Miss. New Mexico walked onstage, stealing glances back at the girls behind her. Facing the audience, she visibly composed herself and stared off beyond the spotlights. With a calm smile, she began,
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Fairytales are rife with legends of mermaids frolicking throughout the seven seas, but few know that these fine folks only represent one branch of the mermaid family tree. Their distant cousins are the lake-dwelling mermaids, whom legend says abandoned the salty seas for their isolated domiciles several centuries ago (although no record holds tale of these fine creatures until the early 20th century!).
The sea-dwelling mermaids and the lake-dwelling mermaids lived in deliberate segregation, never meeting for more than an ill-fitted delegation or conference, until that great bloody battle–
Miss. New Mexico winked at Miss. Delaware
–between the merfolk and the land-dwellers. At this, it was decided that the two branches must meet and work in allegiance to one another Over barnacle-devoured limestone tables the mermen generals crafted plans of attacks, disbanding and rebanding as the ever-changing war demanded. But the battle abroad was only half of the war, and in the seas, the mermaids struggled to raise their generation of hatchlings and prepare their sons for the war that would soon claim them away, without the aid of their male counterparts. The great mermaid queen of the seas grew concerned for her sisters in their landlocked compartments and, shedding her busy schedule of governing her kingdom’s womenfolk for a few days, journeyed inland to meet the lake-mermaids’ queen.
The lake-mermaid lived in a grand lake in the middle of a secluded forest, her waters shaded by thick droves of trees and perfumed by a ring of wildflowers and moss growing right on the shore. The royal eggs basked in a nest of the finest petrified wood, and the sandy button of the lake saw swept clean and sprinkled with beautiful rocks. The sea-mermaid queen earnestly complimented the lake-mermaid queen on her lovely abode, but their conversation soon soured.
“Why, we haven’t had a shred of problems,” the lake-mermaid queen said, indignant at the sea-mermaid queen’s concern. “ I’m honored to be the caregiver for the King’s sanctuary and the heirs to the throne. I spend my days polishing my clutch of eggs and scrubbing the stones of algae, content in my knowledge that my King will return to a warm and welcoming abode and my children will grow up, safe and protected, from the dangers of the outside world – what more could a mermaid want?”
The sea-mermaid queen was taken aback. “And your subjects? Are they as satisfied as you?”
“Well, I would assume so,” the lake-mermaid queen replied, haughty. “I care for my little kingdom within these shores, and they care for their own little kingdoms across the continent. I have heard my husband report no ill-feelings from his subjects, and why should they? We are protected in these lakes, away from the orcas that you sea creatures must chase away from your clutches, away from the corrupting influences of the weaker characters among us. Thank you for your concern, dear, but if anyone should be taking a lesson here, it is you.”
And so the sea-mermaid queen left, and the battle raged on, and a great many losses were wrecked upon the sea-mermaids. Their seaweed farms were stricken with blight, a legion of humans collapsed the underwater cave systems holding half their obsidian stores, and one by one word returned of mermen that had been lost to the war. The sea-mermaid queen dashed from coast to coast, comforting widows and delivering clay with which to repair community nests, building dolphin-skin beds in shared caves to house the elderly with no sons left to care for them and delivering messages of hope in her shrill whistle. When her daughters were grown enough to shoulder some of her duties, the sea-mermaid queen decided to pay another visit to her lake-bound counterpart.
When she arrived, she found the lake-mermaid queen almost too busy to entertain her, floundering between her nest of guppies and the small army of juvenile mermaids splashing around the lake’s perimeter. A pair of mermaid assistants fed her squabbling babies shreds of raw trout, and an old mermaid swept the lakebed free of algae with a twig broom. “Problems?” the lake-mermaid queen chuckled when she stole a moment to talk to the sea-mermaid queen. “I’m spending each and every moment with my children! When my husband comes home, I have the honor of caring for the ruler of our scattered kingdoms, and – Starfish, put that down! No, that does not go in your mouth – I can devote my life to seeing my children grow. I’m raising the next generation of warriors! Of course I have no complaints.”
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“And your subjects?” the sea-mermaid queen asked.
“I haven’t heard a word of complaint!” the lake-mermaid queen laughed, her voice high and a little too breathy. “I’m not like you, dear. I’m not racing from school of subjects that wouldn't care less if I died to school of subjects that don’t know my favorite color, scooping their problems onto my own shoulders while my children grow lonesome back in their nest. You should try it sometime–I’m sure your guppies will thank you.”
The sea-mermaid queen flushed pink. “My guppies are receive the finest of care from their own grandmother. They’re hardly being–.” She took a deep inhale of water. “If you are content and I am content, then I have no more business here.”
But the lake-mermaid queen was too busy chasing down two brawling sons of hers to hear, and so the sea-mermaid quietly slipped away.
The war flickered and died as leader upon leader on both sides died, exhausting the humans and mermaids alike. At last, the king of the lake-mermaids fell on a human’s harpoon, and a declaration of surrender was signed. Scores of lake-mermaids were expelled into the sea and had to be taken in by their ocean-dwelling cousins, but word said that thousands more were still dispersed among isolated lakes in deep forests and stormy mountains that humans never explored.
The sea-mermaid queen worked herself to the bone, overseeing the accommodation of the refugees and welcoming home her kingdom’s battle-worn mermen, but she had a small army of her children and siblings to help her and soon found herself with time on her webbed hands once more. As much anger as she fostered for the lake-mermaid queen, she couldn’t help but feel grief for the widow any time her husband swept her off her tail. And so she took two of her daughters and set off to visit the lake-mermaid queen.
When they arrived, the lake was still and silent under the moonlight. The shores which had once been lush with flowers and lush with playing children were trampled and empty, and the nest was scattered with long-discarded eggshells being slowly chipped away by the lapping water. The sea-mermaid queen finally found the widowed queen floating at the bottom of her lake, idly sweeping the barren ground.
“Where are your children?” the sea-mermaid queen asked.
“Happy and healthy, in lakes of their own.” The lake-mermaid queen smiled but would not make eye contact with her guest.
“And your subjects?”
“Content in their own lakes, of course.”
“And you? Why are you still here?”
The lake-mermaid queen opened her mouth as though to respond and paused. She rubbed her arms and looked around, still not making eye contact. Finally, she whispered, “I devoted my life to my lake. Where would I have to go?”
The sea-mermaid queen brushed a strand of algae out of the lake-mermaid queen’s hair. “We’re taking refugees,” she said. “We’d take you.”
The lake-mermaid queen withdrew from her touch. “I’m no pity case,” she declared.
The sea-mermaid queen would have left her then, but she couldn’t bear to abandon her to such an empty lake. “You love your children. What will happen as they age?” she asked softly. “Is this fate their reward for a life well lived?”
The sea-mermaid queen had no answer for her. And so the old queen and her remaining subjects moved into the ocean, and the story of the lake mermaids came to a close.
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Miss. New Mexico bowed, waved, and walked off-stage. “How the fuck did you learn to talk so fast?” Miss. Hawaii whispered, giving her a high-five.
Miss. New Mexico laughed. "Passion, I guess?" she whispered back. "I used to work in eldercare, and seriously, nothing is as dystopian as the nuclear family in its golden years. It's why I had my grandma move in with me, y'know? I just get so--."
She would have said more, but the host's voice broke through the chatter, and the next contestant was called to the stage.