AN: For all you people out there who haven't read the word fuck before, well you have now.

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https://youtu.be/qn-X5A0gbMA

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The moon was beautiful tonight. Sometimes, I think I could've just reached up and claimed it.

But, such fantasies were useless for someone like me, and more important matters were at hand.

My goal had been reached, and I now felt ready to take on the next part of my journey. However, there was something holding me back.

What is it? Why does the thought of leaving somehow disgust me?

Probably because it means you won't be able to perv on your schoolgirl anymore. It sounded smug.

No... but I think it has something to do with her. Maybe... Yes. That's it.

What is? I can listen to your thoughts, but I can't read them.

Well, I think I know why I don't want to leave, even though I have to. I sensed only confusion from my sword.

Well, it's just that after a month of being with Kat, I think she deserves at least a goodbye. Then I can leave.

Ho ho ho, I bet you want to say 'goodbye' to her.

What do you mean by that?

Wait. Are you for real?

I'm confused on what I'm supposed to be real on.

Hahahaha! No fucking way! You seriously don't understand innuendos?

What's an innuendo? I don't think that word came up in my vocabulary lessons.

The sword snickered, then burst out laughing. Ha ha! This couldn't be better! Now I can use all of my, as I call them, in-your-end-os, and you won't understand a single one!

You came up with multiple of these 'innuendos'? Does that mean they're important in some way?

Well, not really, but I had nothing to do for a hundred years between the last mage I killed and you, sooooo...

You spent all that time composing something I don't even know about?

Oh, this is wonderful! This means that I can say every innuendo in the book, and you won't understand a single one! Ha ha!

I don't like where this is going...

You won't be saying that when this 'Kat' starts taking it off.

?

Hehehe... I'm starting to like this new start. I'm glad I didn't possess you, if I did, all your naive responses would be gone.

I don't think I'm naive. I have killed droves of men, and understand the reality of the world quite clearly.

Yes, but you don't understand the reality of Kat.

Haaaaaa, this is getting nowhere. I guess I'll just have to ignore you.

Oh ho, so you're not into three-ways?

I was currently in Kat's dorm room, sitting on the windowsill. Now that my mind was made up, I jumped down to her cot and changed to my regular form. After all, her discovering her cat could talk would not... be beneficial to my health. By that I mean she'd probably start throwing fireballs. I had had enough of that to last both my lifetimes.

Hmmmm, now how am I going to travel to the capital after this? I guess walking will do it, although it is late... but that won't pose a problem to my eyes.

I bet if you asked Kat she'd let you spend the night...

Though a wagon would be faster...

Yeah! With a wagon, you can do it on the go!

Haaaa, Azariah, I told you I have no idea what you mean.

That's what's fun about it!

I have a feeling it's going to be a looooong second life.

The door opened.

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Kat's POV

I was walking down the hallway, the day after I had entered the room of artifacts. In there, I had found what I hoped would allow me to get more powerful.

I pulled it out of my pocket, and admired it.

*flashback*

I was stumped. Before me lay ten rings, each powerful enough to be called ancient relics, and I could only choose one.

Joyin you son of a whore...!

Out of all of them, I had narrowed it down to three. One had a bright red flame, and enhanced fire magic, while another was a light blue, and enhanced ice magic. It was rare, really rare, to find an item that enhanced a spec. magic. The third was a deep blue, and held swirling currents in it's depths. From what I had learned, it enhanced how much mana one could draw from themselves, and how fast it was gathered. It also allowed a wizard to store excess mana in it for a later date.

If I really had to choose one, I would have to choose this one. but...

Then it clicked. Ten rings, each powerful enough to be called relics. I turned and frantically searched in the immediate area, looking for what I knew to be there.

"Come on..."

There! I quickly turned over an old and battered breastplate, having seen the edge of what I searched for underneath. When I held it in my hand, I smiled.

It was a pile of gold, but not just any gold... within it, a variety of tiny gems glinted. But, the reason I searched for it was not because of the monetary value. No, it was for another reason.

I spread the gold thread, and woe and behold, it revealed itself. I quickly attached all ten rings to the ends, and slipped the golden thread over my hands.

I now wore what looked like golden veins, traveling all the way from my knuckles to my elbows, every now and then a vein would be interrupted by a gem, all different shades of red. At the end of my knuckles, I wore all ten rings, placed in a very specific order.

I can't believe it... Gladriel's hand wraps. in a place like this...

Worn on my hands, was an item that was forged by a god, for another goddess.

The story was old, and not many knew it. But for those who knew the old people... it had all started when a god of forging, named Helsies, had taken fancy to the goddess Gladriel. The problem was, Helsies was a second generation god, while Gladriel was a first generation goddess. Both groups were mutually exclusive, so there was no chance of romance.

However, Helsies was stubborn, and tried to find a way to gain her favor. In the end, he decided to do what he did best. Forging.

He worked all day and night, for tens of years, finally creating something he felt was beautiful enough to grace her person. Because she was known as a goddess of wealth, it was made of precious materials. And because she liked disguising herself as a peasant, he imbued in the item the ability to morph into leather fingerless wraps that extended to the elbows. After 70 years of work without rest, he presented his gift.

Gladriel vaporized him for his imprudence, but admired the gift all the same. Until one day she was captured by someone else, and dropped the wraps. Then it was picked up by a passing sorcerer, and he went on to challenge the gods, and a bunch of other stuff. To think, after all that, it had ended up here.

Well, she wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth, and because of the nature of the wraps, it counted as a single piece!

Well, looks like everything turned out alright. Now, if only she can ditch cat bastard in here. Plus, since she had such a powerful item, if she ever met that man with the cat ears again...

She smiled at the thought.

*end of flashback*

She giggled some more, excited at the thought of violence, should that man ever dare to meet her again. She came to her door, undid the traps on the handle, and pushed it open.

Well, looks like everything's in order, and no one was in here while I was gone. My cot, my trunk, the closet, the man sitting on the cot.

She nodded, seeing everything in order, and was about to leave-

Wait...

She whipped around.

There he was. The man that had plagued her thoughts for days, filling her mind with useless thoughts and making her want to hit things.

And he was sitting on her cot. With a lazy smile. Should she ask him who he was? Should she blow him to pieces? Should she scream bloody murder while strangling him to death? I opened my mouth to tell him of his impending doom, when this came out of my mouth.

"Oh. Hi there."

He kept that lazy smile, and waved at me. "Yo."

I screamed in my head, trying to tell myself to rip him to pieces, or to at least set him on fire, but- my body just took a seat beside him on the cot.

What was going on?!

Shadowpelt's POV

"Oh. Hi there."

I looked at her, trying to keep my face in a smile. I did not expect that...

Oh really? So you like it in the hallway, don't you?

I thought she was going to start chucking fireballs the second she came in... but instead, she sounds like she's talking to a friend she's passing in the hallway.

Hmmmm, so you're more of a 'friends with benefits' type a guy, huh?

So, I tried to copy her. "Yo."

She didn't get that look on her face that yelled at you to run, she just came over and sat beside me.

What do I do now? I was thinking the second she started throwing fireballs, I'd hightail it out of here and yell goodbye as I ran, but now... what do I do?

Well, first you should ask her if it's here first time, and if she wants you to be gentle.

Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.

Why would I do that? If anything, she'd be the one who needs to be gentle.

Hmmmm, in other words, you like being on the bottom?

I blinked. On the bottom of what?

The sword giggled. I love this guy!

Kat was talking again.

"So, uh, how've ya been?"

I looked at her, and finally mustered a response. It was hard, especially with the sword screaming, "Tell her you've been hard all day! Tell her!"

"I've been good, I guess. Got impaled, felt self pity for myself, and resigned myself to death. that's pretty much it. How've you been?"

Tell her you want to impale her! Tell her you can't wait to resign yourself to a long night!

"Oh. That sounds interesting. I've been good, I guess."

We just stood there. The sword echoed my thoughts, for once.

Well, this is kinda lame.

Kat's POV

I can't believe it... is this a dream? I just don't get it.

Wait a second, what am I doing?! This isn't a dream, and I should be strangling him!

I leaned forward, and grabbed his shoulders.

"Who the hell are you!? What the fuck were you doing in the arena?! Why now, when I've been thinking about you all day!

Shadowpelt's POV

She suddenly leaned forward, and grabbed me by the shoulders.

Wow, she doesn't waste time, does she?

She barraged me with questions, ending with a strange one.

Holy shit! 'I've been thinking about you all day!' That's practically an invitation! Why the hell are you just sitting there!?

She was talking, but it was hard to differentiate between the sword and Kat, since it felt like both of them were screaming at each other, with my eardrums in the middle.

"Why did you save me?! You pulled me out of the water, and then left me unconscious, but not before defeating Perry. Why!?"

"Well I-"

YOU HAD HER WET AND UNCONSCIOUS, AND YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!?!?!??

What was I supposed to do?! I only had my pelt, and I don't think it would have been okay with her to use it to warm her up!

I'm done. I give up.

I was confused. What are you giving up on?

You. I'm giving up on you.

Why?

Because your a faggot.

Why do you think I'm a bundle of sticks?

No, not that. I meant your gay.

I'm not really in a jolly mood...

I'm saying you're a homosexual! jeez!

Oh... but I'm not interested in copulating with other males.

I heard a loud smack, followed by a cry of pain from the sword. I'm done... get me out of here... it was fun at first, but now I feel like I'm a parent explaining the birds and the bees to a three-year-old.

I have extensive knowledge of all varieties of both birds and bees. Especially bees, since some of them are able to be used for poisons.

Another loud smack, followed by a rapid series of even louder bangs.

What are you doing in there?

Trying to kill as many brain cells as I can, so I no longer have to think about the words you just said.

Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

I'm just gonna stay quiet for awhile, sitting in the corner and thinking about my life.

Okay. if you ever need to talk, I'm here.

It's gone. I think it closed off it's mind, since I could no longer feel it.

I returned to consciousness, where Kat was shaking me forcefully,

"Ow ow ow ow ow, can you stop?"

She was heaving, sweat running down her brow from the effort of trying to strangle me. (Not that I knew that's what she was trying to do)

"Haaa, Haaa, fine. But you'd better start answering my questions, or else."

She summoned fireballs for emphasis.

"Okay, okay. First off, my name is Shadowpelt. It's nice to finally talk with you, Kat."

She paused in her efforts to commit catslaughter.

"Oh. Nice to finally talk with you t- HELL NO! You're lucky I don't have an ambition to be imprisoned, because if I did you'd already be floating down a river as a corpse!"

Hmmm, thought this out, have we? That's kinda scary...

"Calm down. All I want to say is that I'm leaving."

She stopped shaking me, and got a strange look on her face. "You're... leaving? Like, forever?"

"Yes."

*BOOM*

I felt a searing pain all over my face, and moved my arms, trying to see where I was. My hand banged against the ground, and I had to wonder.

When did I get on the floor?

My question was answered when I opened my eyes to see an angry Kat, her fist wreathed in flames. "Fine then! Leave for all I care, but you'd better look out, cause if I ever see you again, I'll turn your face into ash!"

I smiled. That's my girl.

I hopped up, and jumped out the window.

I looked back as I ran as fast as I could, the ground exploding behind me. What I saw surprised me.

Are those tears?

When I saw her, it hit me. the swearing, the attempted murder, the complaining whenever I was around. I felt flattered.

Then I felt mischievous.

"Oi! Kat! if I ever meet you again, I promise to give you a kiss before you turn my face to ash!"

Her face turned red as her fire, and she ducked under the window, trying to hide her face.

And I ran, laughing, into the forest. Feeling the energy of youth, and the adrenaline of a chase, though nothing but time was catching up to me.

How good it is to be alive!

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Azariah's POV

I can't believe it... how can someone who is so clueless about things like sex be such a charmer? It made no sense. *Sigh* I should probably hit my head on the floor some more... That will make me feel better.

Still, I guess things could be worse. I smiled, and felt my face warm at the thought of our first meeting. I guess I understand how Kat feels, no matter how bad she is at showing it.

But, just because I like Shadowpelt, doesn't mean I won't make his life a living hell.

After all, what else are friends for? Ha ha!

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Kat's POV

...That bastard...that bastard..that bastard...that bastard..that bastard...that bastard..that bastard...that bastard..that bastard...that bastard..that bastard...that bastard..that bastard...that bastard..that bastard...that bastard...THAT MOTHERFUCKING BASTARD!

If I ever find him again...

My face heated up at the thought. No! If I ever see him in a place where a fireball could 'accidentally' land, I won't hesitate.

Well, at least Cat Bastard is still here. Now that I think about it, him and that 'shadow whatever' are pretty similar. Even the earring that I recently noticed on Cat Bas-

No way...

I thought of every time when I thought I was alone and let my guard down around cat bastard.

No fucking way...

I'd done everything imaginable that should be kept private, in the presence of cat bastard. and now cat bastard was nowhere to be seen, and that new guy had just run off.

No.Fucking.Way.

It all fit. in the fight with Perry, cat bastard had come with me. Then, when I was about to fall unconscious, a mysterious man appeared before me.

H.O.L.Y. Shit.

I'll burn him. I'll take that cat by the tail, and burn it from front to back. I'll open it inside out, and freeze, then burn, him until nothing but wet ashes remain.

My face no longer turned red when I thought about him, which I liked. Instead, whenever I thought of all the things I could do to him...

Ho ho ho ho, I felt like cackling!

I could incinerate him...freeze his head and take it as a trophy...strangle him with his own burning entrails...touch his arms...rip his eyes out and feed them to him...

I think that I'll look forward to our next meeting.

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So, looks like that's a wrap. in other news, I have need of you.

It has come to my attention that my writing gets confusing, with the ever changing posting schedule, and my own weirdness.

So, I'm gonna have another competition, this time I want you to write a recap of all the events so far. What I want is for anyone who wants to enter to PM me their personal recap of events so far in the story, and I'll pick out the best and give that person an e-cookie.

I got this idea from a reader who felt it was kinda confusing, so I must thank that person, especially when they propose such a lazy way to do things. Anyway, I wish you luck.

And, as a little extra reward, for the person who writes and sends me the best recap, I'll allow them to ask one question, about anything, and I'll answer it. Assuming they promise to not tell anyone else and spoil it.

teehee!

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omg!!!!!!!!!! Aceluke went through and PR this entire chapter on his own, and it is now readable!!!!!!!!!! omfg!!!!!!!!!!

you have no idea how awesome it feels to have someone care enough about something i wrote to PF it. so, i ask all you out there who read this, go to Aceluke, and give him a positive rating. he deserves it. :3