.

“Uh, I don’t know. It’s a game,” was all he replied.

“A game?” Blip’s interest piqued. “Is it fun?”

“I guess. That’s why I was playing.”

Blip turned to Kit. He was still wearing a frown, but he turned to listen.

“I got an idea.”

“What?”

“The game should be similar to what’s real. Wanna play a bit?”

Kit was skeptical. He’d never been one to play pretend. Heck, he barely even played games unless it involved bashing in a couple of heads.

“You can rough up the others if you agree,” Blip offered. She knew how to get the red goblin on her side.

“Rough ‘em up?” Kit’s eyes gleamed. “How much?”

“Eh, just don’t kill them. I think it’ll be alright.”

Another of the humans fainted. “W-wait,” the talkative human called out as he held his hands forth. “Don’t hurt us.”

“And what can a puny human like you do to stop me?” Kit questioned narrowing his eyes.

“I-I-I I won’t teach you the game if you hurt us,” the human scrambled for an answer.

He hit the jackpot. Blip growled at him and drew a knife. “I don’t think you’re the one calling the shots here bud.”

“I mean it,” he replied. His Adam’s apple jumped up and down and even his legs began to shake. “I won’t teach you a thing.”

Kit’s foot shot forward. Both remaining humans lunged to the side. The opposing wall broke and Kit stood with a foot hanging outside. He cursed loudly, pushing on the wall in an effort to pull himself free.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

Blip weighed her options. It was all overruled though. She really, really wanted to play a game. She’d even get to see what these computers were about.

“Fine then,” she responded in the most deep and serious voice she could muster. Kit continued to curse and struggle behind the humans. “You teach us the game, and in turn, we let you leave with your lives.”

The man gulped. He nodded his head once. Blip pushed him to the ladder of the treehouse. Both descended just as Kit finally managed to free himself. In his anger, he swung an open palm at the remaining woman’s head knocking her unconscious.

“Damn humans. Have to make everything so difficult,” Kit lamented. He grabbed his glaive and hurried to follow the other two.

***

Two limped up to the counter wearing an assortment of clothes that Onch felt was human-like. They’d done their best to cover every inch of skin including his face. In the sweltering heat of midday, it was completely different to any other human around.

“Good afternoon. How may I help you?” asked the lady in striking red lipstick while she busily clicked away at her computer screen.

“Uh.” Two glanced back at where he knew Onch was hiding. “Uh, I’d like to get a plane ride to Zaragoza today. Is that possible?”

“Hmm, let me see,” the woman responded without even looking at her costumer. “Nothing for today, but I can get you one in around a week’s time. How’s that?”

Two coughed harshly. “No, no. That’s too late. I need one today or at most tomorrow.”

The woman frowned. “Ok then. Let me see if I can get you there on another airline.”

Two waited patiently. When both goblins had left, they hadn’t had a clue as to where they could find someone to tell them how to book a flight. They’d wandered around until Onch had had enough. They abducted a rich-looking man in a dark suit. A bit of roughing him up in the back alley had been enough to get him to spill the beans.

It was deceptively easy to book a flight. All you had to do was contact an airline and ask them to book it for you. The man had said something about payment and a passcode, or was it passport, but they hadn’t given it much attention. Grandma probably had everything sorted. Probably.

“Ok then,” the woman announced. “I can get you a flight for tomorrow afternoon, but it’ll be a bit pricy. How’s that?”

It was Grandma’s money so Two couldn’t care any less.

“Yes. That’ll be great.” He rubbed his hands in glee. This was much too easy. Did all humans fly around so easily?

“I’ll need your credit card information and your passport then.”

“My what? What’s a credit card?”

“You’ll be paying in cash?” the woman looked up finally. “Woah,” she commented on seeing Two. “You sure you’re ok there?”

Two sensed something was off. Was it something he said? Or was it his outfit? Either way, they should’ve asked the suit guy for a bit more details. Before anything could get worse, he backed off.

“Woops, seems like I forgot to bring anything to pay with. I’ll just go and get the stuff and be right back.”

The lady nodded her head, her expression guarded. “You do that ma’am, uh sir, or is it ma’am?”

Two turned back and hurried over to Onch. His elder brother was busy basking in the sun. His eyes were closed and he remained blissfully unaware of Two’s approach.

Two threw the sweaty scarf he wore onto Onch’s face. “Wake up. Remember what suit guy was saying? The thing about money and the passport?”

Onch rubbed his eyes sleepily. Running about during the day was work for youngsters.

“Not really.”

“Well we gotta find him again. We need money and we need a passport.”

“What’s a passport?” he asked as he yawned.

“I have no clue,” Two responded truthfully. “But it’s important.”

“Damn it.”

***

They backtracked in their quest to find the man in the suit but to no avail. Too many humans wore suits, and it was impossible to distinguish their pink features from each other. They ended up back at Grandma’s house waiting for the rest.

After a short rest, Two slinked off to snoop around Grandma’s house. He was looking for a credit card and a passport.

An hour before sunset, Statter arrived. He held a stick in front of his mouth and blew gently. Small little bubbles emerged from a small circle set into the stick.

Onch watched amazed at the show of magic. “Since when did you learn magic?”

Statter yelped and jumped a foot into the air spilling a bottle of liquid on the ground. His magic wand also clattered to the wooden floor. “Jeez. You didn’t have to scare me like that.”

“Seriously?”

Statter drew himself up. “Yeah. I am serious.”

The two stared at each other in silence. Onch was the first to look away.

“So, magic. Since when have you known how to use magic?” he asked.

Statter looked to the fallen wand. “Oh, that. That’s not magic. It’s a kid’s toy.”

There was no way Onch was going to believe that. Not when he’d seen magical bubbles appear by themselves. “Liar.”

“No, for real. That water makes the bubbles,” Statter replied as he pointed to the fallen liquid. “You just have to blow on it while it’s in the circle.”

The liquid was on the ground and there was no picking it up. Onch couldn’t think of a reason Statter would lie, so he let it be.

“How was it then? Did you find the planes?”

The guilty look he received was all the response he needed.

“You didn’t find a plane or you forgot?” Onch threatened more than asked.

“Well, you see. I was busy. This magic for instance,” he said as he pointed to the fallen bubble-maker.

Onch was up in a flash. He pinned the other goblin’s throat to the wall. Two rows of sharp teeth gleamed as he let out a low growl. His victim whimpered audibly.

“You mean to tell me that you dilly-dallied the whole day away?” He sent a swift punch to the gut. He let go of Statter’s neck and punched him again. “You wasted an entire day behind bubbles!”

Statter doubled over straining for breath. Onch didn’t let him gain any respite. He backhanded him across the floor drawing blood. Several kicks and punches later he stood up for a breath.

“You useless tadpole. You yellow slime. We’re here for work! You blithering buffoon! You had one job, and you got distracted by bubbles. You absolutely worthless piece of dog breath.”

Onch let the anger spill out. Statter had sustained several bruises and blood stained the floor before Two came back and restrained him.

“Snap out of it! You’ll kill him.”

Reality came back to Onch in an instant. Statter lay on the floor wheezing. Multiple welts covered his skin. He made no move to stand.

Onch spat at the fallen goblin. Typical Triabian. Good for nothing.

“Well,” he asked more harshly than he meant to. “Did you find anything?”

Two nodded his head eagerly. He had no wish to earn his elder brother’s wrath.

“I’ve got her passport. I couldn’t find any money though. Nothing with credit card vibes.”

Onch looked at the small blue book Two held out to him. The first page had a small picture of a younger-looking Granny and a bunch of writing. He looked up at Two.

“How do you know it’s a passport?”

Two grinned. “Simple. I left it out in front of Granny. She tends to talk to herself. When she saw it, she says to herself, what’s my passport doing here. She put it back, and I took it out again.”

“Smart.”Onch was impressed. It was actually smart thinking.

The sun had set by now. There was no sign of the other two goblins, and he had no idea how long the lady at the counter for flight booking would be there till.

“Ok then. I’ll take idiot here,” he said as he pointed to the prone body of Statter. “I’ll find a credit card and meet you at the counter. Bring the other two when they come back.”

Two nodded in the affirmative. “Alright.”

Statter had stood up when he’d been mentioned. His left arm hung close to his body and he walked with a slight limp, but he made no move to complain. It satisfied Onch to know that some of the laws of goblins were unbreakable. The stronger one was always respected.

“C’mon.”

They traveled back to the counter first. Onch was relieved to see it still open. He then turned to Statter.

“Time to use your extensive knowledge of humans.”

Statter stared back blankly. No sane goblin would bet his money of Statter having extensive knowledge of humans, but he definitely knew more than Onch.

Again, Onch cursed himself for not taking the time to understand humans more. It was crucial intelligence and had proven to be useful at every venture. Still, it was too late to cry over spilled milk.

“Where can we get a credit card?”

The other goblin still held his tongue. He had no idea what that was either.

“Money?” Onch asked again. “Lots of it. Plenty. Enough to buy Granny passage to Zaragoza.”

Understanding dawned on Statter. A ghost of a smile formed on his lips.

“I’ve been wanting to see what’s inside of one of them for a long time.”

“Inside of what? Your head? I can guarantee you it’s empty.”

“Of course it is,” Statter replied absentmindedly. He was fixed on whatever he’d been thinking of previously.

“And?” Onch pushed.

“Follow me.” With that, Statter began to limp down the alley.

Onch let out an exasperated sigh. Another law of goblins. Greed conquered all. No amount of violence could stop a goblin from trying to become rich.

They rushed about as fast as Statter could limp. He led the way straight to an unassuming building with a large purple sign on the outside.

Humans exited the building and a man in a black uniform and cap looked like he was getting ready to close the place.

“Where are we?” Onch whispered. They were too close to humans. Any louder and they could easily be found.

“A bank,” Statter happily grinned. “Oh, I’ve been wanting to go inside for a while now.” He hopped in place like a child about to get some candy.

Onch looked back. The humans were mostly gone. If they waited any more the bank would close. He didn’t have time to wait until morning.

“Looks like your opportunity is slipping away. Follow me.”

Onch burst out from the shadows running at full tilt. He slammed into the uniformed man locking the door. Both tumbled into the building together, struggling to overcome the other until they were sprawled on the floor.

“Statter!”

The yellow goblin limped in, his bow held at the ready. Onch managed to push himself away, allowing the human to be held at bow point. Both hands went up, and Statter made sure to put his entire weight behind a kick that sent the human face down on the floor.

Onch looked about, searching for something that looked remotely like a card. He found nothing except for a bunch of green leafy plants and pristine white tiles leading to a row of counters. A startled woman with shoulder-length hair stood in front of the counters grasping her handbag in fear.

He pounced on the poor woman. Grabbing her by the shoulders he roared at the top of his lungs. “Your credit card or your life!” He’d seen someone on Granny’s picture-mirror saying something similar.

The woman was shocked, but she held it together enough to pull a small card out from her phone. “Don’t hurt me.”

Onch snatched the card. It was a flimsy piece of some hard material with numbers embossed on it. He was about to turn around when he thought to rectify a previous mistake.

“How do you use it?”

The woman was taken aback. “Only I can use it.”

Onch pressed his face to hers causing her to almost faint. He searched the human’s eyes for any sign she was lying. Not knowing what he was looking for and deciding that the human had no reason to lie, he hoisted her by her waist and sprinted out of the building.

The shock was too much, and the woman fainted. Onch was back at the flight booking counter before anyone could think of following him.

He left the woman long enough to find some wires and plastic bags in the nearby trash cans. He scrunched the bags up to form a ball and gagged his unfortunate victim. He then set about tying up the woman so she couldn’t run away.

Statter caught up just as he was finished tying the woman up. They both nodded to each other. It was a job well done.

Another half hour passed before Two finally made it back with the others. They both looked excited and talking animatedly. Two on the other hand, could only shake his head.

“What happened?” Onch asked.

Two scratched his chin. “In theory I guess they have an idea of how to fly a plane.”

Onch narrowed his eyes. “So? What’s wrong?”

“Well, they don’t actually know how to fly a plane.”

“Do they, or do they not know how to fly a plane?”

“They do. But in a game.”

Onch roared in frustration. The others jumped back including Kit. He’d had enough of their antics. Here he was trying to complete the assignment while the others couldn’t get their heads straight. What was the point of having them along? The only time they’d managed to do something right was when he personally pointed them in the right direction, and even then, it was fifty-fifty.

“Forget it,” he spat. “We’ll deal with it later. I need you take this woman and book the flight.”

The woman had woken up a few minutes before. Onch’s saber had been enough to keep her from struggling too much.

They unbound the woman quickly. Onch couldn’t see if anyone was still manning the counter. In any event, it was probable that the counter would close soon.

His saber held to the woman’s throat, he spelled out his demands. “Here’s how it’s gonna go. You go with Two here and make the payment. Not a word extra. Let him do the talking. All you gotta do is pay and we’ll let you go back safe and sound. How does that sound?”

The human’s eyes were the size of saucers and she had began hyperventilating. Kit shrugged. “I think she’s about as ready as she’ll ever be.”

Two had donned his outfit, conveniently hidden nearby, as they’d talked. He roughly pushed the woman ahead of himself towards the counter.

There was a different woman standing at the counter, and it looked like she’d seen better days. She was busy packing a bag when they walked up.

“Hi there,” Two began.

“We’re closed,” the woman drawled in a weird accent. “Come back tomorrow.”

Two panicked. “B-but I need to book a flight today!” He felt dismay spread throughout his chest.

“Hm, sorry,” the woman responded in here accent. “You can always call. Twenty four hour service line.”

With that she hefted her bag and pulled down a shutter over the counter’s window. Two was left with a hyperventilating lady in the middle of a now empty street.

“What’s a twenty four hour service line?” Two asked the others when he returned.

The others drew blanks. They looked to each other and then the human woman with them.

“What did they say exactly?” Onch asked.

“To call on their twenty four hour service line.”

Onch rubbed his chin. He turned to one who most probably knew amongst them.

“Well human? What’s a twenty four hour service line.”

She was still out of it. The most she could do was hold her thumb and little finger stretched out by her ear.

“Oh!” Kit exclaimed. “It means to call with a phone.”

Onch looked around. “Where are we gonna find one right now?”

The goblins looked back and forth. Blip stepped up.

“I’ll go find a human who has one.”

“Wait,” Kit stopped her from leaving. “Shouldn’t this human have one?”

All five goblins swiveled to the human which only caused her to faint. Blip rummaged around the human’s pockets before she found what they’d been looking for.

“Gotcha,” she expressed as she held up a phone.

Onch smacked his head. “We’re all idiots.”

The phone required a fingerprint to unlock, but that was easily solved with the fingerprint in question available. Statter and Kit worked together to dial the number written in big bold letters on the counter window. The phone rang once, then twice.

“Hello, this is Bertha’s Travel Agency. How may I help you?”

Kit held the phone out to Onch who grabbed it.

“Hello,” he began in his most human-like voice which ended up sounding like a constipated teenager. I’d like to book a flight to,” he’d forgotten the name again.

Two leaned in. “Zaragoza.”

“Yeah. Zaragoza. And I need your next available flight.”

“Oh then. Let me see what I can get you,” came the professional reply. The goblins waited to two minutes of keyboard tapping while Two tried to wake up the human who was supposed to make the payment.

“Alright, I’ve got a round trip scheduled to depart tomorrow afternoon. How many days will your trip be?”

Onch looked to the others. “Umm a week?”

“Alright. One week then. I’ll be needing your passport details.”

Cue a mad scramble as Two shoved the passport into Statter’s hands. He read out Granny’s name and information to Onch piecemeal. Onch relayed the information in turn.

“Alright then. I’ll be needing your email address.”

The human woman had woken up by now, and Onch all but launched the phone into her face. Held by five goblins in a dark alley, she had only one option.

The woman gave her bank details thereafter and the matter was done.

“Thank you very much for calling Bertha’s Travel Agency. We’ll be emailing you your itenary shortly. Is there anything else you’d like to ask?”

Onch shook his head at Two who grabbed the phone back.

“Uh, no thank you.”

“Alrighty. Thanks again for calling. Hope you have a nice trip.”

The line cut and Onch let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in. Good thing he’d abducted human woman. The implications of this email thing were obvious. He was tempted to feel sorry for her, but didn’t’.

Blip approached the lady. “Looks like you’re sticking with us.” She then brained the poor woman with the pommel of her knife.

Onch stretched his back. A ticket to the sky booked, now he just needed to get Granny on the plane.