The saying "you are what you eat" has always held a corner of my mind hostage, taunting me with it's implication that I am anything other than human.

Well, I have decided that enough is enough and have of my own volition decided to enact an experiment I have entitled "The Cranberry Diet". I know the name may imply that this experiment is merely some attempt to lose weight by eating cranberries but that is merely a ruse to deceive those who would try to stop me from putting this foolish rumor to rest.

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

The Cranberry Diet is my magnum opus, my greatest theoretical achievement through which I will ascend the ranks of scientific genius and take my rightful place at the top. Those fools at my community college will weep in despair as they look upon my genius and drown themselves in regret, knowing that expelling me was their greatest mistake!

(How was I supposed to know that seeing eye dog was allergic to chocolate?)

Moving on, I will now begin day one of testing.

My first impression is that cranberries are quite gross, my second is that it's getting hard to breathdrycufvgh k