Chapter 7 – Retrieving a Glaive

It had been a simple job to mark the position of the map and send Two back to track down the exact position of Trile Lane after he’d woken up. The rest of the team rested until then. No one stood watch or took turns. Which is why all three were abruptly awoken by a strange cry.

“My glaive!” cried out a nasally voice. The sound of sobs could be heard alternating with a repetition of the same statement.

Yep, the red goblin was up. And crying like a baby.

“Where’s my glaive?” he lamented. “Who stole it?” he continued between sobs. Tears rolled down his face and snot threatened to enter his mouth.

“What the heck?” Statter commented as he looked on in confusion. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “Who woke the crybaby?”

Onch took a deep drink from a bottle Two must’ve left by him. He spat out the first mouthful then chugged the rest.

No one had approached the still-crying goblin. With a sigh, Onch stood and walked over. It was obviously going to be up to him.

“Oi! Stop it already. You’re a goblin,” he admonished.

The goblin in front of him stopped to look. Tears streamed down his cheeks before his face suddenly contorted in anger.

“You! You must know where my glaive is! Where is it? If anything’s happened to it, I’ll…” he trailed off while making a wringing motion with his hands.

Onch held his hands up in a placating measure. What an unstable guy.

“Hold it there,” he appeased. “I don’t have your weapon. Last I saw it was with you.”

Which was technically true. The only problem was that the last he’d seen it, they’d been in Arbandule. That had been a couple of days back.

His words didn’t have the intended effect. The angry goblin rose with violence in mind.

“GIVE ME MY GLAIVE!”

Onch was hoisted roughly in the air by his collar. He stared into the teary eyes of his supposed companion. He struggled to free himself, but it was useless.

A knife flashed before their eyes. Blip sat on the shoulders of the Qwizontite, a knife pointed at his right eye.

“Hold it there, buster. We’ve been running about getting this assignment done while you’ve been asleep. In case you hadn’t noticed, we don’t need you. Either pull yourself together, or we’ll get rid of you.”

Both goblins tensed up. Onch could see a fight coming. Before anything could escalate, he stepped in attempting diplomacy.

“Listen, we don’t have your glaive, but I promise, we’ll backtrack and find it. We need to work together to get through this assignment. I’ve found,” and here he paused. “I’ve found that it’d be easier to do this together, as a team.”

He couldn’t let them on the fact that he probably wouldn’t be able to complete it even with Two’s help. It required a different skillset to the jobs he’d become used to doing.

“So,’ he continued. “Let’s all just put away the steel. We can get along and work this out.”

It took a while, but both goblins eventually stood down. The red goblin eased up and let Onch down, who took a sigh of relief. While the occasional violence was acceptable, especially if he was the one doling it out, allowing infighting would only cause the situation to derail.

“First off,” Onch began as he tried to control the situation. “What’s your name?”

The big red goblin stared at him for a bit before answering. “Kronerizownit.”

“Kruda-whata?” exclaimed Blip.

“Kronerizownit,” stated Statter. “An easy enough name,” he said as if everyone was supposed to agree with him.

“Uh, is there any other name you have?” asked Onch. He was not going to use that mouthful of a name. “Something easier perhaps?”

Mister difficult name stroked his chin as he thought. After a few moments of silence, he said, “I guess you can call me Kit. They used to call me that back in the mines.”

Kit? A woman’s name? It sounded feminine to Onch. But who was going to argue with a muscular Qwizontite?

“Kit it is then.” Onch clapped his hands appreciatively. “Now then, thankfully that’s done. Let’s get to work on what really matters.”

Kit interjected. “My glaive is what matters. If I don’t get it, things won’t end well. You’ve made me a promise, and you’re going to keep it.”

Onch frowned in disapproval. Unlike the other members of the group, this one was physically bigger and stronger than he was. It wasn’t possible to push around Kit like he had the others.

These kinds of situations required a bit of finesse. Something most goblins didn’t even know about, let alone have.

“Hmm, alright. Carry on then. I suppose you know the way?” he asked while keeping his face neutral.

Kit looked about, flustered. “S-Sure.” He wheeled about a bit before selecting a path. “That way.”

Two came shuffling down another tunnel. He took in the situation at a glance. Satisfied that Onch was still standing, he grimaced as he sat down on the wet floor.

Onch quickly signaled him to stay quiet even as Kit started down his chosen path. He glanced at the others. “Wait here. I’ll be back soon.”

Kit was already quite far down the tunnel when Onch caught up. He had to skip-jog in his attempt to keep up with the obviously clueless goblin leading him. No one had come down this tunnel so far.

“So, which exit is it?” Onch asked before they got too far. “I don’t remember it being this far away. We could barely carry you when you were unconscious.”

Kit slowed down on hearing this. “It’s just here. This one,” he said as he pointed to a ladder leading upwards.

Onch was pretty sure he’d never come or gone via this route. The ladder creaked from the weight of the two goblins. Upon reaching the top Onch smirked in satisfaction. This would end earlier than he’d expected.

Kit pushed on the exit grill with one hand, then with two. Despite all his efforts, the grill refused to open. Two minutes of huffing and puffing went by as the red goblin strained his muscles until his veins popped. On his last try, he roared out in frustration.

Caught off guard, Onch slipped off the ladder and clacked his chin on a ladder rung. He flailed about, catching the ladder again. He rubbed his smarting chin as he righted himself. So much for feeling smug.

Rubbing his chin he pushed past the larger goblin. “Here, I got it.”

He pulled at the grate tentatively. There was a lock that would only unlock if he pushed it slightly, then pulled it down, which is exactly what he proceeded to do.

When the metal clanged against the wall Onch shifted to make way. “After you.”

Kit grumbled as he pushed past. They emerged onto an empty parking lot just as the sun was beginning to descend. The buildings up ahead were dark and no one was about.

“This isn’t where we came from,” Onch hissed adding an element of urgency to voice. “Where’ve you brought us?”

Kit was clearly the impulsive type, very typical of a goblin. He currently looked like a deer in headlights. His head swiveled back and forth as he tried to gain his bearings. Without another word, he wrapped his braid around his neck and started forward.

“Where are you going?” Onch whispered. “That’s not safe.”

It seemed like Kit wanted to be a leader, not a follower. Another characteristic typical of goblins. It suited Onch just fine. Once the muscle-brain got in trouble he’d need help, so Onch made sure to follow. It wasn’t an if; it was a guarantee.

Kit didn’t take much time to find trouble. He walked straight up to a glass door and glanced in straight at two humans busy hauling a comfy-looking green-striped couch outside. As soon as the leading human pushed the door open with his back, his fellow human let out a child-like scream.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

“What the heck is that?” the human shouted just as Kit swung with his fist, sending the lead human to the ground in a heap.

The other human dropped his couch. “H-Help!” he shouted, scrambling back into the building he’d came from.

Kit followed quite swiftly for someone his size. He grabbed the retreating human by the scruff of his neck and yelled into his face. “WHERE IS MY GLAIVE?”

The human must’ve fainted from the shock because he wasn’t responding. His limbs hung uselessly at his sides, and his eyes were rolled upwards.

The commotion brought humans from inside the building and from nearby. Onch was careful to hide inconspicuously in the shadows behind a large trash can. He watched intently at the unfolding scene.

Humans fell one by one and sometimes even two at a time to the swinging fists of Kit who had begun yelling his question repeatedly at the top of his voice.

Thwack! “WHERE IS MY GLAIVE!” Thwack!

If Onch didn’t know any better he’d have thought there was a rhythm to the brawling goblin’s fighting. One human down, then he yelled his question, then another human fell. But this was a simple goblin acting out of control. Or maybe some sort of beserking rage? Who really cared? All Onch needed to make things better was a snack.

The humans eventually got smart and gathered a bunch of sticks and tools of varying lengths that they used to slap and poke at Kit. He was soon covered in small bruises in addition to his multitude of tattoos.

When Onch felt it had gone long enough, and that the humans had beat Kit up enough, he jumped out of the shadows running back to the grate.

“This way Kit!” he shouted.

Kit, now feeling overwhelmed, smashed through the humans like a bowling pin. The humans continued to smack him with their tools, but they soon left the slower humans behind as they ran back to the grate.

“Get in,” Onch ordered as he pointed down at their entry point.

Kit didn’t question it as he dove down the hole and quickly descended down the ladder. Onch stepped down onto the ladder and replaced the grate before descending himself.

When both had reached the ground, Onch didn’t let Kit rest. “Hurry!” he hissed.

He led Kit down the tunnels back and forth. He made sure that the already tired goblin was made yet more tired. Finally, he emerged back to their original hiding place.

Two got to his feet as he sensed their return. Kit huffed and puffed in exertion. A spot of blood fell from his lip where a lucky hit must’ve split it.

Blip cracked a crooked smile at the beat-up goblin. “Looks like you had fun. Where’s your glaive?” she poked.

Kit growled but didn’t respond. He sprawled down to the ground where he stood. His chest rose and fell with every heavy and noisy breath.

“We got into some trouble. Not even close to the glaive.” Onch turned away from Kit and stretched his back, letting the bones crack. “I hope this is a good enough warning for you,” he said addressing Kit. “This isn’t some game we’re playing. What were you planning? To take on the whole human race until they gave you your glaive back? We’ll try to get your glaive back, but the assignment takes precedence.”

Two nodded along in agreement. “I’ve found Trile Lane. It’s not that far away.”

“Good.” Onch rested a shoulder against the wall and crossed his arms. “We’re now going to find the granny as soon as possible. Our mission is simple enough. Under no circumstances are any of you to reveal yourself to her,” he said to the group as a whole. “Two will lead us there. After that, let me find out what we need to do next. No slipping off for your games. No running away. No fighting. And most importantly, do not let her see you, don’t let her hear you, don’t let her even smell you.” He considered each of them in turn. “Stick to the plan. We’re not here to play around.”

It was difficult to tell who was actually listening. Two was dependable, but that was because he was blood. The others were goblins. No goblin was reliable. At the first sign of weakness, they’d act out.

For now, none of the others gave him any backtalk. Two led them down the tunnels until they reached their desired exit. The five of them clambered out onto a street similar to the one they’d first been sent to.

“Two, any idea how far this is from where we first were?” Onch asked. Two would understand.

Two cocked his head as if he was listening closely. He took a moment before responding. “Not too sure. I’ll find out. The grandma’s there,” he said pointing to a home close by.

By the time each goblin had looked back, Two was moving down the road sticking close to the shadows. Onch looked away. His brother would get him his answers.

Their target residence seemed no different from the others around it except that it was blue-colored. Two windows graced the second story and one on the first. Three steps led up to a small porch upon which sat a statue of some sort of large-toothed mammal. The main door was unassuming with only a knocker and a small knob.

Onch didn’t bother staking the place out. He strode straight up to the front door and tested the knob. Finally! An open door. The door creaked just slightly as Onch pushed it open. He paused for a moment. He hadn’t asked Two if there were any other residents of the house. With a shrug, he pushed forward. Two would’ve told him if it were so.

A large room furnished with several couches and rugs lay to his right. In front of him was a small hallway with an attached staircase leading upwards. He motioned to the other goblins behind him. Follow close and stay quiet.

The goblins pushed and shoved to get through the door instead. Onch had to physically grab Blip before she sprawled onto the floor and notified the occupants of the house that someone was coming in uninvited.

“Idiots!” he hissed. “We fail if we get caught. Quiet yourselves.”

The reminder gave his companions some pause. They followed Onch cautiously as he examined the room to his right. It seemed like a sitting room much like the one he’d been caught in on his first night here. Trophies and ornaments lined the wall on shelves and some even hanging. Others lay on small coffee tables near single-seat sofas.

The greedy goblin in Onch rose up but he struggled to keep it in check. The others looked at him with pleading eyes. Even Kit was looking about with his tongue sticking out like a dog. Onch rolled his own eyes.

“Fine. No noise. Stick to this room until I’m back.”

The others darted about the room, which could easily have held a hundred more goblins, searching for treasures. Onch himself moved onto the next room and started mapping the place out.

As it turned out, the ground floor held a dining room and a drab-looking kitchen as well. There was also a small room containing some sort of machines. What they were for, he had no idea. A sliding door at the back of the kitchen led to a small garden outside, but Onch didn’t venture there yet. He retraced his steps, passing by the snooping thieves he had left behind.

The stairs presented a major problem. They creaked like thunder when he placed his foot in the first step. He waited for almost five minutes, listening to the subdued rustling about in the adjacent room and for any angry humans. None came. At least the human part.

It took some experimenting, but Onch soon figured out that the best place to place his feet was just under the railing, where the stair was the most firm, without actually touching the elaborate wooden railing. Touching it led to even worse creaking than the stairs.

Step by step he stole up the stairs until he stood in a carpeted hallway leading to two doors on either end and two in the middle. He listened closely, but couldn’t identify any movement. The door farthest to his right stood ajar though, so he tiptoed his way there.

Upon hearing a light snoring, he stopped. A quick peek through the door revealed no humans with weapons waiting for him. He then slipped into the room, taking great care not to disturb anything.

Asleep in a king-sized, four-poster bed was a shock of white, curly hair with a multicolored quilt pulled up over their face. The human was alone; not even an animal could be seen. Onch had seen plenty of humans pulling dogs and cats about on leashes. The animals had never seemed too disturbed by their imprisonment. A large, black mirror, or maybe some sort of portal hung from the wall opposite the grandma, for it had to be the grandma sleeping in the bed. A large dresser with pictures squeezed in frames cluttering the top stood to his right just next to an even larger closet. A small fan attached to the wall by a wire sat below a larger, rectangular window on the left side of the room.

Pictures of a woman lined the walls above and below each other until they reached the ceiling. In some, she was alone, and in others, there were other humans. A large amount of them contained mini-sized humans that Onch had seen about. They must be from a different clan. It was odd to see how two different human clans could get along so well judging from the smiles on their faces.

Onch was just starting his search when he heard a racket from downstairs. The stairs creaked as more than one body climbed up to the second level. Onch dove beneath the bed. The fools! They’d blow the whole assignment!

Mercifully, the grandma only stirred in her bed. The quilt fell to reveal a wrinkly face unlike that of the woman on the wall. Or maybe there was some resemblance. Who cared?

Kit showed his face first, almost falling into the room. Then Blip peered from around his massive frame. Onch rose swiftly and pushed them out the room. He closed the door to about where it was before, before turning about in anger.

“Didn’t I tell you to stay where you were?” he whispered angrily.

Blip smiled sheepishly. “We were just,” she began in her normal voice.

Onch clapped his hand over her mouth. “Quiet. The grandma’s in there.” He flicked a thumb back at the door. “Do you want us to fail or what?”

Blip’s eyes grew big. She shook her head vigorously before Onch removed his hand. He shook his head. What a bunch of children. Oh, that’s what those mini-sized humans were. Children.

Kit pointed to the door. “Is my glaive in there?” he inquired.

Onch just glared.

“What? You promised me.”

Statter revealed himself as he walked out of the room next to the grandma’s. Dust covered him from head to toe.

“There’s plenty of stuff in there. But there’s also enough dust to hide a giant.”

Onch smacked his forehead lightly. These guys couldn’t be trusted. Their cover would be blown soon enough. It was a miracle that the grandma was deaf and hadn’t woken up yet.

“Check the other doors. Quietly,” he ordered. He’d get a lay of the place then come back.

The next room was a large bathroom with enough room for all the goblins to bathe except Kit. Not like any of them was keen on bathing though.

The last room was locked. Onch gave Blip a knowing look and she set to work. One minute turned to five, then to ten. Sweat fell from Blip’s head, and even the others were beginning to feel the heat.

At long last, Blip gave up. Onch felt irked. Even Blip was frowning at the lock.

“I don’t get it. It should open up,” she commented.

Onch held his frustration in. He needed clues, not more problems.

“My glaive must be in there,” whispered Kit loud enough to wake up the whole neighborhood.

Onch swiveled and leveled a kick at the goblin. Kit took the hit without complaint, but his eyes showed his shock.

“Get downstairs and find me something useful.”

Onch watched as the three scurried downstairs. So much for control. After a few moments of fuming, Onch realized he’d never really told any of the others what would be useful for their task.

Not that it would make any difference. They were bound to make more trouble for him. He needed to regroup and find the oaf, Kit’s glaive. If he was asked once more about it, he was going to do something foolish.

He grabbed each goblin and pulled them outside, being careful to leave whatever he could the way it had been. He pulled the main door shut behind himself and guided his companions down the road. They stayed hidden for half an hour before Two finally came back.

“Well?” Onch asked.

Two motioned towards the north. "This street ends at a T-junction. The street next to that is where we were dropped off."

Onch cursed. He’d had a hunch they’d been dropped close, but his original search for Trile Lane hadn’t been fruitful. No matter.

He turned to look at his ragtag group of goblins. How anyone expected them to work together was beyond him. Even simple tasks would be difficult. But the stakes were high, and Onch knew the consequences of failure.

Kit looked at him eagerly as if he could persuade the elder goblin like a puppy might its master. Onch shook his head. Best to get the glaive first. Then move on to deal with the mysterious door. He’d overestimated Blip’s skills.

He spat to his right. “Right then. Let’s retrieve Mr. Crybaby’s glaive before his crying alerts the entire city of our presence.”