The intern looked up from her phone as the lights dimmed and the host walked onstage. Backstage, she could hear the contestants hush. To her left, the two remaining producers bent over their tablets.

"Hey guys?" she whispered, glancing back at the X feed she'd been scrolling through. "People are...they're getting kind of pissed."

"What? Why?" the middle producer whispered back. "We're getting so much attention."

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the exciting conclusion of day seven of the Fairest Maidens in the USA™ contest! The six ladies you've chosen tonight will continue on to represent their states as they battle for the title of the Fairest Maiden of our beloved country."

"It's Deirdre--Miss. Wisconsin. The one we let go overtime?" the intern whispered back. "People timed it themselves, and they realized she went over five minutes. They're upset that Deirdre's getting away with the same thing Emily was disqualified for."

"The first lady who will be joining us back here tomorrow is Miss. Idaho, who captivated us with her story "The Tale of the Bird in the Cage!"

"Figures," the oldest producer muttered, staring up at Miss. Idaho as she strutted onstage.

"Wisconsin didn't make the vote, anyway," the middle producer whispered around the oldest producer to the intern. "I'm sure they'll calm down."

The intern shook her head. "Look, right now, our audience sees two women being treated differently for no apparent reason, only one of whom is politically active. I don't know how much you know about Emily, but she's pretty controversial online--super leftist, posts a lot, involved with a lot of political orgs. Looks a little like you're bending the rules to keep everything nice and status-quo, y'know?"

"The second lady who will be joining Miss. Idaho back onstage is Miss. Pennsylvania, who brought us all to tears with her, uh, story, "The Men on the Bus.""

Before the middle producer could respond, the intern held out her phone. "Oh, and it's not just Emily. One of the backstage assistants or contestants or someone must have been bitching online, because now it's known that the contestants were never formally told any of the rules for the tales -- it was just Miss. Oregon, updating them backstage. They were never technically told profanity wasn't allowed."

"It's live TV," protested the oldest producer, who had finally started paying attention. "The girls are supposed to be role models."

"The final winner from the first half of tonight's stories is Miss. Maine, who delighted audiences across America with her fantastical tale, "Annika the Seafaring Cat.""

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The intern sighed. "Dude, it's 2024. Swearing isn't the scandal it used to be. Anyway, people are upset for Gabby, now, too. They say it wasn't fair. And Gabby was one of the more politically active contestants alongside Emily, on the left at least, so people are doubling down on the censorship claims."

"We didn't kick out Miss. Mississippi. She does the same activism stuff as Illinois does, right?" the oldest producer asked.

"Gabby's involved with Black Voters Matter. Grace is involved with the Black Conservative Federation. Those are not the same."

"The first winner of the second half of tonight's stories is Miss. New Mexico, who forced us to reflect with her thoughtful tale, "The Mermaid Queens."

The oldest producer rested his temple against his hand. "Jesus. Fix this, Valentina. We'll double your salary, whatever." The intern turned on her headset and began to whisper away to the crew. A moment later, the host's brow furrowed, and he pressed his own earpiece in closer. After several seconds had passed, he glanced down at the producers, quizzical, before addressing the audience again.

"Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen, just some backstage chatter. Tomorrow, prepare to welcome Miss. Mississippi back to the stage, after delivering sage wisdom in her story "The Old Man and the Young Man."

"Wait, how the hell did Mississippi get in? Her story was two seconds long," the oldest producer muttered.

"Some people on X with nothing better to do figured out that she was one of the women offered to be photographed for the 'sexy conservative ladies' beer calendar thing, but turned it down because she thought it was too, like, immodest," the intern whispered back. "The evangelicals approved. Grace has some fans now."

"Good lord, we've gotta steer the next round of stories away from these, well, controversial topics," the oldest producer said. "People are here to see beautiful women, not political squabbles."

"Wait, the next round of stories?"

"And the final winner of tonight is Miss. Connecticut, who impressed us all with her cutting story, "The Very Stupid Boy!"

"Yeah, obviously," the middle producer said. "It went so well tonight. We can't lose steam now! Our stocks are--"

"This is a beauty pageant!" The intern sighed in defeat. "Jesus. Just tell me we're at least changing something. Making the stories longer, adding a theme, I dunno. Just so we aren't so much of a one-trick pony."

The middle producer glanced at the oldest producer. "W...uh, yeah, of course. We're making them longer. We'll have fewer girls; that means more time."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I've just received a very important announcement from our producers. During our sudden decision to host a folktale competition tonight, we at the Fairest Maidens in the USA™ contest believe we failed to properly communicate a fair set of rules to our contestants. Therefore, it is only fair to welcome Miss. Hawaii and Miss. Illinois back tomorrow. We thank you all for your understanding, and can't wait to see what these two talented ladies have to offer." The intern could hear audible gasps from backstage.

The two remaining producers turned on her. "What were you thinking?" hissed the oldest producer. "An apology?"

"You told me to fix it!" the intern protested. "That'll placate people, right? Look, I'm not paid enough or skilled enough to clean up your messes any way but the honest way."

"With that attitude, you'll never make it far in this industry."

"You promise?"

While they squabbled on, the host bade farewell to the audience. And then the audience's lights came back on, and the first day of storytelling came to a close.